Chapter Twelve
After being told my name with knobs on during Sunday dinner yesterday, my brain is well and truly frazzled. I spent all night tossing and turning as I went over my marriage in my head, agonising over everything I did wrong, whether Jerry was as bad as I remember, and I ended up more confused than ever. I hardly slept a wink, and Penny had to wake me up when the alarm went off.
As I wave goodbye to her at the school gates, a new gnawing worry begins swirling and twirling around my gut like a ballerina on steroids.
My sweet little girl is handling our current situation surprisingly well, she seems to love living at Mia’s and getting her to school in the morning hasn’t been any bother at all. It’s almost … odd, how well she’s been coping, considering so much has changed in such a short space of time. And yet, she’s barely mentioned her dad and she’s practically skipping into class, her friends Susie and Isabelle on each arm. This is such unchartered territory for me - do I sit her down and have a big, serious conversation about the separation, or do I just let sleeping dogs lie? I’m not sure what to do for the best.
For the fiftieth time this morning, I unearth my phone from the depths of my handbag, and sigh audibly at the lack of messages or calls. Despite the stink he made, Jerry has not even texted to ask how Penny is doing, and that pains me more than I could have ever imagined. He was never an attentive husband, but he was always a decent dad … when he was around, that is. He did stupid things like letting Penny out of his sight on the beach, putting her in danger, but I found solace in the fact that he loved her. Now I’m not so sure - what kind of father ignores his daughter’s existence for almost two weeks?
That mournful musing lurks in the back of my mind all the way to Mia’s house, where I’m surprised to hear a bunch of expletives coming from the kitchen.
‘Oh, damn it!’ Mia cries.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask as I hurry over to the source of the sound, which seems to be coming from the kitchen.
‘Oh, I didn’t hear you come in!’ With a groan, she pokes her head around the fridge door. ‘We’re out of milk. And juice. And cheese and butter and basically everything.’ The fridge shuts with a click. ‘I haven’t had chance to pop to the shops this week, and I’ve got lessons non-stop today.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.’
‘Are you sure? You’ve only just walked in!’
To be honest, I could do with the distraction. I used to go stir-crazy at home all by myself day after day, but at least I didn’t have to worry about anything but my miserable marriage. Now I’ve got a whole host of new troubles to fret over - most of them involving money, or lack thereof.
Of course, I don’t divulge all this to Mia - instead, I simply shrug. ‘It’s not a problem. In fact, it’s the least I can do, since you’ve let us live here rent-free.’
Tutting, Mia shoves me in the shoulder. ‘Don’t be daft, I’m happy to have you both! But thanks, Claire, I appreciate it.’ Just as I’m heading toward the door, she calls out, ‘oh, and don’t forget to pick up some tuna for Hettie!’
The tabby cat’s tufty little ears must be burning, because she sashays over and rubs against my shin, purring softly. Chuckling, I bend to tickle under her chin. ‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’
Not wishing to bump into anyone I know, I avoid the local shop and instead drive out to the big one just outside of town. The problem with this place is that in addition to loo roll, they also sell clothes, cosmetics, home-wares, and all sorts of other tempting goodies. It’s pretty distracting, and as I stroll up and down the aisle with the basket in the crook of my arm, I wonder whether I would have been better off sticking to Sunny Shore Supermarket after all.
I pause in the magazine aisle when the shiny cover of My Pet Unicorn catches my eye. Penny absolutely adores these comics, so I stuff the latest one in my basket. After all, she deserves a little treat. I browse the make-up counter, lusting over the pricey palettes and lipsticks I once so casually purchased up on a whim. I consider picking up a tub of my favourite night cream, but one look at the price makes me question everything.
I finger the coins in my purse and sigh. Life certainly was easier when I didn’t have to stress over where my money was coming from, I simply flashed my bank card and the joint account delivered.
Maybe I should give Jerry another chance, I mean, he is the father of my child. And maybe our problems weren’t so different from other couples, maybe I’ve been making a big deal over nothing …
After reluctantly putting back the night cream, I pay for Penny’s comic along with the rest of the shopping and make my way back to the car. It’s going to take a while to get used to this new lifestyle, and there’s a small part of me that doubts I can hack it.
Every job I’ve applied for has hit a dead end, and though I know I ought to buck up and keep trying, the last thing I want to do is log onto the computer and remind myself of just how unemployable I am.
I’m so stuck in my head that I don’t notice the man crossing my path, and we collide with a loud and painful bump. I stumble backwards onto my bum, and my bags tip onto their sides. My embarrassment grows stronger when I look up to see Noah laughing at me.
‘We’ve got to stop meeting like this.’ He stoops to pick up my bags, including the mega block of chocolate and the pack of tampons that spilt out onto the floor.
Mortified, I snatch them out of his hands. ‘Erm, yeah.’
‘Say, have you had lunch yet?’ he asks.
I blink stupidly at him, surprised at the question. ‘No, I haven’t had chance yet.’
‘Fancy grabbing some chips from The Salty Sea Dog? My treat.’
The invitation makes me balk and fiddle with the strap of my bag. I have to say no, right? I mean, I’m not even divorced yet, what if Jerry found out I was off sharing chips with another man?
But then again, why shouldn’t I? After all, it’s not a crime to speak to a guy. I’m not doing anything wrong by going for a simple stroll along the beach. And I am kind of ravenous.
‘Sure.’
We take our separate cars back to town and after packing the shopping away and feeding Hettie her tuna and kibble, I make my way to the beach. As promised, Noah treats me to a large cone of chips with a sprinkling of chilli cheese. The vinegary, salty scent has me salivating and I tuck straight in. Jerry would have been shaking his head in disapproval if he caught me scoffing down fried foods, he always said he wanted a fit and lean beauty on his arm, and I did my best to conform to that. But Noah doesn’t mind one bit, in fact, he buys me a crab cake for good measure.
The beach is wonderfully quiet this afternoon, and we sit on the shore together, the gulls crowing overhead and the gentle ripple of the tide the only sounds around. That is, until we start talking.
‘So, have you been back to the lighthouse since our last little rendezvous?’ Noah puts on a ridiculously hammy French accent and wiggles his eyebrows up and down, and I start spluttering with laughter.
‘No, I haven’t. I kind of thought maybe I should stay out of there, you know, since I’m probably trespassing and all.’ I turn my smirk on him. ‘And maybe you should too.’
He pops a particularly cheesy chip into his mouth. ‘Probably. But it’s abandoned, it’s not really owned by anyone, so who are we hurting? Besides, there are more mysteries to unearth, and no one ever made history without breaking some of the rules.’
Curious, I lean forward, close enough to catch a whiff of his fresh, aquatic cologne (not to mention, his cone of chips!) ‘What sort of mysteries?’
‘Have you ever heard of the siren of Sunny Shore Bay?’
‘Nope.’
That admission seems to have both shocked and greatly offended him all at once. ‘Seriously? Are you sure you’ve lived here your whole life?’
I give him a shove that nearly knocks him to his back into the sand. ‘Just tell me the story!’
‘They say that a beautiful woman with a voice like an angel’s sigh would rise up from those rocks over there.’ He points out to sea, where a crest of black rock is only just visible amongst the waves. ‘She’d sing her haunting melody and lure sailors to their doom, where they’d never be seen again.’
‘Wow, that’s a bit spookier than The Little Mermaid, huh?’
Noah nods. ‘There’s old wives tales of ships sailing out and never coming back to shore. No one knows what happened to the men on board, or where they went.’
‘You don’t really believe in all these ghoulish ghost stories, do you?’ I tease, poking him in the ribs.
Noah shrugs. ‘Life can be stranger than fiction sometimes.’
For a while, it’s quiet again, and it’s nice to just sit in silence, listening to the melody of the beach. But then Noah’s phone disturbs the peace and he fishes it out of his pocket, frowning at the screen.
‘Ah, I better get back to work. It was nice catching up with you, Claire.’
‘Likewise.’
Wistfully, I watch Noah’s silhouette shrink away into the distance. My conflicting emotions are swirled together like Kat’s crazy mango and chilli ice cream, and each of them are fighting for dominance. On one hand, Jerry and I are over. I don’t see us ever reconciling after all that’s happened between us. But on the other, we’re not officially separated yet, and I’m at such an unstable place in my life, how can I even consider letting another person in right now? And … is that ever what Noah wants?
With a deep, drawn out sigh, I pick myself up off the sand, dust off my sun dress and begin the short stroll back to my new home, the gentle spring-time breeze following me like a shadow.