Chapter Twenty-five
Anouska
Saturday 15 February
‘I’m sorry, Nush, I really am. He told me what happened, but he isn’t here. To be honest, I’m a little pissed at him, as he’s left me in the lurch with the bistro too. I’ve had to get a temp in.’
Anouska gave him a look.
‘Not that that’s his biggest offence, of course. It’s so unlike him. He’s usually so responsible.’
Anouska couldn’t disagree with that. It wasn’t like Zach to let people down, nor put his business under pressure. He had two babies now, Bean There and Bean. Except he didn’t even know she’d nicknamed the baby that. A lump rose in her throat at the thought that he might never find out.
‘Has he not been back to the flat?’ Todd asked.
‘Not since he collected his phone when I was at work.’ Anouska exhaled slowly. ‘Anyone else he might have gone to?’
‘I’ve tried everyone I can think of, for both your sake and mine.’
‘You don’t know of a way to track someone’s credit card usage, do you?’ Anouska asked, only half kidding.
‘If I did, I would have called upon my sources by now, as I want to find him too. All he told me was he’d had a shock, and that the two of you had a huge argument.’
Anouska’s eyes were wide.
‘But he didn’t say what about exactly. Do you want to tell me? I’m not prying, but if it would help, or if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.’
‘I know, and thanks, Todd, but right now, I need to focus on finding him.’ A thought struck her. ‘Does he have any meetings scheduled?’
‘Hmm, he took his diary, but I might be able to find something on the computer calendar.’
Hope surged in Anouska. If she could only see him. Surely he must have some compassion. She had loved this man for years. She knew every inch of him and he her. He was the father of her unborn child, for goodness’ sake. That must bind them together somehow. She was certain he wouldn’t shirk his responsibilities towards their baby, but would he still want a relationship with her? Right now, she had no idea, and she wasn’t likely to find out until she located him.
‘Here. He has a meeting at Dyce Vintners.’
‘When’s that?’ Anouska tried but failed to keep the excitement from her voice.
‘Monday at four.’
‘What’s the address?’ Anouska was already opening up the notes app on her phone.
Todd read it off and said, ‘Let me know how you get on, will you? And if you need anything, anything at all, please call me, day or night. I mean it.’
Anouska clasped his arm. ‘Thanks, Todd, you don’t know how much that means to me, especially right now.’
Sending her off with two dishes of freshly made pasta and quiche to keep her going over the next few days, Todd hugged her. ‘Good luck.’
‘I’m hoping I don’t need it and he’ll see sense.’
‘I have everything crossed for you,’ Todd said, ‘and when I see him, I’ll be giving him a piece of my mind.’
The problem was Anouska didn’t know if even that would work, but she had to pray that she could catch up with Zach at the vintner’s on Monday and talk some sense into him. She just hoped he would hear her out.
The phone rang eight times. Anouska didn’t know why she let it ring so many times before hanging up. She wasn’t usually that patient. However, she was glad she did as on the eighth ring, Ellie picked up.
‘Hi, Ellie.’
‘Oh, Anouska, how are you? Jess and I have been so worried.’
‘I’ve been better.’ Anouska said, her voice cracking. Then she burst into noisy sobs, stopped only by a bout of hiccoughing.
‘Anouska, what’s wrong? Is Zach there?’
‘No. He’s gone.’
‘Gone?’ Ellie asked, her voice rising an octave.
‘Zach found out that Mum knew I was pregnant before I told him.’ Anouska tried not to nibble at her once perfectly manicured nails, now almost bitten to shreds. She’d never been a nervous person but the last few days had taken their toll on her. And it couldn’t be good for the baby, so she was trying to calm down, but it was so hard, and much easier said than done.
‘Oh shit. I take it that wasn’t well-received.’ Ellie exhaled.
‘No, and Zach’s furious. When I told him about the baby, initially he was shocked but happy, but then Mum called whilst we were still discussing it and I accidentally hit speakerphone and she asked me if I’d told him I was pregnant yet.’
‘Hmm, I see why he’d be pissed off, but even so.’
Anouska burst into noisy tears again. ‘Sorry, it’s the hormones. I can’t help it.’ That’s what she kept telling herself anyway.
‘Right, I don’t care that he’s pissed off at you, he has to see that swanning off isn’t good for your state of mind, particularly in your condition.’
‘I agree, but I need to see him to tell him that.’
‘And you haven’t seen him?’ Ellie seemed either furious or concerned, she couldn’t quite tell.
‘No. He said he was “going out” when he left after our “talk”. When he didn’t come home, I assumed he’d gone to Todd’s, and I haven’t heard from him or seen him since.’
‘You’ve been to see Todd, I take it,’ Ellie said after a pause.
‘Yes, but he didn’t stay at Todd’s, even though that’s what I thought he’d do. He told Todd he was going away for a few days to do some thinking, and that we’d had a falling-out.’
‘Can I assume you’ve filled Todd in now?’
‘I think Zach told him bits and pieces,’ Anouska said. ‘He didn’t seem to know everything, but he knows the gist. He also offered support.’
‘It’s Zach who needs to offer support.’ The note of anger in Ellie’s voice didn’t escape her.
‘I know.’ She sighed. ‘I’m hoping to see him on Monday. He has a meeting with a supplier here in Aberdeen. My plan is to ambush him before he goes in, or wait until he comes out if I somehow miss him.’
‘Do you want me to come up?’
‘No, Ellie, you have your own life to lead. It’s up to me to sort this mess out.’
‘If you’re sure.’ Ellie didn’t sound convinced.
‘I am. Right, I’m exhausted. I’m going to heat up one of these dinners Todd gave me and have a bath. I need to rest.’
‘You do that. What are you doing about your work?’
‘I’ve had Leigh-Ann cover as much as she can, and I brought a temp in anyway because of the pregnancy, but I’m finding it hard to concentrate on the company at the moment.’
‘You’ve done the right thing. At the moment your priority has to be you and the baby.’
‘Quite. I’ll let you know what happens on Monday. Thanks for listening, Ellie.’
‘Anytime. Call me if you need me, doesn’t matter if it’s three in the morning. Understand?’
‘Got it.’ Anouska rang off, feeling a little better that there were people on her side. The trouble was it made her less charitable towards Zach for doing a runner. He had responsibilities, which he seemed to have forgotten.
Monday 17 February
‘Zach! Zach!’ Anouska shouted to his retreating back as the door closed. Damn it. She’d made sure she was at the vintner’s for three thirty in case he arrived early and he’d still beaten her to it. He was known for being punctual but he was half an hour early. He must have pulled the meeting forward. At least he hadn’t seen her. She’d just have to wait until the meeting was over. Hopefully, she wasn’t in for a long wait.
It was freezing, so she had the heating on full blast in the car. She yawned. She’d barely slept for days. Her eyes fluttered closed as all the events of the past week went round and round in her head.
She woke to a rat-tat-tat at the car window. A man was staring in at her. No, a police officer in a reflective yellow vest.
She frowned. Why was a policeman knocking on her window? She rolled the window down. ‘Can I help you, officer?’
‘Step out of the vehicle, please.’
‘Sorry?’ Anouska tried to blink the sleep from her eyes.
‘I said, step out of the vehicle.’
‘Why?’
‘Just step out of the vehicle.’
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘Does that mean you can’t step out of the vehicle?’ the police officer said.
His attitude was really beginning to grate on her.
‘No, but it does mean I wouldn’t mind knowing why before I haul my exhausted body out of the car.’
‘We’ve had a complaint.’
‘A complaint?’ Anouska screwed up her face.
‘Of a suspicious person in a car outside this building.’
‘I’m pregnant, not suspicious.’ Anouska couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘And I was asleep.’
‘Well, the owner would like you to leave. This is a secure facility.’
Anouska fought the temptation to say it wasn’t that secure since she’d been able to drive in undetected. ‘I’m waiting for someone.’
‘Oh really?’ Disbelief was etched upon the police officer’s face.
‘My boyfriend.’
‘Your boyfriend?’
‘Yes. He’s inside.’
‘Does he work here? Shall we go and ask for him?’
‘No, no, it’s complicated.’
‘In that case, I think you need to make it a little simpler.’
Having had just about enough of her current run of bad luck, as well as the injustice of it all, Anouska finally snapped.
‘Right, since you asked, I’m pregnant, I didn’t tell my boyfriend as we hadn’t planned on having kids and I wasn’t sure how to tell him, then I told him and after the initial shock, he seemed happy, but in the middle of all that my mother rang. She knew I was pregnant and asked me how he took the news. Unfortunately, I accidentally hit speakerphone and he heard and so found out that she knew before him, and he left “to think things through”, and I haven’t seen him since. I found out he had a meeting with his supplier, here, today, and I’ve come to see if I can talk some sense into him. I called out to him just as I arrived, early, but he didn’t hear me and went into his meeting, and I fell asleep.’ She gulped in a huge breath. ‘Sorry, it’s called mental exhaustion.’
‘I know how you feel.’ The police officer looked drained and a tad more sympathetic. After remaining silent for a while, he said, ‘Look, I’ll have a chat with the owner, tell him there’s a simple explanation and that you’ll be gone shortly. How about that? But you need to promise not to cause a scene when your boyfriend does come out.’
‘Guides’ honour.’
‘Excuse me,’ interrupted a familiar voice.
Anouska cringed.
The officer turned around. ‘Yes, sir?’
‘Is something wrong? I only ask as that’s my girlfriend’s car.’
Anouska knew the officer’s body was shielding her from view.
‘Ah,’ said the police officer. ‘Well, maybe now would be a good time to talk to her.’ The officer shifted to the side and Anouska saw Zach staring at her, open-mouthed. He had huge bags under his battleship grey eyes and his five o’clock shadow appeared days old.
‘Anouska!’
‘Hi, Zach.’ This so wasn’t how she’d envisaged this playing out.
‘What are you…? How did you…? What are you…?’
‘I’ll leave you to chat, shall I?’ The police officer turned towards Anouska and winked.
Once he’d gone, Zach bent down so he was level with Anouska at the driver’s window.
‘Why was that policeman talking to you?’
Choosing to ignore Zach’s comments so as not to antagonise him, Anouska said, ‘Can we talk?’
Zach frowned. ‘We are talking.’
‘I meant properly.’ Anouska’s pleading look must have melted something in Zach’s heart as he said, ‘Fine, there’s a coffee shop round the corner. We can go there.’
By unspoken agreement and since Anouska was already in her car, Zach got in. The journey there, whilst only minutes, seemed to last an inordinate amount of time. At the back of Anouska’s mind was the fact Zach hadn’t immediately asked after her or the baby; he was more concerned about why the police were there. She hoped that wasn’t an omen.
‘So, how have you been?’ Zach asked, once they were ensconced in the coffee shop.
She decided to be brutally honest. ‘Worried sick, scared, confused, terrified.’
‘That good then?’ Zach’s mouth upturned a smidge.
‘Yep. So…’ Anouska struggled with the words as he hadn’t made one single gesture towards her or embraced her and it hurt like hell. She fought down the tears that threatened to surface and folded the napkin in front of her into triangles, something she only did when she was nervous.
Zach, for his part, didn’t look in any hurry to help her out with the conversation. So finally Anouska plumped for, ‘Where do we go from here?’
Zach leant forwards, hands clasped, elbows on the table, and said, ‘I don’t know, Anouska, I really don’t. I trusted you, and you betrayed that trust.’
Anouska gritted her teeth and tried to keep her voice as calm and neutral as possible, but her patience was wearing thin. ‘Zach, I didn’t break your trust. I didn’t actually tell anyone. Mum guessed. I can’t keep saying this. And the girls wouldn’t have known had I not started bleeding and they had to take me to hospital.’
Zach sat mutely staring at the table. If she didn’t love him so much, and now need him so much, she’d have happily strangled him. Why was he being so pigheaded? Couldn’t he see the bigger picture here? It wasn’t all about his ego. He was going to be a father. They were going to be parents, whether he liked it or not. He needed to sort his priorities out– and fast.
Suppressing the urge to sigh, she decided the best course of action was to let him talk. Finally, he said, ‘I never thought I’d say this about us, but I don’t know if we have a future. Trust is everything to me. You know that I had issues with Marcie before. I always said I’d never go through that again. It broke me.’ He paused, took a sip of his milky tea, grimaced and set it down on the table again.
Anouska knew his ex-fiancée had almost destroyed Zach, but Marcie had slept with an ex-colleague of his, someone he’d gone to football training with for years. And everyone else had known except him. He’d felt so humiliated, and she couldn’t have cared less when he confronted her. This was hardly comparable. All Anouska had done was discuss with her mother, erroneously perhaps, the fact she was pregnant, after her mother guessing. She hadn’t cheated. She hadn’t wronged him. And there was the simple fact that a child was on the way, no matter how irked Zach was, or how slighted he felt. Yes, it had been a mistake not to confide in him at the outset, but she’d been scared. Any rational person would recognise that, especially in a hormonal woman carrying their baby. But here was Zach now talking about them potentially not having a future.
‘You don’t need to worry about money or anything. Obviously I’ll contribute towards the baby. And I’m not saying no to us, just, I need some time.’
A lump rose in Anouska’s throat and try as she might she couldn’t make it go away. She started to heave, her breathing coming in thick gasps. She needed air. Oh God, not now. Struggling to get her scarf off, she stood up from the table, gulping air into her lungs, as her legs gave way.
‘Anouska,’ called Zach, grabbing her as she slumped forwards, his eyes wide. ‘Stay with me.’ The last thing she remembered was wishing he had meant that literally.
‘She’s coming round.’
‘Thank God.’ Zach’s voice. ‘Anouska, can you hear me?’
Anouska tried to move her tongue away from her teeth– blood. She must have bitten her tongue. Did she fall? The baby! She tried to sit up but the blood rushed to her head and she wavered again.
‘Whoa. Steady.’ Zach.
She cracked one eye open. It was so bright. A man was standing over her with a kitchen knife. She screamed.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,’ said the man, who she now saw was wearing chef’s whites. ‘I was peeling onions when I heard your husband calling for help.’
Husband. Chance would be a fine thing .
Two hands were under her armpits, lifting her to a standing position. They then lowered her to a seat. She hated her panic attacks, and they were usually stress-induced.
‘Anouska, are you all right?’ Zach’s face, worry evident in the creases around his eyes.
‘Wh-a-a-a-t?’ He seemed so far away. She didn’t feel good. Maybe her blood sugar was low. At least that inability to get a breath appeared to have gone. She blinked several times, then focused on first Zach’s and then the chef’s face.
‘Water, please,’ she finally managed, and the chef scurried behind the counter and filled a glass at the sink.
Zach held her hands. ‘Look, we don’t need to decide anything right now. Let’s just get you home.’
Still feeling woozy, Anouska’s thought before the chef handed her the water was: But I want us to decide right now. I need to know we’re OK .