Chapter
Two
Sawyer
I lifted my head in time to see one of the most intimidating men I had ever laid eyes on. His tall frame stalked toward me with a scowl on his face. The intensity of his eyes made the hair on the back of my neck stand up before I could even see the color of them. I realized at that moment I didn’t have my bag, therefore, my can of mace wasn’t within reach. Crap . Such a rookie social worker move.
I was better than this. I was a planner. I prepared. I played it safe. I read the menu online before I went to a restaurant. I meal prepped for the week. I meticulously laid out my outfit the day before, down to the jewelry that completed each look. Every piece of my life was organized right down to the minute detail. At least the parts I could control. I told myself to relax in an effort to calm my nerves as I took a fortifying breath and stood on the top step. The man was easily over six feet tall and had the muscled body of a man that either performed physical labor or regularly hit the gym. A long-sleeve, waffle-knit, forest-green shirt stretched snugly across his broad chest, and dark wash Wranglers hugged his thick, muscular thighs. Despite the tension in the air, I couldn’t deny that he resembled a cowboy in one of those pickup truck ads. Or was it a country boy? I wasn’t sure. His chestnut, dark-brown hair was too long in all the right places, and there was a five o’clock shadow across his taut cheeks and sharp jawline. What drew me in, though, were his eyes. I’d never seen anything quite like them. Their intensity was unnerving. He got about six feet away from me on the ground at the bottom of the steps and abruptly stopped. I could sense the irritation rolling off him in waves and I resisted the urge to make myself small.
His stormy eyes raked over me, as if I were a threat.
“What are you doing?” Chill bumps raced across my body at his words. I wanted to take a step back but my feet were glued to the step. His voice was low and husky, as if it hadn’t gotten much use today. Almost fierce, but still level. His jaw clenched, and my hands tingled. I knew the telltale signs that this was not headed in a good direction. I tapped my thumb against the pad of each finger, willing my body not to betray me. Until he spoke, I hadn’t realized that I had stopped breathing. I sucked in a shaky breath.
“Hi. Uh . . . I-I’m Sawyer. I’m a social worker for CPS. I was transporting a child, and he jumped from the car about two miles that way.” I hitched my trembling thumb over my shoulder. “I’m not familiar with this area. Your sister said you could help me. I tied a ribbon to the fence where he ran.” My voice sounded shaky with nerves.
There was something about his intense stare that made me unable to stop oversharing.
His eyes narrowed. His arms crossed over his chest and muscles rippled underneath. He took two steps closer. The action triggered black spots to cloud my vision. My thumb repeated the pattern across my fingers. I could still feel my fingers. As he moved closer, I caught a whiff of spearmint. Body. Don’t fail me now. I itched to reach for the chain under my blouse to ground me, but willed my body to stay conscious. Something unrecognizable flickered across his face, but his expression hardened again.
“I don’t have a sister,” he retorted.
I had to get out of here. No one other than Talia knew exactly where I was, and she was at least forty-five minutes away. The dispatcher obviously didn’t ping the right address because something wasn’t right. Meanwhile, Connor was still running, and I didn’t know how to find him. Could a week from hell get even closer to hell? What’s worse than hell? The inner parts of hell? Standing next to the devil himself?
My eyes darted to my work car. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. My hands continued to tingle, but I tried to ignore it as best as I could. I couldn’t have a panic attack. Connor was depending on me, and I wouldn’t let him down. If only they could be stopped that easily. I continued tapping my fingers and took another deep inhale. I heard the sound of cattle in the distance. I took in my surroundings as I attempted to keep my brain from shutting down. There were three porch steps between the man and me and another twenty feet to the car.
I leveled my voice the way I do when I talk to combative kids and adults and began walking down the steps.
“There must be some confusion. She told me this was your address.”
I didn’t glance toward him as I reached the ground, mostly because I could sense the weight of his assessing eyes as though they could peer into my soul. I had walked down the steps at an angle in order to be the furthest away from him as possible. Now that we were on even footing, I could tell without even sizing him up that he towered over my five-foot-seven frame from the sheer mass of his body. My four-inch heels helped, but this man was built like a brick wall. Twenty feet to the car. I could make it if I ran fast. Although, I crossed my fingers things wouldn’t get to that place.
“Like I said. I don’t have a sister.” My eyes swung to his. “Now tell me what the hell you’re really doing on my front porch.” His voice thundered near the end. I couldn’t help my involuntary flinch, and that made me justifiably annoyed. The hair on the back of my neck still stood at attention, but my lack of sleep, hunger, and headache caused me to hit my breaking point.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Thumb to ring finger. Thumb to pinky finger. If there was anything I couldn’t stand, it was being intimidated or bullied, and this big jerk had hit my limit. I had suffered enough in my life from being bullied. I had promised my eight-year-old self that when I was an adult, I wouldn’t stand by and let it happen again.
“Look, I don’t have time for this! There’s a nine-year-old little boy out there depending on me. My friend is coming here to bring a change of clothes so I can search for him, and law enforcement is on the way.” I slung my hand out to the side. “I don’t know why that dispatcher told me this was her brother’s address, but regardless, you can stop trying to intimidate me.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “The last place I want to be is on your freaking front porch! I simply want to find this kid and make sure he’s safe.”
Unwarranted tears pooled in my eyes but I would not cry. His eyebrows shot to his hairline as his eyes widened in surprise. I couldn’t believe I divulged all that. I never let anyone see this side of me, but I was exhausted and I was channeling my inner Talia. She would be beyond proud of me because she wasn’t scared of anything.
He was stunned and frankly, I didn’t care. I wanted to locate Connor and make sure he was safe. Before he could say anything, a four-wheeler barreled into the yard, leaving a trail of dust flying. Another tall, muscular-built cowboy with whiskey-colored eyes slung his long leg over the seat and dismounted. His long, dark hair was pulled into a knot at the back of his head. A blue-and-rust-colored flannel long-sleeve shirt was buttoned across his chest. He nodded in my direction, and I saw it for what it was—good manners.
“Did she tell you the situation? Tess called Gene, and Gene called me since he’s in town. Fulton’s on his way.”
Recognition flashed across the grumpy man’s face. He regarded me again with eyes that saw entirely too much. I crossed my arms as if it were a shield against his inspection of my soul.
“Fuel up the side-by-sides. I’ll grab some supplies inside, and we’ll head out.” He said all of this without taking his eyes off me. There was a sense of authority in his voice, but it lacked the gruffness he had inflicted on me earlier.
“Sure thing, boss.” The man dipped his chin toward me again and mounted the four-wheeler, heading toward the backside of the barn.
The jerk turned toward his all-too-precious front porch without a word. I was relieved that there was someone else nearby. I walked toward my car, grabbed my can of mace, and slid it into the band of my pants since I didn’t have pockets. I wasn’t ever going to make that mistake again. My battery was at eight percent now. I couldn’t remember the last time I had forgotten my charger. Usually, in any situation, if a list could be made for it, I had one. I survived thanks to obsessive organization. Organization made me have a sense of safety and control, and being safe meant everything to me.
I spun around as I heard the jerk walking down the stairs, his scuffed leather, square-toe cowboy boots loudly thudding with each step. He was now wearing a tan Carhartt jacket. A black backpack was slung over one of his shoulders. He walked straight toward me with that same intensity as before. Did he even walk? It was more of a stalk and completely intimidating. He stopped in front of me, appearing uncertain. I realized his eyes were indeed hazel. Green and blue that faded to golden amber at the edges. I’d never seen hazel eyes like his with such vivid colors. He rubbed his hand across the shadow of scruff on his chin.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I thought . . . ” His jaw flexed and continued, “It doesn’t matter what I thought. Tess, the dispatcher, is Gene’s sister. Gene is one of my ranch hands that lives on the property. Again, I’m sorry. “
He extended his hand. “I’m Soren.” His eyes never left mine. I tentatively offered my hand. His calloused palm engulfed my smaller one, and a spark shot up my arm. I had never experienced anything quite like that, and it was a bit unnerving. More than anything, I wanted to know what he was about to say.
“I shouldn’t have snapped. I apologize. This is the third runaway situation I’ve had this week and I’m exhausted.” I rubbed my temple as my headache continued to pound like a jackhammer against my skull.
“It’s not your fault. Follow me,” he commanded, walking toward the side of the large, white-painted barn that matched the fence along a portion of the road. I tried to keep up in my heels, but he realized he’d left me and slowed his pace.
“Do you have any other shoes?” he grumbled.
“No.”
“I don’t have anything to give you,” he stated as he shifted the bag on his shoulder.
“I’ll be okay. My friend is bringing me a change of clothes if we can’t find him soon,” I explained. I hadn’t expected him to have shoes for me.
“Do you have a real jacket? It’s going to cool off soon,” he asked.
I shook my head. I hadn’t heard about the unexpected shift in weather until I was in my Jeep headed to work this morning to pick up the office car. I had been listening to the local country music radio station when the DJ had mentioned the cold front coming in.
We rounded the barn to find the man from earlier with two red UTVs that had roll bars and bucket seats. He lifted his head in acknowledgment and gave a small smile. Something about him appeared genuinely kind. He was older than me, and I had a sense that Soren was older than him by a few years.
“Alright, I think we’re ready to go. I’m Travis, by the way. Soren’s foreman.” He extended his hand and I took it.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Sawyer.”
Soren cut his eyes to Travis while he removed a roll of barbed wire from the back of the UTV and placed it inside the barn door. There was a silent conversation with their eyes taking place that I wasn’t a part of.
Soren walked toward the driver's side of one of the UTVs. Setting his backpack on the seat, he withdrew a thick olive green hoodie and tossed it to me.
“Put this on.”
He must be accustomed to getting his way, but I didn’t argue because there was already a chill in the air. His communication skills could use some work. Perhaps I could suggest a YouTube video to him. I amused myself at the thought. The length of the hoodie almost reached my knees. The sleeves went beyond my wrists, so I rolled them up to where my hands could stick out. The hoodie smelled of fresh air and spearmint. It was a scent I decided I thoroughly enjoyed. Sometimes I had a sensitivity to scents, but this smelled fresh and clean like spring.
Soren glanced at me and for the first time, I could see amusement glittering in his eyes at how ridiculous I must look in suit pants and heels with a hoodie on top.
“You’re riding with me.”
His tone brooked no argument. Lucky me.
He wasn’t exactly rude now that he had realized I wasn’t a threat to his precious front porch, but he wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy either. Travis quirked a brow, amusement clear on his face, before saying he needed to check on something quickly. He left and drove around the side of the barn. I climbed into the passenger’s side seat of the UTV. This was the first time I had ever been on a UTV, but it seemed as if it would be fun to drive if the situation wasn’t extremely serious.
Soren rounded the UTV until he was standing beside me. He extended the strap of my seatbelt and I stiffened. Before I even realized that I had moved, I splayed my hands wide open in front of my chest as if to prevent him from touching me. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to do, but his nearness was unsettling and throwing me off balance. He paused, his eyes narrowed as they flicked between my hands, and he reached around me and clipped the seatbelt into place. As he leaned, his eyes found my widened ones and he never broke eye contact. His exhale was warm on my cheek and sent shivers down my spine. He smelled the same way the hoodie did. My personal bubble was invaded, but he never touched me. His eyes were beautiful but they bore into me as if he could see all my secrets plain as day. I was not a fan. I preferred for my secrets to stay in their deepest darkest places. I broke eye contact because of the unnerving intensity.
“Always wear a seat belt.” A muscle ticked in his jaw.
Did he have a thing about front porches and seatbelts? What a weird combo. This man was strange for sure, but I didn’t have time to contemplate his bizarre behavior. I was worried about Connor which was how I had ended up in this place to start with.
“I can take care of myself,” I clipped. My voice sounded cold even to my own ears. His nearness made me unsettled. Outside of Talia and her family, no one had ever invaded my bubble. It wasn’t that I disliked physical touch, it was more that I was unfamiliar with it. At least the gentle kind that made me want to sink into the warmth of it.
I always took care of myself. Always had, always would. He analyzed me as if he saw too much again. Ugh. What is it with this man?
My fingers curled into my palms as my hands fell into my lap.
I saw the muscles in his suntanned neck roll as he swallowed. Soren tugged on the shoulder strap to make sure it was secure across my hips. I squirmed at the tightness. I pulled my phone out to check it, desperate to focus on anything other than him. Soren turned the ignition and it hummed to life. He drove us back toward the house, stopping next to the new truck I’d seen earlier to gather a few things from the cab. He turned and held up a phone charging cord.
“This should work. We have the same phone.” Did he have some freaky ability to read my mind?
He handed me the charging cord that did indeed match my phone.
“Thanks.” I wrapped the extra cord around the phone, plugged it in and laid it inside the cutout area on the dash. While I was doing that, he finished collecting whatever he needed, buckled, and shifted the UTV into gear.
“You said it was north?” He nodded toward the direction I had indicated earlier.
“Yeah, I think it’s about two miles, but I’m not completely sure. I tied a ribbon on the fence to mark the place.”
As we were turning out of the driveway, a black Rhodes County police SUV turned in. An older man, who mirrored a dad from any 1990s sitcom with permanent dimples, stuck his head out.
“Hey, Soren. Where are ya headed?” the officer asked.
“Sawyer, this is Fulton. He’s a deputy with the Rhodes County Sheriff’s Department.” Turning toward the deputy that I now knew was Fulton, he stated, “She said it happened a little ways north. Travis will be right behind us. You can ride with him.”
We drove off when Fulton nodded. Travis pulled up behind us and waited for Fulton to load up. We rode in complete awkward silence, and I prayed that the entire search wouldn’t be this way. Soren shifted and stuck his hand inside the breast pocket of his coat and withdrew a chocolate chip protein bar. He cleared his throat and held it out to me.
“This might help with your headache.”
I glanced up at his face as he watched the road. Our fingers brushed as I accepted the offering.
“H-How did you know?” This was completely unexpected, and I was taken aback by his attentiveness.
He simply ran a calloused index finger between his eyebrows without his eyes leaving the road.
“You have lines here.” I likely had even more lines on my face now, furrowing in confusion as I studied the side of his face and cut-glass jawline.
“Thank you,” I murmured softly. He dipped his head in response.
I tore open the wrapper and took a bite because I wouldn’t pass on any food right now. I wasn’t sure a protein bar would help the headache pounding in my skull, but it would certainly help with how hungry I was.
“His name is Connor.” I took another bite and chewed. “He’s angry with me because of the outcome at court this morning. He’s a good kid. He’s just extremely disappointed.”
“What happened at court?” He glanced in my direction.
“I can’t get into the specific details, but Connor had high hopes of returning to his dad, but his dad struggles with sobriety.”
Soren cursed quietly under his breath and flexed his hands on the steering wheel. I lifted my hand to point toward the ribbon when it came into view.
“There’s the ribbon marker.” He came to a stop, waiting on Travis and Fulton to catch up.
“Which direction did he run?”
“That way.” I motioned to the left with my hand. “He had made it to that tree before I lost sight of him and left to get help. My phone doesn’t have a good signal out here.” Soren squinted at the tree in the distance as Travis and Fulton pulled up alongside us.
“Travis, why don’t you and Fulton take the north side of the fence? We’ll take the south.”
The men nodded, and I spoke up. “His name is Connor. He was wearing a light-blue, thin dress sweater and khaki pants. Please have patience if you find him. He doesn’t handle loud voices well. I’ve known Connor for years. He’s a good kid that has faced a lot of disappointment.”
Soren’s eyes never left my face as I spoke.
“If we find him and run into issues, we’ll touch base,” Fulton said. “Let’s regroup here in two hours if we don’t find him by then. I have a couple of other deputies driving nearby roads to make sure he didn’t decide to walk along the road. They are also checking with neighboring farms. If you find any tracks or anything, let us know and we’ll head that way. 10-4?”
My heart sank at those words. This wasn’t the same as running away in a neighborhood where witnesses could direct us to his last known location or surveillance cameras that could have tracked his path.
Soren nodded, and we took off. He pulled off into the field, and other than two trees, it was all flat pasture that melted into gentle sloping hills. The tall amber-colored grass rippled in the breeze while limestone rocks sprinkled the rolling hills, much like glitter. Connor was nowhere to be seen, and the vastness of the space was overwhelming.
I folded the wrapper of the protein bar I’d eaten and glanced around for somewhere to place it since my slacks didn’t have real pockets. I reached inside the pocket of the hoodie and found paper. I pulled out a small piece of torn notebook paper to see writing scrawled in pen on one side.
2931 1
My eyebrows met at the odd notation as I tilted my head to study it. Anyone in their right mind would know 2931 was a greater number than one. Soren reached his large hand over swiftly and snagged it from my fingers. He shoved it into his jacket pocket and kept driving. His unexpected movement caused my heart to race.
“S-Sorry, it was in the pocket of the hoodie. I didn’t mean to pry.” I clasped my hands together in my lap and bit the inside of my cheek. I hoped we’d find Connor soon. Soren let out a pent up slow exhale. I couldn’t tell if it was from annoyance or something else.
“I’m not used to a woman wearing my clothes. I didn’t realize it was still there.”
The comment made my face blush, and I immediately felt as if I was doing something much more intimate than simply wearing a borrowed hoodie for warmth.
He stopped the UTV to reach down between us into his backpack and pulled out a bottle of water.
“Here.” He held the water bottle out toward me as if it were a peace offering. His hazel eyes scanned my face, and he seemed to find what he was looking for. My face flushed deeper at his intense gaze.
“Thank you.” In an attempt to break the awkwardness, after taking a sip, I asked, “Should we ask someone before we trespass through private property? I mean I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to get shot out here.”
My question made the corner of his mouth tug in an almost smile. He began driving again following the fence line. His eyes scanned the rolling hills.
“No, we’re okay. I know the owner,” he said after a pause.
“Oh, I guess that’s easy to do when there aren’t many neighbors.”
He nodded in acknowledgment. Maybe it was my crappy day, but I was feeling feisty, or as my best friend Talia would say, “spicy.” I was stuck with him for who knows how long. What could it hurt to talk instead of simply sitting here worrying the whole time? I could at least see if there was a personality underneath his intense, brooding, grumpy demeanor as I searched the landscape for any sign of Connor. At this point, I might be delusional from lack of sleep, but at the very least this would help me stay more alert.
“So what do you do? Of course, ya know, when you’re not helping search for a runaway child?”
He quirked an eyebrow but kept driving.
“Not search for runaway children.”
Deflection. Wit. Now I was curious. His dry answer sparked my curiosity. I was up for the challenge. As the go-to person in the office for challenging teens, I could play this game. He certainly wasn’t a teen, but difficult. Ding. Ding. Ding. We had a winner. I changed tactics.
“What’s in the backpack?” I nudged it with my foot. “And don’t tell me this is the part where you reveal that’s your kill bag.”
He let out a sound something between a laugh and a scoff.
“A kill bag?” He quirked a brow at me again.
“Yeah, ya know, like a bag with killer-y things.” His eyes crinkled slightly.
“It’s not a bag with killer-y things.”
He spoke the word similar to how someone would pinch the corner of a stinky diaper, holding it far away from them as they disposed of it.
“It’s a first aid kit. Emergency supplies.” He supplied as if bored.
“Ahhh, Mr. Prepared! Boy Scout?”
He smirked—or at least it could have been a smirk if his mouth moved at all, other than being in a flat line.
“No.” He wasn’t going to give me much to work with.
We continued driving but there was no sign of Connor anywhere. The hills stretched out endlessly ahead of us. It truly was one of the most magnificent places I had ever seen. The wind tugged a piece of my hair free and I tucked it behind my ear.
“This is a beautiful place,” I remarked.
He nodded. “I’ve always thought so.”
“You must enjoy living out here.”
“Yeah.” He paused and added in a somber tone, “When I was a teen, I hated it, but now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.”
I had never had a home anywhere as awe-inspiring as where he lived. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to leave. Places like this always screamed “family” at the top of its lungs, and it was a call I had always wanted to answer, but as I grew older, I accepted the reality that a family wasn’t in the cards for me. Although, that didn’t stop the longing, even if it was similar to attempting to capture fog in my hands. Everyone who had been in my life always slipped through my fingers.
“What made you change your mind?” I asked, wanting to know more than anything, because I couldn’t understand why someone would feel that way.
He paused, his gaze fixed straight ahead.
“Time. Distance. Priority changes.” The air was thick with a heaviness at those four words.
“What changed your priorities?”
As soon as I had asked, I knew I had pushed too far, but I wanted to understand how his life wasn’t a dream, because that’s what it echoed to me.
“Do you always ask so many questions?” he grumbled.
I felt gutsy and reminded myself that I had mace, though I highly doubted I’d need it. I continued, “Do you always deflect when asked a question?”
His head snapped toward me as if he didn’t expect any pushback, and he studied my face briefly before turning toward the horizon, his expression unidentifiable. Maybe if I knew him better, I could gauge the micro expressions of his face, but he had been a mystery from the moment I met him. He had an unsettling nature that felt both safe and exposing.
“I realized there was more to life than women and whiskey. I decided life had more purpose than only existing.”
I softly gasped. It was the first real thing he’d said to me, and those two sentences carried the burden of a lifetime. His eyes bounced between mine.
I reached out to place a hand on his coat-covered forearm, but I stopped myself before making contact. He examined me as though I was a puzzle, and he was searching for a missing piece. I gazed out over the pasture knowing that the time for questions was over. Maybe we had grown up in different worlds, but at that moment, I knew there was something deeper to Soren than met the eye. Maybe he was more than a grump after all.