Chapter Nineteen
Lexi
Monday came too quickly. I couldn’t stop thinking about Tucker and his offer to remodel the house. I also couldn’t believe I agreed to doing it with everything I have on my plate. But what I really couldn’t stop thinking about was how I had wanted Tucker to kiss me on my doorstep, after he dropped me off at home… and how he didn’t.
Luca and Brielle went back to Indianapolis Saturday morning, while my parents went to Tucker’s great uncle’s funeral.
Tucker insisted that none of us come; he wasn’t all that close with the man, and he knew he’d be running around making sure his dad could visit and play host. Still, my parents are the kind of people to show support no matter what. Tucker is like a son to them, and I was not surprised they decided to go and show solidarity for the whole Benson family.
I spent the entire weekend locked in my home office working out every kink and reworking every number for the project I was set to present next week. I would only have a few days after I received the final remodel expenses from the contractor to ensure my numbers would work and the board would be happy.
This project was both my favorite and the one that would show on my review for the V.P. position like a glittery, gold star!
This project had been on the chopping block as it was, because it was owned by a third-generation family who had pulled out of two separate deals over the last five years.
They were obviously attached to the property and the numbers they were asking were tight to make any adjustments to improve the property, like we typically do when we purchase a resort. However, this would be a huge win because this Kauai resort had a private beach. Those don’t come by every day.
The property was not actually up for sale. It had been a cold call by yours truly and I convinced them to hear me out. Not because they took an instant liking to my voice, but because of someone I knew. If my best friend, Lilly, hadn’t moved to Honolulu after high school to become a beach bum turned salon spa owner and wife of a vacation rental guru, I would never have heard that the family was considering putting it back on the market. I wanted to hit while the iron was hot.
Now that it’s Monday morning and Tucker won’t be at my parents when I run by this time, I can finally try to untangle my feelings. He’s back in Indianapolis.
He texted me on Sunday to let me know he had made it back safely and the thought of him no longer being in the same town was a disappointment. But I knew we had a standing reservation for Monday evenings.
Dinner and house designing.
How did this man know how to make me swoon? I couldn’t think of a better date than chow mein on the wood floors of my brownstone while we argued over blueprints and grout colors.
It was stupid but if I ever thought anyone knew the way to my heart better than Tucker Evans, I was sorely mistaken.
That’s why I texted Sebastian first thing this morning, before I left for my run. I figured he’d be at work by now.
The man was a machine, and it was hot, I couldn’t deny that. But I needed to see this through with Tucker. Something was happening between us. I could feel the familiar heart palpitations starting up after the almost-kiss on the top of the staircase in the McKinny house. The zing through my body when our hands collided while reaching for the same slice of pizza. The butterflies swirling around my belly whenever he would smile at me.
Tucker would be living here all summer and I would need to work all my off time making sure this house was finished before next season started.
I couldn’t work in that close proximity with Tucker while I was dating someone else. It wouldn’t be fair… to them. And that’s when I knew what my answer needed to be for Sebastian.
Lexi: Can you meet for coffee this morning?
Sebastian: Yeah. See you at 7:30?
Lexi: Perfect.
Sebastian is there waiting when I walk in, like every time before. This is the man I should be with; I want to scream out loud. If Tucker hadn’t showed up last week and thrown all my life plans out the window, like he tends to do, today would be a different day.
I would be anxiously waiting for Sebastian to walk over and kiss me again. I’d be looking forward to the next date. I’d be anticipating how long I’d be able to hold out before sleeping with him. But all of those thoughts have been scrubbed down with bleach by the Indianapolis starting RB with the hottest ass in the league.
“Lexi, hi.”
He’s all smiles for me and my heart does a little pitter patter, but it’s not as big as it used to be, because my heart has already changed course… for someone else. He reaches around and gives me a side hug. Why on earth can’t it be him?
“Hey. Have you been waiting long?”
“No, but I got here a few minutes ago and the line was short. I already, ordered, hope that’s ok?”
“Yeah, that’s great,” I say.
He walks up to the pick-up bar and the barista offers the drinks he ordered, plus her beaming smile. I don’t think he notices her interest.
When she sees him hand the second drink to me, her smile wilts.
Don’t worry girl, he’s about to be up for grabs.
“Looks like there’s a table open outside, want to sit out there?” I suggest.
“Sure, after you.”
He holds the door open as I walk through. We jump into our weekends, both of us working most of it. We’re headed for a break in the conversation, the part where you realize you need to get back to work so you make plans to meet up again later. Only, this is where I tell him that I shouldn’t see him anymore.
“Do I even want to ask?” he says, his eyes connecting with mine.
“He bought a house here. He took me to see it.” He nods at my explanation.
“Listen, I get what he’s doing, and I know what he wants. Any straight, single guy with any sense would want you, Lexi. You’re, by definition, the ultimate catch. And I wish his timing had been a lot longer down the road… or frankly, never. My only regret is that I waited too long to seek out the beautiful woman who worked across the building from me, who brightened up my day with her wave and warm smile.
“I wish I had been given more time with you so we could have found out if I was a true contender. I think that’s something I will always wonder. I can’t fight against familiarity and history. Something the Super Bowl star has in spades,” he says with disappointment in his tone.
“Honestly. I wish all those things, too. It’s funny though… I don’t think of him as a Super Bowler. I should; it is a huge accomplishment. He will always just be the sixteen-year-old Tucker who let me ‘third-wheel’ it with him and my brother, who shared his bubblegum ice cream with me and who somehow always instinctively knew when I was in trouble, physically and mentally.
“No matter how much I want to fight against my feelings, no matter how much I want to throw in the towel and give up on all the years we didn’t make it work, I just can’t – not yet. Not until I see this last chapter through to the end. I gave him a part of my heart a long time ago, and I’ve been too scared to ask for it back. Too scared to close that door with him.”
He doesn’t flinch, he’s just listening and taking in everything I have to say.
“I’m helping him remodel his house during his off season. In July he goes back for training camp. This is it for me. If we can’t make it this summer, we can’t make it.” I shake my head at myself. This poor guy doesn’t want to hear this shit. “God! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to verbally vomit all of that to you…”
“No, do not apologize. I’m glad to know where you are with everything. I do hope you get your happy ending. Just don’t be surprised if you find me on the sidelines, in July, waiting for him to fuck up.”
I laugh, “Thank you, Sebastian. And if things were different…”
He cuts me off again as he stands to leave, looking down at me with a slight tinge of disappointment in his eyes.
“I know,” he says and then he turns to leave.
I just walked away from the perfect man. But is he truly perfect if he’s not the one I picture my life with? If he’s not the one to fight for me tooth and nail, willing to plow down any obstacle in his path to be by my side?
When my imagination flashes forward to the next ten years, the only man I see pulling into my driveway after a long day at work, the only man I picture coaching our kids little league games, is Tucker. I can’t seem to erase it and more importantly, I don’t want to.