Chapter Sixteen
That weekend, Hannah’s stomach fluttered with anticipation as she approached the movie theater. Dan waited for her outside, scanning the crowd. In these few moments before he noticed her, she watched him. About a head taller than those around him, he was easy to spot. Broad shoulders, trim waist, ever-present cane. Light glinted off his hair, giving him a silver halo.
Dan as an angel. She stifled a snort. Approaching from behind, she reached her hands around his waist, moved her hands to his muscular chest, and leaned her cheek against his back. He started, but must have realized it was her, because he covered her hands with his own. He leaned against her.
His chest expanded as he inhaled. His heart beat against her hands, making her smile. Peeking around his body, she tilted her face toward him. “Hi.”
“I missed you,” he said.
“I missed you too.”
He took her hand in his, brought her fingers to his lips and kissed the backs of them. A shiver ran down her spine as his heated breath fanned her skin.
Coming around to his front, she hugged him. He pulled her tight against him, burying his face in her neck. While she loved being close to him, it felt as if he was afraid to let her go. This wasn’t like him.
“Are you okay?”
Pulling away, he looked at her, longing reflected in his gaze. “I am now.”
“We don’t have to watch a movie, you know.”
“No, you want to see it and I do too.” Taking her hand, he led her into the theater. He didn’t break contact with her the entire time. Not while buying tickets or popcorn, not while finding seats, not while settling in to wait for the previews to start. She liked the closeness, but it was odd.
“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?” she asked as the previews started.
“I’ve missed you.”
She took his face in her hands. His eyes flashed in the dim theater. “I’m right here, okay?”
He kissed her, his lips making the lightest contact with hers. It was the whisper of a kiss, and it left her wanting more. “I know,” he said.
Resting in the crook of his arm, she settled in to watch the movie.
When it was over, she grabbed his hand to keep him in his seat. “Talk to me.”
“What about?”
“You. You’re not acting like yourself.”
He stiffened, but she wouldn’t back down. Not this time. Instead, she waited. He pulled at his collar. “What do you mean?”
“You’re more attached to me than usual.” At his shocked expression, she hurried to continue. “Not that I mind. I love being close to you, and if that’s all it is, you wanting to be close to me, fine. But it seems like it’s more than that.”
He swallowed, opened his mouth, and closed it. After a moment, he spoke. “I’m sorry. I like being with you, that’s all. I don’t mean to smother you.”
She raised an eyebrow. His face darkened, but he didn’t add anything further. Squeezing his hand, she rose. “You’d tell me if it was something, right?”
He pulled her against his chest, his heart beating against her ear. It was strong and steady, like him.
“Yes.”
She believed him.
Hannah hugged herself as she let herself into her apartment. It was the only way she could contain the feelings bubbling inside her, threatening escape.
“Hannahla? Is that you?”
“Yes, Bubbe, it’s me.” She walked into the living room and frowned. “What are you still doing up?”
“I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to wait for you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry I kept you up.”
Her grandma laughed. “Not to worry. I read our next book club book. It’s good. Did you have fun tonight?”
She sank onto the sofa next to her grandmother. “Oh Bubbe, I did. He makes me so happy, I can barely contain myself. Although he was a little weird tonight, I know I make him feel good.” At her grandmother’s raised eyebrows, Hannah tipped her head away. “I don’t mean that, Bubbe, although that’s good too.” Now it was Bubbe’s turn to blush and look away. “I mean…when I got there, he didn’t see me. I snuck behind him and put my arms around him. He could have reacted any number of ways, but instead, he leaned into me and stayed there, like he didn’t want to break contact. Or like I was helping him in some way. It’s hard to explain…”
“Like you’ve become a part of him?”
Hannah’s eyes widened. “Exactly! And he’s become a part of me.” She leaned toward her grandmother. “I think I love him.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to contain the feeling inside her.
Her grandma’s face broadened into a grin. She clasped her hands together, looking as excited as Hannah felt. “Oh Hannahla, I’m happy for you. I’ll admit, I was reluctant at first because he’s older than you, and he has a daughter.”
“I know, Bubbe, I was too. But Tess has accepted me, and Dan isn’t old.”
“If you love him, he must be wonderful.”
“He is. He still doesn’t talk to me as much as I’d like him to, but he’s made progress.”
“Sometimes men take time. Tess is a doll. Only a good man could raise someone like her. When will you invite them to Shabbat dinner?”
“Soon, Bubbe, soon.”
A family dinner with her grandmother, Dan, and Tess. In the past, she would have been nervous. But this felt right. And she’d tell him she loved him.
Dan looked out the window. The full moon’s light shined into the darkened spare room, pooled onto the puzzle table, and spilled onto the wood floor. He hadn’t been able to sleep since he came home from the movies with Hannah.
Like he did when his leg bothered him, he tried to distract himself with putting together the puzzle. But the bright-colored sea creatures reminded him of her laughter. The moonlight reminded him of her creamy skin. The stillness around him reminded him of her breath on his neck when she leaned around to kiss him.
He couldn’t get her out of his mind.
He rubbed his knee. What would it be like for Hannah to massage him? He closed his eyes, imagining her soft hands on his skin, their cool touch against his heat. He hardened. Opening his eyes in frustration, he stood and walked around.
A vision of Hannah’s blue eyes, wide with sympathy, sparkling with humor, darkening in passion, flitted through his mind. He shook his head, trying to clear it.
He loved her.
He jerked to a standstill. He loved her? When did that happen? Was it when she’d cleaned the tomato sauce off of his cheek? Charmed Tess? Made him feel like a man even as she figured out a way for him to rest his leg? Confided to him about her brother?
Her brother.
There was no possible way this could work. Now that he knew he loved her, he had to do what was best for her.
He recognized the signs. An inability to get her out of his mind. An inability to sleep. His need to see her, talk to her, touch her.
He was addicted to her, as if she were a substance. Like before.
Her brother was a drug addict.
He was too.
She didn’t deserve that.
He’d broken his oxy habit, because it almost killed him and harmed Tess. Now he had to break things off with Hannah. No matter what it cost him.