The Mistletoe Mix-up (Falling in Mistletoe #3)

Chapter One

S am Griffin sprawled out on the couch with the remote in his hand, watching Young Sheldon after scrolling through all his streaming services and finding nothing that caught his eye. On a normal Friday night, he’d either be working or heading to the Wolf’s Den or Brews and Chews for a drink, but tonight he’d taken his ten-year-old nephew, Jace, so his brother could have a date night with his pregnant wife, Merry. While Merry’s parents would have been happy to have their adopted grandson, Jace had requested a guys’ night with his favorite uncle.

Jace actually called Sam his original uncle, since he now had Merry’s brother, Nick, but tomato, tomahto.

Jace had crashed out an hour ago and was soundly sleeping in Sam’s room, and Sam was restless. Although he’d tried to get comfortable on the couch, he could not sleep. It wasn’t only the lumpy, secondhand cushions under his back keeping him awake, but his mind wouldn’t quiet. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, especially late at night in the quiet of his one-bedroom apartment.

Sam climbed off the couch, groaning at the pull in his back. Although he was in great shape, his body was starting to feel all of its thirty-seven years. Knees creaking. Back aching. As he shuffled to the kitchen, a picture of an elderly Sam, all alone with a cane in his hand, popped into his head, and he grimaced. How was he three years shy of forty? He could still remember being twenty-five, doing backflips into the river and not having a twinge the next day. How had his life flashed forward twelve years?

He grabbed the milk out of the fridge and quietly opened the high cupboard where he kept his good snacks when his nephew visited. Sam loved the boy dearly, but there was no way he was sharing his Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes with him. They were his guilty pleasure, a basic-bitch trend he could get behind, and they always ran out well before Christmas, so he made sure to stock up to get him through the holidays. No one touched these babies but him.

Sam returned to the couch with his milk and cake, placing the plastic wrapper between his teeth.

“Uncle Sam?” Jace’s voice called from behind him.

Sam froze, opening his hands and mouth carefully to drop the cake to the floor and away from the prying eyes of ten-year-old boys. “Yeah, pal?”

“Jilly G wants to talk to you.”

Sam twisted around, staring at his nephew for several moments before realization struck him like an eighteen-wheeler, and he asked slowly, “The... radio show host?”

Jace nodded, his expression wary.

Sam turned away briefly from the sheepish child to check the time before meeting the boy’s gaze again. “Why is there a radio show host on the phone wanting to talk to me at eleven at night?”

Jace’s eyes were enormous in his small face, but his voice came out steady. “I listen to her before bed, and she was doing a show about people who were alone, and I thought of you. So, I called in, and after I explained what was going on, she asked to talk to you.”

Sam wanted to sink into the couch with a groan. “Who introduced you to the radio?”

“Dad. He always listens to it when he can’t sleep.”

Sam climbed to his feet and came around to take the cell phone from Jace. “I’m going to kick your dad’s”—Sam caught himself before he owed Jace two dollars to the swear jar—“butt.”

“Why?” Jace asked.

Sam covered the receiver. “For buying you a cell phone,” he whispered. Sam heard a woman’s voice calling his name, and he put the cell to his ear, scowling. “This is Sam.”

“Hi, Sam. This is Jilly G at 103.2 FM. How are you tonight?” Her tone was sweet and soothing, almost distracting him from the fact that his nephew had called up the local radio station for Mistletoe, Idaho. Her tone would have relaxed him, except he remembered that even now he was live on the air, and people he saw every day were listening.

“You know, Jilly, I was doing great until this moment, so maybe we can cut to the chase?” Jace jumped up onto the couch, watching Sam, and he pointed at his nephew and mouthed, You’re in big trouble.

Jace didn’t seem disturbed.

“Well, Jace called in very concerned about you. He said you’ve been spending all your time alone, that you haven’t had a girlfriend in years, and you’ve been binging sweets in front of the TV like Homer Simpson.”

Sam’s gaze skirted to the floor where he’d dropped his tree cake and grimaced. “My nephew doesn’t know who Homer Simpson is, so I know he didn’t say that.”

“No, I inferred it from his description.”

“I look nothing like Homer Simpson!”

“Of course not, Sam,” she crooned gently. “He’s a cartoon character.”

“I mean,” Sam ground out between his gritted teeth, “I’m not an overweight sad sack, eating in front of the TV! I like an occasional treat, and I’m fine being single. In fact, I prefer it that way. I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s plans or feelings—”

“You sound like a very...self-reliant and isolated person.” Sam’s jaw dropped at the dig, and before he could respond, she chirped, “Oh, we have a caller. Hang on, Sam. I’m going to loop in Molly in the Mountains.”

“No, don’t loop in—”

“Hi, Molly! This is Jilly G. You wanted to say something to Lonely in Mistletoe?”

“Mostly, I called in to warn anyone who has never dated Sam—” A loud beep covered his last name. “Run away as fast as you can! He is the most egotistical, selfish, pathetic—”

“Alright, Molly,” Jilly G interjected, “I’m going to stop you right there and let some of these other callers get a few adjectives in.”

“Other callers?” Sam whispered in horror. He couldn’t place Molly off the bat, but if he’d burned that bridge to a cinder, how many more disgruntled women were waiting to read him the riot act?

The list could be massive. As much as he tried to be open and honest, some women didn’t take the end of their acquaintance well.

“Sam, before I take our next caller, do you have any thoughts on Molly’s warning to other women?”

“Do I have thoughts? On whether women should run from me? Many, but I’m a bit terrified anything I say will leave me roasted in the court of public opinion.”

“Are you saying that Molly has the wrong idea about you?” Jilly asked sweetly.

“I mean...I’m not egotistical, I’m confident.” A loud boo chorused in his ear. “Hey now, you wanted me to respond! I’m honest about what I’m looking for. Why does not wanting a relationship make me pathetic?”

“Maybe it is your delivery or reasoning that has Molly feeling this way. Let’s hear from Jen in Sun Valley.”

Sam found himself muted again, and a gravelly voice said hi to Jilly.

“Hi, Jen. I understand that you’ve also had a previous relationship with Lonely in Mistletoe. Care to share?”

The woman chortled, and he stiffened at the familiar sound. “Oh my God, not the hacker!”

“Sam is a jerk,” Jen said, bringing back memories of the night he’d met her when he was passing through Sun. He’d been staying with a friend, and they’d gone out to a bar. He’d approached a gorgeous redhead, but the place was too loud to talk. They went outside, and the moment he’d heard her voice, he’d wanted to hightail it back inside. She sounded like a croaking toad, and while Sam thought he could get over that, kissing her had been like licking an ashtray. Before he could let her down easy, she’d started hacking against his mouth. When he’d felt the hunk of her spit tag him in the face and start sliding down, he was done. He’d told her he needed to pee, grabbed his friend, and rushed out the door.

“It sounds like you know that from experience. Do you want to elaborate, Jen?”

“I met him last year, and we were having a lovely time. Suddenly, he disappears. Sam specializes in blowing women off without any explanation. If he’s alone, binge eating, it’s his own bleeping fault!”

The line went dead, and Jilly laughed. “Apparently, she got what was needed said off her chest. Sam? Thoughts?”

Sam wasn’t going to throw stones and humiliate Jen on the radio. “Yeah, I think I’m going to get off this phone call and discuss at length why boundaries are important with my nephew.”

“Oh, Sam, don’t leave! If you go, how will you respond to the dozens of ladies waiting in the queue to talk to you? Or at you, as was the case with Jen?”

“Naw, thank you, but this little experiment is over. You have a nice night now.”

“Sam—”

He ended the call, tapping his phone against his thigh.

“You look mad,” Jace said.

“I am, but initially, I was just confused.” Sam kneeled in front of Jace, watching his nephew’s downcast face. “What did you think calling a radio station was going to do for my love life?”

Jace shrugged. “Miss Jilly has helped lots of people! Listen, she gives great advice.” Jace hopped off the couch, and Sam heard the telltale sound of plastic being crushed under his nephew’s slippers, but Jace was too riled up to notice the cake he’d smushed under his feet. He took off down the hallway, returning with his tablet, and the first thing Sam heard was Jilly’s voice.

“So, you disagree with the other ladies about Sam’s qualities?” Jilly asked.

“Look, I’m not saying he can’t be an insensitive turd, but he’s smart. He’s funny. Obviously good-looking, or women wouldn’t line up to sleep with him, knowing what they do about him.” Sam recognized Ricki’s voice and groaned. His friend and occasional lover thought she was helping, but no doubt it would only fuel the hate fire the ladies of Mistletoe seemed to be stoking tonight.

“Are you saying they’re asking for it?”

“Whoa, not the words I’d choose,” the woman said. “Just that everyone involved is a consenting adult, and if they don’t want him to continue perpetrating his man-whore ways, maybe don’t answer the phone when he calls with sex on the brain.”

“Thank you for your insights, Ricki.”

Sam shot Ricki a text.

WTF? You getting involved in my public roasting?

At least I said something sweet about you!

Sweet my ass, you called me a man-whore.

“Our next caller is Sally’s Life is Sweet.”

“Oh no,” Sam moaned, banging his face against the soft pillowy top of his couch.

“What’s the matter, Uncle Sam?”

Sam looked up at Jace, his head already throbbing. He pointed to the tablet, but before he could tell him to turn it off, Sally started in.

“Sam is a fatphobic, scared little boy who wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him in the ass.”

Sam groaned, thinking about that one time at Brews and Chews when Sally had offered to do just that, and he’d been horrified. Not that he didn’t like a little rough play, but he didn’t mess around with women who’d dated any of his friends. Or if not friends, people who hung around with him and his brother during social gatherings. While he might think Pike Sutton was a bit of a prissy prima donna, he was not going to fuck him over by sleeping with his ex.

And I’m not fatphobic! Big or small, I love them all.

Nope, that rebuttal would definitely get him killed.

Sam picked Jace up off the couch and shook his head. “Next time you’re worried about my well-being, can we not involve the general public and some radio personality quack?”

“She is usually more helpful,” Jace said, obviously disappointed.

“The lines are still lighting up, and I’m sorry to say the consensus seems to be that Sam isn’t relationship material and is destined to die alone, but maybe I’m wrong. Next caller?”

Sam tapped on Jace’s tablet, cutting off whatever new tirade was coming. Sam carried Jace into the bedroom and tucked him back in, giving him a reassuring smile. “Why don’t you listen to something else, alright? I don’t really want you hearing all that stuff about your uncle.”

“It’s alright, Uncle Sam. I hear a lot when Mom and Aunt Holly talk about you.”

Sam groaned. “Uh, I’m afraid to ask what they say.”

“Aunt Holly thinks when you meet the right girl, you will be an amazing husband.”

Sam smiled. There was a reason Holly Winters held a soft spot in his heart.

“Mom doesn’t think it will happen though. She says you’re too set in your ways.”

Sam ruffled his nephew’s hair, ignoring the sting of those words. “I guess I’ll have to prove your mom wrong, then, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Jace asked.

“Well, if your mom doesn’t think I can get a girlfriend and your aunt does, I think we should prove Holly right. That I can be a good boyfriend.”

Jace sat up so fast, their foreheads nearly collided. “Really?”

“Hey, if you think a girlfriend will make me happy, who am I to argue with a smart guy like you?”

Jace nodded solemnly. “It’s true. I get A’s on all my spelling tests.”

“I’ve heard that about you.” Sam hugged him and pushed him back onto the bed. “Now, get some sleep. We’re making a donut run in the morning.”

Sam got up from the bed but didn’t make it to the doorway before Jace called his name. Sam turned, his hand on the frame. “Yeah, pal?”

“Are you going to share your secret stash with your girlfriend?”

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know about my stash?”

“Dad said you always keep one. He told me to watch out for where you were hiding it so we could raid it when you weren’t home.”

“And did you report back, super spy?” Sam asked, quirking a brow.

Jace grinned. “I’ll keep the location a secret, but only for the big bag of gummy bears.”

Sam’s mouth twitched, suppressing a smile at the little extortionist’s cunning. “Deal.”