13. Allarick
Chapter 13
Allarick
I ’m intrigued by her request to talk—such simple words, but they could mean anything. Judging by the distress written across her features and the way her body trembles, this isn’t going to be an easy conversation.
“What would you like to talk about, Erin?” I keep my voice even, trying not to show too much emotion so I don’t scare her away from speaking to me. I yearn to hear more of her story. More of her lovely voice speaking to me.
Erin rubs her hands against her thighs, looking anywhere but at me. “Did Ender tell you why I accepted the deal to come here?”
Besides the fact that she is key to my kingdom’s survival? No. That’s my reason, but what’s hers? I know nothing about the woman who sits before me besides her resilience and her adaptability.
“Ender speaks very little, as you well know. He says you have a story, but it wasn’t one he could tell. He said you would tell me when you’re ready.”
Erin nods. A single tear rolls down from her eyes, and she laughs bitterly. “Fuck, I swore I wasn’t going to cry.”
“Erin, you don’t have to say anything if you aren’t ready. And never apologize for crying. It’s an emotion I don’t shy away from.” I keep my voice soft, hoping it makes her feel more comfortable.
She gives me a tentative smile and then shakes her head emphatically. “No. I don’t want to start a new life in your kingdom without fully purging myself of James.”
“Who’s James?” My voice comes out in a growl. If she senses my anger, Erin doesn’t comment. She’s lost in her own nightmare, but it’s one she is finally allowing herself to work through. It’s not lost on me, the significance of Erin choosing me to help carry her burden.
“James is someone I met as a teenager in school. We started out being friends, but that eventually turned into more. At the start of our relationship, things were…not great, but they were good. We had fights, but nothing that would raise any concerns. For the most part, I was happy. Plus, he was my first love, so I didn’t have anything to compare it to.
“It was after my parents died that he showed his true colors.” Erin takes a shuddering breath. I know telling this story costs her. As much as I want to alleviate her pain and tell her she doesn’t need to share this with me, I would be doing her a disservice. She was strong enough to live through these events; I can be strong enough to hear them.
“What did he do to you, Erin?” My body acts of its own accord, and I reach for her. She tenses, but only for a second before she lifts her head, red-rimmed eyes softening at my touch.
“It started out as an argument. I don’t even remember what for, but something stupid, I’m sure. He got so mad so quickly. I didn’t even see his hand move until it was too late. He backhanded me across the face. The pain didn’t register at first. I think I was in shock. It felt like time paused. Even James paused, equally shocked over his actions. He promised me it would never happen again. He begged me to forgive him and not to tell anyone. The pathetic thing? I believed him. I actually believed him.”
Anger is a familiar emotion. During my reign as king, I have been angry over outcomes not in my favor, a criminal committing heinous crimes, and overall annoyance for close-minded councilmen. But never an anger so potent that only blood will ease the storm raging inside me. There’s no weaker man than one who uses violence to be heard. That is no man at all.
“Of course it happened again,” Erin says, and I move closer to her. It could be my mind creating something that’s not there, but I swear she leans toward me.
“At this point, he effectively isolated me from all of my friends. And since my parents were dead, I felt like I had nowhere to go. I kept telling myself that this time would be the last time. It became so easy to lie to myself. The beatings hurt, but the shame I felt was unbearable.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed about,” I say vehemently. My anger threatens to boil over, but I do my best to suppress it. Anger is not the response Erin needs to see right now, even if it’s not directed at her. She’s experienced enough anger in her life.
“Logically, I suppose I know that. But I still feel like it’s my fault. That maybe if I did this or acted a certain way, he wouldn’t have treated me like he did. It’s fucking terrible to think that way, and I’ve been working really hard to come to terms with what happened, knowing none of it was my fault. It was his. But I’m a work in progress.”
Erin shifts in her seat uncomfortably, and with her free hand, she rubs her shoulder. “We dated for eight years, but only the last three years were pure hell. It got so bad, I feared if I didn’t get out, I would die. That’s why I went to Ender. He found me after a horrible fight that left me…well, you saw how it left me.”
I did. It is an image I'll never get out of my head. He left his dirty mark all over her body. Took her voice from her and left her feeling like she had no other choice. He’s lucky he’s in the human world and not Mescos. I would love to show him the same treatment he showed Erin.
I squeeze Erin’s hand gently. “Thank you for telling me. No one should have to live through what you did. I will keep you safe, Erin.” It’s a steep promise, but one I intend to keep. If Erin never had someone willing to fight for her, then I’ll happily take up that position.
I want her safe.
I want her happy.
I want her.
Erin has shared so much with me, more than I could have hoped for. It is only right that she has a piece of me too. “Can I tell you something? ”
At my question, Erin perks up, intrigued. “Of course.”
“I never wanted to share my throne with anyone,” I say. “Not because I don’t think another person is deserving, but the burdens that come with the throne eat away at you. I didn’t want to be responsible for another’s light extinguishing from their eyes. This job hardens you. Makes you do things you didn’t know you were capable of. At times, it can be downright scary.
“I saw firsthand how it changed my father,” I continue. “People flock to you when you’re a king. He met so many different people and unfortunately took it too far one night. Atina? She’s only my half-sister,” I say.
Erin’s eyes widen, understanding the implication.
“It was the first and only time my father cheated on my mother. But it was enough because the mermaid got pregnant. It was my mother who told my father to step up and raise the child after Atina was born and her biological mother wanted nothing to do with her. My parents never fully recovered after that.”
Erin’s hand squeezes mine, providing comfort. “I suppose I don’t want to make the same mistakes as my parents. Hurt the one I love the most in the world.” I won’t be unfaithful to Erin, but I fear the burdens of the throne could change us in ways we never expect.
I’ve never voiced my fears of being king, but they always linger not too far from the surface. Erin deserves to know what she is getting into before she becomes part of my world. I don’t mean to scare her off, but I also can’t have her clueless.
“My duty will be to my kingdom and to you,” I say. “I meant it when I said you are safe with me, Erin. I will do as much as I can to shield you from the burdens of royalty, but there are things not even I can control. I don’t wish to frighten you?—”
“You aren’t frightening me, Allarick,” Erin says gently, as if consoling me now. “I’ve known fear before, and this does not fill me with fear. Apprehension and nervousness? Most certainly. But if Tetria is half as good as their king, I don’t think I have anything to worry about.”
I search her face to catch her lie, but I don’t find one. Yearning grows deep in my chest as I play back her words over and over again until they are imprinted on my heart. There’s a lot I want to say, but the words don’t come. Instead, I say, “The Guardian knew I needed you.”
A faint smile crosses Erin’s lips, and her posture relaxes. “Is it crazy that I trust you?”
“Is it crazy that I want you to trust me?” I ask as warmth spreads through my chest. Erin trusts me. It’s not something I take lightly, and it’s something I vow to never break. Her trust is the most precious gift I’ve ever received.
“I guess that means we’re stuck together?” She laughs but only to hide the nerves I see she’s trying to conceal.
“I suppose it does, my queen.” At the mention of her title, she blushes. It’s going to take her some time to get used to it. I felt the same way the day I became king. She’ll see she belongs with the sea tomorrow. When I’m finally able to take her home.
Erin’s eyes start to droop, and she suppresses a yawn. One of the side effects of the earlier elixir. “We should get you to bed.”
“Bed…I’m not tir—” Her words are cut off by another yawn. The elixir is working fast, and I suspect Erin will be asleep within minutes. I chuckle softly and stand up.
“Bedtime.”
Erin sticks out her lip in an adorable pout. “Fine. Bossy,” she murmurs and stands up. She sways on her feet, but I catch her before she can cause herself any harm.
“Kings are meant to be bossy. Now, I’m going to pick you up and carry you to bed. Okay?” I warn. I don’t trust her walking by herself. As it is, she’s hardly holding herself up. Still, I wait for her consent.
“Okay,” she murmurs. It’s all I need to pick Erin up in my arms and carry her to the bedroom. We aren’t even in her room before she falls asleep.