Chapter Thirteen
Anouska
Friday 31 January
‘Mum!’ Anouska wrapped her arms around Maura, revelling in the personal contact. She didn’t see her mum as much as she would like, but they were very close. Her father left when Anouska was three, got remarried to an American woman and lived in California. They weren’t in touch. Fortunately, Maura showered her children with enough love for both parents.
‘You look wonderful,’ her mother told her. It was true. That pregnancy glow she had read so much about was real, except when she was throwing up into toilets. Keeping this baby thing under wraps was proving tricky. But she had noticed that her skin was smoother than usual and overall she felt good. She hadn’t yet put on any weight or changed shape, for which she was thankful, as it would make it much easier to avoid detection this weekend whilst her mother was staying.
As they crunched over the compacted snow back towards the car, they filled each other in on all the gossip, well, almost all. Some things had to remain unsaid for another few weeks.
They drove straight to Bean There as Maura loved Zach’s food and they got on well, almost like mother and son. Zach had been unable to come to the airport to collect her but had asked Anouska to bring Maura in for brunch.
Maura was known for being effusive, but she enveloped Zach then Todd in such tight hugs that they were soon gasping for air. Normally, Anouska would have been embarrassed, but she was used to her mum and so were Zach and Todd. Anouska sat in peace eating her chocolate chip muffin and drinking a decaf latte. She’d read caffeine was bad for the baby so had switched. When Zach asked her what prompted the change, she told him drinking too much caffeine had made her shaky of late, so she was trying to detox. He’d bought it and she hoped that meant he would put other anomalies in her behaviour down to the same thing.
She took another bite of her chocolate chip muffin and breathed. So far, her mother hadn’t twigged about the pregnancy and she wasn’t one to hold back. Had she noticed something at the airport, she would have said. Anouska could relax, for the time being at least. Glancing around at the bistro patrons, she wondered at their secrets. She’d bet good money none of them was hiding from their boyfriends the fact they were pregnant or that they intended to propose in a few weeks’ time. No, she bet they all lived remarkably normal lives that hadn’t been disrupted in the past few weeks and changed beyond all recognition.
Yet Anouska was glad she was pregnant. She knew her life would change irrevocably, and for a career woman it was difficult to reconcile that fact, but perhaps there was something in this concept of maternal instinct, because now she knew the most important thing was the baby, then her relationship with Zach, with her company coming a distant third. How had that happened?
After brunch, Anouska agreed to nip into the office so her mum could see Leigh-Ann– they’d always got on well. She’d man the phones whilst Leigh-Ann and Maura caught up over coffee and cake. There was always coffee and cake involved when Maura was present. It was the Irish upbringing. It never left you. She was almost surprised her mother hadn’t arrived with soda bread or the Swedish equivalent in her suitcase.
They spent an hour or so in the office, then headed off to do some shopping.
‘Will we go into Trinity?’ Maura asked. ‘I haven’t been in for years. I used to love it there.’
Anouska nodded and Maura’s shopping expedition began in earnest. Clothes in Sweden were so expensive, as were most other things, that Maura shopped till her credit card started to cough up its lungs.
‘Early dinner at JoJo’s?’ her mum suggested.
‘Why not?’ It was their go-to place when Maura was in town. How could she refuse?
Maura sprinkled some lemon juice on her smoked salmon then rolled some onto her fork as Anouska bit into her bruschetta. Maura raised her glass of Merlot and said, ‘Cheers. Ah, you’re on a health kick, I see.’
‘Sorry?’
‘No wine.’
‘Oh, right. Yes, detox. Been knocking it back a bit recently. Thought I’d take it down a notch.’
‘I see,’ said Maura, but quite what she saw Anouska wasn’t sure.
After a few mouthfuls of her meal, Maura said, ‘So, were you going to tell me at some point you were pregnant?’
Anouska almost spat out her bruschetta and began to choke so fiercely, her mother had to come round and pat her on the back. She then handed her a glass of water.
‘Wha-a-a-t?’ she finally managed.
‘Anouska, I’m your mother. I will always know when something is different with you, even if I don’t see you for a long time. I carried you in my womb for eight and a half months. That bond cannot be broken. I sensed you were pregnant because you’re glowing. And you radiate happiness.’
Anouska had tears in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I wanted to tell you, but I haven’t even told Zach yet.’
Maura’s mouth fell open. ‘Whyever not?’
‘Because we always said we didn’t want kids, and I’ve also decided…’ she took a deep breath then motored on ‘…to ask him to marry me on the twenty-ninth of February.’
‘Oh my word. That’s so romantic. Can I get a ringside seat for the proposal?’
Anouska stared at her incredulously. ‘No, Mum, you can’t. This is real life, remember, not a soap opera.’
‘Sorry, it’s just you’re always so together. I think I like this more vulnerable, hormonal side of you.’
‘Thanks…I think,’ Anouska said.
‘So–’ Maura leant forward ‘–when are you going to tell him?’
‘I don’t know. I’m having difficulty getting him on his own and when I do manage, the words won’t come.’ She exhaled heavily. ‘And what if he freaks out?’ Anouska folded her napkin in half and then again.
‘He won’t freak out. He may be a bit taken aback, surprised even, but he’ll adapt. No man is ever ready to become a father,’ Maura pronounced sagely.
‘That’s a bit of a sweeping generalisation, Mum,’ Anouska said.
‘Well, sometimes they just need it thrust upon them.’
‘Hmm. But you don’t understand. Marcie, Zach’s ex, wanted a baby, and Zach didn’t, and things didn’t end well for them as a result. They didn’t end well for them at all,’ she muttered. She bit her lip. ‘Maybe I should wait until after I propose to tell him.’
Maura vigorously wagged a finger at Anouska. ‘No, no, no! That’s a terrible idea! And too much for him to take in at once.’
‘Perhaps. But I need to know that he’ll marry me because he loves me and not because I’m carrying his child or because he feels duty bound.’
Maura nodded in understanding. ‘I get it. But I still think you’re doing Zach a disservice. That boy adores you. Don’t you think he’ll be mad at you keeping this from him? And, Zach aside, apart from not drinking wine, do you know how to prepare for a baby? Have you been to see a midwife? When’s the baby due? When are the scans? Do you want a boy or a girl…?’
‘Mum, breathe,’ instructed Anouska. ‘I know it’s a lot to take in, it was for me too, but we can do this, as a family.’
‘Sorry, I’m just excited.’
‘Yes, I can see that.’ Anouska accepted her mother’s hug.
‘I’m going to be a grandmother! Oh, my goodness, I’ll be able to spoil the baby rotten. Buy it lots of tiny Baby-gros and cardigans. When are you due?’
‘August.’
‘Ah, a summer baby, although that will make your last trimester a little trickier. Having to go through the summer pregnant is so hard because of the heat.’
‘Mum, I was born in May, Kian in April. How would you know?’
‘I’ve been told.’ Maura huffed. ‘Will the baby call me Granny or Nana?’
‘I don’t know.’ Anouska threw her hands out. ‘What would you like to be called?’
‘I can’t work out which one seems older. Does Nana seem more fun? I definitely want my grandchildren to have fun with me.’
‘What do you mean grandchildren? There’s only one baby. And can I point out that this isn’t all about you. In fact, it’s not about you at all, but about me and Bean.’
‘Bean?’
‘Yes.’ Anouska smiled. ‘That’s what I nicknamed it. I had heard babies were the size of kidney beans at eight weeks. It made me think of Bean There, and I thought how appropriate that was.’
‘It certainly is. Anyway, back to Zach. When are you going to tell him?’ Maura popped a forkful of smoked salmon in her mouth.
‘I’m not sure yet, but I’m going to make him a meal at home, propose, wait for his answer, then show him the positive pregnancy test.’
Maura waved her hand in front of her mouth, indicating she was still trying to swallow, then said, ‘Uh-oh. That’s a terrible idea. What if you freak him out and he scarpers?’
‘Mum, what an awful thing to say! Zach’s as reliable as they come.’
‘Yes, he is, and I don’t dispute that fact, but believe me, with years of experience, I can happily say no man likes to have a major surprise like that sprung on them. I think you should tell him about the pregnancy first. I could make myself scarce one night if it helps.’
‘There’s no need to do that. We barely see you. But please don’t say anything to Zach until I figure out how to tell him.’
‘OK, OK,’ Maura said. ‘But tell him and tell him soon.’
Anouska rolled her eyes. ‘I will.’
‘Why don’t we head home shortly and you can have a bath and relax whilst I make something for tomorrow’s dinner?’
‘You sure?’ Anouska picked up another slice of bruschetta.
‘I’m sure.’
Anouska took a long, hot bath, even managing to read thirty pages of a book as she luxuriated in the bubbles. She had read she should avoid certain oils so had stuck to bubble bath. Zach had come home for an hour earlier but had already left for the launch of a friend’s restaurant.
‘Anouska, that documentary you wanted to watch is starting,’ her mother called.
Maura was making her traditional chicken cassoulet, French, of course, and to die for, for the following evening’s dinner. The smell was incredible.
‘I’ll be there in a minute.’
They watched the documentary about climate change, Gypsy snuggled in to Maura– traitor– then Anouska made plans to take her mother to do a little more shopping in the morning. Again the smell of the cassoulet reached her. It was heavenly; her mum got certain things right, albeit dispensing relationship advice wasn’t one of them. She wondered if her senses were heightened because of her pregnancy. Her appetite certainly seemed to be. As if in confirmation, her stomach rumbled.
As they relaxed with cups of tea, Maura said, ‘So, have you thought much about the proposal?’
‘Not really, Mum. I’ve had a lot on and I’m so tired all the time.’
‘That’s pregnancy for you. Let me get my thinking cap on. I’m here to help.’
Now Anouska was worried. She could almost see the speech bubbles coming out of her mum’s head, and they said ‘mariachi band’, ‘string quartet’, ‘harpist’, ‘Red Arrows fly-past’, ‘plane streaming through the air with a banner flapping behind it in the wind, saying “Marry Me, Zach, love, Anouska”’.
She wanted something simple, especially given the double whammy she was hitting him with. Perhaps she would get flash cards made up then display them to him one by one, kind of like Andrew Lincoln did with Kiera Knightley in Love Actually .
It wasn’t that she didn’t want her mother’s help. She did, in certain areas, but this was her proposal. Her mother was from a different generation and their ideas didn’t match on this. She only ever intended to make one proposal and it had to come from the heart. Oh, she could study the websites, take notes, choose parts that might work for her, but she’d mould it into something personal to them both.
She just had to get through this weekend with her mum and Zach in the same room without Zach cottoning on, as no doubt there would be an undercurrent. Hopefully, Zach would put it down to Maura’s occasional eccentricities and be none the wiser. It was a godsend that he would be working most of the time.
When the documentary finished, she could recall virtually nothing about it. Her head hurt. There was too much to process. Maura chose a romcom and they settled down companionably to watch it, but soon Anouska’s eyes became heavier and heavier, then finally drifted closed.
The blaring of the theme tune that accompanied the closing credits jolted Anouska awake.
‘I think it’s time for bed. Pity Zach isn’t back yet,’ Maura said.
The clock read eleven thirty. Disappointment coursed through Anouska. Zach had told her he would make time to see Maura during her trip, although she supposed they had crossed paths briefly this morning and again before his friend’s launch. But the other part of her was glad. My goodness, having all these hormones raging around inside her body was weird, and they seemed to be making her dimmer too. On the one hand she wanted Zach to want to spend time with her mother, but on the other hand she had to keep them as far apart as possible. This was getting far too complicated.
She trudged off to bed. Roll on the twenty-ninth of February .