The Mercenary and the Mortician (The Silent Hollow #1)

83. Cal Walker

R yan and I cuddled, then fell asleep together. I had no nightmares, and all the trauma I suffered from the bullshit Damian put me through was healed overnight, and we all lived happily ever after.

Just kidding.

That’s not how anything actually works… unfortunately.

Despite how amazing the sex had been with Ryan, I had horrible dreams that night.

My nightmare had shifted again. Now, the version of Damian that touched himself while McGreggor branded me was burnt up from the grenade I had killed him with.

‘How could you do this to me, Callum? After everything I’ve done for you?’

His voice sounded like my mother’s voice as he stroked his horribly burnt and scarred cock. Blood and puss were leaking from his eyes, and I screamed and screamed as McGreggor pressed the brand harder into my chest.

When Ryan tried to wake me up, I attacked him again.

Thankfully, he was ready for me this time, and I wasn’t able to actually hurt him, but the guilt I felt was enormous.

I didn’t want to ever hurt Ryan. Not unless he was begging me for it.

I wanted to be his protector. His dark angel.

It felt like a sick joke that the only person I needed to protect him from was my fucking self.

On top of that, now that Apex was gone, I had no idea what to do with myself. Apex was all I had ever known, and now that Damian was dead, I felt lost.

What was my purpose? What good was someone like me to society?

I’d never gone to school. The only skill I had was killing people, and Ryan didn’t want me to do that anymore.

If I was being honest, I didn’t really want to do that anymore.

For the first time in my life, if I had to pick between murder and sex, I would pick sex every time. As long as it was with my perfect, sweet ginger boy and his insanely tight ass.

I had never needed to make decisions like this for myself, so I was feeling particularly lost and anxious when Ryan woke me up the next morning.

“How was the rest of your sleep?” he asked, stroking the side of my face and leaving toe-curling, gentle kisses along the side of my jaw.

“Would have been better if you let me sleep in the car.” I pouted, giving him a grumpy look. After Ryan had convinced me to come back to bed, the rest of my night had been restless. I’d tossed and turned all night, worried I would try to hurt him again in my sleep.

He scoffed.

“We’ve discussed this.” Ryan rolled away from me and hopped out of bed. I shamelessly stared at his bubbly, freckled ass as he pulled on a clean pair of boxers.

I sighed and sat up in bed, running my hands down my face in frustration.

“Baby, it’s not safe for me to sleep next to you. I could seriously hurt you.”

“You’re not going to hurt me, Callum.” He brushed me off as he bustled around the room doing his neurotic little Ryan things he did every morning. “Get out of bed so I can make it,” he snipped. I could tell by his tone that he was annoyed with my pushback on our sleeping arrangements.

I smirked as he gathered the obscene amount of throw pillows that he diligently arranged on the bed every day. Wanting to both make a point and fuck with him a little, I did as he asked and got up.

I didn’t rush to get dressed like he had. Instead, I prowled naked around the bed as he scurried about the massive California King.

He was fluffing a particularly large throw pillow when I pounced on him from behind.

“Arrrgh!” he cried out in surprise. I flipped him around and crawled on top of him. Wrapping a hand around his throat, I smirked down at him as he squirmed beneath me.

His cock swelled in his jeans, and I cursed myself for not pouncing on him before he got dressed.

“I’m still dangerous, Ryan. Of course I could hurt you,” I purred before leaning forward and running my tongue firmly up the side of his face.

He groaned and rolled his hips, which only made my cock grow hard in response.

He gave me a devious smirk that I wasn’t expecting and slid his hand in between us, wrapping his fingers around my dick and stroking me firmly.

“Fuck…” I groaned, thrusting my hips into his warm hand.

“I know you could. But you won’t. Not like that.”

What had we been talking about again?

Oh right. Me accidentally killing the love of my life in my sleep.

“You don’t know that,” I growled, snatching up his hand and slamming it down next to his head. “When I’m triggered, I’m not in control… even before… what I did to you in the prep room. It’s like my mind goes blank, and I black out. I’ll never forgive myself if I hurt you, Ryan.”

The playful heat that had been brewing faded as his expression sombered.

“You’re afraid, and I don’t blame you,” he said softly, and I scowled.

“I am not afraid.”

He chuckled softly, but there was no joy in it.

“You are, and that’s okay, angel. Your whole life just changed overnight, and now you have to face everything that’s been done to you. I would be shocked if you weren’t afraid. But we’ll figure this out together. Yes, you have triggers, but we’ll work together to overcome them. It’ll take time, but we have all the time in the world now.”

“You’re much too calm and logical.” I snarked, though I was grinning now.

He shrugged, well, as much as he could with the way I had him pinned to the bed.

“I would apologize, but one of us has to think things through. I love you, baby, but you’re not exactly methodical . You’re the most impulsive person I’ve ever met.”

His eyes were sparkling with mischief, and I tightened my hold on his throat, unable to stop the grin that spread across my face.

I was never going to get tired of him telling me he loved me.

“Is that so?” I teased. He opened his mouth to respond, but whatever he was going to say was cut off as I flipped him over and yanked his jeans down.

“Hey! What the fuck — ”

“Well, I just had the impulse to fuck your ass raw.”

“Cal! I just made the bed —” He squirmed beneath me in protest, but I wasn’t having any of it.

I slapped him hard enough that he yelped.

“You want me to work to overcome my triggers, baby?” I asked gruffly, snatching the lube off the end table and coating Ryan’s crack with it.

He wasn’t fighting me anymore. Instead, he was arching his back, wiggling his hips toward me. My heart fluttered in my chest at how ready and willing he was to let me take him.

Fuck, I didn’t deserve this man.

“Yes, angel. I want to help you in any way you need.” His beautiful words were at odds with the huskiness of his voice. I ran my fingers up and down his slippery crack before slipping them into him without warning.

“Mmpphh, fuck!” he shouted as I pumped in and out of him. He was still soft from all the dick he’d taken last night, and my cock began to leak at the thought of sinking into him again.

“My urges aren’t just going to go away, Ryan,” I warned him, curling my fingers into the button deep inside him that made his cock fucking weep for me.

He couldn’t reply; he only groaned and ground his hips into the bed.

“If I can’t kill people, I’m going to need another outlet,” I growled. I could feel the darkness I’d been repressing curl in my chest. “Are you going to let me use you the way I need, baby?”

“Fuck, yes, Callum…” Ryan whined. “Use me.”

An approving rumble grew in my chest, and I pulled my fingers out of him. He whimpered in protest, but I was already too far gone to feel bad.

I was a sadist. I knew I was.

It wasn’t clear to me whether I had always been like this or if Damian had made me this way, but it didn’t matter.

The fact was, I needed to inflict pain on others. It allowed me to feel in control of my otherwise out-of-control life. Ryan was offering himself up to be that person for me, but I wasn’t sure he knew what that entailed.

The amount of fucked up shit I wanted to do to him was so far removed from what most people considered to be acceptable during sex, and I was worried I would scare him away if I really let my monster out.

“Knees on the bed. Spread yourself open for me,” I ordered.

He hesitated, but it was only for a second. He kicked his jeans off and rushed to do as I said.

I didn’t think it was possible, but my cock got even harder. His obedience turned me on so fucking much. When he spread his cheeks open, exposing his pink, swollen hole to me, I nearly blew just from the sight of it.

“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to need a safe word. Yours is red,” I said, running my thumb over his exposed hole. More cum leaked out of me as I watched him clench at my touch. “Do you understand?”

“Yes,” he gasped as I continued to gently stroke him.

“I’m not going to hurt you today, but I will need to hurt someone soon, Ryan. The longer I go without it, the more dangerous I’ll be,” I warned him as I crawled onto the bed behind him.

“I don’t want to share you with anyone else, Callum. If you need to hurt someone, I want it to be me,” he whispered, and I felt a rush of dopamine course through me at his words.

Did he really feel so possessive over me that he didn’t even want to share my sadistic tendencies?

Why was that so fucking cute?!

I rubbed my cock up and down his crack, squeezing more lube on my dick as I teased him.

“Soon, baby,” I whispered, lining myself up with his hole.

As much as I loved him for offering himself to me as a way to fill my dark needs, I only wanted to hurt him in a way I thought he would like. The fear I felt that I may lose control and take things too far wasn’t like anything I’d ever felt before.

Why was loving someone so fucking terrifying?

“Right now, I just want to make you feel good,” I murmured. “Keep those cheeks spread for me, sweet thing. I’m going to fuck you till you come all over this neatly made bed.”

He made a protesting sound that quickly turned into a guttural moan as I slid my cock deep inside him.

“Fuuuckkk… baby, you feel so good.” I groaned, wrapping my hands around his hips. He was still holding himself open for me, just like I’d asked. It was such a fucking turn-on, and my balls throbbed.

I slid my right hand around him and fisted his cock. It was hard as stone, and a quick swipe of his crown left my fingers covered in precum.

“Fuck, Ryan… You’re leaking for me…” I growled, pulling back and snapping my hips into him.

“Unnnngggg, fuckkk.” He groaned as I fucked and stroked him at the same time.

“That feel good, baby?”

“Yes, fuck, please, Cal. Don’t stop,” he whined, and I grinned.

“I want you to be leaking my cum out of this asshole at breakfast. You’re going to feel me inside you all day, gorgeous. Because you’re mine.”

He nodded frantically, his groans coming out muffled from the way his face was pressed into the bed.

“All yours. I’m all yours,” he agreed, and I felt my balls draw up at his words.

“Tell me you love me,” I hissed, fighting the orgasm that was already building. His ass was so tight and hot; every flick of my hips was driving me closer and closer to the mind-numbing nirvana that only Ryan could give me.

“I love you, Cal. I fucking love you.” He sobbed, and I slid my hand down his cock to roughly tug on his tight balls.

“Good boy, Ryan. You’re so fucking good.” I groaned, fucking into him harder. “You going to come for me, gorgeous? You going to paint these fucking sheets?”

“Yes, please, fuck, fuck, fuck. Cal, I’m going to —”

“Do it, baby. Show me how good it feels,” I ordered, and as soon as the words left my mouth, he exploded in my hand. I caught the first burst and used it as lube to jack him through the rest of his orgasm. It didn’t take long for my own climax to catch me.

“Fuck yes, Ryan.” I gasped as I emptied my load into his tight, perfect ass. “Take it, baby. Take my cum.”

He whined and whimpered, his ass convulsing around my cock as I shuddered behind him, completely lost in my release.

I collapsed on top of him, decorating the backs of his shoulders with soft kisses.

He let out a happy little satisfied moan as I buried my face in his neck.

“I love you, too,” I whispered.

“I know you do, angel.”

There was a beat of silence, and he let me just lie on him, hugging him into my chest as we came down from our highs. After a moment of catching my breath, I forced myself to be honest with both him and myself.

If he was going to give himself to me in the way he had just promised, he deserved that much, at least.

“You’re right. I am scared,” I admitted, and he shifted, rolling onto his back, causing me to slide out of him.

“I’m so afraid I’m going to take things too far, and you’re going to leave me.”

He brushed my hair out of my eyes, dropping a gentle kiss on my lips.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“What if I accidentally hurt you too much, and you hate me?”

He frowned. “I could never hate you, Cal. That’s impossible.”

“You don’t know that, Ryan. I’m… broken. I have darkness in me.”

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me again. My heart fluttered, and I closed my eyes, unable to keep myself from melting into him.

“If you ever get lost in the dark, I’ll make sure you find your way back, angel,” he whispered, gently sucking on my lip ring in that sweet way he now seemed to have a habit of doing.

“You will?” I asked, my voice gruff and my throat tight with emotion.

He nodded, kissing my lips again and again.

“I’ll always bring you back.”