The Love of Her Lives: A BRAND NEW unforgettable and utterly emotional summer romance (Must-read Rom

June, this year

The basement is warm, well-lit, and fully furnished this time. Strains of music are coming from upstairs, along the creak of footsteps on the floorboards above me. The sliding doors in the basement that lead beneath the deck are slightly open, and a warm breeze drifts in.

There’s someone here. I just need to creep upstairs and out the front before they notice me and I unwittingly scare them.

I scan the basement furniture as I tread lightly towards the stairs, and then stop in my tracks.

That couch.

That looks very much like the Masons’ couch. As in, Frank and Angela’s couch that they had in their basement for years, and is still in Bonnie’s house in my original life. The very same one that Ben was playing guitar on, that first, pivotal moment.

Above it, the kitschy framed print hangs on the wall. “Home is not a place, but a feeling.”

My entire body flushes with goosebumps.

This is clearly still a Mason house. Either Ange and Frank are alive once more, and they live here, or it’s Bonnie’s inherited house again.

Either way, if I’m also friends with Bonnie in this world, it would be a pretty great place to spend some time, after everything I’ve been through. Maybe even stay permanently. No matter what else is going on in that world — no matter who Ben might be with.

My heart soars, as a stray tear slips down my cheek. Even just to rest here for a while...

But this might also be a reality where I’m not friends with Bonnie, maybe even never was, and I might be a stranger to all of them. They might have no idea who I am. I need to tread very carefully here.

I reach to check my phone, and realize I’m clutching a bottle of red wine — the same brand I was bringing to Bonnie’s place tonight, in my real life.

Okay. That’s interesting.

I pat down my back pocket and find a phone in a palm-print case, just like the one I have in my own universe. I flick immediately to Instagram, and there’s a ton of photos of me with Bonnie, and us together with Ben, at his play and at the lake — all scenes I recognize. I’ve posted these exact photos myself in my own life. That means I’m in a very similar life to my own.

I blow out a breath. Thank Christ.

Ben is alive.

And we’re all close again here.

I examine the photos further. None of us with Frank or Angela, which must mean this is a world where they are gone once again. So this has to be Bonnie’s house, and she’s upstairs right now. Because someone is definitely in the kitchen.

I check my emails, and both my personal and work inboxes are exactly as I know them. That’s even more reassuring. I still work at Magnolia, and on the same client accounts. I even have the eviction notice from my landlord from earlier today, so that’s an issue in this world, too.

I turn to my text message app to investigate further, and my heart all but stops.

The most recent texts are exactly as I remember my last messages from my real life.

[6:16PM]

Should I get the dim sum ordered?

BONNIE CELL [6:17PM]

You know it! Get the usual, and add the new chicken pot stickers they have. Yum. :P

This seems like the identical situation I was in, back in my original life — about to spend the long weekend with Bonnie, starting with wine and takeout on the deck, and commiserating the loss of my cute apartment.

Am I home? Like, really home?

But I can’t be, right?

Because in that world, in my own world, Bonnie was running late at the store and I was entering her totally empty house, having to let myself in through the basement. Whereas, in this universe, someone is walking around upstairs. So I guess this has to be a very similar, but ever-so-slightly different, version of my reality.

Maybe the only difference is that Bonnie’s inventory isn’t late in this world? And everything else could be identical. It’s possible. In which case, this would be as good a reality as any to make my own, on a permanent basis. Still not truly myhome, but definitely good enough.

Then again, it’s also possible that this universe has all kinds of differences to mine that I just haven’t discovered yet. It’s likely, even. And it’s also possible the person upstairs isn’t even Bonnie at all, but a stranger, like maybe she has a boyfriend in this life, and I won’t have any idea what to do — except run away again. Reset, again.

With my pulse pounding in my ears, I make my way quietly up into the kitchen — which is, as expected, painted in rich cream and fitted out in Bonnie’s recent renovation style. The teal wireless speaker I bought her last Christmas is sitting incongruously on the quartz countertop, playing that Grace Potter song about stars.

But the kitchen is empty now, with the patio doors open and letting the evening breeze waft in. Whoever is here, they’re now out on the deck.

I pause briefly as I catch myself in the mirror near Bonnie’s dining table. I’m in the exact clothes I was wearing when I drove up to Bonnie’s in my life — a Ramones T-shirt, denim shorts, and retro Converse sneakers. My hair is styled in its usual slightly wavy, slightly messy bob, with dark-bronze streaks at the front. I seem like... myself. Really like me, for the first time in many universes.

I look myself directly in the eyes, and take a deep, cleansing breath.

“Let’s make this a good one,” I say to the Millie in the mirror.

She stares back at me, and we nod slowly at each other.

I turn and step through the open sliding door onto the deck.

And it’s neither Bonnie, nor a stranger, sitting at the patio table.

It’s Ben.

He turns at the sound of my footfall, and smiles at me, warm and wide. My world falls away.

Oh my God.

I’m so in love with this man.

How in all the worlds did I never fully realize this before?

He’s wearing the blue linen shirt I bought him a few years ago for his thirtieth birthday, the sleeves rolled up, his arms lightly muscled and tanned. His thick hair is the same as when I last saw it, and his dark-blond beard is neat and trim.

He’s looking . . . incredible.

Ben lifts his brows at me, a little quizzically. “You okay? You look like you’re about to have a heart attack.”

Oh. I’m staring at him. Probably with an expression like an idiot.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. I guess I wasn’t expecting to see you.” I put down the wine I’m still holding, and grab onto the edge of the table for support.

He nods. “Yeah, I wasn’t sure I’d make it this weekend. I had to figure out some stuff with Shelley — the woman I went on a few dates with? Anyways, we decided not to keep seeing each other. It just wasn’t... gelling. But then I was at a loose end, and figured I’d head up to the house, since I knew you’d both be here.” He grins at me. “Thanks for bringing the good red. Bonnie running late? I already opened her bottle of white.”

My legs wobble underneath me, and I slide into a seat as he pours me a glass.

Ben is single again.

“Erm... yeah,” I reply, awkwardly. “Yeah, she’ll be on her way, any moment. Something about inventory at the store?” Crap, I really hope this is a world where she has her store, otherwise that will make zero sense.

Thankfully, Ben just nods and hands me the glass of cold wine. “I figured. We should get some food ordered, though, I’m starving.”

My stomach responds to that comment with an audible growl.

Hold up.

Didn’t I already order food? In my original life, before I stepped through the door, I had just ordered an unreasonable quantity of dim sum.

If that delivery is on its way in this world, that’s surely proof that I’m really back.

I pull out my phone and check the delivery app.

The exact same order is showing, still due to arrive at 7:12 p.m.

With a slightly trembling hand, I show Ben the order on my phone. I don’t trust my voice not to betray my emotions.

He nods approvingly, and huffs out a laugh. “Looks delicious. And good thing I’m here to help you out with that — it’s enough for five people.”

I smile back at him, but still can’t find words to say anything aloud.

It’s gradually sinking in.

This is my original life.

I’m really home.

Home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling.

And I feel, I know, with every part of my being, that I’m home. And that my ultimate realization of what I truly want in life is what brought me back to my real life.

I could cry with joy and relief, right here at the patio table, except I don’t want to freak Ben out. So I control my threatening tears with slow breathing, and let the moment of overwhelm pass.

Ben doesn’t seem to notice my emotional rollercoaster. He’s leaning back in his chair, stemless glass in his hand, smiling gently at me.

“So, how’ve you been since I last saw you... when was it? Two weeks ago? Three? It’s been a bit nuts, with the play.”

I almost laugh at this question. How have I been?

Well, I’ve just spent what feels like weeks traveling through the multiverse of my alternate lives — being chased by crazy psychos, being a recovering addict, being a tech billionaire’s partner, being a wife, being a mother... So, yeah, it’s been kind of interesting. To say the least.

“Uh, yeah, fine, thanks,” I stammer. “Things are... good. I’ve been... err...” I flip back mentally to my pre-multiverse week, which seems like a dozen lifetimes ago. “Oh, I’ve been working on a new ad campaign with Vici. Since, you know, you’re such a fan of their sneakers, I figured you’d be into that.”

Ben laughs and nods at his huge, Vici-clad feet through the glass top of the table. “That’s awesome,” he replies. “Very cool. I like their new high-tops, too. Gotta get some of those.” He leans towards me, with an almost imperceptible wink. “What’s a guy gotta do to get a friends and family discount?”

He has me laughing within moments, and we fall into conversation about our respective work projects and my eviction predicament, until the food arrives and Bonnie shows up minutes later. We take the dim sum onto the deck and dish out dumplings and spring rolls, along with the rest of the white wine.

I’m gradually beginning to relax, to feel fully like myself again.

Except, of course, for the fact that I can’t stop staring at Ben. We keep catching each other’s eyes. Smiling, a little shyly — at least on my part — at each other.

From his perspective, he’s probably wondering what the hell has gotten into me and why I’m being so weird, and is just smiling to be kind about it.

Bonnie, of course, is utterly clueless as to my altered state. She’s distracted herself, constantly checking her phone — she’s getting texts from somebody. She suddenly turns to me, her eyes bright with excitement.

“It’s Paul, the pastry chef. He wants to meet me at a bar in Lake Forest, like, in a half-hour. Would you hate me if I went? I really want to see him.”

Her lovely face is lit up, as if from within. Wow, she really likes this Paul. I’ve rarely seen her like this over a guy.

I put my hand over hers and squeeze. “Go for it, honey. He’s clearly no fool, since he texted you like he said he would. You wouldn’t want to miss this chance, right? You look beautiful. You go get yours.”

She beams at me, rises from her seat, and plants a kiss on my temple. “You’re the best. I’ll be back... well, I don’t know when. Might be late... might be tomorrow morning...” She grimaces an apology, and blushes a little as Ben, protective big brother that he is, quirks an eyebrow at her.

“You spend as much time with Paul as you like,” I tell her, firmly. “We have the whole rest of the long weekend to hang out. We won’t wait up. How about, if you’re not back by morning, we meet at Malone’s for brunch tomorrow — say, eleven?”

“Perfect,” Bonnie replies with a devilish grin. She turns to her brother. “You take care of our girl, you hear?”

Ben responds with a nod and a solemn salute.

As Bonnie excuses herself for her hot date, I help Ben clear the table and clean up the kitchen. We bring the last of the plates inside and load them into the dishwasher.

“Okay,” Ben says, wiping his hands on a towel. “That’s everything. I wouldn’t mind another drink, though. Okay if we open your red?”

My stomach flips.

Me and Ben, totally alone, with no interruptions, on a warm evening?

This is it.

This has to be my moment, to tell him how I feel about him. This is surely what I came home to do.

I nod, my tongue suddenly thick in my mouth. My pulse is quickening again as I watch him tug the cork out of my bottle of Shiraz, looking all tall and sexy in his blue shirt.

But, despite my nerves, I know there’s nothing that’s going to stop me from spilling my heart out to him. I’ll tell him that I’m in love with him, and risk everything. And even if he shoots me down, I know he’ll be kind about it.

He hands me a glass. “Wanna go back outside?” he asks. “It’s still plenty warm.” His eyes are on mine, and they’re smiling, crinkling slightly at the corners.

“Sure,” I reply, my heart racing at his prolonged gaze. Something deep within me is tugging, pulling me toward him. Aching to touch him. To tell him.

But he turns away.

“I’ll be out in a second — just need to plug my phone in somewhere. There are no goddam chargers in this house.”

I nod, gathering myself, trying not to be disappointed in the loss of a moment that wasn’t even a moment. Only in my own head.

Pull your shit together, Millie. You’ve known this guy for over a decade. You can wait a second to spill your deepest desires to him.

I step back out onto the deck, where the light is waning. The sky above the lake is a rich cobalt, fading to a lighter blue, then a streak of mint green before it hits the watery horizon. At the very highest point, in the deepest indigo, a few pinpricks of stars are pushing their way out.

I take a sip of the deep, fruity wine and place my glass on the flat ledge above the railing. A wishing rhyme my mother taught me as a child springs into my memory.

Mom. I hope she’s doing okay. I’ll go visit her, make things better between us. She’s been a flawed mother, but she’s a good person, and she’s always loved me.

I mutter the rhyme into the warm evening, toward the heavens.

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.”

What to wish for?

As a child, I was always wracked with anxiety about what to choose. But now, it’s easy.

“I wish... to stay in this life, my true life, but also have Ben as my partner throughout it.”

The highest, brightest star twinkles merrily back at me.

The patio door slides open behind me, and Ben’s heavy footsteps tread across the deck.

I don’t turn around — not yet.

He comes to the railing and stands beside me. For a moment he says nothing. He might be looking up at the stars, too.

Then he breaks the silence. “So, Millie... are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you tonight?” He turns his body to face mine. “What’s happening here?”

I shake my head, unable to turn to him just yet. He always could see right through me. My vision blurs with sudden tears, and a single sob shakes my frame.

Ben takes a step even closer. “Mill? What’s the matter?”

He reaches out and gently rotates me by the shoulders so that I’m facing him. My tears are falling freely now, and he wipes one away with his thumb, tenderly, waiting for me to reply.

I don’t even know if I can speak. I part my lips to attempt it, but nothing comes out, except another distorted sob.

“Mill . . . what is it?”

I try again, focusing on the deep indent at the base of his throat, aching to place the pad of my finger there, see how it fits. This time, the words come out all in a rush.

“I just... I’m in love with you, Ben. I’m crazy about you. I think I always have been. I don’t know why I was such a fucking idiot before, because of course it was you.” I screw up my face, embarrassment warming my damp cheeks, and push through. “But you were almost always with someone, and I’ve been such a mess, and God, I don’t even know how you feel... I mean, this is probably not something you even want, but I just had to tell you anyways, and I hope it won’t stop us being friends, because you mean so much...” I’m rambling, probably making no sense to him. I finally manage to lift my gaze to his, biting my lip, trying to gauge his response.

Ben’s eyes search mine, and he gives a low, sudden chuckle that reverberates through my body. “Oh, thank fuck. I really don’t know how much longer I was gonna be able to hold on.” He laughs more freely, shaking his head in what looks like absolute relief. The smile fades, and he becomes tender again. With his hands still steadying my shoulders, his gaze roams my face, then meets mine once more. “I’m totally, completely in love with you, too, Mill. Have been for... well, for a while now. I just didn’t think you felt the same.”

Then he slides a hand around the nape of my neck, pushes me gently back against the railing, and lowers his mouth onto mine.

Oh my God.

Ben is kissing me.

He’s really, really kissing me, with a passion and a desire and a love that I’ve never felt from anybody, not in my whole life. Not in any of my lives.

And I’m kissing him back, through my fresh tears, feverishly, desperately. My fingers are in his hair, as one strong arm pulls my slight frame into his firm body. His other hand is round the back of my head, his grip steady. His lips are warm and fruity, his beard soft on my chin.

His own kissing becomes more feverish, and his tongue explores my mouth — not too much, just gently probing. Promising. Good God, I’ve never wanted anyone this much, not even in the height of my infatuated lust for Rufus.

I run my hands under his loose shirt, where my palms meet firm, soft skin, and run them over his smooth back. His denim-clad thigh is starting to tease my legs apart, and I push my pelvis into it. Against my lower stomach, through his jeans, his erection has formed, large and hard. A burst of wetness between my thighs accompanies a dark tug of desire, and I let out a small, involuntary moan.

Jesus.

Ben moves his mouth down to my neck, grinding his body against mine, as the deck railing digs into my back. He’s fully bending down now, being so much taller than me, and I’m straining on my tiptoes to give him access to my collarbone.

“Holy shit,” he mutters into my clavicle, his voice lower and darker than I’ve ever heard it, “I need to get you into the guest room right now, before I fuck you right here on the deck and the neighbors hear us.”

I laugh, suddenly, into his temple. “Great idea. Lead the way.”

In a moment, he pulls back, contemplates me for a second, his eyes narrow and stormy, then grabs both wine glasses and turns on his heel. He hustles through the sliding door, straight through the kitchen, and into the beach-themed guest room off the foyer.

I follow him through, scurrying to match his pace, and shut the bedroom door behind me.

A low, bedside light is on, and the mood is cozy and inviting. Ben is sitting on the edge of the large bed, hurriedly pulling off his sneakers and socks.

“Lock the door, baby,” he says.

Baby.

Is that what he’ll call me?

I love it.

I turn, and flick the metal latch at the top of the door handle. Now we won’t be disturbed, even if Bonnie makes it home tonight.

Now, Ben is all mine.

I kick off my sneakers, and step over to where he’s sitting on the bed, standing directly in front of him. Without saying a word, I ease his legs apart with my knees, stepping closer as he grabs my butt cheeks and pulls me toward him. He presses his face in the dip between my small breasts, and lets out a sigh of what sounds like total contentment as I stroke his hair.

I run my fingernails lightly over his scalp, mussing up his dark-blond locks, and he’s entranced for a moment. Then he lifts his face toward mine, gives me that wide smile, and this time it’s my turn to lower my mouth onto his.

As he kisses me, his wide hands roam freely over my body — first my butt, with generous squeezes, then under my T-shirt and over my back, then moving them round to the front. He pauses in kissing me to lift my T-shirt up and over my shoulders, and I take it all the way off, dropping it on the floor. He kisses my breasts through the cotton of my turquoise bra, and my small nipples harden into aching points that he teases lightly with his teeth. He deftly unclasps my bra with one hand, pulls back for a second to let me drop it to the floor, then swiftly takes a breast into his mouth, sucking on it and swirling his tongue around the nipple, his fingers teasing my other breast at the same time.

I think I might die.

I’m definitely in my best life.

And it was my own life, all along.

Still driving me wild with his tongue, he unzips my denim shorts and pulls both them and my lace panties off in one swift, firm move.

I’m now totally naked in front of him, while he is still fully clothed.

I stand perfectly still as I let his eyes wander up and down my body. The way he’s drinking me in tells me everything I need to know about how he feels.

He puts a hand in the small of my back, and pulls me close again, this time taking the other breast into his mouth. The other hand, he slips between my legs, into the moisture, and I gasp with the agonizing pleasure of his touch. He explores me with his fingers, rubbing faster and firmer in the perfect spot, his tongue and teeth still grazing my nipple, until my body buckles and I let out a muffled cry into his hair.

Ben catches me as I crumple, swinging me round and lowering me onto the bed, my butt on its edge, legs hanging off the side. I’m a limp mess, muscles quivering, my entire body a mass of nerve endings.

He gives me a lazy smile as he takes off his shirt, and steps out of his jeans and gray briefs. Finally, I get the full view of what a naked, turned-on Ben looks like. And it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Kneeling beside the bed, he wriggles his pelvis between my thighs, opening my legs so they are wide and unabashed. He runs his thumb down my wetness and positions himself, then pushes into me with a swift thrust that has me crying out with ecstasy. I grab a pillow from beside me to muffle my noises as he thrusts in and out, faster and faster, until I’m totally losing my mind. We both come at the same incandescent, climactic moment, eyes locked on each other’s, and each laugh as he collapses, panting, on to my sweaty stomach.

“Holy mother of God,” he says into my belly button. “That was incredible.” He’s still on his knees on the carpet. With some effort, he lifts himself onto the bed, and pulls me up with him so we’re side by side on top of the covers. We’ve made kind of a mess of the bottom of the comforter, but neither of us cares. That’s a Tomorrow Us problem.

He slides an arm under me, and I nestle into the crook of his shoulder, my naked body pressed against the side of him, skin on damp skin.

I’m overwhelmed with a million emotions, but I manage to speak, a little breathlessly. “Absolutely. Incredible. Honestly... the best of my life.”

He laughs softly. “I always knew it would be, with us. If it ever finally happened.”

I pull back a little to see his beautiful face. It’s lit with a smile I’ve never seen on him before. Pure joy and contentment.

“So... you’ve been thinking about me like that for a while, huh?” I nudge him gently in the ribs with my elbow. “When did that start? Like, from the very beginning, or... ?”

Ben gazes up at the ceiling, remembering. He shakes his head slightly. “Not really... I mean, obviously we met and I thought you were totally gorgeous. You just are — that’s an objective fact. So, sure, I had a bit of a crush, at least to begin with. But you were joined at the hip with my sister, and about to start Northwestern, and making all kinds of... questionable decisions. That ridiculous affair with Rufus, for one thing.” He shudders. “And then I guess I got used to being around you just as a friend, plus I was with Amber for so long, trying to make that work. I just stopped myself from seeing you that way, I guess.

“But then, it was that night at Howl at the Moon? I was finally single again, and we’d been spending a bunch more time together, and my crush on you had come back in a big way. So I fully intended that night to be a date, but also didn’t want to freak you out, so I just made it seem like a casual hang. And you walked in, so cool and chic in your office clothes, totally out of my league, and I was like, fuck, I’m so into this girl — it just hit me like a train. But at the same time I felt like, you know, I’m her best friend’s brother, she’s just here to see the band, she’ll never see me that way. So then I’m already backing out of what I went there to do, and then the band started and we were dancing, so I felt kinda off the hook. But, also terrified it would be a missed opportunity. Then you got a text from work, a crisis to deal with, and I knew it was from that married guy you had a crush on, who I was wildly jealous of.”

Ben emits a sudden laugh at his own memory, rocking both our bodies with its ripple. “And I totally chickened out. I just threw in the towel and said whatever, go do what you gotta do. But I knew, I knew I would be way better for you. Better than any of those guys you’d been with.”

He pauses, with a slight shake of his head. “And ever since then, I’ve been torturing myself, wondering what would’ve happened if I’d asked you not to go — to stay with me. If I’d kissed you in that moment, right there in the bar.”

Ben turns his face down to mine. His warm hazel eyes flit around my features, before settling on my gaze. “What about you?” he asks. “I mean, I never told you how I felt because you’ve always seemed like you were into someone else. When did it change for you?”

I hesitate, examining the golden fleck in his left iris. Now that he’s mine, now that I’ve come home... maybe one day I’ll be able to tell him what has happened to me. How I traveled through the multiverse of my realities, and how the journey made me realize how much I loved and wanted him. And how it was this epiphany that brought me home to him. It will sound utterly unbelievable, totally impossible, because of course, it is. But I’ll find a way to make him believe me.

Just not tonight.

Tonight I just want to lie in his arms, and for us to love each other.

“It’s been... more recent for me, in terms of realizing how I truly feel about you,” I admit, tracing a finger over his chest. “I’ve been getting it all so, so wrong. But when I did finally figure it out, I realized I’ve felt this way for a long time. I just never really admitted it to myself, or let myself go there, because there’s just so much more at stake, you know? Compared with any other guys. You and I, we’re already so close, we already care about each other so much, and there’s Bonnie to think about, and what if it didn’t work out?” I grimace at the thought. “But I guess it all built up to the point of no return, where the balance was tipped, and it became worth risking everything to tell you. And to where I knew that if you felt the same, if we did get together, that would be... it. There’s no question of it not working out. We already know each other well enough to know that.”

Another smile tugs his lips wide, reaching his eyes. “Yep. You’re definitely stuck with me.” He kisses my forehead. “And sure, there’s a lot at stake, that’s true. But hey — at least you already know you’ll be good buddies with your sister-in-law.” He pauses, cringing a little. “I mean... you know... if we ever get married.”

Married.

He’s already thinking of marrying me.

I chuckle, and lift my face up to reassure him.

“Marriage is definitely something I want one day. And maybe not even that far off. I mean, you and I... we’re not exactly starting from scratch here.” I reach up to push back a thick lock of hair that has fallen over his brow. “And recently, I guess I’ve realized... not just how I feel about you, but also how important it is to fully live how we want to, while we can. Because it’s also so fragile, you know? Life, I mean — not how I feel about you. More like, how tiny things can change the course of events so radically. We can never know how much time we have.”

Ben nods, deliberate and thoughtful. “Yeah. And I feel like it’s probably even more so for you, considering the chaos of your own upbringing, all the shit you’ve been through with your parents. I know we’re the closest to a real family you’ve ever had.”

He’s right.

I lift my hand to run a fingernail lightly down his beard. “You and Bonnie, honestly, you two are my whole world. I mean, I love Mom, of course, but I see you two as my true family. You, in a life-partner way, and of course Bonnie is already a sister to me. No matter what I’m doing in my life, what my career is, where I’m living, that’s incidental. You two are all that really matters.”

We lie in silence for a moment, Ben gazing at the ceiling but seeing something else, me examining his strong profile, the line of his nose, the dip and curve of his mouth. His lips part as he searches for some words.

“I know life feels fragile, but... I dunno... I feel like you and I can definitely make it work. No matter what happens. And that we’d always have found a way to make it. Like, even if you hadn’t had the courage to say anything to me tonight, about how you feel... We still would’ve gotten together, one way or another. Eventually. Somehow, you know?”

I smile, and lift my chin to brush my lips to his cheek. “I’m sure there are many universes in which we’re together, all in slightly different ways. And many where we’re not, through bad luck and circumstance. But definitely more where we are. Or will be, eventually. Somehow, like you say.”

He turns his face down to mine. “You’re so philosophical tonight.” He pauses a second, then adds, “What was it that finally broke for you? What tipped the balance?”

I gaze into his eyes, behind which lie a whole galaxy of emotions.

“I’ve been on... a bit of a journey, recently. And I guess it’s led me to recognize and respect that fragility. Realizing I don’t want to live a life of what-ifs. What if I never told you how I felt, what if we never got together? What if we had never even met? What if we had totally different lives. It’s all so circumstantial. I realized I had to choose my life, and be true to what I want. Grab it while there’s the chance.”

Ben nods, deliberate and thoughtful. “I get that, sure. You need to secure what matters, create as much certainty as possible in an uncertain world. So do I, if I’m honest. For me, after what happened with Mom and Dad... you’re right. We need to live every day how we want to live. Starting today.” He smiles at me, softly, tracing his thumb along my temple. “Your studio lease is up next month, you said?” I lift an eyebrow in affirmation. “Okay, then... so, I know this is really fast, but... how about you move into the loft with me? I mean, we should probably live together for a minute before I go ahead and, you know, actually propose. You can see what it would feel like to be married to me. Now that we’re fully stuck with each other, and everything.”

I laugh, and stroke his cheek. “Yes, Ben. I will live with you. I’ll live with you for the rest of our lives.”

He grins, and squeezes me tight. Then he kisses me once more. And again. And again.

THE END