Chapter Twenty-Four
It only took a few minutes for Caz to walk to the beach. At gone nine, it still wasn’t fully dark, though the sun had almost disappeared from sight. There was just a faint glow of oranges and yellows in the sky. The moon hadn’t made an appearance yet, but it would soon enough.
Caz marched through the sandier part of the beach until she hit the more solid and stable sand that had been soaked by the sea and dried out. She kept marching until her bare feet were washed over by the cold water as it rushed in and out.
She felt a shiver as her body temperature dropped with every step as she strolled the shore, her mind awash with thoughts and feelings that were becoming more difficult to keep under control.
Every image of Grace flashed through her mind: The wedding. Christmas. Her smile. Her tears.
All of it had built a huge reaction within Caz to protect and love her more than ever.
“Hello…excuse me?” a voice called out and brought her from her thoughts. Caz turned quickly and found a woman looking at her.
Dark curly hair tied back, her arms wrapped around herself. Another woman, older, stood a little further back, looking on and watching them both.
“Are you okay?” she asked, and Caz frowned.
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks,” Caz called back with a half-wave.
“We just don’t see many people walking…” The woman stepped closer and eyed Caz up and down. “By themselves at night. Are you sure you’re alright?”
The woman seemed genuine and something about her concern had unlocked Caz in a way nobody but Grace ever had.
“My wife just kissed me,” she blurted out without thinking about how crazy that sounded.
The woman’s eyes widened. “Okay.” She then smiled. “And that’s a bad thing?”
Caz looked back along the beach and sighed. “I’m not sure. I mean, I wanted her to, but…it opens doors to things, doesn’t it?”
“It does, yes,” the woman said slowly as she gazed down at Caz’s hand and the ring on her finger.
She was right in front of Caz now. She looked like a grown-up, one of those women who had their shit together, Like Grace , Caz thought.
“Sorry.” Caz laughed. “That must sound completely ridiculous.”
“A little, but not the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” She held her hand out. “Morgan.”
“Sweetheart, everything alright?” the woman behind her called out, and Caz stepped back as Morgan turned and waved.
“Yes, all fine, darling.” Morgan turned back to Caz, “We’re getting married later this year.”
“Cool. You’ll love it,” Caz answered.
Morgan frowned. “I’m allowed to kiss her already, though.”
Caz blew out a breath, nervous laughter erupting.
“You can talk to me, if…if you want to.” She turned back to the house. “Come on, we’ve got wine, or coffee, water…a fire pit.” She began to walk away.
It took only a moment of thought before Caz found herself following. Afterall, who else did she have to talk about this with? Dani would have a field day, if after everything Caz had said and done, it ended up with her admitting it was all a sham, but now it was becoming difficult.
The house was beautiful.
All glass and wooden decks with big comfortable chairs around a glowing fire. For the first time, Caz began to wonder who exactly she was talking to.
“This is Alex,” Morgan said, as the older woman reappeared. She had a scarf wrapped around her head, all bohemian in a flowing gown. She handed Caz a blanket and smiled.
“Hello…”
“Sorry, yes, Caz…Caroline, but Caz to everyone I know…unless I’m in trouble.” She chuckled and looked again at Alex. There was something familiar about her.
“Caz has an unusual predicament,” Morgan explained to Alex.
“Oh, and what would that be?” Alex sat down opposite and smiled up at Morgan when the younger woman rested her palm on her shoulder.
“Her wife…kissed her.”
There was an amused look on Alex’s face as she understood the dilemma.
“See, when you say it like that I realise how ridiculous it sounds.” Caz laughed and accepted a glass and the offer of some wine, which wasn’t her favourite, but she wasn’t going to be rude.
“So, what’s the story?” Alex urged.
Caz sighed. “I married my best friend.” Their faces did that thing that said, “ Aww .” “My straight, best friend.” And the faces changed to that thing that says, “ Oh .” “Yeah, and so, it was meant to be an arrangement. We both wanted kids, but relationships were just not working out, and so…when Grace suggested it, I figured why not. We love each other.”
“But she’s straight and you’re…”
“I’m gay, yeah, it’s a non-sexual relationship, it was never supposed to be—”
“But now she wants you to kiss her?” Morgan asked, settling down on the arm of Alex’s chair.
Caz nodded. “I mean, we’ve always been close, you know. Like most friends, we’d always snuggle up on the sofa to watch TV. In every other way, we’re the perfect couple,” she laughed gently, “but lately…I dunno, I’m starting to feel things I didn’t think I felt.”
“And she’s encouraging it,” Alex stated rather than asked.
“Why did she offer?” Morgan quizzed. “Was there something that brought it up?”
“Yeah. We’re trying for a baby, and last time it didn’t work. This time, she wants to try and do it more…naturally—bypass the clinical aspects of it and find a donor and then…” Caz blew her breath out again. “She wants me to do it.”
Both sets of watching eyebrows raised.
“And because I was reticent about…that part of it, she started talking about positions we could use that would make it easier and then she asked if it would be easier if it was more romantic.”
“In an ideal world, do you think maybe you’d like it to be romantic with Grace?” Alex leaned forward as she asked the question.
“I love her. I love her with every fibre, but the idea of losing her because we ruined everything over something that’s not real…I couldn’t risk that.”
“Maybe the risk would be worth it?” Morgan said.
“What if it was real?” Alex added.