Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
My stomach was in knots. My center of gravity had shifted, leaving me off-kilter. Seeing Chris on that stretcher when they raced him off the slopes had slowed down time and pitched my heart to my feet. Even now, watching as the on-call surgeon performed the emergency surgery, I still couldn’t make time speed up to normal. Couldn’t get us to the other side of Chris’s recovery.
I could only watch helplessly as another surgeon performed the repair I’d won awards for. I’d checked his credentials when they first informed me of the doctor’s name. He had adequate training, and this wouldn’t be his first compound fracture.
That did not comfort me at all.
I wanted to be the one repairing the fracture, but knowing I’d be working on Chris made me want to burst into tears. Having a surgeon who couldn’t stop the waterworks would be more harmful than a doctor I found subpar. So I watched from a place where I could be as unobtrusive as possible ... and prayed.
Please, don’t let this surgery go awry. Please fix Chris. Plea se give him miraculous healing. You do miracles, right? Because I need a miracle.
What would I do if something happened and Chris didn’t recover?
Don’t think like that.
The thought had been cycling in the back of my mind from the moment I’d received a phone call from Lamont telling me Chris had fallen off the mountain and was being rescued. My heart had literally stopped for a couple of beats.
Not another person.
I couldn’t lose another person I called my own. Not one more. And that was what I kept telling God over and over. Not one more. I wasn’t sure if He was listening in this instance, but I wouldn’t stop praying until I had an answer.
The doctor began screwing the tibia together. So far, he’d done everything to my satisfaction. But standing in the corner watching the dance that was the operating room made me realize just how disconcerting everything was to an outsider. I glanced at the monitors, checking Chris’s heart rate and blood pressure. Everything looked as it should. Thankfully, I’d had a copious amount of practice standing in surgery, because I wasn’t moving from this spot unless I was forced to or the surgery was complete and considered successful.
Chris wanted me here. He needed me. For once our relationship wasn’t about me taking, taking, and taking some more. He’d asked for me, kept hold of my hand the entire ride here. Though if I really thought about it, he probably hadn’t been cognizant of me holding his hand.
Still, I would be here until he said otherwise. Even through all the pain and rehab he still had to face. I blinked. Oh my word. How was he going to film the rest of his docuseries while on crutches? Did he get sick leave from his nonprofit? And why didn’t I know more about how his business worked? Was I so caught up in myself that I couldn’t ask about a friend?
I snorted.
Who was I kidding? I’d passed friendly feelings like passing Go and collecting two hundred dollars. I was so completely in love with Chris. How could I not fall for a man of his caliber? He was the gold standard. I regretted not expressing those exact words to him before. Sure, he knew I wanted a romantic relationship, but ... would that all change now? How could I expect us to move forward when he’d literally taken a step backward? Like a bad move in Chutes and Ladders, Chris was at the beginning of this journey. Don’t focus on that right now. Wait until he’s out of the woods before you figure out the next steps.
By the time surgery was over and Chris was wheeled out of the room, I felt like crumbling. I thanked the doctor for his hard work and went to the nearest bathroom ... and lost all composure. I cried as quietly as possible while also allowing every pent-up emotion out. Chris could’ve died today. Something could’ve gone wrong in surgery.
But he didn’t die. Surgery was textbook. Your prayer was answered.
I hiccupped. Chris was alive. He was on his way to healing. I hadn’t lost another person.
I blinked at the reflection staring back at me. God had answered my prayer. As much as I could credit the resulting miracle to modern medicine and the EMTs who’d rushed him to the hospital, I couldn’t discount the fact that I’d been praying from the moment I knew Chris had been hurt.
Knowing Lamont and all of them like I did, they’d been praying too. God heard us. God answered us.
“You love me,” I whispered.
Goose bumps broke out across my arms as the hairs on my body raised in awareness. I wasn’t spooked, but right then, in that moment, I did not feel alone, even though there was no one else in the bathroom with me.
God is the Spirit, right?
I licked my lips. I couldn’t explain what I felt. There were no adequate words to describe the way my heart hammered and the way my skin prickled in recognition. I just knew I wasn’t alone.
God had been taking care to show me all the ways He was real. And even though I fully believed, He still showed up. Still answered my prayers. He saw me and knew I still needed confirmation when I doubted. How astonishing it was He cared enough to answer my prayer and not take Chris away from me.
Tears fell in relief. Gone were the ones of heartache; now I cried in pure gratitude. I bowed my head, letting myself pour out my thanks.
Thank You for the way You’ve revealed Yourself today. You saved Chris. You heard me. You provided a path to healing.
My breath shuddered. Knowing the many ways God continued to show up for me humbled me to my core. Never—well, besides Chris—had I had someone show up for me without question. The irony in that thought had me snort. I’d questioned God repeatedly until I’d accepted all the ways He’d blessed me. A little part of me thought He’d stop then. He’d gotten me to admit I was wrong and He existed, and that would be the end.
But God showed up ... again .
Chris needs you.
Right. There was a man on the way to recovery who I wanted to be there for. I wanted me, not the nurse in recovery, to be the first person Chris saw when he woke. I turned on t he water, splashing my face. Thank goodness I hadn’t put on makeup. Cheyenne hadn’t cared that my face was natural, and neither had Chris when he’d looked at me earlier. He’d been thankful for my presence. So I would go and be present.
I hurried to the recovery room and breathed out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t roused from the anesthesia yet.
“Dr. Kennedy?”
I turned and saw a nurse striding toward me. “They said I could give you an update. I’m Sam.”
“Nice to meet you.” I shook her hand. “Everything looking good?”
“Yes, ma’am. He should be coming out of it in a half hour if my guess is accurate.”
I grinned. “I’m sure it is.”
“Well, I have been doing this for twenty years, so I’d say I have it down to the minute. Do you need some water? Crackers?”
I couldn’t eat anything right now. I just wanted to see Chris’s blue eyes staring back at me. “A cup of water would be great. Thank you.”
“Of course. I already put a chair by his bedside.”
I walked to Chris’s bed and sat in the chair next to him. I ran my hand down his arm and covered it with my palm. Would he feel the warmth? Would he know he was safe? I hoped so.
“You did fantastic in surgery,” I whispered. “I’m so proud of you.”
I ran my hand through his hair. It was thick at the top, holding a slight curl at the ends. I’d been wanting to touch his hair forever but didn’t want to be that girl.
Then don’t. Soothe but don’t explore.
I stifled a chuckle. Maybe the relief at the knowledge he’d made it through surgery made me a little batty.
I ga sped. The guys! They must be frantic. I pulled out my cell and opened a new text thread, adding everyone to the chain.
Erykah
Surgery went beautifully. He’s in recovery right now.
Lamont
Praise God.
Tuck
I knew he’d be good with you watching over him.
Nevaeh
Piper and I are discreetly crying with relief.
Piper
Can we tell Cheyenne?
My poor niece! People kept getting hurt around her. This had to have scared her, if not scarred her a little. I’d have to let her new therapist know about this recent development. But I was glad Cheye had an outlet. Her tantrums had calmed some.
Erykah
Please. Tell her he’s going to be okay, and I’ll be home after dinner.
Because I wouldn’t leave before that. I was sure the guys or even the girls would be willing to maintain a rotation at the hospital, so Chris wouldn’t be alone. Should I call his mother? You don’t have her number. I’d have to remember to ask Chris about that once they moved him to a permanent room.
A low moan came from his lips. I turned my attention from my thoughts and focused on him. I ran a hand across his forehead.
“Are you hurting? Do you need some water?” I asked quietly.
Recovery rooms were always quiet, and I didn’t want to talk loudly and disturb another patient coming out of surgery and back into reality.
“Erykah?” he rasped.
“I’m here.” I’d never go anywhere if he’d let me stay next to his side forever.
“I’m okay?”
“You’re great.” I placed a kiss to his knuckles and squeezed his hand. “I’m so proud of you. You did it, and the surgery went perfectly.”
“Thank God.”
“Amen.” I smiled. I’d get a handle on the lingo. I’d actually looked that word up and found out amen was merely an agreement. Since I’d been thanking God earlier, I didn’t mind thanking Him once more.
“You prayed? Or am I misremembering?” Chris studied me, his gaze becoming clearer as the fog of anesthesia slowly lifted.
“I did, and God answered.” I smiled. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” I brushed his hairline. “Do you want some water? I’m sure I can get something cold. It’ll feel good on your throat.” I’d since finished the cup Sam had left for me.
“Please.”
I hurried to the watering station and filled a Styrofoam cup, then stopped at the nurses’ station. “Hey, Sam, can I get a straw for Chris?”
“Of course, Dr. Kennedy.” She handed me one. “I saw his vitals picked up but knew he was in good hands with you there. If he needs some pain meds, just let me know.”
“Thanks, Sam.”
“Sure thing.”
I he ld the straw steady for Chris as he took a sip.
He let out a sigh. “You’re right. That works wonders.” He took another swallow, then let his head drop back on the pillow. “How are the kids? Are the guys here?”
“Yes. Lamont and Tuck are in the waiting room. They want to see you once your room is ready. Then the plan is for them to hang out with you until visiting hours are over. I’ll go back with one of them to relieve Nevaeh and Piper and reassure the girls, though the ladies already told them you’re okay.”
“You must have been filled with worry.” His gaze assessed mine.
“That might have crossed my mind.”
A somber expression filled his face. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Healing is going to suck, isn’t it?”
I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to make him feel defeated before he even began the recovery process. “Let’s not worry about that right now. Just recover from surgery. ’Kay?”
“Okay.”