Chapter 44
44
Vargr watched as Rutger kneeled to let Cyn climb on board then offered his own hand to help steady her. She adjusted her legs on his shoulders, wriggling about.
“We can swap every hour. I’d like her pussy snuggling up to me too.”
That gained him a thumbs-up from Rutger and a groan and a headshake from Cyn.
“Not sure this is the definition of getting pussy, though, man.” He patted her knee, wrapping both arms over her lower legs as he began to stand. “I’ll tell you if I come in my pants.”
“You do that.”
Once Rutger rose to his full height, she clung to his horns and grinned down at him.
“Now how are you carrying your pack?” He picked it up. Luckily his scouting had disqualified him from carrying one, up until now.
“Hmmm.” With a deep frown, Rutger looked at the pack. “You?”
After searching inside he strapped down the flap again and slung it over his back, squashing his wings on one side, but they’d live. “With pleasure. I have something for you, Cyn.”
He held her gaze and lifted the belt and holster he’d grabbed. The gold on the butt gleamed in his night-sight.
“Are you sure?” But she didn’t take her eyes off the prize, studying it wistfully.
“I’m not but then again I am. Where we are at right now, I’m going with gut instinct. I’m trusting you. Here.” He handed it up to her. “From up there you’ll have a good sight of anything creeping upon us.”
The convoy was moving again, and he fell into step beside them. A flock of three or four birds swept past, low and fast, zipping through the dark falling dust. Though there was substantial building mass above them, the demolished zone of radiation was nearby. They were heading to the outside, he thought. Sparrows. Their tails vanished into the murk. Even his eyes lost them. Sparrows were as good at surviving as cockroaches.
Cyn was also following their flight path.
The doubt he’d seen in her eyes when he’d handed over her weapon had him placing his hand on her thigh, on that soft, faded pink cloth, thinking. She smiled and returned to organizing the buckling of the weapon belt beneath her black sleeveless shirt. Asian writing was arrayed neatly across the back of her top and he couldn’t help wondering what it said. Something disconnected from the now of reality, almost certainly.
“Vargr?” She placed her hand over his where it lay on her thigh.
He inhaled, kept walking for a few seconds, then wrapped his hand around hers. “I don’t want to make the same mistake I did before. I never said exactly why I decided to trust you again, did I?”
She shrugged, but her eyes were all his, all over him, checking his face. This was important to her. And to him.
“I think I goofed.”
“I did shoot you,” she said slowly. “I understand why you did what you did. And… I have to say, I don’t quite understand me.”
“I figured as much. What you’re doing is the new you, the you the nanomachines are helping to grow.”
Her frown was cute, as always. He grinned.
“Not an insult, girl. That applies to all of us.”
“I’m still me, though.”
“She feels like girl,” Rutger interjected, hand squeezing and re-adjusting on her legs. “Is good.”
“Shut up.” She tapped the top of his head, patted it, then wound her hand around a horn. “You know I think I’m getting to actually… love you both. Bondmating screws up the normal, but yeah, I do.”
They both bit out laughs.
“However… however much I want to say I’m just me.” She eyed Vargr. “I’m not sure why I do some of the stuff I do. I want this gun. It makes me feel fearsome . Badass.” Her teeth showed. “And I do like that.”
“Okay.” He thought some more, paralleling their path, checking the periphery automatically for incoming creatures and falling debris. “As I said, I’m doing this to avoid the same mistake. I would rather trust you and be disappointed than not trust you and maybe lose you. Or lose a part of your trust. Do you get that?”
Cyn nodded. “Yeah. It’s complicated, isn’t it. I promise to warn you if the tentacles in my brain take over.” She smiled weakly. “Just be there for me when Maura and Willow start doing any brain surgery. Both of you.”
“Sure.” Vargr patted her leg.
“We’re both going to be your cheer team, girl. Damn, though.” Rutger hefted her, readjusting her position on his shoulders. “Did you put on weight?”
She leaned over his head, dodging the horns. “Mean.”
“Ignore him. You’re perfect.” He really meant that, in fucking spades. There was no other woman he would rather face the apocalypse with. When it was his turn to carry her, she seemed slow to dismount from Rutger.
An hour later she swayed and almost fell from his shoulders. He caught her, lowered her onto her back on the ground, dismayed by how little she seemed to see of him though he was right in front of her. Dust blew across her face, and he shielded her with his hand, closed her eyes with his fingers.
Alive, but this was bad.
“What’ll we do?” he asked Rutger.
Willow arrived a minute later while they were discussing making a travois. Sticking her back in the car seemed wrong.
“We’re nearly there, you two pussies. We put her in the truck. Maura will keep an eye on her. Besides, she’ll heal this same as she did the others.” She kneeled by Cyn’s side and placed a hand on her arm, stayed there a few seconds.
He left her alone, waited, but she only rose, shaking her head.
“I still cannot see it. Though the damage in her brain is visible now. I can even feel the healing happening but maybe it’s gone beyond what she can fix herself.
“We should hurry,” Rutger said.
“Of course. Put her in the truck, and I’ll see if I can speed things up.
He and Rutger exchanged looks. “We can both pull with Toother. If we get ahead, you make sure you keep up.”
If there was nothing there at the end, no Big Daddy vehicle, what would they do then? That hopeless prospect was best ignored. Not yet. Death wasn’t getting her yet.