20. James
Chapter 20
James
I barely slept a wink the rest of the evening, which is no surprise. I feel like death warmed up. Once I woke up, there no was no chance of getting back to sleep. I spent the night tossing and turning, unable to keep my mind off her .
I release a groan and pull myself out of bed. Shrugging on a jumper and grey track pants, I shuffle to the kitchen on tired legs to turn on the kettle.
While it boils, I retrieve my phone from where I tossed it onto the hall stand last night, opening it to find a message from Tom in our group chat.
Tom: Did I see you get into an Uber with April?
Great.
I tap out a reply, divulging just enough to satisfy the group without giving too much away. I know full well they’re going to give me shit for last night, but I hit send anyway, bracing for the inevitable.
Oliver: James. My boy. What did you do?
I can hear Oliver’s taunting tone through his message, and I scratch at the bristles on my chin, frustrated. Giving in, my thumbs fly across the screen.
Me: I took her home.
Oliver: Well, this just got a lot more interesting.
Tom: I saw this coming from a mile away.
Me: What are you talking about?
Tom: I have a sense for this kind of shit. I know longing when I see it.
Will: It’s true, he does.
Ping.
A notification pops up from April and my heart thunders erratically in my chest.
April: I’m really sorry about last night. I apologise if I made you feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t myself. But I appreciate you seeing me home, thank you.
Unsure of what to say, I switch back to the boys.
Me: She just messaged me.
Will: I knew she would.
I roll my eyes.
Tom: What did she say?
Me: She apologised for last night and thanked me for taking her home.
Will: Ah, to be young and in love.
Oliver: Will, you’re actually a moron.
Me: Are you guys free to come round?
Tom: Yeah, mate, see you in 20.
Oliver: Sure. See you soon.
Will: I did just settle in with Vaseline and tissues, but I’ll see you soon.
Oliver: Please wash your hands.
I move to the sofa and sit down, impatiently drumming my fingers on my leg. To distract myself, I open Instagram and scroll. It proves futile when I stumble upon a story from April.
Unable to resist, I click on it.
It’s a mirror selfie of April in her tiny skirt, a glass of wine in hand. Her body looks incredible, toned with curves in all the right places.
God, she’s sexy.
I tap to the next story.
It’s a video of April, Gemma, and Anna clinking shot glasses filled with amber liquid. They cheers, then fuck , April’s tongue darts out to lick a line of salt off the back of her hand, before throwing back the shot and sucking on a wedge of lime.
I swipe to the next story, which is a selfie of the three of them, grins spread across their faces.
Catching myself smiling at the image, I quickly exit Instagram and toss my phone onto the coffee table. Leaning back, I nestle into the sofa cushions and close my eyes.
I shouldn’t be thinking about my brother’s ex like this.
I never want anyone.
But there’s something about April. Yes, she’s attractive; that much is obvious. But it’s her laughter, her smile, her innocence, the way she lights up a room—she’s captivating.
I unwillingly revisit the way her face fell when she saw Lucas. We had finished our set, and I was grabbing water from the end of the bar when I saw her notice him. And he did nothing. He acted like he hadn’t seen her at all. That’s his superpower, acting as if nothing affects him. Whether he actually feels anything is another question. He’s always been too much of a coward to face his emotions. It’s easier for him to drop out and detach completely.
She deserves so much more than indifference.
I shake my head, trying to clear the thoughts.
I can’t let myself go down this road—the one that leads to her .
If we land this gig with Bound to Oblivion, I’ll be on the road for seven months. Even if something did happen between us, would it survive the distance? Could I really ask someone to wait that long, just to see if it might work? The thought feels selfish, and I hate myself for considering it.
With a sigh, I pick up my guitar. As I pluck the strings, a familiar sense of calm washes over me.
I’m lost in the music when the buzzer rings. I gently place my guitar back on its stand and head to the door, swinging it open to find Tom, Will, and Oliver standing at the threshold. I’m immediately drawn to Will’s stupid amused expression. As Oliver passes, he gives my shoulder a comforting pat and I clap him on the back. We all make for the living room and settle into the sofas.
“So, did you write back?” Tom asks, leaning forward and rubbing his hands over his thighs in anticipation.
“Not yet,” I reply, pulling my guitar pick from my pocket. I absently nibble the edge while my knee bounces as I consider my response.
“You did the right thing by waiting for us,” Tom says, nodding like a moron.
“Can I see the message?” Oliver asks, and I lift my chin. He grabs my phone from the coffee table. I watch him as he swipes to unlock the screen and taps into my messages, reading April’s text out loud.
“‘I’m really sorry about last night. I apologise if I made you feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t myself. But I appreciate you seeing me home, thank you.’” His brows press together in confusion. “James?” he questions, looking at me suspiciously.
“Mmmph,” I mumble around the guitar pick.
“Did you only take April home last night?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow.
I slip the pick back into my pocket and blow out a breath, opting to chew the inside of my cheek instead.
“Something fucking happened!” Will exclaims, jumping to his feet.
“Sit down, you muppet,” Oliver says, pulling Will back down to his seat.
I look over at Tom, staring back at me with a smug look on his face.
“Fine. Something might have happened,” I admit.
“I knew it,” Tom says, slapping his thigh.
“Of course you fucking did,” I say, averting my eyes. I take a deep breath. “I saw how upset she was when she noticed Lucas, so I offered to take her home.”
Oliver nods, scratching his stubble.
“She started opening up to me in the car, so I let her talk. I tried to offer whatever advice I could. I’ve been there. I know how it feels to love someone and then find out they’ve betrayed you. It’s like your whole world shatters. And the fact that it was my brother who did that to her …” I trail off, shaking my head in disbelief that my own flesh and blood could behave like such a piece of shit. Again .
Tom and Oliver exchange glances, and their expressions soften.
“And?” Tom prompts, leaning in.
“And … I couldn’t help it. Seeing her so vulnerable stirred something in me. I didn’t want to leave her alone to deal with it. So, I went home with her.”
“You didn’t …? You know …,” Oliver asks warily.
“Fuck her,” Will finishes for him.
I shake my head. “Christ, no, I didn’t fuck her.”
Oliver nods in understanding.
“You said you almost kissed?” Tom asks.
I scrub my face with my hands, unsure of what to make of last night. “We sat on her sofa. She made tea. She got upset and started crying, and I didn’t know how to respond. I felt so bad, I wanted to comfort her …”
“What did you do, James?” Oliver asks, his tone serious.
“I touched her,” I admit.
“You touched her,” Oliver deadpans.
When I look over at Will, he’s pumping his eyebrows. I love the man, but sometimes I worry that one day, he’ll procreate.
“Mate, we need more details than that,” Tom interjects, waving his hand for me to continue.
“Well, you’re not getting more than that. I touched her, and I almost kissed her, and I shouldn’t have. That’s all you need to know. She’s not mine.”
“James, you realise she isn’t Lucas’s anymore either, right?” Tom asks.
I fall silent. Of course, I know she isn’t his anymore, but if anything had happened last night, it would’ve complicated matters even more. April is different. I know that much. She’s not the type of woman you sleep with and forget. She’s not a one-night stand. She’s the kind of woman who changes everything.
“Right, so what happened after you touched her?” Oliver presses.
“I pulled away before anything else happened, and then I left.”
“What do you mean you left ?” Oliver repeats, his tone flat.
“Did you say anything before you left?” Tom asks, narrowing his eyes.
“I thanked her for the tea?”
Silence.
“What?” I glance between the three of them, confused.
Oliver sighs, shaking his head. “Mate, I get you felt guilty. But how do you think she felt after you touched her, then bailed?”
Fuck.
He’s right.
She must have felt like shit.
She was being vulnerable, and I bailed on her.
“You need to reply,” Tom says, nodding toward my phone, still in Oliver’s hand.
“Here, give it to me,” Will says, reaching to snatch it from Oliver.
“No!” Oliver and I yell at the same time. Before I can react, Will dives at Oliver. Oliver grunts as Will manoeuvres behind him, putting him in a chokehold and quickly swiping the device from his grasp. Will shoves Oliver forward and leaps over the back of the sofa, standing triumphantly. He thrusts out his arm, holding it aloft.
“I know what I’m doing, James. I’ve done this before,” he announces, pulling the phone down from mid-air as he begins to type away, pacing back and forth.
“You better not, Will. I swear to God,” I warn, pointing at him.
“Just trust me,” he insists, his head down as he continues tapping away.
“Mate, I’d sooner trust a priest in a playground than trust you with messaging a woman,” Tom retorts.
I pull the back of my hair. “What the fuck are you saying? Why are you typing so much?”
“I have to get it right,” Will replies.
Oliver remains seated, rubbing his temples as if trying to stay calm.
Will steps around to stand in front of the sofa, a proud look on his face as he hands me my phone. I tap the screen, lighting up the text he sent, and read it.
“Oh, Jesus,” Tom says.
“Will,” I say sternly.
“Mmm?”
“I’m going to fucking kill you.”
“What did he say?” Oliver asks, turning towards me.
I thrust the phone in Oliver’s direction, and he takes it from my hand, squinting to read the message.
His eyes widen. “You’re a fucking idiot.”
“What? What did he say?” Tom asks.
April
I wring my hands, nervous for James’s message, when my phone lights up.
“He’s written back,” I say, glancing nervously at Anna and Gemma.
Gemma reaches out and places her hand gently on my forearm to steady my nerves. My heart pounds as I swipe up to unlock the screen and open the message. As soon as I do, my face falls.
What.
The.
Fuck.
“Well?” Anna asks, her eyebrows lifted in anticipation.
I turn the phone around, revealing the screen to them. The look of surprise and disbelief on their faces mirrors my own as they lean in to read the message.
James: So, can I see what those incredible breasts look like without the clothes?
We all exchange puzzled looks. Suddenly, Anna throws her head back and releases a deep belly laugh.
“I know Lucas is clever, but surely he didn’t rob James of all the intelligent genes floating around his father’s ball bag,” she says. Gemma chuckles.
“Surely that’s not him,” I say, shaking my head in confusion.
James
I thrust out my arm, pointing at my phone. “This is your idea of helping me?” I say, locking eyes with Will. He shoots me a wink, and despite my frustration, I can’t help but roll my eyes and huff out a laugh.
“I didn’t think it was that bad,” he replies, and I think he’s being serious.
The tension breaks, and soon we’re all laughing at his futile endeavour to help. Tom reaches over to give Will a sympathetic pat on the back.
Oliver leans in and hands my phone back to me. Accepting it, I type furiously, attempting damage control.
“What are you saying?” Tom asks.
“I’m letting her know that Will is a dumbass,” I say, my eyes fixed on the screen as I figure out what to say next.
“You really want our help?” Oliver asks. “My advice would be to make her feel better. You don’t want her to feel guilty about what happened last night, right? And you want her to know that you’re sorry for leaving, instead of talking about it like a big boy.”
“Right,” I reply.
Fuck, I messed up. I can’t imagine how my walking out so suddenly would have made her feel after everything she shared with me.
I feel bloody terrible.
She was so hurt, and I just left her.
“Just be honest,” I mutter to myself.
“Just be sincere,” Oliver says. “She’ll appreciate that you’re taking responsibility.”
Nodding, I press send.
April
My phone buzzes as another message comes through.
James: I’m so sorry, that was my mate, Will. He shares DNA with a banana. Please ignore him.
As soon as I read the message, three dots appear on the screen to indicate he’s typing again. Gemma, Anna, and I all lean over the counter together, our eyes fixed on the screen, waiting in anticipation.
James: You have nothing to apologise for. I wanted to make sure you got home safely. Thank you for opening up to me. It means a lot that you trusted me. And I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly—there’s no excuse. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.
I lift my hand to my chest, my shoulders sagging with relief.
“See, I knew it would be fine,” Anna says.
“That’s really sweet,” Gemma says, giving me a tender look.
“He is really sweet.” I crook a smile, rubbing my finger over the screen. I twist my mouth to the side, contemplating my next message.
Me: It was really nice opening up to you, so thank you for listening. And you don’t need to apologise for leaving—I understand.
I put my phone down and continue sipping my coffee as Gemma fills us in on the unfortunate end to her evening. Just when I think I won’t hear a reply from James, my phone chimes.
James: To clarify, I didn’t want to leave.
My expression must be readable because Anna immediately notices. “What is it?” she asks, leaning closer.
I glance at her, a mix of emotions swirling inside me. “He said he didn’t want to leave.”
Gemma’s eyes widen. “What?”
My face wrinkles, unsure of how to interpret his words.
“You’re smiling!” Anna points at me excitedly, and I quickly change my expression to feign indifference, my cheeks searing.
Anna gently places her hand over mine. “Hey, if he makes you smile, that’s a good thing.”
But the moment those words leave her lips, my smile falters. “But Lucas …” I trail off, unsure of how to finish.
Gemma and Anna share a look before Anna reaches over, rubbing a soothing circle over my shoulder. “You have to let him go, honey. He let you go—it’s time you do the same,” she says, her voice soft and filled with a tenderness she rarely uses. “Some things aren’t meant to be. You can’t keep holding on to someone who isn’t holding on to you.”
Her words feel thick, but they’re true. Hearing her say it somehow makes it easier to accept, simply because it’s a truth I didn’t have to say aloud myself.
She scoots forward, encasing me in a hug. “Don’t let thoughts of Lucas or his feelings dictate your actions. Let yourself enjoy this,” she says, nodding at my phone encouragingly.
I consider her advice. “I don’t know what to say to him,” I admit.
“You don’t have to say anything. At least find some comfort knowing there’s no need to feel embarrassed because James clearly cares about you too,” Anna reassures me.
“Yeah,” I reply. “You’re right.”
As the conversation shifts back to Gemma’s story from last night, my mind remains preoccupied, replaying James’s message. I roll my lips inward to hide the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
The words repeat in my head.
What did he mean by that?
Would he have kissed me?
Did he want to kiss me?
Because I can’t deny that I certainly wanted him to.
I push the phone away, deciding to leave it at that.