The Magic of Light

Chapter

Twenty-Nine

Soren

We dissected all our favorite moments from the concert and laughed about the older couple sitting a couple seats ahead of us, who were handsy all night. Seeing a seventy-something-year-old man get a butt grab was something I personally would like to unsee, but lucky for him I guess.

The evening was perfect. Sawyer let me hold her hand the whole way home, which reminded me that we needed to have a conversation about our intentions. I wanted to date Sawyer, a significant step—especially considering I hadn’t glanced at a woman in over eight years. I’d been head down, working my ass off, day in and day out. Maybe this was a conversation we could have now, after that hug in the parking lot.

I parked the truck, but instead of getting out, we unbuckled and I shifted toward her, resting my back against the door. She mirrored me in her seat.

“Can we talk?” I started

“Uh, yeah.” Her brows met.

“You remember earlier, when you told that girl from high school that you were my date?” I grinned because I loved that she had been feisty.

She nodded and bit her lip. I seriously wished she wouldn’t do that.

“What if we did date?” I asked, simply watching her face to take in her reaction.

Hazel met blue. Her hand reached for her dog tags.

“You want to date me?” she asked with a hitch in her breath.

“Yes, but only if you want to.” Please want to.

“What if you decide you don’t like me?” she whispered.

There was not a planet in the galaxy where I could be that I would not like Sawyer Brannan. There wasn’t a possibility under the heavens that I didn’t want every piece of her with me, always, where I could hold her soft hand in mine. I wanted to shield her, protect her, beat my chest, and declare like a proverbial caveman that Sawyer was mine.

“I will always like you.” She needed to wipe that concern completely from her mind.

“But how can you know that?” she continued.

“Some things you just know.” Her eyes searched mine, doubtful.

“I like having you as a friend, and I’m not sure I want to lose that. Soren, I’m different from the other women you’ve dated. I have all these gaps of life experiences. I entered the system at two years old after my parents died in a boating accident, and then I aged out at eighteen years old. I know about the darkest parts of life, but I’m twenty-six years old and this was my first time going to a concert. You need a sweet, small-town woman who doesn’t have all these broken pieces.” She laughed but there was no humor in it as she stared out the front windshield and continued.

“I’m not even broken pieces . . . it’s as if my life has been shattered to dust and there are particles of me floating around out there. No matter how hard I try to piece them all together, I can’t remember exactly where they belong. I’ve lived so much of my life in survival mode, it’s like I was sleepwalking for so much of it . . . and the things I remember . . . I don’t want to.” Her voice broke off at that, and I knew I’d have to spar with the heavy bag before bed.

My heart broke at her words. This was her first concert? I knew her childhood was a thing of horror movies, but maybe I didn’t account for how much she had missed out on. I wanted to wipe the memories from her mind. I wanted to shelter her in a way that wasn’t humanly possible. This was going to be harder than I thought, but one thing I didn’t lack was the self-confidence to go after what I wanted. I wanted to never be without the warmth of Sawyer Brannan’s light. I was not letting her slip through my fingers. I wanted to give Sawyer the life she’d never dreamed of, a life with me, and that thought scared the hell out of me.

“What if I don’t want a sweet, small-town woman? What if I want you?” She shook her head as though it was the craziest notion she’d ever heard, and I leaned across the cab and caught her face in my hands. She stilled, her lips parting.

“Pretty Girl, don’t tell me what I want.” Her eyes widened.

I go on. “If you don’t want me, tell me to stop, but if it’s because you think I don’t want you, you’re dead wrong.” She bit her lip, and I used my thumb to tug on her chin so it popped out.

“Okay,” she rasped. “I’m scared to lose our friendship. Soren, I’ve had so many people walk in and out of my life, and I can’t lose this, too. Can we just go slow?”

“Yes, ma’am!” She needed a break from this weighty conversation.

I dropped my hands from her face before I could kiss her and saluted. Knowing it’d make her laugh. She didn’t understand how slow I’ve been going. She didn’t understand that I’ve been under her spell since the moment I met her. She was it. She was the one I was willing to risk my fears of loss and ruin for.

“You said tonight was your first concert?” I settled back against the door, an idea coming to mind.

“Yes.”

“Was it what you thought it’d be?” I asked.

“It was wonderful. Thank you again for the ear plugs. I didn’t realize it would be so loud,” she said with a small smile.

“You’re welcome. What do you think of us making a list of things you haven’t done, and we’ll do those things on dates?” I tossed out my idea.

“Like a bucket list?”

“Yes, but hopefully without kicking the bucket,” I teased.

“Yes, that would make it more enjoyable,” she quietly joked back, and I couldn’t help the ridiculous smile on my face. She had just agreed to be mine.

“I’ll make a list on my phone. Tell me something you’d like to do.” I pulled out my cell and started a note.

“Hmmm . . . I’ve never been to the circus,” she considered, tipping her head in thought.

I willed my heart to keep beating, and then I immediately vowed to make everything on the list happen. I wanted Sawyer to have these moments more than anything, and I wanted to be there for every single one.

I typed “Take Sawyer to the circus.”

“What else?” If she wanted to go to the moon, I’d figure out how to rent a shuttle. My girl was getting everything on this list.

“Hmm . . . I never went to my high school dances, but I’m not sure I want to do that as an adult. Let me think . . . ” She laughed.

I typed “Dance with Sawyer ” on the list. I was a goner. I’d do whatever this girl said. She named a handful of things that I took notes on.

“This one is kinda dumb . . . but I’ve always wanted to swing on a tire swing,” she said in a wistful tone.

It felt like a kick in the gut when she said it. The day she came by to bring cookies, I had startled her while she gently pushed my childhood tire swing with her hand. I pocketed my phone and called over my shoulder as I opened the door.

“It’s not dumb. Let’s do it.” I jumped from the truck, walked to her side, and flung open her door. She had slid off her shoes as I scooped her up bridal style, because I was on a mission.

“What are you doing?” she shrieked, a smile on her face.

“I’m pushing my girl on a tire swing.”

She leaned her head against my chest and I could almost feel her smile through my shirt. The moonlight guided me to the swing as I put her legs through the middle and she grabbed a hold of the rope.

“Hang on.”

I pulled her back and let go as she sailed through the starlit night sky. She tilted back while holding the rope to get a better view of the sky. Her long hair trailed behind her like a wave of golden silk underneath the light of a billion stars. The rope creaked when it rocked back and forth as she swayed, a smile never leaving her face. After several minutes, she said she was done, and I helped her out, a smile fixed on her face. Once she was on the ground, she partially sat back in the center of the swing, leaning her head back to see the stars.

“It’s so beautiful here,” she exclaimed reverently.

“It is,” I agreed, never taking my eyes off her.

She hopped down and wrapped her arms around my waist, and I wrapped my arms around the most precious woman alive.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” she whispered softly.

And somehow, as the stars shone down on us, I thought of Abel and how he must have made a deal with God to bring this girl into my life. There wasn’t anything I could have done to be this lucky.