The Magic of Light

Chapter

Thirty-Four

Soren

It’d been two weeks since the first time Sawyer came to my house to watch baseball. We had unofficially deemed Sundays as our day to spend together because we both had jobs that required a high level of commitment. She sat on the countertop, scrolling through her phone, searching for another song to make a case for. Her heavily distressed jeans encased her legs, except where her smooth skin shone through. Her oversized cream sweatshirt hung off one shoulder. My thumb itched to brush across her collarbone. Her chunky blonde braid had loosened to the point that a few waves brushed her slender neck and cheek. It made me think about what it’d be like to kiss a path down the smooth skin of her neck to her pulse point and taste her there. I finished putting our plates in the dishwasher, trying to ignore my increasing attraction.

“Oooohhhh. I found a good one!” Her eyes lit up as she tapped the screen. A country song about dirt roads filtered through her phone speaker. It had a nice beat, I’d give it that, but it wasn’t Johnny Cash.

“I’m gonna win you over,” she declared.

She didn’t realize it, but she already had. I’d sell my soul to keep her light near me. She didn’t know how beautiful she was, not only physically, but deep down she was the most beautiful person I knew. If anyone else told me this, I’d poke at them teasingly, but even her soul was beautiful. I was afraid that if she knew how I truly felt, she’d run. I’d continue to play this part of holding her on my finger like a delicate butterfly until she caught up to where I was.

I crossed my arms over my chest, tipped my head to the side, and leaned back against the opposite counter, pretending to evaluate the song. I was three feet away from her smooth tan legs that I could see through the patchwork distress of her loose jeans. I wouldn’t be able to remember a single lyric to this song under the threat of death. The song ended and her eyes found mine, her eyebrows raised expectantly.

“So . . . what’d you think?” You’re beautiful.

I pushed off the counter and went to her. I placed my palms on the counter on either side of her legs. Her eyes widened as I leaned closer. The side of my rogue thumb brushed her bare skin close to her knee. I heard her breath hitch as my nose brushed her left ear.

“It’s not Johnny, but I guess the beat is kind of sexy.”

An involuntary shiver ran through her body and I bit back a grin. It’s been awhile since I’d flirted with a woman, but this was a game I was good at. The thing was, this time it wasn’t a game for me. Not with her.

I pulled back to see her eyes, examining her reaction. Her eyes were dilated, and I loved seeing them this close. All the different shades of blue all pieced together like a watercolor painting of the sky.

“See! There are some good songs made this decade.”

Her breath was uneven and her eyes dropped to my mouth before bouncing back up to meet my eyes. I ran my tongue over my lower lip. Her eyes dropped again. I could see her heart racing at the base of her throat. With Sawyer’s history, I wanted her to be the one calling the shots and being in control. I wanted it to be her choice, because it always would be. As much as I wanted to claim her mouth and sink my hands in her thick waves of golden silk, I knew it was not the right time. The fact she hadn’t moved closer was a sign that she wasn’t ready yet.

“I think I like disagreeing with you,” she whispered while her eyes bounced between mine.

The amount of restraint I had by not wrapping her in my arms and showing her how beautiful she was, was unbearable.

“It’s time for you to head home, Pretty Girl, before it gets too late.”

Something unrecognizable passed across her eyes, and she nodded.

I hated the words more than I should, but I knew that if I didn’t create some distance between us, I’d do something that she may not be ready for. I’d rather cut off my own arm than do anything that made her feel unsafe. I backed away, helped her round up her dishes and bag, slid on my boots, and walked her to her car.

Sawyer

I didn’t have any firsthand experience with romantic relationships, which is embarrassing enough to admit, but I was certain I had almost been kissed. The thing that surprised me was the sensation deep in my core that felt disappointed when it didn’t happen. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that kissing Soren would be mind-altering, but the part that felt as though I would never measure up plagued the back of my mind. I slipped off the counter and gathered my things. Ever the gentleman, Soren walked me to the car under the light of the moon.

I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know more than anything why he was going to kiss me and why he didn’t. His hand leaned against the roof of my Jeep as I stood by the door, feeling uncertain for the first time on how to say goodbye.

“Thank you for dinner.”

I smiled softly. My heart was full and happy regardless of the prior maybe-almost-kiss situation. He smiled and pulled me into a hug. His chin rested on my head, and a part of me never wanted to leave. He was the first man who had ever made me feel safe on this level, and I wanted to burrow into his warmth. I shifted closer, resting my face against his heart to hear the beat. Closing my eyes, I listened until he pulled back. His eyes darkened, and I had that sensation that I was going to be kissed.

He abruptly knocked on the roof of the Jeep twice and said, “Drive safe. Text me when you get home to let me know you made it safe.”

I spent half of the car ride home wondering why Soren hadn’t kissed me and the other half wondering why I hadn’t been brave enough to kiss him first.