25. Adrian
twenty-five
I’m a disgusting human being, and I’m a horrible alpha. I forced that bond on my pack mate. There is no doubt that I took away his choice. Sure, he did it first, but what’s eating me up isn’t that I did it, it’s that I don’t care that I did it. It doesn’t matter how much I repeat those words to myself. The smug satisfaction of feeling Sven inside me is enough to dissuade the feelings and evaporate guilt.
I wasn’t lying when I told Sven I wasn’t a good man. I am simply a man, a hard one, who grew up under his father’s abusive fists. Who became a doctor not to save lives but to take them away. To have control again. To protect the people who need my protection and punish the ones who deserve my wrath.
Kandi makes a noise, pulling me from my dark thoughts. “Are we going to go look for her?”
We’re both sitting at the round kitchen table, just waiting for some sign of what we need to do.
“No. I have her phone tracked. She’s at Sven’s pub, right where you wanted her to be.”
Kandi regards me in silence, then lifts her can of beer. “Well played.”
“You as well.”
Jade is emotional at the moment, and she is mourning Sven just as much, if not more than, Kandi and I are. The two days of her flipping between ‘I don’t care’ and rage tears were distressing. So, we came up with a plan. The only plan that would get that bastard back.
I lean back. We’re a pair of manipulative bastards, but if anyone can bring Sven back, it’s Jade. No one will touch her while he’s around. Kandi and I walked around depressed and uninterested in functioning. A few comments about the pub, a brochure on the fridge with the address. A clandestine conversation with Kandi about how Sven will only listen to her and, boom, omega on a mission.
We even had a driver conveniently wait for her call from another business card on the fridge. Fernando and I go way back, and he messaged me straight away and kept me up to date with every moment she’s in there. She doesn’t know how safe she is, right now.
“What are we going to do about him?”
“Let her deal with him. She has more pull than both of us combined. That part wasn’t a lie.” Kandi shrugs.
“You never thought about getting rid of me, making him end this thing with me?” I ask curiously.
“Why? We both knew what we had was a very surface relationship. It only worked because we both didn’t want to be in a relationship that required deeper things. With you, he couldn’t hide from the side of himself he denies.”
“Does that make you feel cheated?” I ask her.
Kandi barks a laugh. “Sven is my boss. He’s also my friend and my partner. He’s my lover and my confidante. I have his loyalty, his regard, his trust. Maybe I don’t need overwhelming passion from him. I know what I am and what I’m not. I am not the love of his life. I am one of them. That’s always been enough for me.”
“Huh.”
She folds her arms over her chest. “What about you? Why didn’t you steal him? You could have. You never tried.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. Sven is fierce in his loyalty and commitment to you. But I didn’t want to steal him. I just wanted some of him. I kept telling him he could have us both, but he wouldn’t bend.”
I stare at those brown eyes that see too much.
“I really don’t want to have sex with you,” I say cautiously. Praying I don’t offend her. Normally, I don’t give a shit who I offend, but this beta means a lot to me.
She bursts into laughter. “Me neither. So, we are…a family who doesn’t fondle? Unfucking friends? Avoidable uglies?”
I gag a little. She laughs harder. “That’s a very unpleasant turn of phrase.”
“Isn’t it just? But we’re agreed?”
“Yes, we are agreed. We are devoted to Jade. We will find a way to bring Sven to heel, and we are the ‘no fuck’ part of our family.”
Kandi stands up and shows me her phone screen. “Papa bear found our wayward kitten.”
I grimace. “Maybe not Papa bear?”
“Daddy-O?”
I shudder. “At the moment, the only name I have for him is asshole.”
“Ah, this is true. But the moment he gets back, we can have words about why I have a bond mark. Because I’m really dying to have that conversation.”
“Don’t get excited. He’s liable to give you as much reason and logic as I got, which was a grand total of zero. Just blind panic.” I fill two glasses with something strong enough to brace us and slide one to my new family.
Kandi snorts. “We need to find out what happened to him before we get in too deep with this.”
“Have you looked?” We both know what I’m asking. Has she checked his background history?
Kandi’s face barely twitches. “Of course not, that would be unethical and a complete waste of time as he’s smart and covered everything he wanted hidden.”
I curse. “What about Jade? What are we going to do about her parents and her paramour?”
Kandi leans back in the chair, tilting the front legs off the ground. “I’m all for killing him.” My words are dark but my tone is darker still. “We need to find out who he was beforehand. Now that Sven and I no longer work for Raptore, it’s going to make it all the harder.”
“Our kitten has claws,” I murmur with amusement. Thinking of how violently she defended us. No one has ever done that for me before.
Kandi snorts. “Yeah, maybe not a good idea to end our relationship with the pack, though. Missy won’t answer my calls. We’ve been best friends since I was told to be her bodyguard.”
“I’m sorry?” I say, but I’m not sure I am. Pack Raptore has way too much influence on Sven and Kandi for me.
“You”re not, but it’s okay. Oh, look, our darlings are home.”
I sit up, but otherwise, don’t move. Sven comes crashing in through the front door first.
“That’s ridiculous. Chicken nuggets aren’t a food group, they’re not even food.”
“How dare you! Take that back!”
“I will not. I’ll take you to a place that makes a crumbed chicken breast that is to die for. You’ll never eat nuggets again.”
“But I like them,” Jade whines. “They are tasty, especially with gravy.”
“You like lots of wrong things, but I will help to widen your horizons, so you no longer have to rely on scraps of cardboard coated in tasteless breadcrumbs.”
“Or you could let me enjoy what I enjoy.”
Sven shakes his head. “I bet you don’t even like beer.”
“Oh ,my god, of course, I hate beer. It tastes like piss. It’s nasty.” Jade shudders dramatically and sees me, ignoring Sven’s mournful cry.
I open my arms as she throws herself at me, hugging me tight. I love the way she holds me. She pours her whole body into it.
She bounces out of my arms and flies over to Kandi, straddling the beta’s lap.
But now she’s not in my arms. I can finally work out what that smell is. I look up at Sven and find him staring fixedly out the window. He has that look, and I just know. Sven fucked Jade.
That satisfaction grows stronger and crystallizes inside me. I meet Kandi’s eye, and she grins at me over Jade’s shoulder.
“You’re back,” I say to Sven.
He flicks me a heated look, glowering over his shoulder at me. I really have to fight the urge to slam him against the wall and growl at him to look at me like that again. To just give me that dismissive, angry look. Just dare him to do it.
My fingers twitch, but Jade is watching with a knowing smile. I get the impression she understands a hell of a lot more than she says. As I watch, she stands up with that grin on her lips, makes eye contact with me, and wanders slowly out of the room.
I turn my back on the alpha, knowing that will piss him off more than anything else I do, and follow the omega deeper into my house.
She glances back coyly, and then adjusts the blankets on the couch. I watch in amusement that dies and gives way to blind panic as I realise that her intense shifting of furniture and adjusting of blankets and blinds isn’t just a thing, it’s a heat thing.
Sven triggered her heat.
“What’s the matter?” Kandi asks.
I almost forgot about her.
“See the frantic adjusting of that corner of the blanket? The drawer full of snacks I did not know about? She’s reached a critical point in her cycle and has tipped into pre-heat. Fascinating.” I watch with the clinical eyes of my doctor side while I take a moment to melt down inside.
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“What do we do?” Kandi asks in concern.
“Well, I’d lock the house down, make sure we have supplies, and get ready to fuck our omega until she can’t see straight.”
Kandi sniffs. “Sounds easy.”
“Yeah,” I say, but I don’t disagree with her, not out-loud.
I walk out of the room and pick up my phone, ringing Simon. “Hey, Si, I need a favour. No, it’s a big one.”
“Whatever you need, Ads.”
“If Onyx hears about this, and I get in trouble, we’re going to have a problem.” Falcon’s voice comes through the line, cold and strong.
I resist the urge to roll my eyes at his posturing.
“Onyx has a problem with protecting a vulnerable omega while she’s in heat? Really?” I ask with bitter rage. These packs are chalking up warnings left, right, and center.
“Don’t test me, Adrian,” Falcon snaps back.
There’s a tussle for the phone, and then another male voice comes through, this one smoother and not quite as cold. “Onyx is okay with you using our security. Just protect Jade.”
“And Raptore?” I ask Dylan warily.
“They’ll understand when they calm down. We don’t leave people in trouble.”
“Okay, thank you, Dylan.” I can’t describe the relief I feel knowing that someone will have our back while we’re in the nest.
“You’re welcome. You can thank your brother. He’s invaluable to our pack. He’s our family. And he’s never asked us for a favour before. We’d do anything for him!” Dylan says calmly. “And for you, Adrian. You are our family, too.”
And I know he’s laid down the line in the sand not just for me but for his alphas, too. A heavy feeling on my shoulders lifts.
I close my eyes, hating to drag my brother into my business. “Thank you,” I choke out.
“You’re welcome,” Dylan says. “Please, look after Kandi. She’s a valuable friend of the girls.”
“I will. She’s…” I hesitate, and then with a gusty exhale, say the words that have been on the tip of my tongue, “she’s family.”
Dylan is quiet, but I get the impression that it’s a softer quiet than the previous one. “Well, have fun.”
I choke on a laugh. “Uh, thanks.”
Dylan ends the phone call before I can.
I let my phone hit the desk beside me and let my head fall back on my chair. All around me are the certificates of my successful career. The long years of loneliness. There’s an unsettled feeling deep in my gut. How can I trust this to stay? How can I have happiness when there is something so wrong with me? All I’ve ever had to depend upon is myself. The packs offering their assistance is unexpected. I anticipated a fight. But that was…that was an olive branch.
Dare I reach for it? Dare I not?
No one has even wanted to be friends with me, and here are three of the most incredible people I’ve ever met wanting more. Wanting a pack. Wanting something of me I didn’t think I could give.
What if I fail?
What if I don’t?
I sit there, staring at the photo of my brother and his husband. He’s happier than he ever was with me. But even though times were hard with us, I at least knew that he loved me no matter what was said.
All these awards, they didn’t make me happy, but I chased them needing to be better, to be more, to be distracted from the empty home and the need for more. And the need, the hole inside me, the need to protect, to care for, to provide for someone, ate at me.
The omegas I met were like poison to my senses.
The betas had the appeal of soggy cardboard. Men and women alike, no one had anything that appealed. Until I met Sven.
He was like a carnival coming into my one-person home town. All shiny and full of lights and colours, sounds and scents. He was exciting, and we had so much in common. It was easy to be his friend.
It was natural to fall in love.
Kandi is a person I trust. A woman I’ve never seen as a threat but as an equal. I wasn’t lying when I said she was family. She’s pack.
Jade is the bigger picture, showing me the pieces I was holding and how they fit into my life.
Jade. She’s midnight magic. A black mysterious void with diamonds twinkling in her. Something that shouldn’t exist in my rational world.
I close my eyes. Do I deserve her?
Does it matter?
She’s chosen me. Her heat is here. There’s no backing out.
I couldn’t back out, even if I wanted to.
I never dreamed I could be so fortunate. I never dreamed I’d meet a pack of my own.
But now that I have them, I’m never letting them go.
One bond at a time, I’ll make my pack mine.
What do I need certificates for? No, what I need is them. The crazy warmth of a manic little omega, the teasing, sultry seduction of my alpha, and the solid camaraderie of the beta who I could easily see myself becoming friends for life with.
I pull the door closed on my office, shutting all those self-doubts away. In the back of my dark house, I hear the soft inviting murmurs of my pack and head in that direction.
If I do this, I’m making a choice. I will embrace them, but I will reach out and embrace all the things I’ve avoided. I’ll be a worthy alpha to my pack.
When I walk in, Kandi hands me a plate of spaghetti and gestures to the spot at the table. Jade has a fork poised in mid-air while she stares at Sven, intently listening to a story he’s telling with a grin that makes my chest flutter.
It’s such a strange and warm picture, it’s a picture I want to keep. A world I want to fight for. This is the future I’m going to dream of now.