43. Ryan Fairview
I woke up in a shitty mood. One, my face was fucking killing from the beating I had taken the day before. Two — I didn’t have any texts from Cal.
I stared at my phone in disbelief, wrestling with the twisting pit of anxiety that had taken up residence in my gut.
There were no annoying breakfast announcements.
No threats to sexually harass me if I didn’t get my ass downstairs.
No stupid gifs or flirty emojis.
Just… nothing.
I got ready for my day, shooting dark looks at my bouquet of lilies the whole time.
Things had been weird after he told me about his background… He’d seemed off when he left.
Was he not interested in me anymore?
Was I ok with that?
I couldn’t ignore the bleating, panicked voice firing off in my head, screaming no. I wasn’t okay with that.
Was he really over me? That quickly? Or was it something worse?
I knew he had been going to ‘work.’ What if something happened to him?
What if he got hurt!? I should have fucking kissed him goodbye…
Before I could even think about what I was doing, I tapped out a quick message.
Ryan:
Morning
I stared at the screen, waiting anxiously for him to open my message, but he didn’t. My heart was pounding in my chest. Biting my lip, I hovered in my room, fingers poised over the keyboard. Should I double text? Did that make me desperate?
After another minute went by and he still hadn’t read my message, I decided to say fuck it and fire off another one.
Ryan:
Are you and Naomi still coming by? My face looks like it got run over by a car…
Another few minutes passed, and still… nothing. I glanced at the time. I guess it was still early. Naomi had said she was coming by at ten am. Maybe they just weren’t awake yet?
I ignored the nagging voice in my head that told me early mornings had never stopped Cal from barging into my house without an invitation before.
He’s fine. Nothing happened. You’re overreacting. He’ll be here soon.
I went downstairs to find my mother making breakfast, and my heart sank.
Some part of me had been hoping that Cal would have been here and maybe just too busy flipping pancakes to notice I had texted him, but he wasn’t.
“Morning, dear,” my mother greeted me with a smile. “Coffee’s on.”
“Thanks,” I muttered, grabbing a mug.
“Have you seen Cal around?” I asked, trying to play it cool.
“No, dear. He hasn’t come by yet today. Are you expecting him?”
Well… yeah . I was always kind of expecting him. Whether I invited him or not, he just had a way of showing up.
“No. It’s fine. Was just wondering if you had seen him is all.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I nearly spilled my coffee in my hurry to check it. Ripping it out of my jeans, my heart sank again when I realized it wasn’t him. I frowned at an unknown number, feeling even more concerned when I realized it was Naomi.
Unknown:
Morning! It’s Naomi! I hope you don’t mind; I got your number off your website. Haven’t heard from Cal yet this morning; he must have had a busy night. Just wanted to let you know I’m on my way! (Got the address off your site too!)
Ryan:
Oh, hey, Naomi. Of course I don’t mind. Do you need a ride? I can come pick you up.
Naomi:
Nah, I’ve already called an Uber. Be there soon!
Well, at least he wasn’t just avoiding me. His sister hadn’t heard from him either. However, that just made me even more worried that something had happened to him.
The more time that passed, the more anxious I got. Naomi arrived to help me with the makeup, and I had to admit her presence made me feel calmer.
I gave her a quick tour, and she set up her makeup on the kitchen table, ordering me to sit down in one of the chairs so she could get to work.
“Don’t worry,” she said, smiling at me sweetly. “This is normal. He’s likely just undercover. He goes dark sometimes. It’s nothing to worry about.”
“If you say so,” I grumbled.
But I was worried.
I hated this.
What was more, the amount of anxiety I was feeling was making it even more difficult for me to lie to myself about my feelings for him.
What would I do if he never came back?
How could I just move on and pretend I had never met that fucking psycho who had made me come so hard I saw literal stars?
Was I just supposed to go back to business as usual?
“Do you need help with anything? Cal told me you run these things pretty much by yourself. I don’t have anything to do today, so if you need a hand, let me know,” Naomi said kindly once she was done.
She began packing up her makeup, and I gave her a grin that I had hoped was convincing.
“No, I’ll be fine. The funeral today will be held in the crematorium, so I don’t have the extra hassle of dealing with transportation, but if you want to hang around, feel free to. I can drive you back home after the service.”
Naomi beamed at me. “Really? As long as you’re sure I’m not imposing.”
“Not at all. My mother is in the garden if you want to head out there to read. It’s a beautiful day.”
She nodded and nearly skipped outside, and I found myself smiling after her. She was such a sweet fucking kid, and her upbeat nature reminded me of Cal.
My gut twisted again at the thought of my missing psycho. I checked my phone, doing my best not to spiral over the fact that he still hadn’t even read my messages.
Attempting to keep busy, I went through the motions of the rest of my day. I changed into my suit and greeted guests as they arrived.
Luther was feeling better, and he came by to lead the service in the crematorium. It was a small service with a handful of people crowded in the display room where many of our customers rented space for their ashes.
Everything was going relatively smoothly until one of the younger attendees started kicking up a fuss.
Luthor was reading the pre-provided sermon about the deceased when a young teenage girl who had been more or less silent and angry the entire time started making loud, sarcastic comments.
The young girl rolled her eyes and scoffed loudly when Luthor was reading the part about Mr. Hemmingsworth joining the rest of the angels in heaven.
“Ya fucking right. We all know that fucker’s burning in hell where he belongs,” the girl said. The entire room gasped, and the girl’s mother looked like she wanted to slap her across the face.
“Anna-Marie! Apologize this instant!” she shrieked, and the teen turned her angry eyes on her mother without one ounce of remorse on her face.
“Fuck you. You know it’s true. Honestly, you’ll probably join him when you fucking go.”
It was only the years of experience I had with grief that kept my mouth from literally dropping to the floor at this young girl’s words.
The entire room of people tensed as an awkward silence spread out over the course of a few moments. Luthor and I exchanged a look just as the girl’s mother finally seemed to snap back to reality.
“In the car! Now!” she shrieked, but the girl just rolled her eyes and turned on her heel. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Enjoy the fucking send-off,” she snapped and stormed out of the crematorium.
“I’m so sorry for my daughter’s behavior,” Mrs. Hemmingsworth said, looking around at the rest of her family anxiously. “She’s taking her father’s death pretty hard.”
I was about to assure her that it wasn’t a problem when a familiar, deep, masculine voice rolled through the room.
“Sounds to me like she’s someone who doesn’t feel fucking heard, but whatever helps you sleep at night, lady.”
My head shot to the side, and I felt a confusing mix of relief and horror to find Cal standing in the doorway of the crematorium.
I was relieved that he was here and clearly alive, but I was horrified that he had just spoken to a client like that.
To make matters worse, he, of course, was in his usual combat boots, shredded black jeans, and another black hoodie with a ridiculous saying on it.
This one said ‘gayer than u,’ and I nearly groaned out loud.
So fucking inappropriate.
“And who are you?” Mrs. Hemmingsworth demanded to know. Luthor was staring at Cal with his mouth hanging open, and the rest of the guests took a collective step away from him.
Fucking Christ!
“Uhm, everyone. I apologize for the interruption,” I found myself saying as I made a beeline for a very angry-looking Cal. I grabbed him by the arm and started to drag him out of the crematorium. “Luthor will continue the service; please make your way into the reception area for refreshments after you have had time to say your goodbyes.”
I pushed and shoved Cal down the hall, doing my best to remove him from the situation as quickly as possible.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” I snarled at him when we were out of earshot, but he was staring over my shoulder as if he couldn’t let what he had heard in the crematorium go.
“What do you think the kid meant by that? Why do you think she said that?” he asked, and I growled.
“I don’t know, Callum. People say all kinds of shit when they’re grieving.”
Cal turned angry brown eyes on me, that strange muscle in his jaw jumping again.
“That didn’t sound like grief. That sounded like someone who survived something fucked up.”
I met his gaze and allowed myself to take him in. He was tired. I could tell.
He had dark shadows under his eyes that weren’t there the night before, and my gaze fell down to his neck, where there seemed to be a dark substance competing for real estate with his tattoos.
“What is this?” I asked, reaching up to touch the dark sticky substance. He jerked beneath my touch, and my fingers came away stained red. “Is this fucking blood!?” I gasped in shock.
Without thinking, I curled my fingers into the neck of his hoodie and pulled it away from his neck, frantically looking for the source of the blood.
Is this why he was late?! Had someone hurt him?
He chuckled and snatched up my hand, bringing my knuckles to his mouth and leaving a warm kiss on my fingers.
“It’s just a scratch, ginger snap. Calm down.”
Just a scratch?
I stood there, staring at him for a minute, doing my best to process everything I was feeling.
On the one hand, I was relieved that it was minor. On the other hand, what the fuck had he been doing all night that had him coming back bleeding?
I fucking hated this.
Jerking away from him, I took a deep breath and straightened my suit jacket, pinning him with a very serious look.
“I need to wrap up this ceremony. I would appreciate it if you waited for me outside,” I said, doing everything I could to keep my voice level and even.
His brows furrowed, and he reached out to touch my cheek, but I staggered back, anxiously glancing back up the hall to make sure no guests had seen.
Cal’s gaze hardened at my reaction, and he scowled. “God forbid someone sees you out here with me , ” he snapped, and it was my turn to scowl.
“This isn’t the fucking time. I am working. ” I gestured angrily to the blood on his neck. “You can understand that, can’t you? Since you were too busy at ‘work’ to even send me a fucking text to let me know you were alright.”
Confusion flickered across Cal’s face, and he cocked his head to the side. His mouth opened, but I cut him off before he could say anything.
“Please. Get out of here before you make more of a mess of this service. People are here trying to grieve the death of a fucking loved one. I can’t do this right now,” I snapped, and he nodded, still watching me with that strange look on his face.
I left him standing there and returned to the crematorium with my heart in my throat and a pounding headache that I only ever seemed to get when Cal was around.