The Nature of Love (Love in the Spotlight #3)

Chapter 40

Forty

Chris stared up at the ceiling. He’d been talking to God for the past half hour as the machine next to him showed his vitals. The room lights had been turned off long ago as it was currently five in the morning. He should be asleep, but after the tech had checked his vitals, his eyes had remained open, and his mind had begun thinking.

Erykah loved him. His heart filled with some kind of euphoria he couldn’t describe. Not that he needed to. It was enough knowing how she felt. But now he was stuck. Did he let her move out with the girls when that was the last thing he actually wanted?

After they’d talked for a couple of hours last night, she had returned to his place. Though she’d offered to take off work today, he didn’t want her whole schedule to be rearranged when he wasn’t going to be doing anything but recovering. She would bring the girls to visit after work, and that was perfect.

But back to the larger issue at hand.

Chris had had enough time to think. What he’d come to realize was one, considering the girls moving out created a hole in his heart that he wanted to close back up as quickly as possible, and two, he didn’t actually want Erykah to move out ... ever . Which left him with the question, Could he actually let them leave?

The thought of him and Erykah sharing the same place now that they were in a romantic relationship gave him pause. It pricked at his sense of propriety and what God would think. But if marriage was his endgame, did it make sense for her to buy a house, only for them to marry down the line and move back in together? Not that he was suggesting they shack up either.

But does she even like your house? It’s too ecofriendly for her.

Well, no, she called it home. Other than the earlier adjustments, Erykah had adapted to his way of life, or they’d found a compromise that they could both be satisfied with. She fit perfectly in his home, in his arms, in his heart.

Lord, I don’t want her to leave. I don’t want the girls to leave. I’ ll miss them so much.

Still, could he honestly say he was ready for marriage this instant? Was he just looking at the situation with his limited worldview? The last thing he wanted to do was jump into marriage simply to keep them from leaving. He wanted to walk in God’s will for this relationship. Something he hadn’t done for the last one.

Lord, I just want the best for them. You know how much I love Erykah . How much I love Cheyenne and Ashlynn ... like they were my own children.

Watching them grow over these past few months had given him pure joy. He couldn’t recall when he’d been so happy to go home and find people there. No, not just people , but specifically Erykah and the girls. And maybe that’s why you never wanted to rest before.

His mom had shown him the importance of working. She’d barely had time to grieve the death of his father before she’d had to return to work. And other than the week he took to wallow in pity after Tracey jilted him, Chris didn’t take a lot of vacation days.

But being a family with Erykah and the girls had fulfilled something in him. Sharing his love of animals, nature, and conservation efforts throughout his home had warmed his heart. Cheye even knew exactly which bins to throw items into. She liked seeing the snow melt and go through the purification system he had. He couldn’t wait to share what the garden would look like come spring. They’d become his family as sure as anything.

Lord, what do I do? Do I propose to Erykah or wait?

And what does Erykah want?

The thought stood out in his mind. Here he was trying to prevent her from exiting, and he hadn’t even asked her what she wanted. Sure, she’d admitted to wanting to be near him, but to what end? Had she thought about marriage? Or did she want to take their relationship slowly?

He blew out a breath. That conversation would have to wait until she stopped by after work. All he could do was tell the Lord what he wanted and submit to His will. Chris may or may not get the desire of his heart, but he knew God would give him a perfect gift. Whatever that might be.

Be patient. Be still and let God work everything out for your good and, more importantly, Erykah’s.

The thought cheered him up. God would take care of all of them—that was a promise. Chris closed his eyes and prayed he could get some more sleep.

Unfortunately, the next shift woke him before he could fall into a deep sleep. He didn’t have his laptop, so he couldn’t work on that. All he had was his cell phone.

Chris

I’m bored.

Tuck

Nothing good on hospital TV?

Chris

No

Lamont

You can stream on your cell. Surely there’s something to watch that way.

Tuck

I found a couple of your movies on streaming when I had surgery.

Chris

Oh, I can watch one and provide commentary.

Lamont

This should be good, ol’ man.

Tuck

Did you and Erykah make up?

Lamont

Yeah, is she moving out?

Chris placed a group call, keeping the video option off. He didn’t want them seeing him in the hospital. That was too weird.

“Well?” Lamont asked instead of saying hello .

Chris told them about asking her to move out, her finding a place, them making up and agreeing to date. Just hearing the whole thing repeated exhausted him. “Can we honestly live together and date? That seems...”

“Against God’s rules?” Lamont asked.

“Well, yeah. What will people say? Erykah’s just getting to know everyone at church.”

“Has anyone said anything up until this point?” Tuck asked.

His neighbors probably assumed they were married, and the people at church didn’t come over his house. “No, but still.”

“Look,” Tuck said. “Your situation is a little different. Erykah needed a place for her and the girls, and you provided that. She stays in the basement and you on the top floor. There’s a whole common area separating y’all.”

“Didn’t you say she’s moving out at the end of the month?” Lamont asked. “Voilà, problem fixed.”

“But I don’t want them to move out,” Chris said quietly. The very thought made the bands on his chest tighten.

“Whoa. You don’t?” Lamont asked.

“You thinking marriage or something else?” Tuck’s question came next.

“I want marriage. I’m just unsure if I want it now.”

“I know how people’s perception can create an alternate reality,” Lamont said. “What matters is that you and Erykah know the truth of the situation. However, I will say if temptation is going to be an issue, then you might want to let her move out as planned.”

Chris heard him, but he wanted Tuck’s opinion as well. “What do you think, Tuck?”

“I don’t know. I believe you won’t cross the line. Plus, the girls are there. But what if you don’t marry until a year later? Now it becomes messy. Saying those three words changes everything.”

“What makes you hesitate about marriage?” Lamont asked.

Chris swallowed. “I was engaged before.”

“What?” they cried.

He told them about the relationship and about being left at the altar. Occasionally they’d chime in with questions, but finally, Chris finished his story.

“So you’re afraid,” Tuck said.

“ But how long are you going to let fear keep you from happiness with someone who genuinely loves you back?” Lamont asked.

“I don’t want to fail her. It’s more than how I feel about Erykah. I have to consider the girls as well.”

“Then maybe take things slow.” Lamont sighed. “I feel for you. I’m sure you all have bonded, but she might want to experience what dating is like, don’t you think?”

Chris would be the first man Erykah had dated. “What do you mean?”

“Talking on the phone until you fall asleep.” Lamont chuckled. “My favorite thing with Nevaeh.”

“Oh, first date,” Tuck said. “We did a picnic for ours.”

Chris could get behind a first date. “Thanks, fellas. You guys have given me a lot to think about.”

“That’s what we’re here for,” Lamont stated.

“And to keep you humble. We know being the old and fifth wheel was too much. Glad you only have to suffer middle age now.”

“I can’t wait until you hit forty, Tucker Hale.” But Chris’s lips twitched as he said it.

“You’ll be even older then,” Tuck shot back.

Chris appreciated the good-natured ribbing. It made him feel a part of something. These two were the constants in his life, and he wouldn’t take that for granted.

“Send a text our way when you get released. We’re still praying,” Lamont added.

“Yeah, make sure it’s the group text with the ladies. I know they’ll want to know,” Tuck said.

“Will do.”

Chris hung up and stared back up at the ceiling. Thank You for their friendship and wise counsel.

The more Chris thought about his situation with Erykah, the more he considered going slow might be part of their journey. If that was the case, they definitely shouldn’t be in the same house. When she moved into her new place, he could take Erykah on dates. Do outings that included the girls, because he’d miss them with a deep ache when they left, but also ones that were just the two of them. And maybe then he’d know the right time to propose.

As long as it goes according to God’s plan. And don’t forget to include Erykah in the conversation.

He couldn’t spend all his time solving the issue. He’d already done that and caused unnecessary hurt between them. Chris needed to make sure he was opening up to the love of his life.