40. Eva
Chapter 40
Eva
T here was a strange music in the air, its dissonance ringing in my head. A tug in my gut that felt like it was leading me toward Adronix. Pulling at me, whether I wanted to go or not.
It had been there ever since I woke, unable to sleep without Bash there anyway. Like it was calling to something inside my soul, whatever magic it held within beckoning me closer. The nearer we got, the tighter my anxiety coiled. Yet my limbs felt leaden even as my mind buzzed, my eyes squeezed tightly shut like I could avoid the day that was already underway.
Bash had woken, if he had slept at all, while it was still dark, brushing a kiss on my forehead before retreating somewhere to ready for the day while I fitfully tried to rest. He seemed calmer, more focused after our gathering last night. Despite his trust in me, I knew exactly why he had done it—to show me one last time everything I would lose should I embrace my supposed fate.
The sounds of the birds welcoming the dawn finally urged me to pull on my leathers. I found them neatly laid out for me next to my sword, cloak, and boots. A smile came to my lips at Bash’s thoughtfulness, the small, casual reminder of his love for me.
I was thankful for my leathers’ fleece lining as I was hit by a gust of wind immediately upon leaving the tent, its icy chill spurring me to wrap my cloak tightly around me. The frosted ground was hard beneath my feet. I knew more snow wouldn’t be far behind.
The camp was quieter this morning as I helped pack up, thankful for the magic that made the process easy as tents simply disappeared into bags too small to hold them. It was as if the looming mountain had cast a shadow over us all, any hint of merriment gone.
There were circles under Bash’s eyes that hadn’t been so pronounced the day before when he lifted me onto Nisa’s back in our now daily ritual, his hands lingering on my hips before he finally backed away. A brisk wind shuddered through the trees as we started onward, the casual chatter of the army at our back a pale imitation of the previous day’s banter. Our pace felt hurried for our last full day’s ride, like the rest of them felt that tug too. Or perhaps it was just the uncertainty and the cumulative lack of sleep taking its toll.
The route abruptly began to climb, the ascent anything but gentle as the terrain grew rougher. I found myself focusing on every breath, suddenly more precious now that they felt numbered, welcoming the mist of each exhale like a barometer of time even as it was quickly stolen away by the wind; savoring each inhale as proof I was still alive.
Thorin and Akeno rode together, looking more comfortable with each other than I had realized during our time together. When we took a quick break to water the horses, and eat some rations ourselves, Akeno casually took Thorin’s hand, pulling him against him in a swift kiss that confirmed my suspicions. I looked away, smiling.
Bash caught my eye, dragging me to him in a similar fashion before claiming my lips with his. I relaxed into his hold, feeling the tension ease from my body as he held me close, his stubble rough against my chilled cheeks.
“They had the right idea,” he murmured against my mouth before kissing me again.
I walked through the Solearan section of the camp as Tobias lit the way, offering help where I could despite my trembling legs. Many accepted before doing a double take, gazes lingering as I felt a flush creep under the collar of my cloak, thankful the redness of my cheeks could be explained by the cold. I tried not to feel unworthy of the adulation in their eyes. As if the circumstances of my birth had any bearing on a character yet untested by the people that claimed me as their own.
When I walked into our tent, Bash was kneeling in front of a gigantic map, a hint of foreboding flowing icily down our bond.
“Hi there,” I said, my attempt at playfulness mostly lost to my exhaustion. I knew we should sleep with the scant hours we had left to do so. We had traveled late into the night, and I desperately needed the rest. But the thought of laying down while my mind whirred, and I pictured every worst-case scenario, sounded entirely unbearable.
A smirk played at the corner of Bash’s mouth, his eyes swirling faster as he looked at me. “Hi yourself.”
Yet there was an edge in his tone, something that slithered across our bond that made me pause.
“What’s wrong?”
Bash’s forehead creased, worry lines forming between his brows. “We’re making good time. We’ll reach Adronix tomorrow as planned, and the Esterran forces are nearly in place for their attack on Morehaven, but I…I just can’t shake the feeling I’m not getting the whole picture.” He let out a deep sigh. “I suppose I know I’m not, since we can’t track their movements.”
My nails dug into the scar on my palm. “Should we risk traveling through the night? It’s not too late to pack back up…”
Bash shook his head. “The wards around camp keep us safe from the worst of the forest’s denizens. We’re already pushing into their hunting hours. And rest, however brief, will help strengthen our collective magic ahead of tomorrow’s battle. Not to mention the horses need some respite.” He rubbed his eyes wearily. “I’m probably overthinking things. But after everything…I just want to be sure I’m not taking you into another trap.”
I walked behind him, kneading out the tension in his shoulders as I looked at the map spread before us. Then jolted as a creature moved in the forest not far from our camp, repressing a shudder as I remembered the feeling of a furry tentacle wrapping around my ankle. I didn’t even want to imagine the beasts that might be passing us in the night.
Bash looked at me, smiling as I took in the realm laid at my feet. And I realized that was exactly what it could be if we won this war, and I became High Queen.
When I looked up, Bash’s expression held a hint of melancholy before it smoothed into a wan smile. I tilted my head to the side. “Are you okay?”
He shrugged. “Objectively.”
I gave him a look, and his lips quirked in response.
“That’s not a real answer,” I pressed. “Is there anything I can do? Did you need something?”
Those stormy eyes slowed. “Just you, hellion.”
I squealed as he pulled me down and we fell against the bedding, cushioning my fall with his body. His greedy kiss left me breathless. I nipped at his lip in response, drawing a shameless groan.
Then my eyes narrowed. “Now tell me what else is wrong.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Why do I feel like my own methods of interrogation are being used against me?”
I just raised an eyebrow, waiting. Bash sighed.
“War is a crucible. And I wonder if any of us will come out of it the same as we were before it. If all of us will live through it this time. Even if we beat Aviel to the mountain, there will still be a battle. The final one in far too long a conflict.”
My hand balled against his chest at the thought, before slowly flattening as I forced that fear away. “Sometimes I forget you’ve lived this all before. I’m sorry that you have to go through this again.”
“If we achieve what we should have during the first war, I won’t be,” Bash said grimly.
“Still, I wish I could save you the stress of it,” I murmured, kissing the line between his brows.
He arched an eyebrow. “Said the cause of the majority of it.”
I laughed, the sound of it almost startling. Bash pulled my head down, capturing the sound with his lips.
“When this war is over, my main priority is going to be making you laugh,” Bash murmured, a wisp of his longing seeming to curl around my heart.
“Here I thought your plan was to make me moan,” I said teasingly.
A smirk played at the corner of his mouth. “That too.”
“Along with a few minor endeavors like ruling the faerie realm,” I added flippantly. I was rewarded with a real, full smile this time that made my stomach flip.
We sat there, entwined with each other for a long moment. I knew we should at least try to rest, but despite my fatigue, the act felt impossible even as dawn steadily ticked closer.
Bash’s thumb ghosted over my cheek, his fingers winding into my hair. “What’s that look, Eva?”
I let out a sigh, my fingers lazily tracing the freckles on his neck. Gently, I connected the constellation hidden on his skin. His heart beat beneath my fingertips as I drew the bound shape of Andromeda, awaiting her death by the sea before someone unexpected saved her. Slowly, I worked my way down to where his freckles disappeared under his shirt—to where her outstretched arms were chained even amongst the stars. “I was just thinking about what I have left to do. What I’d like to do before my life is over.”
He stilled slightly. “And what is that?”
“I’d like the chance to explore this world,” I said longingly. “There’s so much of this realm I haven’t seen. So much left to visit together if we get the chance.”
“ When ,” Bash corrected quietly.
“And I always thought I’d have kids,” I said, watching as his eyes heated. I elbowed him, and he smiled shamelessly. We had talked about this once before, so long ago it seemed a lifetime ago. “One day.”
“When this war is over, we’ll have as many as you want.”
I laughed, throwing a pillow at him. “And what if I want ten?”
He looked far too delighted at the prospect. “ Whatever you want, hellion.”
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe not that many. But I’d like them to have siblings. A friend for them to grow up with, like we had.”
Bash nodded. “Someone to get into trouble with. And hopefully out again.”
I rolled over and propped my chin up on my hand.
“I’d like to accomplish more,” Bash said thoughtfully. “Before my time comes.”
“Oh?” I asked, still wrapped in him. “And what would you be remembered for?”
Bash’s mouth curved in a wistful smile. “For something more than just who I am, but what I did with my time. As someone who was there for my people, and the people who needed me. For a strong arm, a steady heart…and an occasional moment of divine madness.”
He flashed me a quick, impish grin that left me breathless. The King of the Southlands and the Faewilds, far more concerned about his mark on those around him than his own mark on history.
“If I die tomorrow, I hope they remember what we tried to do,” I said hoarsely. “What we all risked, in the hopes for something better.”
Bash’s throat dipped in a telltale swallow. “I was hoping to have a few hundred years with you, hellion. But if tomorrow…If we?—”
I quieted him with a finger to his lips.
“It’ll break my heart if you stop believing that we can somehow defy the inevitable together,” I whispered. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I need you to believe for the both of us.”
The look he gave me made my heart stutter. “I’ll always believe in us.”
I laid my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as I whispered, “Can you just hold me, please?”
Bash’s arms wrapped around me protectively, and I let myself feel safe, pretending tomorrow wouldn’t change the very destiny of the realm as my eyes fluttered closed.
My last thought before I succumbed to the lure of sleep was that I wished I could make this moment last forever.