The Mercenary and the Mortician (The Silent Hollow #1)

94. Ryan Fairview

Alexa, play: HIT EM WHERE IT HURTS - PawPaw Rod

W atching Cal experience IKEA was like watching a kid walk into a candy store for the first time. He and Naomi were practically vibrating with excitement, and it took about five minutes for me to decide it would probably be a good idea to separate them.

“Ginger snap! Look at this tiny kitchen! You would look so good bent over these counters!” he yammered, ripping open drawers and nearly squealing in delight when he found them full of organizers and IKEA cutlery sets.

“It’s set up like a real house! Omg! Look at this mini living room! Baby, can we get this couch!?”

We’d barely made it past the first few display rooms, and our cart was already full of random shit we didn’t need.

“He’s adding shit to the cart like he’s fucking Beyonce.” Theo chuckled, and I sighed, doing my best to subtly put things back when he wasn’t looking.

“Yeah, except he doesn’t make Beyonce money anymore. I’m not sure he’s figured that out yet.”

“Why don’t I take him out of the showroom? The marketplace may be less… stimulating.” Theo mused as we watched Cal try on a bathrobe he’d found in one of the tiny fake bathrooms.

“Probably a good idea, I’ll take Naomi through the rest of the showroom. She’s handling it a little better…”

Though not by much. Naomi’s eyes were so big I thought they might pop out of her head. She kept grabbing random throw pillows and picture frames and showing them to Cal with stars in her eyes. Then, Cal would agree that she absolutely could not live without this new addition, and somehow, it would end up in the cart.

“Alright, rockstar, let’s get out of here,” Theo grumbled, hooking her arm through Cal’s elbow. “Let’s go see if we can find your sister something she actually needs… Like a cheese grater or something.”

I chuckled, appreciative that Theo was clearly attempting to divert Cal’s attention to lower-ticket items.

“Let’s head toward the bedroom section, Gnomes. I don’t think you need most of this stuff in a dorm. You mostly need bedding and maybe a shower caddy or something.”

Naomi allowed me to lead her through the maze, still clearly completely enamored with everything we passed. We arrived in the bedding section and were looking at the options for duvets when someone bumped into me from behind, hard enough that I nearly dropped the desk lamp I’d been holding.

“Watch it!” the man said, and I turned around to see who was dickish enough to nearly run me over and then be an ass about it.

Then, to my complete and utter horror, I came face to face with Kenny fucking Samuels.

I hadn’t seen him since high school, and the years had not been kind to him. He’d played football and really filled out during senior year, but now that extra muscle seemed to have turned into bulky weight.

His gut was round, and his cheeks swelled with disgust as he realized who it was he had run into.

“Ryan? Ryan Fairview?” he hollered, and Naomi looked back and forth between us, her eyes narrowing.

She pulled out her phone, and I saw her fire off a text to Cal, which made my blood run cold. The last thing I wanted was for Cal to cross paths with this asshole.

It had taken me all morning to convince him he didn’t need to bring his gun with us to IKEA, and now I was glad I’d taken the time to do that.

Cal had been doing so well lately. He hadn’t killed anyone since Damian, and I didn’t want Kenny fucking Samuels to make him relapse. Because I knew in my bones that if Cal caught this man saying anything negative to me, Kenny could kiss his little life goodbye.

“Hey, Kenny,” I mumbled, doing my best to drop my gaze and push past him. “We were just leaving.”

“Ha!” He laughed. “I have to say I’m shocked to find an undertaker at an IKEA. Didn’t think your type shopped at places like this… though I guess it makes sense. Don’t faggots love interior design?”

I froze, feeling the blood drain from my face. Objectively, I knew that Kenny’s words should hold no weight with me. However, they triggered some deep-seated insecurities that I had been struggling with since I was a child.

Just like that, I was suddenly eight years old again, and the entire class was laughing at me.

Faggot!

Undertaker!

Freak!

I was still struggling to shove back the sudden and powerful feelings of inferiority when Cal and Theo appeared. Cal was still far enough away that I wasn’t sure if he heard the slur, but Naomi sure fucking had.

“I’m sorry… Did you just call him the ‘F’ word ?” she asked. She didn’t even sound angry. She sounded like she literally couldn’t believe he’d made a comment like that.

Cal and Theo had now joined the conversation, and my face was burning so hot that I was worried my cheeks might melt off.

“Ah. Kenny. Nice to see you’re still a bigoted piece of shit. How’s your nose? Looks a little crooked to me,” Theo sneered, shoving her hands into her pockets and shooting Kenny a sly smirk.

Cal was frowning, his gaze bouncing between the four of us.

“Kenny… why does that name sound…”

I saw it the moment he figured out who Kenny was, and suddenly, his pupils blew. I watched him instinctively reach for his gun, and once again, I was grateful I had talked him out of bringing it.

Immediately, I grabbed Cal’s arm, pulling him back into me.

“Shh, angel. Please don’t. He’s not worth it,” I murmured into his ear, but I was worried he might already be too far gone. He had that cold, dead look he got on his face when his demons were whispering to him, and I was suddenly very worried he would be going home in the back of a cop car.

Kenny’s grin widened as he took in the intimate way I grabbed Cal’s arm. He opened his mouth, and I cursed a god I didn’t believe in for making this man so incredibly stupid that he couldn’t recognize the fact he was staring death in the face.

“I knew it! You ARE a faggot! HAHAHAH! What are the chances your mom squeezed out two abominations? Jesus, I’m pro-life and all, but your dad probably should have worn a rubber.”

Cal jerked out of my grip so fast I wouldn’t have been able to hold him back if I tried.

I was already trying to think of what I would say to the police when Naomi started cracking up laughing.

The sound was so unexpected that even Cal stopped moving. We all turned to look at her in surprise, but she could barely breathe; she was laughing so hard.

“Holy shit, is this real!?” She gasped.

She stepped toward Kenny and poked him in the stomach as if checking to make sure he wasn’t a hallucination.

“Am I getting punked?” she asked, sobering slightly but looking around as if checking for hidden cameras. “I mean, I’ve seen bigots and stuff on TV, but I didn’t realize people like you were actually just out in the wild, walking among us. Christ, you’re like a cartoon character.”

She was staring at him in awe.

“It’s like seeing a chimpanzee at the zoo… poor things . They don’t know any better, do they? They’re just not as evolved as we are.”

We all looked at Kenny to see what he would say.

He was frowning at her, clearly confused. I think he could tell she was insulting him, but he wasn’t bright enough to figure out exactly how she was doing it.

Theo leaned in to mutter in Naomi’s ear. She was smirking at Kenny while she spoke, looking sly as a fucking fox.

“Ah, yes. The common bigot is more rare than they were in my day, but they’re still around. In my experience, the homophobic ones are usually super gay themselves.”

Naomi’s eyes widened, and she nodded in mock seriousness, still examining Kenny like she was a scientist and he was an interesting new specimen she had just come across in the field.

“Do you think this one is gay?” she whispered.

Kenny sputtered.

“What!? I’m not gay! I’m here with my pregnant wife!” he bellowed, and Naomi looked shocked.

“Oh my gosh, does she know?”

“Does she know what?”

“Does she know that you’re gay?”

Kenny’s face passed red and went straight to purple. The corner of my mouth twitched, and suddenly, I was laughing.

I can’t believe I used to be scared of this jackass.

Kenny lunged for Naomi, but Cal intercepted. He wrapped his hand around Kenny’s flabby throat and manhandled him so fucking effortlessly that even Kenny’s idiot ass seemed to realize he was out of his league.

“Touch her, and I’ll paint the floors red with your fucking face,” Cal growled, and Kenny’s purple face turned white.

Theo smirked at him.

“I would get out of here if I were you. This one’s a little psycho. Would be a shame if your pregnant wife became a pregnant widow.”

People were staring now, and my anxiety mounted. Not only did I hate having attention like this on me, but I really didn’t want to get kicked out of my local IKEA.

How embarrassing.

“Hey, everybody! This guy called my friend here a faggot! To his face! Can you believe that!?” Naomi shouted to the gathering crowd.

“Oh my god! That’s horrible!” one woman exclaimed, and Naomi nodded.

“Right? Like, how out of touch is this guy?”

“Grow up, buddy!” another man yelled from the audience. Next thing I knew, security was called, but it wasn’t Cal who was getting kicked out; it was Kenny and his very confused wife.

The crowd applauded as Kenny was led out by the staff, and Naomi smirked, elbowing Cal jovially in the ribs.

“Take notes, big brother. That’s how you destroy a man. And I didn’t even need a gun.” She grinned.

Cal’s pupils were still blown, and he was clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides, staring after Kenny like he wasn’t ready to let him go.

“Angel…” I slipped my hand into his, and he jerked his head to face me, a strange muscle in his jaw bouncing.

“Did he touch you?” he growled, and I shook my head.

“No angel. I’m okay,” I said, reaching up to brush my fingers against his cheek.

“I want to kill him.”

“I know, baby. What can I do?” I whispered, and his eyes darkened even further. Lacing his fingers through mine, he pulled me away.

“Finish up with Naomi,” he barked over his shoulder at Theo. “We’ll meet you in the parking lot.”