The Magic of Light

Chapter

Forty

Soren

“Thanks, Mom,” I said as I closed the door to the dishwasher and pressed start. We had cleared the table long ago, but I had to practically drag Sawyer away from cleaning the whole kitchen so we could visit with my parents. At first, she was hesitant, but as the time passed, she relaxed and grew more comfortable to the point that she asked questions. The tension and apprehension in her shoulders dropped, and she laughed at my mom’s antics that I knew she was especially playing into for the benefit of Sawyer.

My mom’s eyebrows met, unsure of what I was thanking her for.

“For making Sawyer feel welcome,” I explained, and my mom smiled softly.

“Seems like someone should be fussing over that girl.” My dad observed quietly. I ran a hand through my hair and tugged at the strands at the bottom. I settled at the dining room table where my dad sat with a cup of decaf coffee.

“If it were up to me, I’d spoil her rotten,” I said honestly, studying my hands.

“Oh, sweetheart,” my mom responded as she sat beside me and patted my hand.

“What’s the hang-up?” my dad asked.

“Sawyer has C-PTSD. She grew up being bounced around in foster care. Some of the places she lived were hell, Dad. I try to tell her how special she is, but it’s like she hears the words but they don’t make it through her walls all the way. I’m trying to take things slow, but everything inside me wants to run.” I scrubbed my face with my hands.

My dad was quiet in his reflective way, mulling over my words.

“Self-worth doubts can run deep, but all you can do is be that steady person that shows her you’ll always be there for her,” my mom advised as she patted my shoulder, before making her way toward the guest room to get ready for bed.

“Son, I don’t say it often enough, but I’m proud of you. The farm is better than it ever has been and you’ve found a girl that seems real special. You know your mom and I will always be here if you ever need us. You’ll know what to do when the time is right.” Something shifted in my heart at his words. I blinked away moisture. My dad had a way of saying all that needed to be said with the bare minimum of words. I knew my parents loved me, and all I had ever wanted to do was to make them proud. They had always said they loved me and supported me, even though I felt I had disappointed them with the disaster of my life and the rumors years ago. Was I simply hearing the words and not believing them? Maybe Sawyer and I weren’t that different.

I had walls where my parents were concerned. Was it because I was scared to lose them like I had lost Abel? Did I think that keeping them away from me kept them safe? Maybe it was time I simply believed the encouraging words they spoke to me. Maybe it was time I fully realized I was not the same person I had been, and I was capable of loving someone despite the fear of loss. I scrubbed my hand over my eyes as the early morning start to the day wore on me.

“Thank you, dad, that means a lot. Sawyer’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted, and the possibility of losing her scares the hell out of me.” I met his crystal blue eyes, praying he’d have some words of wisdom to tamper the fear I faced.

“Son, loving a woman is always that way. I don’t know what’d I do without your mom. I think if we’re going to live full lives, we’ve gotta go out with no regrets. Make sure those around us know we care and leave nothing unsaid.” He tipped his coffee cup and stood slowly, stretching his back.

“I’m heading to bed, but let’s talk about Abel’s foundation tomorrow. I want to hear more about the idea you boys came up with.” With that, he patted my shoulder with his weathered hand, rinsed out his coffee cup, and went to bed. Loving Sawyer Brannan was the greatest adventure of my life. I knew that telling her might scare her, so I'd keep loving her quietly until the day she saw that she loved me too.