Chapter 25
Sunday 29 October
The princess walked between the ancient pillars of her Pergola. The morning sun was golden on the leaves, and the paving stones, wet with last night’s rain, gleamed like oiled metal. The sun, slanting through the crossbeams, shone in her eyes, forcing her to squint, giving everything a pearlescent, fairy-like glow. She walked the long colonnade as slowly as she could, hoping never to reach the end, wishing this path would carry her all the way to the empty white sky where her body could disappear into fragments of nothing.
The princess was sad – heartbroken in fact – and had lost much of her appetite for life. She’d been so very wicked, and almost dreaded the appearance of her beloved father, the king, because if he came, she’d be forced to confess to her misdeeds and bear his terrible, silent judgement. She’d have to tell him she was no longer a welcome presence in the world of mortals. Her sins had been exposed, and those she cared about had glimpsed the true vileness of her soul. Now she would walk the Hill Garden and Pergola forever, or until she was allowed, finally, to wither away into non-existence.
The princess had arrived at the pub at around ten past eight last night, and was about to go in when she saw Sondra and Reggie enter ahead of her. When her heart started beating again, and she remembered how to breathe, and how to think, she said to herself, It could still be okay . The pub was crowded. Sondra wouldn’t see Dan and Jeremy, and even if she did, she wouldn’t recognise them. The problem would only arise if the princess herself went in and Sondra spotted her. Sondra would come over and say hello. She’d call her Kay in front of Dan and Jeremy, and it would come out that she worked at a library, and so on and so on. The truth would spill out like effluent from a sewer.
Text Dan , came the voice of her royal advisor, Lord Blake of Elphinstone. Tell him you can’t make it, you’ve had a last-minute call-up for a second audition. Maybe they could meet you later at such and such a pub. So she reached for her phone, only to discover its battery had died. She plugged it into her portable charging stick. Ten minutes on charge, that was all it would take, and there’d be enough juice to send the text. What could possibly go wrong in the next ten minutes?
So the princess took up her vigil at the pub window, watching Dan and Jeremy in their booth. Dan checking his watch, wondering where she was, hurt her to see, but she’d make it up to him later tonight. She watched Sondra and Reggie at the bar, followed their progress across the pub as they searched for somewhere to sit. Her poor, bruised heart took another battering when she saw the table they found, but she told herself not to be stupid. What did it matter if they were near Dan and Jeremy’s booth? They didn’t know each other. What could go wrong?
The princess checked her phone. The Apple logo had appeared. Not long now before she could send her text. But back in the pub, something weird was happening with Reggie and Sondra. Reggie was on his feet, covered in tomato juice, mopping his face with his handkerchief, and Sondra didn’t look remotely concerned. She just sat there scowling at him. What the hell? thought the princess. Had Sondra just poured her actual drink in his actual face? He was screaming something at her – she couldn’t lipread what he was saying, but it didn’t look polite. Now he was storming off to the Gents. What could have happened? Did Reggie put a hand where a hand shouldn’t go? She’d always suspected he was a creep. Oh, this would make a great story at work on Monday. She didn’t want to be spared any of the gruesome details.
But now what? Oh no! The princess almost squealed with fright as she saw Jeremy and Dan applauding Sondra, talking to her, beckoning her to join them. She checked her phone again. The icons were back on the screen. She started to text Dan, then stopped and looked once more towards the booth, praying that Sondra had declined their invitation. But Sondra, for once, had behaved impulsively and was now seated in the booth opposite Jeremy while Dan went off to buy more drinks.
“Oh My Effing Gee!” the princess groaned to herself. The worst thing possible had somehow come to pass. Sondra was talking to Jeremy. This was a nightmare. It was a confluence of matter and antimatter, of excrement and fan – the two people on this Earth who could never meet were now getting nice and chummy with each other. Sondra was sure to mention that she works in a library – when the hell didn’t she? – and then? And then the truth would start to seep out, like pus from a boil.
Her phone pinged with a WhatsApp message from Dan. You on your way? xx
I’m right here my darling , she thought-whispered to him. I could run in there now and be in your arms in ten seconds. But I might as well be in outer space. You won’t see me again. You wouldn’t want to anyway after tonight, once you’ve compared notes with Sondra. My name will be dirt in your mouth. I can’t bear to imagine how you’ll curse it – the things you’ll compare me to. I wouldn’t want to witness that. The saddest irony is that I love you, Dan. I didn’t realise it when we talked this afternoon, but I do. I’ve loved you from the moment I first set eyes on you, grinning like a fool in that photo Jeremy sent me. If we’d met under different circumstances, I’d have been the best, most honest, most straightforward girlfriend you could ever wish for. I wouldn’t have lied to you or anyone else. I’d have loved Jerry, too, and been totally understanding of his special place in your life. We’d have been inseparable us three. From here on, it’s going to be torture, but I won’t ever stop thinking of all those might-have-beens and dreaming of the life we could have shared. Goodbye my lovely. I wish you the happiest of lives in the company of some other woman, a better woman than me. It’s nothing less than you deserve.
The princess kissed her fingers and pressed them to the window as she watched Dan give his drinks order. Then she turned, and headed back to her flat.
That was last night. This morning, early, she dressed in a green, floral-print frock, a cream-coloured pashmina wrapped around her shoulders, and came here – where else? – to take up her place in the fairy kingdom of the lost and broken-hearted. It wasn’t open when she got here, in the half-light of dawn. But then an elderly fairy guard arrived in the guise of a park keeper and unlocked the gate. Quietly, she slipped in, like the mist, and instantly felt better, as she absorbed the peace, the gentle birdsong, the quiet bustle of the fairy folk. Her father was bound to be here somewhere. She dreaded him, and also very much wanted to see him, to make her confession and feel his judgement .
The princess at last reached the end of the colonnade. She stood by the railing and opened her arms to the empty white sky, but it stubbornly refused to take her. So at last, sighing, she descended the staircase to the Hill Garden. She seated herself on the lawn by the ornamental pond, not minding the dew that quickly soaked through the thin fabric of her dress. Here, if anywhere, she would find her father. She hugged herself inside her pashmina, and waited for him.
Presently, she felt a shadow falling over her, and she looked up, shielding her eyes from the dazzle of the low sun. A tall man was looking down at her. His face was familiar, but it wasn’t her father or Dan or Jeremy or even Stuart. It was the very last man she expected to see in this place.