37. Eva
Chapter 37
Eva
R ivan was watching me too closely as I walked into the woods after we made camp, tired yet too restless to turn in for the night. He had been silently doing so all day as we rode through the frosty countryside, Adronix looming over the clouds far ahead. My legs ached, my thighs and calves sore from gripping Nisa’s sides, my lower back tight from absorbing her movements in the increasingly rough terrain. Sometimes I missed the simplicity of car rides, though I couldn’t muster the energy to laugh at the concept of magically powered dirt bikes or ATVs.
Then winced at the thought of machines encroaching upon this realm—though I imagined the forest would swallow up any attempts at paving a road. Perhaps that was part of why Aviel wanted to rule both realms. While his desire for power was obviously the driving factor in his plans to subjugate the human world, the thought of him gaining access to its resources—including its more deadly creations—was truly terrifying.
I looked behind me to see Rivan following. His eyes narrowed as ours locked. And I knew he knew. Bash must have already told him of my ill-fated plan. Of the bloodbond and what it meant.
Ignoring him, I stretched out the stiffness from the long ride before I finally looked where he casually leaned against a tree trunk. It was foolish for us not to take advantage of the few hours of sleep we would be afforded. And yet, I might prefer this confrontation to failing to fall asleep while Bash’s concern seeped down our bond, coagulating with mine.
Raising an eyebrow, I held up my hand, palm up, bending my fingers toward me twice in outright challenge. A ghost of a smile crossed my lips as I remembered all those training sessions together in the Faewilds. Rivan’s mouth twitched like he was thinking the same. Wordlessly, he swaggered toward me, raising his hands to match my fighting stance.
Rivan’s first swing nearly took my head off. I ducked just in time, thrown off balance, and his elbow jabbed into my side. Twisting away from the blow, I swung out the opposite foot. Rivan was too fast, too ready as he leapt back. He lunged forward, our hands meeting in a furious series of blocks and strikes, his moves so quick, I could barely keep up.
I could practically feel the admonishment behind them, his usual style sharpened with something like outrage. But I didn’t want him to take it easy on me. No sooner had I thought it than he caught my fist, twisting my arm behind my back until I went to my knees. Tumbling forward, I broke his hold. When he followed, I kicked behind me to sweep his legs out from under him.
Catlike, he rolled as if he had meant to fall all along before tackling me to the dirt.
Breathing hard, I nodded in defeat. Rivan rolled off me, his face twisting in barely concealed judgement. I stood up, groaning.
At least my muscles would be sore in a different way tomorrow.
Ignoring him, I walked over to a fallen log, panting as I sat with my back to him.
The silence stretched in the space between us as Rivan gracefully sat down next to me. I waited for him to speak first, but he simply sat there as if we didn’t have anywhere to be, those lavender eyes full of reproach. The muffled sounds of those in camp hurrying to sleep for the few hours we had before daybreak had faded into mere murmurs, only intensifying the quiet. I wondered fleetingly if this was an approach he had used to break prisoners during the last war.
Sighing, I gave in. “Was there something you wanted to discuss, Rivan?”
One eyebrow twitched, his voice dry as he asked, “Was there something you wanted to tell me?”
I gave him a baleful look that he returned in kind.
He folded his arms, muscles flexing. “I suppose it’s my turn.”
I looked at him askance. “Your turn for what?”
“For my heart-to-heart with you.” Rivan’s reluctant smile still managed to light up his entire face. “Everyone else got at least one. I should be hurt that all we’ve done is spar.”
I laughed in spite of myself, the sound almost too loud in the cool night air.
“Is that so?” I asked wryly. “So, who goes first?”
Rivan gave me a long look, and my humor faded as a muscle ticked in his jaw, the accusation renewing in his glare.
“Did Bash tell you?”
Of course he had.
“Of course he did,” Rivan said, the anger in his tone giving way to hurt. “You should’ve told us the second you returned from the faerie mound. Though I had a feeling something was going on ever since you came back from that meeting like the world was on fire.”
He shook his head, his long braids falling over one shoulder.
“Have I been that obvious?”
“You’ve been off,” Rivan said with a frown. “Distant. And it only started after your visit with the sprite, not before, so I knew it couldn’t just be the False Prince.” He snorted at my scowl. “Besides, self-sacrifice? You? How entirely unexpected.”
For a second, I saw a flash of him unconscious, blood seeping from where Aviel’s stolen light had cut into his mouth as it suffocated him. Hanging limply from his bindings after the False Prince had nearly killed him.
“You almost died, Rivan,” I whispered, taking his hand. He swallowed hard as if remembering the light that had tightened around his throat, but his hand squeezed mine back. “You would have, if I hadn’t done what I did.”
“So did you.” His voice caught. “And just because I’m grateful for what you did back there to save me, to save our family, it doesn’t change the fact that you sacrificed yourself for us then, just like you’re trying to do now.” I opened my mouth in protest, but he shook his head, glowering at me. “You can’t go through with this, Eva. No matter what. And don’t insult me by pretending you’ve given up on it entirely.”
“You say that like it isn’t a concession to even wait,” I hissed. “Like it’s okay that people are dying because of me.”
“No one is dying because of you ,” Rivan countered. “They’re dying because of him. ”
I wet my lips, wishing I could believe that. “I told Bash that I wouldn’t.”
“I know what you told Bash,” Rivan said derisively. “And what you didn’t. I’m not saying I don’t understand. Nor am I going to pretend I believe you’ve entirely dropped it. And don’t think for a second that Bash believes you did either.”
“Rivan—”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Eva. And don’t you dare try to lie to me.”
“And what if it’s the only way?” I whispered, suddenly unable to keep up the facade that I wasn’t terrified. “What if we get under the mountain and it’s too late, and I have to go through with it anyways? Because if it comes down to losing this war…”
“You don’t know that it would even work,” Rivan said adamantly, his grip on my hand tightening almost painfully. “I wish I’d never brought you to that forest. You can’t take any seer’s vision as straight fact, let alone a sprite. For all we know, she led you astray somehow and your death would mean nothing .”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I hadn’t considered that, not when the sprite had sounded so certain. Rivan gave me a grim smile, apparently satisfied with the seed of doubt he had managed to sow within me.
“Eva…I would’ve died that day in Morehaven. Had you not done what you did.” Rivan suddenly sounded tired, spent, like all the days of ceaseless travel and sleepless nights were catching up to him too. I opened my mouth again, but he held up a hand to silence me. “I owe you a lot more than a thank you for that. And for a lot more than only that.” He turned to me, his eyes softening. “You should know that Bash was a shell of himself after his parents died. He pretended he wasn’t, but he was…joyless. The young Southern King: brave and strong and so very broken. And you brought him back from that.” He sighed heavily. “So please give us the chance to take Aviel down together before you do something so unselfishly selfish as to take your own life. Especially when we both know it’ll mean more than just your death.”
I gave him a weak smile, hastily wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “I already promised Bash the same. But…”
“But what?”
“I’m scared, Rivan.”
It seemed easier to admit it to him, even though I knew Bash could feel it.
“So am I,” Rivan said almost flippantly. “Courage isn’t the lack of fear, it’s acting in spite of it. Bravery is in not allowing that fear to consume you.”
“I’m not scared for myself,” I whispered. “I’m scared that by not acting I’m making the wrong choice, and I’m dooming the realm I’m meant to rule because of it.”
Rivan slowly shook his head. “When we get to the end of this, with you wearing your crown and your anima beaming by your side, I’m going to remind you of this moment. Of how close you came to losing everything when there was everything to be gained.”
We sat together for a long beat, watching the shadows dance through the trees as I desperately tried to believe him. Rivan didn’t let go of my hand.
“Don’t think I’m going to go easy on you during training just because I owe you one though,” Rivan muttered with a hint of his usual joviality.
I winced as I touched the sore side that would no doubt be bruised by morning, making a face at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Leaning into him, I rested my head on his shoulder. When my eyes started closing despite myself, he helped me to my feet, wrapping his arm around me as we silently walked back to camp.