The Mercenary and the Mortician (The Silent Hollow #1)

47. Cal Walker

I was feeling all kinds of fucked up when Ryan and I made our way downstairs for dinner. The things he said to me were running through my head on repeat, and I could barely focus on what was happening around me.

Which sucked.

Because what was happening around me was fucking awesome.

Naomi and Iris were setting the table, and Naomi was proudly yammering away about what ingredients went into Iris’ world-class mashed potatoes. I had never seen her so fucking excited, and I realized with a start that it was because Naomi was looking at Iris like a mother figure.

Ryan sat down, and we all gathered around, just like those families you saw on TV. Even Theo came out of her guest house to join us for dinner.

Iris literally lit damn candles for ambiance and broke out a bottle of red wine, which I had to decline because I was meeting up with Vox after this to hunt people I didn’t actually have any interest in hunting.

Naomi proudly scooped her potatoes on all our plates and watched us carefully as we took our first bites. My chest felt tight as Ryan made sure to give her one of his best fucking smiles and tell her how they might be even better than when his mom made them.

The look on Naomi’s face when he said that made my eyes burn.

Cass and I had tried so hard to give her the best life possible, but it was clear as day that she had still been missing something like this. Some kind of traditional family dynamic with a real parent and dinners full of homemade food and family recipes.

Even Theo made a big show about finishing her plate and smirking at my little sister.

“Not bad, kid,” she grunted before taking a sip of wine.

For a second, I thought about canceling on Vox.

A version of what this night could be played out in my mind like the most perfect movie.

I could have a few glasses of wine with this family that I had forced myself into.

Once Ryan was feeling all warm and flushed from the wine, I could have teased him under the table and gotten him all worked up. Maybe even whispered all the things I wanted to do to him while everyone was busy with the dishes.

We could have cleaned up together and laughed. Maybe we could get Naomi set up in that room that Caleb had stayed in…

Then Ryan and I would have gone to bed, and I’d spend the entire night worshiping him and making him fall so fucking deeply in love with me that he would never let me go.

I would sleep in the same bed as him and hold him tight against me.

We would wake up together.

And then the next day do it all over a-fucking-gain.

My chest felt so goddamn tight as I watched my sister joke and laugh with Ryan and Theo while Iris smiled at us in that dreamy, accepting way she always did.

What would it be like for Naomi to have Iris in her life regularly? To have a normal family experience?

It wasn’t fair that she only had me and Cass.

I wanted her to have this family.

I wanted this family.

Could I have them? Could I really keep them?

Would Damian ever let me?

The warm, strange feeling that had been welling inside me suddenly turned to ice.

Damian’s whiskey-colored eyes blinked across my mind, and my fantasy was suddenly ripped to bloody shreds.

No.

Damian would never let me have this family.

Not really.

‘You’re my most important investment, Mr. Walker. I will always pay close attention to what you do.’

Something grazed my thigh, and I jumped before I realized it was Ryan.

He had put his hand on my leg discreetly under the table.

I turned to look at him, feeling like I was underwater. My insides were all twisted up with unfamiliar emotions like yearning, sadness, and fucking fear.

“Hey.” His voice was low and quiet, as if he were making sure his words were just for me. “You’re quiet tonight. Everything okay?”

I swallowed and nodded, painting on a smile.

“Of course, ginger snap.” I winked. “How could I not be? I’m here with you.”

His cheeks turned rosy, and he gave me his tiny, shy-guy smile.

“Good. Just checking.”

Then he turned away to say something to Theo, and losing his attention felt like a cloud had just floated in front of the sun.

We all helped with the dishes, and Naomi thanked Iris for inviting us to stay.

“I’ll wait in the car!” she chirped, giving me a knowing glance before skipping out the front door.

Fucking Gnomes.

She knew I wanted to say goodbye to Ryan in private. I loved that girl so much.

Ryan said bye to Naomi before turning to face me. I glanced at him, smiling.

“Dinner was amazing, ginger snap. Thanks for letting us stay,” I said, and he grinned at me.

“Dinner together was inevitable.” He smirked. “Though maybe next time we will do it just me and you.”

My eyebrows rose in surprise, and I pressed closer to him, wanting to just wrap my hands around his hips and pull him into me. I stopped myself, though. I could still hear Theo and Iris in the kitchen, and I knew he would be uncomfortable with me touching him like that when they could walk out into the hall at any time.

“Are you asking me out on a date, baby?” I hummed, and he tilted his head back to meet my gaze, his brandy eyes glittering with a kind of mischief I hadn’t seen on his face before.

“Maybe.”

My heart skipped a beat in my chest.

“You’re making it really hard for me not to fucking kiss you right now, Ryan.”

He cocked his head to the side and frowned.

“Why don’t you?”

I glanced down the hall to where the light from the kitchen was spilling through the slats in the swinging door.

“Don’t want to accidentally out you in front of the fam.”

Then, to my absolute shock, he slid his hand around the nape of my neck and pulled me into him. My eyes widened in surprise as he pressed his plush mouth against mine, leaving a tender but somehow still firm kiss on my lips.

Once the initial shock wore off, I melted into it. With a fluttering heart, I slid my hands around his hips and pulled him into me.

This wasn’t like every other time we had kissed.

This one was slower. More casual. Like we had done it a thousand times, and we would do it a thousand times more.

For some reason, it made my throat burn, and I swallowed back against the tightness, digging my fingers into his hips as I did.

When he finally pulled away, his eyes were hooded, and he had a serene smile on his face.

“I should have done that before you left yesterday,” he breathed.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Did I die?

Was this heaven?

I swallowed and choked on a laugh.

“I knew you wanted a kiss yesterday.”

He chuckled and nodded. “I did. And I felt like shit all day today when I didn’t hear from you. All I kept thinking was if something happened to you and I never kissed you goodbye, I was going to feel like a massive asshole for the rest of my life.”

I raised an eyebrow at him and touched my thumb to his chin. “Well. I guess you’ll just have to make sure to kiss me goodbye from now on. If I die on you, we can’t have you living out the rest of your days jonesing for one last taste.”

Ryan’s playful mood evaporated at my words.

“Don’t make jokes like that.”

I bit my lip, immediately regretting the joke but still feeling a little touched that he even cared.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. That wasn’t funny. Nothing’s going to happen to me, though. I promise I’ll be fine. We’re just doing basic recon tonight; nothing should get physical.”

Ryan didn’t look convinced.

“Not to be a needy girl about it, but can you try to text me so I know for sure you’re not hurt?”

Chuckling, I stepped into him, dropping a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I like you needy, baby. And yes. Of course, I can text you.”

He playfully shoved me in the chest, giving me a scowl, though I could tell he was putting it on.

“Good. Now get out of here before I turn into even more of a girl and ask you when I’m going to see you next.”

I grinned at his rapidly reddening cheeks and pressed one more kiss on his forehead before turning to leave.

“Night, ginger snap. I’ll see you tomorrow.”