Chapter Thirty-two – Love Me Back
Chapter Thirty-two
Rafe
LOVE ME BACK
Performed by Max McNown
As I leaned against the fence post and watched the horses engaging in an impromptu race down the field, exhaustion draped over me like a ghost clinging to my soul. We hadn’t had time to exercise the horses today while chasing blood and crime. So I’d simply let them into the west field to romp as they liked. I wasn’t even sure who’d cleaned their stalls and filled their feedbags. Maybe Lauren? All by herself without even Fallon to help her?
It couldn’t be helped. Not until I rehired the ranch hands Spence and Adam had let go.
I’d spent my entire morning with the sheriff, following the trail of blood Nero had left behind to a spot beyond the covered bridge over the rivers. The best anyone could tell, he’d been stabbed right around the time the bride and groom had said ‘I do.’ The spot he’d been in had given him a good view of the ceremony.
According to Wylee, the coroner had said Nero had a large lump on his head where he’d been hit from behind. He had no defensive wounds that said he’d fought back while being sliced open. But then, how had he known it was Theresa who’d cut him?
I couldn’t help the shiver that ran up my spine, thinking of his bloody chest. While what had happened wasn’t exactly the same as what had happened to me, it meant she could have acted alone, without Adam, in order to do it. But my instincts were screaming that they were both involved.
With the bank account Steele had found in Mexico being accessed yesterday, everyone was searching for Adam south of the border, but no one knew where Theresa was. In truth, no one even knew if it had been her who’d attacked Nero, other than his last word being her name. She could have hired someone, or it could have been any of her other siblings acting on her orders.
Was she done and running like Adam? Was she going to hook up with him in a place where they could spend their days on a sandy beach, drinking margaritas and spending Adam’s stolen hoard? Or was she more focused on getting actual physical vengeance? It was quite likely she was waiting to attack Puzo and me again before joining Adam. That was assuming they even really cared about each other and hadn’t been partners in crime rather than in an actual relationship.
Nothing was certain but the determination I had to find them. Find them and end this so I could get my daughter back. So I might be able to find a way to make things right with Sadie.
She’d been pissed as hell last night, stubbornly refusing to accept that I was walking away, which made me love her even more. But her anger had at least given her something to focus on, and hell, maybe she’d find the answer to how we could possibly be together, how our love could turn into something permanent, before I did. Maybe by the time I went striding back to claim her, she’d have all the answers.
She’d called and texted several times today, asking for status updates, and asking how I was doing, but I’d ignored them. I’d responded via my daughter instead. Fallon had told me they’d arrived in Willow Creek and that she and Parker had been welcomed with open arms by the Hatleys. It had caused something close to envy to erupt inside me, shaking me to the core how much I wanted to be as accepted into Sadie’s family as my daughter had been. A family who certainly wouldn’t thank me for taking Sadie and moving her across the country, just so she could be next to me at all times.
Tormented by my own back-and-forth throughout the day, I’d done my best to push it aside and spent the afternoon with Steele, sifting through any and all connections and leads we could find on Adam and Theresa before I’d dug into the Marquess Enterprises business I’d been putting off for nearly a week. My company was running like the well-oiled machine I’d built it into, but I knew how quickly things could go off the rails if you didn’t keep a thumb on the pulse.
Look at what had happened to the ranch. It had slowly disintegrated without my tough-as-nails father running it. I couldn’t blame Spence completely. He’d trusted Adam, and he’d added fuel to the fire, but the ranch had already been burning by that time.
From the time I’d left, I’d wanted it to burn.
I had to live with the guilt of knowing I had let it for the rest of my life.
Lauren found me with my forearms draped over the fence rail, watching not only the horses but the sky as it slowly turned various shades of rainbow sherbet. We didn’t say anything at first. We just watched the shifting kaleidoscope that reminded me of Sadie and the strength of color burning through her cheeks as I brushed my fingers along her skin. She was sunsets and streaks of dawn and the bright light of midday all rolled together. There’d even been a hint of night in those blue eyes when I’d been deep inside her. She was everything I wanted. All my days and all my nights. My hope for a future.
“Do you remember the time the four of us hiked up to the top of the mountain and got caught between a mountain lion and her babies?” Lauren asked, breaking the silence.
I nodded, the long-buried memory coming back as if it was yesterday.
“Adam tried to run, and Spence threw him down on the ground and sat on him. I had to put my hand over his mouth to stop him from screaming,” she continued, and I was right back in that moment, heart racing as I tried to figure out how to get us out of there without the cougar tearing us to pieces. “The three of us knew we couldn’t make any sudden movements even though Adam’s instinct to run was humming through all of us. Do you remember what you did?”
“What’s your point?” I asked, not wanting to relive any of my childhood memories, good or bad. They were too damn painful because they’d always ended with me on the outside looking in.
I could feel her gaze locked on me, but I didn’t turn to look at her. I just stared at the horses, galloping across the flower-strewn fields and realizing how damn much I’d missed it. How big of a hole leaving here had left in me. I’d tried to stuff it full by keeping myself busy and building a kingdom braced over an empty cavern. I should have known it would someday tumble into the void. But I wouldn’t let any of it slide completely away this time, wouldn’t let any of it disappear. I’d hold on to as many pieces of both worlds as I could.
“You put yourself between the cat and us, Rafe. You told us to pick up Adam and move slowly away. And we did. We let you stand guard, knowing if the mountain lion chose to attack, she’d strike you first. Knowing we’d likely be able to get away and get help, but you might not have survived.”
“She just wanted her cubs,” I said.
“You protected us, facing the danger alone. We did the same thing when you left the ranch behind. We let you go, knowing you thought you were doing the right thing for us and letting ourselves believe it. And here you are again, doing the same thing. Only, this time, I refuse to let you face it alone.”
That jerked my gaze from the idyllic scene in front of me to her. Her face was set and stubborn. It reminded me of Sadie, a woman I thought fit into all the caverns and grooves of my soul in a way no one ever had, certainly not the woman standing before me now.
But I didn’t deserve for Lauren to think the best of me, so I told her the worst truth I knew.
“He called me, Lauren. Spence called me the night he died, and I let it go to voicemail. And when I listened to it, I felt…glad he was struggling. Now, I keep thinking…if I’d called him back, if I’d shown up, maybe he wouldn’t be dead,” my voice cracked.
Her eyelids closed, pain raw and ragged crossing her face. “And if I hadn’t been passed out on tranquilizers, maybe I could have saved him.”
“How bad were you hurt?” I asked, trying to remember what Fallon had told me.
“Broke three ribs and pulled a few back muscles when a cow shoved me into a fence. I used the drugs to help me sleep, and then, when things started to go south, when Spence and I started fighting about whether we’d have to sell or not and what exactly we were going to do, I used them to escape.” She sounded so sad, so lost, that it tore at me even when I didn’t want it to. “When we got the knock on the door about Spence, it was Fallon who answered it. She couldn’t wake me, Rafe. She had to get Adam…”
Tears poured down her face.
Chills went up my spine. Fury with her. Frustration for my daughter. Why hadn’t Fallon told me she’d had to face finding out about Spence alone? But I knew. She’d told me. She’d been afraid I’d yank her from the ranch, and I would have. But I silently renewed the vow I’d made to Fallon the other night that she would never have to face these adult responsibilities alone again. I’d made mistake after mistake with those I loved most. But it stopped now. I’d fix it. There’d be no more errors.
You sent Sadie away. That was a huge mistake , my devil prompted.
I shook my head. No. It had been the right thing to do, hadn’t it?
“Anyway,” Lauren said, brushing at the tears, “if anyone failed them, it was me, not you. I was here, living it every day. I should have seen what Adam was doing. I should have known the toxic crap Grandpa had filled his ears with would come out eventually. But instead of stepping between the people I loved and the mountain lion, I let her take them while I ran.”
“Lauren—”
“No. Don’t try to smooth it over, Rafe. It’s the truth. I have to live with it, and I promise I’m going to try to make it up to you and Fallon. You paid the price for both our sins for too long. It’s time I carried the weight.”
“I pursued you,” I told her.
“Takes two to tango. And as I remember it, I was the one who dared you to kiss me.”
Our first date. I’d gone in for her lips and stalled at the last minute, my conscience screaming halt. Then she’d dared me, knowing I’d never say no to a dare.
“I loved you both, you know,” she said softly. “Spence always had the lead by just a smidge, but I really did love you both. And even though I knew it was wrong for us to start dating, I was also a jealous teen who felt jilted. I wanted Spence to be jealous too, and I knew the best way to do so was by using the competition your father had flamed between the two of you.
“It’s not okay I used you that way, but once you kissed me, I sort of forgot the reasons I should stop. You were damn good at what you did with women, even back then when you were just finding your groove.”
I didn’t know what to say to any of it. Her admission of loving me, or the fact she’d used the wedge our dad had shoved between Spence and me to her advantage—or disadvantage, depending on how you looked at it.
She gave me a weak smile. “I’d never admit it to Spence, but I think you were better at it than he was. The romancing… That thing you did with your tongue.” She raised a brow, and I almost blushed. “If you were that good then, unpracticed and raw, I can’t imagine how devastating you are now.”
I finally found my voice, and it was with a hint of anger that I said, “Don’t you dare flirt with me, Lauren.”
She laughed. “Is that what you think I’m doing? Stupid, I’m trying to tell you not to lose the woman you sent packing. I’ve never in my life seen you look at anyone or anything like you look at her.”
“How the hell do you think I look at her?”
“Like she’s the only thing that can top this…” She waved her hand at the stunning colors flaming in front of us.
The truth of it settled hard inside me. Sadie did top this. She topped anything I’d built for myself since leaving here too. I’d hand over my entire empire if it meant I could keep her.
“What’s the deal with her and Lorenzo?” Lauren asked.
“As much as we can all figure, they’re cousins.” Her brows raised, and I rubbed a hand over my beard. “It gets worse. Her family… They have Great-grandma Beatrice’s jewelry that was taken from the movie studio.”
Lauren’s eyes went wide. “What?”
I explained what I’d found out about the jewelry and what I’d put together from what Puzo had told me and Beatrice’s journal.
Lauren tilted her head when I was done, asking, “So, you sent her away because you’re holding her responsible for her great-grandmother’s actions?” I shook my head. I wasn’t. I didn’t give a shit about what happened with our ancestors, but she didn’t let me respond, just kept on going. “Wouldn’t that be like me holding you responsible for your great-granddaddy winning the ranch from mine in a poker match?”
“Winning and stealing are two different things, but that isn’t why I sent her away,” I said. “And it won’t stop me from trying to get her back. Whatever really happened eighty years ago wasn’t her fault.”
She nodded. “You’re right. It’s not her fault. Just like it isn’t yours or mine. Somehow, Adam forgot that.” She shrugged and was quiet for a few heartbeats before saying, “I told you he wanted me to leave with him after I graduated. When I was a kid, I used to agree because it was easier than fighting with him about it. I thought he’d eventually see the truth—I needed this place. It’s embedded into every fiber of my being.”
“You always belonged here,” I said and meant it.
“I have, and our daughter does too. Once upon a time, you belonged here also, but I think, even if things hadn’t gone down the way they had between the three of us, you would have outgrown this place. You needed to stretch your wings, fly away, and discover the world before you were ready to come back.”
“I was forced to outgrow it.”
Lauren blew out a frustrated breath. “We’re right back to the same argument we’ve always had. What I did was wrong. Letting anything develop between us was wrong. I regret what I did to you. To both of you. Because I broke something beautiful. I broke a brotherhood that had survived the cracks your dad tried to place in it. But I also can’t regret it because it gave us Fallon.
“She’s fierce and protective in that way you always were. She’s kind and generous just like Spence, and she has a bit of my sass and stubbornness. She’s the perfect combination of all of us. She’s the best of all of us, and she needs this place in a way you once did.”
“I adjusted to not having it. She would too,” I said, but I’d already made up my mind that she wouldn’t have to. If Fallon wanted the ranch, she’d have it. Not just because I wanted to keep Puzo’s grubby hands off it, but because I’d seen her here this week and realized if I took her from this place, it would leave an even bigger hole in her chest than the one I was still trying to fill in mine. Before I could tell her that, Lauren went on, making her case just as she’d tried to make Sadie’s.
“Don’t make her, Rafe. You look out at that sky and the horses, and I see you aching for it even now. Just like I see you aching for the woman you sent away. Don’t make our daughter live without this when leaving it is still causing you to slowly bleed out. Don’t punish our daughter for my tragic mistake.”
“I’m not selling the ranch,” I told her.
“You don’t—what?”
“We’re keeping it.”
Relief bled across her face. “Thank you.”
“You may not be thanking me once I start tearing it apart to make it better.”
She laughed. “She’s going to be so happy.”
We let that settle between us, and for the first time since I’d left the ranch over fourteen years ago, I felt at ease in her presence. Lighter. We’d finally crossed the bridge to the other side, the one I’d refused to cross even when my family had tried to show me the way.
“Can I ask you something sort of personal?” When she nodded without hesitation, I asked, “Why didn’t you have any more kids? Spencer was a good dad. I can imagine him with a whole brood.”
Surprise shifted over her face. “Spence couldn’t have kids. He was infertile.”
The shock traveled through me. “What?”
She chuckled. “Yep. That cowboy had no fertile runners.”
Guilt wafted in again as I realized my brother had faced that knowledge on his own, just like he’d faced his death. When had he found out? Had he wanted to talk to me about it? Anyone? He’d had Lauren, but sometimes you needed another guy to understand the full depth of what you felt about things like that.
After a moment, I said, “There are other ways to have kids.”
That sobered her up. “We talked about adopting or IVF, but both are expensive, and money was tight. And truly, we were happy with it being the three of us.”
It stung, knowing they’d been a family in more ways than I’d ever been one with my daughter. I couldn’t change the past. I couldn’t pick up Spencer’s call, or be there for him when he’d found out he couldn’t have kids of his own, or when he’d realized Adam was stealing from them, but I could be there for Lauren. And I absolutely would be there for my daughter.
Lauren was right. Fallon was the best of the three of us. Better than any of us. The ranch was in her blood. She needed it as I’d once needed it, and I couldn’t and wouldn’t take it from her. I didn’t know what the hell that meant for Marquess Enterprises. Maybe nothing. Maybe it just meant I’d be pouring some of those profits into a dying business and making this my base instead of The Fortress in Vegas. As much as I traveled, would it really matter where I spent my days when I was on the West Coast?
But that also meant I wouldn’t be able to be in Tennessee with a certain dark-haired vixen. I didn’t want Sadie to have to give up her family to be with me when I knew what walking away from mine had cost me. Even if we got past the current danger, even if Adam and Theresa were found and we put an end to the current attacks coming at me, I couldn’t ask that of Sadie. She needed to stay right where she was at, doing the things she loved, being with the family she adored.
For the first time since Fallon had been born, I realized how much family and roots meant. I wouldn’t tear Sadie from her soil and try to replant her somewhere else. It’d be like trying to take a breadfruit plant and make it grow in California. It would just wither and die. I wouldn’t let that happen to her.
So maybe sending her away, making her think we were done, was really for the best.
My heart roared in objection.
My soul shouted into the cavern.
She belonged to me. She was mine as much as I was hers.
But sometimes that didn’t mean anything in the real world. It only meant something in those moments caught between realities.
And reality always found its way back in.