Chapter 38
Thirty-Eight
The words tore from his gut.
Chris hated to say them, but he’d been thinking about his mom’s offer since yesterday, and the only conclusion he’d come to was for Erykah to leave. He’d offered space in his place so she’d have time to find adequate housing, not to mention his desire to help her. But now he was an added burden when she’d already dealt with so much. How could he have her helping him around the house when she had Ash and Cheye, who required her attention unless they’d managed to sleep peacefully? She was literally doing everything by herself right now. For heaven’s sake, she’d shoveled snow and sanded the sidewalk before leaving for work this morning. What kind of man did that make him to have the woman he ... loved shoveling snow?
If he gave her notice to move out, surely she’d be able to find something for her and the girls. He didn’t want to hold them back or make their life any more difficult than it already was.
“What do you mean? Where do you want me to go?” Erykah asked.
“You need to find another place to live.” He drew in a breath. “Preferably by the end of the month.” He couldn’t stand seeing her doing everything in this house another day. If she was going to do so much, she’d be better off living in her own space without a daily reminder of Chris’s uselessness. But he needed to ensure they had someplace to move to.
“Are ... I...” She licked her lips. “Have I done something wrong?”
“Of course not. I’m the one...” He looked away.
The crestfallen expression on her face was like a shard to his heart. I’m not kicking her out. This was for the good of her and the girls. Cheye would finally get a new path for healing, and Erykah wouldn’t have to live in the basement any longer. He knew his place was not her idea of home sweet home . Besides, his deductible for physical therapy would make a dent in his pocket. Not to mention PathLight would be severing their contract with him and requiring a payback on the advance they’d given. He’d basically be paying for them to find a new star for their show.
But that’s a good thing, right? You don’t actually like working for them.
That was beside the point. His income would take a hit. The leg, the money, worrying about overwhelming a woman who already had so much on her plate ... all the things that had kept him from sleeping soundly. He never wanted to be a burden, and honestly, sometimes a person had to reassess their promises. Discover when it was time to back away—like Tracey had when she ended their relationship—and find a new plan.
“You guys will be better off without me.” His throat cracked on the sentence, but he had to show her he meant every word.
“Better off without you? Are you suggesting we’ll never see you again? Aren’t we friends?” Shock coated every word.
Being her friend wouldn’t change, but he was failing in that department. “Of course the girls can visit, and you’ll always be my friend. No matter what.” Whether she remained his was another story.
“And that’s it? Just a friend?” Her brown eyes bored into his.
The desire to pull her close and into his arms swelled within him. But just as quickly, he batted the feeling away. As much as he wanted to take her on a date like he’d asked weeks ago, he couldn’t. Legit couldn’t. He couldn’t drive, couldn’t even cook her dinner. With the uncertainty surrounding the docuseries and his financial troubles, Chris couldn’t figure out what he could possibly offer her. She was a world-renowned orthopedic surgeon. Chris would be foolish to offer his heart only for her to return it like Tracey had when she’d seriously considered forever.
He swallowed. “We’ll always be friends.”
“Okay, then.” Her head dropped, and the next words were muffled as she spoke into her chest. “I guess you’ll be happy to know I found a place.” Her head shot up, and the fakest smile he’d ever seen plastered itself on her face. “My Realtor is putting in an offer, and if they accept, I’ll close by end of month. We’ll be out of your hair.”
“Uh...” His mind blanked.
Erykah held up a hand. “No need to say anything more. You’ve made your position perfectly clear.” She stood up. “Do you need anything? If not, I’m gonna hit the sack.”
“No.” Didn’t matter that there was an awful cramp in his calf. He wouldn’t ask one more thing of her.
“Good night,” she said curtly.
He winced and said nothing as she walked away and down the stairs. As soon as she was out of sight, he closed his eyes.
Lord, that hurt. Please don’t let that have hurt her as m uch as it hurt me. I want nothing but the best for her. The girls will finally get to a permanent place and won’t have to worry about me on top of everything else.
And as for closing the door on a future romance...
Well, she was beautiful and smart. She’d find someone else worthwhile.
Maybe he should take a page out of her book and go to sleep. No need to think over this ad nauseam. He grabbed the crutches and pulled himself up, keeping his weight on his left leg. Still, that didn’t stop the pain radiating in the back of his calf. Why did that area even hurt when the screws were holding his bones together, not his calf muscles?
He placed the crutches forward, and stepped on his left leg, moving the right one slowly. Footsteps pounding against the stairs drew his attention. Erykah stormed back toward him, anger furrowing her brow and narrowing her eyes.
She stopped short, her feet an inch away from his. Uh-oh. His pulse drummed in his ears.
“How dare you.” She pointed a finger until it jabbed his chest.
“What—”
“Don’t talk. You’re done talking. It’s my turn to talk.” She punctuated each sentence with a jab as if dotting it with a period.
Chris had enough clarity to see the proverbial steam rising from the top of her head. He’d never seen her this upset. All he could do was gape.
“You can’t just make a decision without me. We’re friends, but we’ve become more than that these past few months.”
He couldn’t disagree with any of that.
“So for you to try some high-handed, fall-on-your-sword action is bull! We’re a team, Christian Gamble.”
“You ’re so beautiful when you’re angry.”
She stepped back and propped her hands on her hips. “Excuse me?”
Abort! Retract statement now. “Uh, I meant ... nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“No.” She shook her head. “No. What did you mean?”
Was there no way of escape? If he weren’t dependent on these crutches, he’d try the avoidance tactic. “I meant just what I said. You look beautiful when you’re mad. There’s fire in your eyes that gives you a glow that’s different from the one that lights up your smile.”
“Urgh!” Erykah threw her hands up, then pointed back at him once more. “That. That is exactly what gets on my nerves about you. You haven’t said two things to me regarding our relationship. Obviously dating while we live together is taboo, but you could’ve said, ‘Erykah, as soon as I get better, we’ll dine the night away.’”
Did his voice really sound like that? Slow and strangely low-pitched? At least he had enough sense not to ask that as she continued her rant.
“But no,” she elongated. “You’ve been all withdrawn and broody. I told myself you were simply hurting, that breaking your leg the way you did was traumatic. That eventually you’d talk and confide in me as I have done with you these past few months. And when I finally think you’re going to do so, you pull the rug right from underneath me by kicking me and the girls out.”
“I’m not kicking you out. You just said you found a new place. You’re moving out.”
She snorted. “Yeah, because you knew that when you got it in your thick skull that I needed to remove myself from your life so you can wallow in pity.”
“I’m not.” Aren’t you?
The look she gave repeated the sentiment.
“Then what’s the real reason you want me to leave?” she asked calmly. “Don’t give me that bull about being better off without you.”
“It’s true .” He drew in a breath, trying not to let his frustration overtake him.
“How can you think that?” Her eyes flicked back and forth, studying him. “Seriously, how could you ever think that when you’re the reason we’re doing as well as we are?”
“You were shoveling snow this morning. How is that doing well?” He’d just compounded her burden, and that was the last thing he wanted.
“Chris...” She breathed out. She cupped a hand against the side of his face. “You’re injured. The least I can do is help you after all you’ve done for me.”
“I didn’t do anything that anyone else wouldn’t have.”
“Truly?” She eyed him skeptically. “You would really do all that you have for me and the girls for anyone?”
Hadn’t he admitted moments before that he loved her? Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to put a label to the emotion when he was seeing her for the first time or having that second-chance meeting at the governor’s mansion. But it was quite obvious he’d passed like long ago and had fallen head over heels for her.
“Probably not.”
“And do you really want to stay just friends?”
Why was she bringing this up? He was trying to be the better person. If she attached herself to him through the mess with PathLight and his useless leg ...
“Erykah...”
“Be honest,” she whispered. “Remember?”
“I love you,” he rasped.
“And I love you.”
His mouth drew up into a smile for the first time in weeks. He rested his forehead against hers. “For real?”
“Yes, but you need to tell me what’s going on. Don’t shut me out.”
“PathLight is terminating their contract with me. I have to pay back the advance. My YouTube views and follows are dropping, which means less income on that front. I can’t help around the house. I’m in agony just picking up Cheyenne from the bus. I’m ... a burden to you.”
She drew back. “There is so much to unpack in that statement, but let’s start with the agony. Why does it hurt walking to the bus stop? You’re not putting your weight on your leg, are you?” She looked down at the offender.
“Of course not. But my calf hasn’t stopped hurting.”
A mask slid over her face, and standing before him was Doctor Kennedy. “Since when?”
“Since we left the hospital.” Why were his senses tingling like he was Peter Parker? “Why?”
“Why didn’t you say anything before now?”
“I literally just had surgery. What was I supposed to say? ‘Ow, my calf hurts, give me more meds’? Oh, wait, they prescribed me some and sent me home.”
She huffed. “Chris, you need to go to the hospital right now.”
“What? Why?” The very thought had him breaking out into a sweat. What did she think was wrong?
“You might have a blood clot.”
“Tell me you’re joking.” He groaned.
She gave him a pointed stare. “I’ll get the girls and then drive you there.”
“No. Don’t wake them up.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Um, Rebecca, down the street. Maybe she can watch the girls. And if not, I’ll take an Uber. I don’t want to disturb them.”
“Are you serious ? Did we not just have a question about you acting like you’re a burden when clearly there’s someone who cares for you and is happy to help?” She placed her hands on her hips once more.
“Erykah, do you actually want to wake Ash up?”
She bit her lip. “Which house is Rebecca’s?”
“Blue one.”
“Got it. Be right back.” She grabbed her coat, slipped her feet into her boots, and disappeared.
Chris pulled out his cell phone.
Chris
Erykah thinks I might have a blood clot. Omw to hospital.
Tuck
Praying. Please keep us posted or have her do so.
Lamont
Yeah, that’s nothing to mess around with.
Great, everyone seemed to know that but him. He stared at the door, then back at his phone. Should he tell them about his convo with Erykah?
Chris
Also need prayer about my relationship with Erykah. She knows how I feel.
Lamont
You admitted you love her? Wow.
Tuck
I thought you’d take at least another month or two.
Chris
Not surprised you were wrong.
Lamont
Did she not say it back? Is that the issue?
Chri s
She loves me too.
Tuck
Then what gives?
Chris
I might have kicked her out before I confessed.
Lamont
Tuck
Lamont
You need so much prayer, it’s not even funny.
Chris
I think I hear her coming back. We’ll continue this later.
Tuck
Wait until the other ladies find out.
Lamont
Truth.