22. Bash
Chapter 22
Bash
T he emotions Eva sent down our bond felt somewhat muted, though they were such a whirlwind that I knew she must have succeeded. I updated the others as we shivered by the horses. Yet there was something about what she was feeling that made me uneasy, the grimy taste of something like…dread.
My finger went to my palm, the impulse almost unconscious.
Any luck?
I stared at my empty palm, trying not to think about how much her lack of response reminded me of those days I had done nothing while she had been imprisoned, thinking she was safe with her prince. How I had watched that same crease-lined space during each insufferable hour after she had been taken from me the second time.
Just as I was about to head back to the faerie mound to check on her, consequences be damned, Eva stepped out from between the trees. Her face was too pale in the moonlight, looking lost even though she had easily found us. As her gaze met mine, her face twisted in something resembling a flinch before her expression shuttered.
My sudden nausea worsened when she didn’t immediately speak once she reached us, as though carefully parsing through what she wanted to say. Her fingernails dug into the rose-shaped scar on her palm, a sign of her nerves I knew she wasn’t conscious of making.
What could the sprite have told her that had her this shaken?
When she spoke, her voice was carefully devoid of emotion. “I found her. But I’m not sure if we can make it before he…”
“Make it where?” Yael asked impatiently.
“To Adronix,” Eva said coolly. “The sprite said there’s a secret mirror, the Seeing Mirror, that will bring those who enter to the Choosing. That’s why Aviel brought me north. Why he was waiting to bring me with him before he stole my magic. If he makes it through first, he’ll be able to be crowned High King.”
Rivan swore. “And once that’s bound in the magic of the land, he’ll be truly unstoppable.”
Eva nodded, but I noticed Quinn’s brow furrow.
“The High King or Queen receives power from the land itself once they are coronated,” I explained quietly.
“And with what Aviel can already do…” Yael grimaced. “Let’s just say that magic is best left to you, Your Majesty.” She gave Eva a short bow, frowning as she barely reacted. “Because if we can’t stop him before that happens, it’ll be infinitely harder after.”
“I take it that we can’t just mirror there?” Tobias asked dryly. But I noticed he, too, was watching his sister carefully, his usual detachment slipping due to his obvious concern. He and Quinn exchanged a worried look, the latter’s fingertips glowing faintly as though her magic could fix whatever ailed my silent anima .
“It’s a gateway to the Choosing, not a gateway to Adronix,” Yael replied with a sigh. “And due to the prison below the mountain, there was never supposed to be a mirror there.”
“We’ll have to go the long way,” Rivan said. “Besides, as we can assume that traveling there is the next step of Aviel’s plan, we’ll need to bring an army to match his.”
Eva shifted on her feet and something in the set of her shoulders, her downturned mouth, gave me pause. There was something wild, something desperate sneaking down our bond that seemed out of place, even with the understandable anxiety of getting to Adronix before him.
There was more to it. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Is that all?” I asked, my unease building at the carefully blank expression on her face. Then the tumult of her emotions ceased as the wall she had built between us all too easily blocked me out.
Eva hesitated, looking anywhere but at me. I stared at her with panic building in my chest.
She gave me a nonchalant smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Isn’t that enough?”
We rode back through the night, the journey tense. By the time we arrived, Eva had retreated even further into herself. By the time we reached our room, my hands were shaking.
Eva methodically undressed, reaching for a nightshirt. And suddenly I felt desperate to scramble for purchase. To grab her by the shoulders and keep her there with me.
After all, she should know by now—if she was descending into darkness, there was nothing that would stop me from going down with her.
My voice was gruff as I demanded, “Don’t close me out, hellion. Whatever you’re thinking, we’ll deal with it together.”
Eva’s shoulders stiffened. Her lips parted, as if she were about to speak, then pressed tightly back together. A sick, anxious feeling coiled in my stomach. When I stepped toward her, her gaze darted away.
“I’m just tired,” she said, her voice carefully flat. “It’s been a long night.”
I was sure it was something more. Was it the fear of facing Aviel yet again? Even though she had been able to get away from him, she had endured far too much during our time apart with barely any time to process it. Maybe this distance was due to the inevitability of confronting her tormentor. Especially after I had failed to stop him, despite my promises otherwise.
The thought was too heavy to carry.
“Last time we went after Aviel, I told you I’d never let him touch you again.” I swallowed hard. “And I failed you, Eva.” Her gaze shot to mine, an onslaught of emotions breaking through the damper she held on them in a dense current of fear, guilt, and anger. “You can be angry about what happened, be mad at me for leaving you again all you want, but please don’t shut down on me.”
Her eyes softened, something wistful twisting across her face. “That’s not—I don’t…” She stepped forward, grabbing both of my hands in hers. “I would never blame you for his actions. And you shouldn’t blame yourself for mine. I made my own choices, and I stand by them.”
Her hands were so cold. Her calluses scraped against my own as my thumbs moved up and down, attempting to warm them.
“You can talk to me though…you have to know that. Not that you need to if you don’t feel ready.”
Her face shuttered, those hazel eyes guarded. “Talk to you about what?”
“About what happened to you.”
She hadn’t gone into detail when she told me what occurred in that bedroom before her escape, and I hadn’t pressed. The shadow that flickered behind her eyes sent a chill down my spine.
Her lips twisted to the side in a semblance of a smirk, though their slight quiver gave her away. “What else do you want me to say? That he chained me, that he held me down and…” She drew in a long, shuddering breath. “That I was sure my luck had finally run out when he had me magicless and trapped?”
The pure, primal rage I felt at those words had me shaking. She reached up, absently rubbing the scar at the base of her neck as she spoke, the other hand clenching into a fist as she pulled it from my hold.
“When he stripped my magic from me and took the collar off, I knew you could feel my terror about what was happening just like I could feel yours. And it only made things that much worse.”
My heart snagged in my throat at the thought of how Aviel had used that bond against us, had weaponized my fear against her. I moved forward, aching to hold her, but stopped myself—letting her steer this, especially now.
“I fought and I failed, Bash.” I flinched at the self-loathing in her voice, its echo viscous as it twisted down our bond. “ Again . If he hadn’t left the collar on the bed…”
“You didn’t fail,” I said vehemently. “Even if he’d raped you, you wouldn’t have failed anything.” I could feel my shadows erupt down my arms at the thought, betraying my need to reach for her. “And it wasn’t luck that saved you. You had the wherewithal, even after days of captivity, even after that box they held you in, to find a way to save yourself. To keep fighting.”
Even when I wasn’t able to fight for you.
Her bleak eyes met mine. “How is this helping besides hurting you to hear it?”
“This isn’t about me,” I said gently. “This is about letting it out. Voicing it to come to terms with what happened.”
I could see her trembling as her eyes closed in defeat. “I know. I know. And I know I can talk to you, Bash…It’s not even about—” She cut herself off, swallowing hard. When she reached toward me I had her in my arms in a second, breathing in the scent of her hair.
“I hate feeling helpless,” Eva said hoarsely, her words muffled against my chest. “I hate that he made me feel that way again. And I hate how much he scares me.” She let out a wild, choked sound. “I don’t know if I even can stop him when the time comes. All I’ve been able to do so far is barely get away.”
I had never heard her sound like this. Even during those tremulous early days at the cabin, she had never sounded quite so defeated.
“I would never be so foolish as to doubt you,” I whispered into her hair. “But we’ll be ready this time.”
She opened her mouth like she was going to say more, then pulled away instead. And I had no idea how to hold on to her—to keep her here with me. Not when my promises lacked the conviction of her own experience.
“I’m going to go get ready for bed,” Eva said softly, a yawn escaping her as she disappeared into the bathroom.
I stripped down to my undershorts, seeing to my own needs when she had finished, only to find Eva sitting on our bed when I was done, her knees pulled to her chest as she stared at nothing.
Something hollow crept across our bond as she slowly lay down on the bed. I could sense the words she didn’t say hovering just out of reach as I settled in next to her, silently waiting. Watching as a hint of her darkness spread across the hazel of her irises.
Her magic swirled around us, hovering like a shield, but it didn’t keep me out. Instead, it reached toward me as if to tug me closer. I wrapped my arms around her, and she nestled into my chest, her heart beating like the wings of a trapped bird.
After a long moment, she pulled away slightly, her eyes searching mine. When she spoke, it seemed to resonate in the deepening darkness of the room.
“I’ll do anything it takes to stop him.”
I could hear the iron will in her voice—and knew without a doubt she meant it. Just as I knew she was still keeping something from me.
Then I watched her eyes dim, the fire in them dying before being replaced with an emptiness I had hoped I would never see again. She turned away, curling into herself…the distance between us widening as she closed herself off even more than before.