8. Brotherly Love
Chapter 8
Brotherly Love
Dev
A sweet citrus cloud drifts over my shoulder and the smooth fabric of the couch slips in my sweaty fingers.“Shit.”
Beau stops in the doorway, looking up at me with concern. “You need a break?”
“No, I’m fine. Just slipped. I got this.” We’re almost done with the unloading. I can hold it together until the end of the day. Even if it feels like the longest day of my life. Keeping my eyes from lingering on her is taking more effort than lugging all the furniture and boxes.
I resist the urge to turn around, knowing I’ll find her staring at me. The liquid pools of her blue eyes are swimming with a mix of confusion and hurt. She’s there. I can feel her presence.
There’s a warmth and tingle of awareness when she gets closer. It’s different from the usual alert mode I’m in. Always aware of the mood in any room, waiting for someone to erupt in anger. Always waiting for the unexpected.
It’s easier here. Beau has his own issues, and he may be a little much sometimes, but I trust him in a way I’ve never trusted anyone else. That’s probably why I’m comfortable around her, too. She is his twin sister, after all. All of that shared DNA must make her feel safe, even though I hardly know her.
“Can you put it against that wall?” Her question forces me to turn her way, not wanting to look like a complete asshole, but I drop my eyes to stare at my feet before they lock with hers. They’re so magnetic, I’m afraid I’ll get dragged in and not be able to tear myself away. Beau would for sure notice something.
“Come on, Sissy. This thing is heavy. Did you stuff it full of free weights before you called the movers?” Beau swipes at a sweaty lock of hair drifting toward his eye.
“Seriously? Big, strong hockey player can’t handle moving his sister’s things? Suck it up and stop complaining. What’s the point of working out every day if you don’t actually use those muscles?” She pokes him in the arm.
“Obviously, I use them for hockey. No one told me I’d be obligated to lift heavy shit for my little sister for the rest of my life.”
“Two minutes older hardly counts. Nor does this...” She waves her arms down her body, gesturing to the full curves and thick thighs that felt so good wrapped around my hips.
Sweaty hockey bag, that asshole D-man on UPenn’s team I’m looking forward to crushing this year. The thoughts are enough of a distraction to soften up the hard-on that’s threatening to make its presence known.
“Whatever.” Beau reaches over, scrubbing his knuckles over the top of her head in a childish move that has her squealing and slapping at his hands. “You’ll always be my little sister. You know. I’m really glad you’re going to be around this year. I’ve missed you.” He slides a hand to her shoulder, pulling her into his side for a quick hug.
The casual contact and teasing words are foreign to me. I’ve never shared that kind of relationship with anyone.
I clear my throat. “Maybe I should take those into the bedroom.” I gesture to the cardboard boxes stacked next to her door, and she stops slapping at her brother. Her mouth drops open the slightest bit, pink tongue darting out to swipe at her lips as she gets caught in my gaze.
“Yeah, sure. Just watch out for Loki.”
Her words disappear into the background as I bury myself in an armload of boxes, needing to give myself a little space from her before I do something catastrophically stupid.
I place the boxes down carefully against the wall before shutting the door and leaning my head against it. The sounds of the siblings bickering in the next room mean they won’t be coming in here anytime soon. Good. I need a moment to get my shit back together. I can’t bring myself to shut my eyes. Not in a strange place, but I count to five as I drag a deep breath in before blowing it out slowly.
Pull yourself together, Connell .
I got this. The physical barrier of the door provides enough distance to calm me down. All of me. Even the unruly eager part that really wants to see Cece naked again. He’s going to have to get used to disappointment.
A quick, dark shadow flickers to my left, snapping my body back into alert mode. “What the fuck?” I jump back, letting loose a high-pitched screech as something skitters across my foot.
There’s a flurry of activity. Cece and Beau, rushing through the door, some small creature darting around. Everything’s a blur as I struggle to gain control of the quick pants of my breathing.
“Lucy? What’s wrong?”
Beau steps over to me, dropping a hand onto my shaking shoulder.
I realize how ridiculous this must look, but I can’t help it. “Rat.”
Cece bends over by the single table in the room. It was one of the few pieces of furniture in the place before we got here, and I finally spot the two large cages sitting on the surface.
One of them has two shaggy brown and white creatures, nibbling away at a bowl of food. Guinea Pigs. They might be cute if they weren’t terrifying, but I can kind of handle them, since they’re contained.
When she straightens, stretching her arms toward me, a tiny whiskered face peeks out between her fingers. She plops it into the second cage, and my shoulders ease up the slightest bit at the loud clang that rings through the mostly empty room when she flips the latch.
“Sorry about that,” she says. “I did tell you to watch out for Loki.”
There’s an amused light in Beau’s eyes, and he’s pressing his lips together to avoid laughing in my face. At least he’s trying to contain his amusement. I know how ridiculous it looks. Tough enforcer terrified of tiny fuzzy rodents, but it’s ingrained. The fear sunk too deep under my five-year-old skin.
“I need to...” I trail off, stepping away until my back hits the door. I reach down, turning the handle. My eyes stay locked on the innocent looking little creatures hanging out in their cages until I’ve left the room. The one that accosted me is clearly a ferret.
I don’t lift my head up, even when Beau’s hand lands on my shoulder. “I think we all need a break. I’m going to grab us some food. Ethel’s?” he asks.
“Sure.” My voice is still a little shaky, and I’m hot all over, embarrassed at my reaction. Thankfully, my friend lets it go. Stepping away and calling to his sister.
“Heading to Ethel’s. Want to come or do you want me to grab you a burger?”
“Burger please,” she calls out, still in her bedroom. Hopefully, she stays there while her brother is gone. I’m way too rattled to control myself right now if she gets close.
The door slams shut, a clock ticks in the silence, and then the rumble of Beau’s SUV signals his departure .
My body tilts to the side as the couch dips with her weight. The pulse of awareness is back, but she stays silent, not touching me, not speaking, as if she senses I need a minute.
As I concentrate on deep, regular breaths, my heartbeat slows down, returning to a steady rhythm. I can finally lift my head up from hands, but I’m not ready to make eye contact, see the judgment in her eyes that I’m afraid of something so silly.
“You know, when we were kids, Beau thought it was hilarious that I was scared of spiders. He started buying plastic ones and hiding them in my sock drawer, my shoes. It would stop for a while and then he’d spring it on me some random day when I was in a rush to get to school.”
She drops a tentative hand on my shoulder, the touch so light it barely registers, but it’s reassuring. Helping the fear ebb.
“I’m still terrified of them. Thank goodness we don’t live in Australia. If there were deadly ones around, I don’t think I’d be able to function. I’d probably start thinking they were fake and get bitten. I’d either die a horrible death of spider venom, or maybe I’d get lucky and a radioactive one would get me. Mutant spidey senses could come in handy.” Her weight shifts the cushions and I’m pretty sure she’s twisted around to look at me. “You know what, though? I’ve never been a big fan of Spiderman. Now that I’m thinking about it, I think that’s why. Thanks, Beau. Spiderman is actually a pretty cool superhero when you think about it.”
By the time she gets through her long ramble, I’ve almost forgotten the reason I was so scared. Possibly the purpose of her rant.
“Are you laughing at me?” she asks, and I try to still my shaking shoulders.
“No.”
“Yes, you are. It’s okay. I’m used to it.”
She sounds so light and unconcerned when she says it, but I find a flame of anger flickering in my chest. “I’m not laughing at you. With you.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m aware of how ridiculous I sound. Going off on these crazy tangents. It’s just the way my brain works. I get how it sounds, though.”
“You’re a lot of things, but ridiculous is not one of them.” I turn to her. Her cheeks are tinged with pink, either from laughter or embarrassment, and her eyes are sparkling.
Her mouth falls open again, and she searches my face, studying each feature in a way that makes me feel like she can see right inside me. See what’s underneath the intimidating hockey player image I’ve worked hard for.
“Why’d you pretend you didn’t know me then?”
My heart pauses at the thought I’ve hurt her, guilt twisting my stomach. She thinks I’m not interested. That I haven’t been wishing for a repeat with every fiber of my being. “It’s not you.”
I don’t love the sharp bitter tinge to her laugh. “It’s not you, it’s me. Really, Castle? I thought you were more original than that.”
“No. That’s not. We can’t.” I’m searching for the words to explain without revealing too much. It’s difficult to let go of those little pieces of myself. The hurt, the pain. Everything I’ve been through that I never talk about. “I didn’t have the best childhood. Your brother. He’s almost like a brother to me. I can’t do that to him. He’s all I’ve got.” I’m not good enough for her, but she’d probably try to deny it. I don’t need her to defend me, and Beau is a major part of the reason we can’t do this thing. Explore all the feelings she sparked in me during that amazing weekend. But even if he wasn’t an issue, there’s no way she deserves to be loaded with my damage.
“Beau? He’s my brother, not my keeper, but you’re right. I’m sure he’d give me shit about it, too. And I’m trying to keep myself out of trouble. After what happened...” the words die on her lips, and she glances at me again, curiosity burning in those gorgeous eyes. “You really don’t know, do you?”
My brows pull together. “Know what?”
Her fingers tangle in those silky strands, twisting a lock around them as she thinks about whether she’s going to share her secret with me. I wish I could tell her to share all her secrets with me, but that’s an impossible dream. “I got in some trouble at the end of last year. That’s why I’m here at Lakeview. My father pulled me from Cornell. He sent me here, so Beau can keep an eye on me. Like I can’t look after myself. Men. Ridiculous. It’s fine. Next year I’ll be free.”
“What did you do?” She can’t pique my curiosity like that and leave me hanging. I shouldn’t pry, but I can’t help myself.
“Ugh.” The couch dips again as she flings herself backward, throwing her hands over her face. She separates her fingers for a moment, peeking at me before snapping them shut.
“You don’t have to tell me. ”
“No, it’s fine. Not like it isn’t all over the Internet. I was kind of drunk, and partying, and I ended up climbing Ezra topless. Someone took my pic and spread it all over, because you know, our family is not exactly under the radar.”
“Who the fuck is Ezra?” My back snaps me upright, and I turn to face her. I have zero right to the rage welling inside me at the thought of her riding some guy in public. But it’s there, anyway.
She does a double take, shock morphing into amusement. A laugh bubbles out.
“What?”
“The statue of Ezra Cornell on campus. Wait. Did you think I was getting it on with someone in public? Give me some credit.”
“Shit.” I duck my head.
The memory of her gorgeous tits flashes in my head, and I suck in another deep breath, reaching up to cover the still tender spot on my side. An angry red cloud descends over my vision at the thought of them on display for the entire world, but then I check myself. What about her? The impact it had on her. Having her privacy violated. I can’t stand it when someone touches my bag, but that. That’s unimaginable. Never knowing how many strange eyes have seen you in a vulnerable position like that.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” It’s all making sense now. How edgy she got when I teased her about taking her picture. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for her. Growing up with so many eyes on her.
Her laugh is nervous this time. “It’s fine. My bad. I should know better than to do careless shit like that. I’ve been in the public eye my entire life.”
“It’s not your fault. Have they caught the person who did it? It was their fault, not yours.”
“Oh.” The surprise in her eyes has an uncomfortable knot forming in my chest. “Most people roll their eyes and tell me I shouldn’t have been so stupid. Thank you for not...”
Fuck. Humans can be so crappy to each other. I nod, pretty tapped out on words by this point. It’s easy to talk to her, but hearing her voice makes it harder to resist reaching over to pull her into my side. Drop a kiss on top of her head to feel the silky strands against my lips. Ask her for one more night before I let her go. Because I’m not going anywhere near my best friend’s twin after today. I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself if I have to spend any more time around her. Especially when she’s looking so vulnerable. If I could even hug her. But no. Terrible idea.
She stares at me for a little while longer. The silence isn’t uncomfortable, but I think she’s expecting some kind of response I’m just not capable of right now. Too dangerous.
Her knee is bouncing double time, and she’s nibbling on her bottom lip. “You’re right.”
“About?”
“We should not let that happen again. As fantastic as it was, we both agreed it was just for the weekend. That doesn’t have to change just because we’re going to the same school now. You don’t want to mess with your friendship. I’m already on shaky ground, and Beau’s already going to be keeping a closer eye on me than usual. Staying away from each other is the smart choice.” She nods her head, then leans in until I’m engulfed in her. Her scent surrounds me, her soft breath brushes my cheek, and her lips are so close I can almost taste them.
I drag in a lungful of her sweet aroma, locking it away in the part of my brain where I keep my positive memories. The scattered few from my childhood. The more frequent ones since I got to college. The ones I dredge up to chase away the darkness in my past.
“Maybe one last kiss...”
She leans closer until the space between our lips is paper thin, and it’s sweet agony, but I don’t make a move. Not wanting to destroy the moment.
The scraping of a key turning in the lock is like a gunshot, sending me flying back in my seat before I make contact.
“Shit.” Cece jumps up, running her hands down her sides, fussing with the already disheveled mess of a bun on her head.
I’m still slumped back on the cushion, heart racing again as she bounces over to the door. Her ass jiggles in those tight leggings, and I know I can’t see her again and definitely not alone. I would never be able to resist the temptation, no matter how much is at stake.
“Beau!” she calls out, voice overly bright and loud. The glaring opposite of her last whispered words. The promise in them is going to linger in my mind for the rest of the week or year. Taunting me with the missed opportunity. “Let me help you.”
That kicks me into gear, and I push myself off the couch. The food smells amazing, and even though I’m not that hungry anymore, I’m going to demolish that burger. Ethel makes the best burgers, and thinking about her homemade fries has my mouth watering. My hand brushes Cece’s as I’m snagging the bag Beau holds out, and I pull it back like I’ve been burned, retreating to the floor beside the couch. If I take the couch, she might sit next to me, and breathing would be difficult with her soft body so close to mine. Even with her brother sitting beside us.
“Why are you sitting on the floor? Plenty of room up here.” My friend gives me a weird look, but I shrug at him.
“Whatever, dude. You do you. Did you get anything else done while I was gone or were you too afraid to go into Cece’s bedroom?” Beau asks before taking a tidy bite of his burger.
“What?” Does he know?
“The animals. My sister’s rodent collection too much for you.”
I’d completely forgotten about the ferret. That’s how much she transfixes me.
“Hey! Don’t say that about my sweeties. They’re not rodents. They’re my family.”
“They’re not your family. I’m your family.”
“I guess I’m stuck with you, but Rogue and Gambit never give me noogies. ”
“That’s because they don’t have knuckles,” Beau says, between mouthfuls of fries.
There’s a painful lump in my throat as I swallow down a too large bite. “Rogue and Gambit?” I tilt my head to the side, questioning Cece.
“Yes. Those are my guinea pigs. Because they have the same everlasting love for each other. Minus the sexy times, because Gambit is neutered. I adopted them at the beginning of last year. Loki puts up with them, but they don’t mind his indifference because they’ve got each other.”
“Loki is the ferret?” A little shiver runs up my back remembering his tiny paws skittering over my socked feet, but I try to hide it, because she obviously loves the creature.
“Yup.” There’s genuine affection shining in her eyes. I’ve never had a pet. A couple of my foster families had dogs or cats, but I never stayed with them long enough to get attached. Maybe I should get a cat now? But then, probably not a great idea. I sometimes travel for games now but next year, once I’m in the pros, I’ll be traveling constantly. Not exactly a great lifestyle for a pet owner. Not unless you have someone at home to look after it. And that will not be happening for me.
After cleaning up dinner, we head back to her room to finish our last job before wrapping up for the day. Assemble her bed. Not at all a torturous proposition knowing I’ll never get to spend the night in it with her.
I’m hovering in the doorway when she waves me in. “Ca... I mean Dev come in. It’s safe. I swear all critters are safely tucked away in their cages this time. ”
Beau barely notices her slip, but it almost rocks me back on my heels. He would have had questions if she blurted out a nickname for the hockey player she supposedly just met. And he’s well aware of the Punisher costume I wore to the con. Not that there’s any chance he’d connect those two dots. Now I’m being paranoid.
“Give me a sec. Gotta wash my hands.” I dart into the ensuite bathroom, scrubbing the grime off my hands, then gasping at the shock as I splash cold water on my face.
Something silky slides under my hands as I’m reaching behind for the towel.
Beau shoves the door open wider. “Come on, dude, I... what the...”
Water droplets sting my eyes when I blink them open. Emotions flash across his face. Eyes narrowed with suspicion, followed by amusement. And suddenly he’s full out laughing.
“Sissy!” he yells.
Now she’s peering in the doorway and I’m still clueless. Until I glance down to find a bright red bra hanging from my fingers.
Her cheeks flame up, turning the color of the garment she’s snatching out of my hand. She stomps off without a word, leaving me standing awkwardly next to her brother, who is doubled over in laughter.
“Don’t be getting any ideas. That’s my sister,” he says, slapping me on the back and hustling me back into the bedroom.