Chapter 5
Usually Mary enjoyed hosting parties, but she dreaded today’s barbecue. It was a bon voyage party for Kendra. Mary suspected the only reason Kendra had been willing to make time for the cookout was because it was Dean’s idea. He seized any opportunity to show off his mammoth grill. Soon after he’d bought it, she’d overheard him telling his brother about it on the phone. “Six burners, a smoker box, and a built-in refrigerator. A real bad boy.” As he went on and on about the grill’s attributes, Mary had watched him with a bemused expression. “What?” he’d asked after he hung up.
“Honestly, the way you boast about that thing, I’d think you’d given birth to it.”
“That thing? His name is Gus, and I just about did give birth to him.” He’d needed three weeks to put the grill together. In the end, Rick had come over to help because Jenni was tired of listening to Dean complain about how hard it was to assemble every time she came over to see Mary.
Now, Dean stood in front of it, wielding tongs in one hand and a giant metal spatula in the other. Smoke billowed through the backyard, carrying the scent of mesquite-flavored steak tips, burgers, and chicken. The guests stood in small groups, laughing and clutching red Solo cups filled with sangria.
Surrounded by friends, Mary should have been happy, but she felt the burning in her throat that let her know she was on the verge of tears. She glanced down at Kendra, who was talking with her girlfriends and Nate. They stood in a circle on the side lawn in the shade provided by the maple tree that Dean had planted the day Kendra was born. In all the years since, they had called it “Kendra’s tree.” Mary’s eyes watered. She’d already broken down crying three times today.
Her outbursts weren’t only because she’d miss her daughter. She was mourning the past she’d never had.
Ever since Darbi’s crazy story and her night out with James, Mary couldn’t stop wishing she could be in her twenties again. She wanted to be younger, with most of her life in front of her rather than behind her. For a moment, she let herself imagine today was thirty years ago and that the cookout was for her. She was leaving for Iowa the next day. She pictured herself at the airport. In her mind, she saw Dean running through the terminal and finding her just before she slipped through the gate to board her flight. “Of course I’m coming with you.” He picked her up and spun her around. She felt herself smiling.
A burst of laughter by the grill jarred Mary from her daydream. Dean’s brother, Anthony, the head pro at Addison Heights Golf Club, and his latest girlfriend, a curvy young blonde in a skort with a ball-shaped bulge in her pocket, sleeveless top, and a visor, were talking to Dean. The young woman had clearly come straight from the golf course, and Dean stared at her with a goofy expression as if he were in a trance.
Mary trudged up the stairs of the deck, trying to remember the last time her husband had looked at her—or anything other than a great golf shot—like that. Maybe if she dressed in cute golf outfits and carried a seven iron around the house, Dean would look at her the same way. She stepped between Dean and Anthony’s girlfriend, mostly to give the girl breathing room. Dean was practically standing on top of her. “I’m Mary.”
“Jessica.”
“Jessica has a ten handicap.” Dean grinned like a horny teenager meeting a pinup model. “A ten.”
Jessica reached around Mary to touch his arm. “We should play together sometime.”
“Let’s do it,” Dean said. “I’ll make a tee time for tomorrow.”
Mary elbowed him. “We’re taking Kendra to the airport tomorrow.”
“Another time then,” Dean said.
The scent of patchouli and tangerine floated in the air. A moment later, Darbi’s jovial voice called out, “Drumroll, please. Darbi and Jacqui Mulligan have arrived.”
Mary watched as they climbed the stairs to the deck. They were a most unlikely couple, Darbi with her pale freckled skin and Jacqui with her rich dark complexion, Darbi with her crazy gray cornrows, and Jacqui with her stylish textured pixie, Darbi with her tie-dyed T-shirt and khaki shorts, and Jacqui in a designer yellow sundress.
When the two women reached the top stair, Darbi thrust a tinfoil-covered paper plate at Mary. “We brought brownies.”
Mary cocked her head. “Are they special brownies?”
“Try one and find out.” Darbi winked.
Jacqui put a reassuring hand on Mary’s elbow. “They’re fine. I made them myself.”
Kendra and Nate joined the crowd on the deck. Kendra hugged Darbi and then Jacqui. “I swear you get more beautiful every time I see you,” Jacqui said.
Dean wrapped an arm around Mary. “She looks just like her mom at that age.”
That’s a lie, Mary thought, but still she smiled. At the most unexpected times, her husband of almost three decades resembled her young groom, which made staying angry at him difficult.
When the food was ready, Mary led the guests to tables set up under a canopy on the lawn.
“Dean, you’re an amazing chef,” Jessica said.
Dean puffed out his chest. “When you have a great helper like Gus, it’s easy.”
“Who’s Gus?” Anthony asked.
“Dean named the grill.” By the way Mary said the words, everyone knew she thought naming a grill was ridiculous.
“It’s not just any grill,” Dean said. “It’s the crown jewel of grills.”
“Must have been a beast to assemble,” Nate said.
“You have no idea.” Dean launched into a story about how he’d struggled to put it together. With his thumb and index finger, he demonstrated how short some of the screws were. “And there were—”
“Kendra,” Anthony cut in. “Tell us about your new job and where you’ll be living.”
A ray of sunlight struck the top of Kendra’s head, and she appeared to be glowing. “We’re opening a new office in Canary Wharf. I’m responsible for managing it, scheduling projects, keeping it organized, ordering office supplies, overseeing the administrative staff.”
Mary watched her daughter with a sense of pride. Kendra had inherited the best parts of her and Dean and none of their faults. She had Mary’s big heart and Dean’s sense of adventure. Her face, mouth, and eyes were the same shapes as Mary’s, but she had Dean’s Sicilian coloring. Like him and his family, she talked with her hands. She motioned with them now, imitating the queen’s wave, and like a sucker punch to her gut, Mary realized again that Kendra was moving to another country, a different continent. Would Nate know how to make chicken soup with acini di pepe when Kendra got a bad cold? If he made it with rice instead of the pasta, she would refuse to eat it. Would he make sure she kept an emergency twenty dollars in the glove box of her car and didn’t spend it on coffee? Would he turn up the radio and sing along with her when Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” came on the radio? Would he remind her to call home?
From across the table, Darbi winked at Mary, pulling her from her thoughts. Today was the first time the two women had seen each other since their lunch. Mary wondered what had ever possessed Darbi to make up that story about Mulligan magic.
I should have my wisdom teeth out on the off chance the story is true.
The thought popped into her head without warning. She batted it down, unable to believe she’d given any credence to the possibility that she could erase years off her life by having her wisdom teeth extracted. The sangria must have been stronger than Dean usually made it.
Her skin began to tingle. She felt grossly hot. Sweat streamed down her back. Perspiration pooled above her lips. She mopped her forehead with a napkin.
“Are you okay?” Jessica asked.
All the guests turned toward Mary. She brought her hand to her chest as her heartbeat accelerated. Damn hot flash. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. You’re flushed,” Kendra said.
Everyone stopped speaking. Chirping birds made the only sounds in the backyard.
Mary managed a smile. “I said I’m fine.”
She wasn’t fine, though. This particular hot flash was not a flash at all. It felt more like a prolonged wildfire. Jessica, Kendra, and Kendra’s friends stared at her. Yes, ladies, this is what you have to look forward to. So, enjoy your youth while you can.
Mary had to get out of there. She rose from her seat like an erupting volcano. “I’m getting some ice water. Does anyone need anything?” Without waiting for an answer, she sprinted toward the house. Halfway across the lawn, her foot got caught on a tree root. She fell, scraping her knee on the ground.
She pushed herself up to a sitting position. Blood dripped down her shin. Footsteps raced toward her. Dean lifted her to her feet and escorted her to the house. Inside the quiet sunroom away from the wide-eyed stares of her guests, she broke down in tears.
“Poor baby,” Dean said, wrapping her in a tight hug.
She knew he was trying to be sweet. Any other time she would have taken comfort in his embrace, but for the past few weeks, she’d felt imprisoned by the choices she’d made long ago. Today, as they celebrated Kendra’s departure, those feelings of imprisonment were peaking, so she pushed herself away from Dean, not wanting to be held in place, and sank into the love seat.
Dean sighed and left the room. He returned with a facecloth wrapped over ice and held it to Mary’s knee. “What’s going on?”
Her chin trembled as she answered. “How is this my life?” She buried her face in her hands. “How is this my life?” she asked again.
“What’s wrong with your life?”
“I’m fifty-four years old. How did I get to be fifty-four?”
Dean scratched his head. Water from the melting ice dripped on the tiled floor.
“I was just twenty-two,” Mary continued. “Moving into my first apartment, with my whole life in front of me.”
“Kendra’s just a plane ride away.”
Mary used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears running down her cheeks.
“That’s what this is about, right?” Dean asked. “Kendra leaving?”
“How am I old enough to have a daughter who’s old enough to move away? I was just hosting birthday parties for her at Roller Kingdom.”
Dean chewed on his lower lip.
“Yoo-hoo!” Darbi’s voice drifted in through the screen door seconds before it slid open. “Go join the guests. I’ll stay here with Mary.”
Dean nodded and raced out of the house as if it were on fire.
His quick escape didn’t surprise Mary. She was so cranky these days that she irritated even herself. She needed to mix things up. She needed something to look forward to.
Darbi plopped down in the recliner across from Mary. “It’s a hard time with Kendra leaving, but don’t make any rash decisions.”
“Like what?”
“Like having your wisdom teeth out. The pain will subside when you stop thinking about your regrets.”
“Today’s not the day for a crazy story.”
Darbi picked up a throw pillow and hugged it to her chest. “I know it’s hard to believe, but Mulligan magic is real.”
“Stop.”
“Why would I make up something like that?”
“You tell me.”
Laughter from the guests outside drifted in through the sliding screen door.
“I wouldn’t. I’m not that imaginative. I’m telling you, it happened to me. Just before I left Ireland.”
Mary’s mouth throbbed, and despite what Darbi said, she doubted her wisdom teeth would stop hurting without medical intervention. The Mulligan magic story was utter nonsense, but for a little while, Mary could pretend it was true. Thinking she could be twenty-four again might even lift her out of her funk, and it would certainly give her the courage she needed to make an appointment with Dr. Montari. She sprang to her feet, forgetting all about her sore knee. “I’m calling the dentist Monday morning.”
“Listen to me,” Darbi said, but whatever else she was about to say, Mary didn’t hear. She raced out the door to join the other guests.