The MC’s Little Brother (Bikers and Babies #3)

Chapter 37

37

Melissa

X ander climbed in back for the drive, his arms wrapped around Thor’s neck the second he was buckled. The sweet dog seemed oblivious to Xander’s upset, stepping on his legs to stick his big head out the window when I unrolled them a little more. I heard Xander grunt in surprise and when I looked at them in the rear-view mirror, I laughed.

“Alright back there?”

“He’s heavy,” he croaked, pushing Thor off him. That only made Thor switch windows, putting his butt right in Xander’s face. No amount of pushing would get him an ounce of breathing room. Either he was squished or in the danger zone for one of Thor’s rancid farts. As we stopped at a red light, I beckoned him with a laugh.

“Quick, move up here while we’re stopped.”

He unbuckled and climbed over the center console, buckling himself again just as the light turned green. He looked disheveled from Thor climbing all over him, but lighter than he’d been when he got in the car. Thor had that effect on people.

I didn’t pester Xander during the drive. Mattias liked to give him time to cool off before talking things through, and I agreed with that parenting strategy. I let him pick music on my phone, telling him about the lesser known bands on the list that I’d seen during rallies or at music festivals with my college friends. Slowly, his shoulders came down and by the time we were seated and ordered our food, he was ready to talk to me.

“I don’t know what happened. I was trying to take the math test, but I didn’t know half of what it was talking about and I kept thinking about how stupid I was and how disappointed Mattias would be. My heart was pounding so loud in my ears, I didn’t even notice I was breathing funny until I got really dizzy and the teacher came over to check on me…” he admitted quietly.

Putting my hand on top of his, I raised my eyebrows at him. “That’s called a panic attack. You got nervous and started to spiral and because you didn’t recognize the symptoms, you couldn’t do anything to stop it. Believe it or not, that’s normal. Everyone has moments like that at least once in their lives. But I promise you, no matter what grade you get or how well you do in school, Mattias will never be disappointed in you.”

He made a face that said he didn’t believe me. That’d take time, though. He’d moved on from distrusting Mattias. Now he was desperate to make him proud, to make the sacrifice Mattias made to take him in worthwhile, and until he and Mattias talked about that, he’d keep spiraling.

“Xander, have you thought about individual therapy? Someone to talk to when things get rough like this?”

He frowned at his hands, his lips pressed together. I wasn’t expecting him to agree, not right away. I just wanted to plant a seed.

“Can’t I just do that with you?” he finally asked.

My heart melted at his sweet words. Ugh. Why were the Ruiz brothers so determined to completely wreck me? I just wanted to gather him up and hug him senseless.

Biting back a smile, I nodded. “You can talk to me whenever you want. About whatever you want. I promise, unless you ask me to talk to someone for you, I won’t share anything. I’m a nurse. I’m good at keeping secrets.” I winked to ease the tension a little and his shoulders relaxed again. I was glad he trusted me, and I knew trusting adults wasn’t easy for him. If he preferred to talk to me instead of a professional, I’d happily take on that role.

Our food came out, and I rubbed my hands together eagerly. This was one of my favorite restaurants, and it had patio seating to allow dogs, too. They even brought out a bowl of cold water for Thor, and he was laying comfortably in the shade under the table by our feet.

“You like tacos?” Xander asked with a grin.

“Don’t judge my taco obsession,” I snarked. “I was raised here. Good Mexican food is on every corner.”

He huffed out a laugh, so much like his brother. They both kept their emotions close to the vest unless they were overwhelmed or with people they were comfortable with. Xander was comfortable with me, but he looked around every once in a while, checking his surroundings. He’d be more open at home.

“So, tell me about these tests. Were they expecting you to get a certain score?”

He shook his head, chewing his food before answering me. “They said it was to see where I was at. I didn't know what that meant. If I do bad, will they send me back a grade?”

I made a face. “Probably not. But they won’t want to shove you into the deep end and expect you to keep up if you’ve struggled before. They might start you on review material instead. That way you won’t be doomed to play a desperate game of catch-up.”

“Won’t I just fall farther behind if they did that?”

Tipping my head from side to side, I said, “Maybe, maybe not. Depends on how well you pick up the material. It won’t be like before. You’ll have me and Mattias to help you study and get back on track. Try not to panic before we know how things will go. Like when you moved in with Mattias, you need some time to get settled and into a routine at school. Let them know that the test was confusing and start slowly getting back on track. We’ll make sure you catch up. I’ll have you know, I am amazing at science. I even made my genius older brother look bad. I can help you with that.”

He frowned. “You really think I can catch up?”

“Absolutely, I do. If you don’t mind me asking, how often did you have time to sit down and study when you were living with Jorge?”

“Never at home,” he replied with a shake of his head. “If he noticed me studying, he’d start making comments about me trying to look superior to him, and if I ignored him, he’d lose his temper. Then he’d lose his temper again when he got a note from the teacher that I wasn’t doing well in school. He said I was a disgrace. I tried studying at the library, but I didn’t sleep well living with him and it was too quiet. I kept falling asleep.”

I hated that bastard more and more every day. Who bullied their kid because they were trying to study? Xander looked so sad about it, like he tried hard to prove himself to Jorge and failed every time.

“Okay, well, think about what will happen here. Will anyone interrupt your studying or your sleep?”

He shook his head no.

“And if you had trouble, do you think either one of us would judge you for that?”

That no was a little more hesitant. He wanted to believe we wouldn’t do that, but since we hadn’t been around him in a school setting yet, he wasn’t so confident. We’d have to prove it to him, which I had no problem doing.

We talked a little more about the expectations at school and what he was most nervous about. Some of the makeup rubbed off from his helmet, which distracted him some. He kept ducking his head and the teachers wouldn’t let him keep his hood up to hide. I hadn’t even noticed, so I doubted anyone else did. With a little reassurance and a promise to send him to school with some extra in case it rubbed off, he let that stressor go and by the time we were done, he felt okay going back.

“Do you think they’ll make me redo the math test?” he asked, his hands shoved into his pockets as we walked to my car.

“I dunno. Maybe. But it’s just to see what you already know, so if you don’t know the answer, move on and tell the teacher you struggled. They’re there to help you learn. If they’re assholes about it, point them in my direction. I’ll take care of them.”

I made a fist and punched it into my palm, which made him laugh. I wouldn’t actually fight anyone, I wasn’t that kind of person, but I would stick up for him if anyone caused him trouble. He shouldn’t be punished for having it rough before now.

Putting my arm around his shoulders, I hugged him against my side. “Just remember, no matter what, even if you fail every last question and need an extra year to catch up, Mattias and I will never kick you out or be mad at you. You’re safe here with us.”

He slowed to a stop, frowning at his feet. “Jorge didn’t kick me out because of school. ”

I was going to comment that it didn't matter what that old bastard kicked him out for, but it seemed like Xander had something he was working himself up to say. I stayed quiet and waited, giving him the love and support he needed.

“H-He… He kicked me out because he found out I’m gay.”

Tears spilled down his cheeks, and he looked terrified to admit it. Everything came into focus now that I knew. His resistance in telling us anything about before he showed up. Him clamming up whenever conversations went a certain way. He was hiding part of himself, and if he opened up to us, he might’ve let it slip out before he was ready.

“Oh, Xander…” I wrapped him in my arms without hesitation. He stood frozen for a second before hugging me back so tightly, his fingers dug into my shirt. I didn’t care. Coming out was a major thing, especially for someone his age, when he was just starting to figure everything out. Having such a horrible reaction from the first person who found out must have been traumatizing for him.

Leaning my cheek against the top of his head, I rocked him back and forth. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe here.”

My little whispers to reassure him only made him cry harder, but he didn’t pull away. He needed to hear it. And when I felt like he was ready to listen, I pulled away enough to squat in front of him. I held his hands, letting him see it in my face that what I was saying was one hundred percent true.

“You are a sweet, caring, and kind boy. Loving the same gender doesn’t change that. I love you just as you are. And in the future, when you find someone you like, the only thing I’m going to ask is if they make you happy. Understand? All I want is for you to be happy.”

It was what he should’ve been told the first time he came out. I didn’t know how that happened, I doubted it was intentional on Xander’s part, but the response should’ve been the same. He broke down, big heavy sobs wracking his thin frame. He threw his arms around my neck, crying against my shoulder. We stayed that way for a little while, hugging each other, until Thor got concerned and started to whine, nudging Xander’s side with his nose.

He huffed out a watery laugh, letting me go so he could hug the dog, too. Thor happily licked his face, banishing his tears and making him smile .

“See? He loves you, too. No matter what. And Mattias will feel the same way.”

His smile faltered, and when he looked up at me, the terror came back. “I don’t want to tell him. N-Not yet.”

Pressing my lips together, I ran my hand affectionately over his head. “You come out to who you want when you’re ready. I told you, I’m good at keeping secrets. And when you’re ready, I’ll be there. Every step of the way.”