Chapter Nineteen
There was no way Hannah’s heart and mind could reconcile breaking up with Dan after she admitted to falling in love with him. The pain was a physical ache in her heart, her head, and her joints, even two weeks later. She’d thought Dan was old? She swore she’d aged fifty years since she’d left the coffee shop. Eating and sleeping were distant memories. Mascara was the most useless thing on the planet—even the waterproof kind—unless she wanted to look like a raccoon. Her grandmother took to whispering into the phone to God-knew-who, and staring at her with a worried expression.
Now she needed to put all of it aside for the first day of her new job.
Hannah took a deep breath before walking into her new office building. Giving her name to the receptionist, she waited until Barbara came into reception, a warm smile on her face.
“Hannah, welcome! I’m glad you’ve joined us. Come, let me introduce you around.”
She followed Barbara inside, shook hands with her new colleagues and tried to smile. Fifteen minutes later, she reached her desk, a pile of paperwork to be filled out in front of her. Letting out a breath, she sank into her chair. Pretending to be happy was exhausting.
She tried to focus on the task in front of her, but her mind spun in a million directions—most of them Dan-related. The forms took longer than they should have.
A few hours later, Barbara stopped by. “Want to grab some lunch?”
It wouldn’t do to refuse her new boss. They walked a few blocks to a cozy book and teashop and sat at a quiet table in the back. Bookshelves stacked with books of all sizes and genres lined the walls of the shop. Lower bookcases separated the room into sections. Small, round tables and spindly chairs filled in the middle spaces. A spiral iron staircase disappeared below. Sounds of dishes clinking told Hannah it led to the kitchen. The scent of vellum and leather mingled with tealeaves, and she took her first deep breath in days.
“This place is amazing.” She sat across the white lace tablecloth from Barbara.
“It’s this little hidden treasure where I love to come to get away from everything. I thought after the activity of meeting everyone this morning, you might appreciate the quiet.”
Her new boss was perceptive. “Thank you.”
“Since it’s too soon to ask how things are going,” she said with a smile, “I’ll just ask if you’re okay. Because you don’t seem quite yourself. I’m not complaining. It could be your adjustment to a new place. But I thought I’d ask in case anything is wrong.”
Hannah gripped the leather-bound menu tighter. Was she that transparent? If she told her she’d just broken up with her boyfriend, what kind of an impression would she make?
Before she could formulate an answer, Barbara reached across the table and covered Hannah’s hand. “Relax. I recognize the value you bring to the company. Like I told you when you interviewed, I care about my employees. So if you ever need to talk, I’m a good listener.”
“Thank you.” She needed to change the subject before she burst into tears on her first day of work in front of her brand-new boss. She swallowed over the enormous lump in her throat. “So, what kinds of projects do you envision me working on?”
Barbara said, “Well, my thought is I’d like to give you several projects to work on. They’ll be in different areas and once we see how you do and where your strengths lie, we’ll narrow your focus.”
“You have the flexibility to do that?”
Barbara nodded. “I do this with all my new hires. The chemistry of a team is important and I want to make sure you mesh well with the people you work with. Based on our conversations and where I think you would do the best, I’ll give you three different projects—I’ve got a non-profit that needs straight publicity, a tech firm launching a new piece of software to help amputees, and a pharma company raising awareness of women’s health issues. Sound good?”
“I think the non-profit and the pharma interest me the most, but I’m happy to work on any of them.”
“You can look over the project information after lunch and get to work tomorrow. It’s a quiet week because of Thanksgiving so things won’t ramp up until after the holiday. I’ll observe you and talk to your teammates and you throughout the next month and based on feedback, we’ll determine your best fit.”
When the waitress brought their salads and sandwiches, Hannah and Barbara stopped talking about work. Hannah found out Barbara and her wife, Janet, were parents to a three-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, and Hannah told her about her grandmother.
“I love the generational thing you have going there,” Barbara said. “That’s wonderful!”
“Yeah, my grandma and I have always been close. I love living with her. Plus it lets me pay her back in a way for all the things she did for me.”
Later, Hannah, fortified by her garden salad and tuna sandwich, reined her attention in and brushed up on the three projects she’d start work on tomorrow. As she made her way home, a desire to tell Dan about her wonderful new job washed over her and she leaned against the wall as flashes of his eyes deep with understanding and bright with interest invaded her thoughts. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she let herself into her apartment.
“Hannahlah, is that you?”
She counted to five and put her keys on the side table. “Yes, Bubbe, it’s me.” She sniffed and walked into the kitchen, where Sylvia was making soup. “Mmm, smells delicious.”
“There’s bread warming in the oven. How was your first day?”
Hannah set the table and told her about her new job. “I like it.” Hannah described the office, Barbara, and her co-workers.
Her grandmother gave her a hug. “I’m so glad. Barbara sounds different, and wonderful.”
“She is,” Hannah said. “I feel like I’m starting over in exactly the right place.
The next day at work, three people asked Hannah if she was dating anyone, two others mentioned the status of the single guys in the office, and two more offered to introduce her to them. The conversation was like sandpaper against her heart.
“Wow, these people are worse than my grandmother,” Hannah said to Stan, her new officemate.
He laughed. “Being the only gay man in the office has its benefits.”
“My grandma and her best friend could set you up,” she said with a wink.
He held out his hands. “My boyfriend wouldn’t like it.” He pointed to a photo on the desk and Hannah looked at the two handsome men with a dog.
“I’ll leave you alone, if only for the dog’s sake.”
“Roscoe appreciates that.”
After putting in a few hours of work, she walked into the break room for a cup of coffee. Turning around, she almost crashed into a guy who’d walked in behind her. Her coffee sloshed over her hand. With a cry of pain, she ran it under the faucet.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Here, let me help.” He rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a first aid kit. Opening it, he tossed Band-Aids, lotions, antiseptic and an assortment of stuff onto the counter. “There must be something here for burns.”
She dried off her hand with a towel. “No, it’s fine. I think the air is the best thing for it. But thanks.”
“You can’t thank me. I’m the one who made your coffee spill.”
“There was enough milk in it to not burn too badly. Really, I’m fine.” She turned her hand this way and that to inspect. A slight redness, but even now the pain had receded.
“At least let me pay for your dry-cleaning bill.”
She looked at the stain on her grey peplum skirt and back into his eyes, which squinted in concern. She suspected he wouldn’t let this go. “I appreciate it.”
When she returned to her desk, Stan whistled. “Oh no.”
“I didn’t realize there was someone behind me. I’m glad I didn’t get him as well.”
“Him?”
“I didn’t catch his name. Average height, brown eyes, curly brown hair…”
“Probably Marc. He’s a bit of a klutz, but nice. Single too if you’re interested,” he said with a wink.
“He’s covering my dry cleaning. Let’s leave it as is.”
Stan shrugged. “Relationships have started on less.”
Later that afternoon, Hannah jumped as someone knocked on her office door. “Geez, I always startle you. I realized I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Marc Lang.” He held out a hand, which Hannah shook.
“Hannah Cohen.”
“I’m serious about the dry cleaning. Make sure you give me the bill. I don’t suppose you’d let me make it up to you and buy you a drink?”
“You’re already cleaning my clothes, Marc. It’s not necessary.” She looked at Stan, kind of hoping for an out.
“Don’t look at me. I wasn’t invited for drinks.” He winked at Marc, who laughed.
“You can come too, Stan,” Marc said.
Hannah hoped he’d say yes. If Stan came, would be more of a social activity, which she was more ready for than a date.
“Nah, I’ve got plans.”
Her hopes fizzled.
“Hannah?” Marc’s gaze reminded Hannah of a puppy. A cute one, but a puppy, nonetheless.
She couldn’t help but compare him to Dan, which made her sad. Clearly she wasn’t ready to start dating. But all she did at home was mope. Instead, she thrust back her shoulders. If she were ever to get over Dan, she needed to start somewhere. “Sure, that’d be great. Thanks for the invitation.”
“I can make sure you get home okay after, if you want.”
She blushed as Stan stifled some sort of noise. “Um, we’ll see what time it is, but thanks.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
Marc left and Stan covered his face, shoulders shaking.
“You’re awful, you know that?” Hannah said. “Marc seems like a nice guy. Going out will distract me and maybe fill me in on the workings of this place.”
“So you need a distraction?”
“I do.”
“Well, I’m running outside to grab something from one of the food trucks. Hungry?”
Her eyes filled as she remembered how she and Dan had met. Blinking to prevent tears from falling, she shook her head. “Thanks, though.”
After a full day of meetings with her project leaders, research and a little writing, Hannah was more than ready to leave the office when Marc picked her up. “Ready?”
As they walked to the bar, Hannah glanced sideways at him. He was average height with broad shoulders. In khakis and a button-down, his muscular arms filled out his shirt sleeves. He walked with ease, dominating the sidewalk. Was this the guy Stan called a klutz? At a different time in her life, she might have found him attractive.
“Here it is.” Marc held the door for her.
Walking past him into the bar, Hannah paused while her vision adjusted to the darker space. The room was long and narrow, with a bar on the left and tables against the wall on the right. She’d never been to a place like this with Dan—their dates were more subdued. Music played. People talked at the bar. It would be difficult to have a serious conversation here. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…
Before she could change her mind, Marc put a hand on her arm. He introduced her to everyone and seated her next to him—it was pretty clear he’d staked his claim.
“What’ll you have?” he asked as he pushed through the crowd at the bar.
“Beer.” Dan knew what she drank.
“Any particular kind?”
“Surprise me,” she said.
A minute later he returned with two bottles of Yuengling. He tapped his bottle to hers and took a long pull. She watched him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Again, she thought of Dan. Blinking, she sipped her drink and looked around. She recognized faces, but the names were a blur.
She turned to the woman on her left. “Hi, you’re Jill, right? What department do you work in?”
“I work in healthcare. Do you live around here?”
“Hoboken. You?”
“Jersey City. We can go to the PATH station together if you want.”
“That would be great.” And it would relieve her of having to depend on Marc.
The waitress interrupted with plates of wings and skins, which she distributed along the table. Everyone paused their conversations to help themselves to plates, food, and pitchers of beer.
“Do you have everything you need?” Marc asked.
“I’m good.” He was sweet. Hannah tried to keep an open mind. “Do you all do this often?”
Marc put his arm around the back of her chair. Hannah flinched, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“About every couple of weeks,” he said. “We’re a pretty social group.”
“That’s nice. Thanks for inviting me.”
A guy on the other side of Jill leaned forward. “Hey, Hannah, I’m Travis. How do you like the place so far?”
“Everyone is friendly. I’m getting my feet wet on the accounts. We’ll see what happens.”
“Well, I’m in your tech group. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask.”
Conversations about movies, music, and sports swirled around her. Hannah participated as she could, listening more often than not.
Focusing on the talk around her kept her from thoughts of Dan. Or it should have. Her mind drifted to him on occasion—when she saw Alan’s blue eyes, she was reminded of Dan’s, except Dan’s were darker; when Marc laughed at something, she compared his mid-level tone to Dan’s deeper one; when Kari twirled her hair, she thought of Tess. Each time her mind drifted to Dan, she tried to steer it to this restaurant, these people. It was exhausting.
She turned to Marc. “Is this your go-to after-work place?”
He nodded. “I prefer it on weekends. They have live bands on Saturday nights and sports on the weekends.”
“Sounds fun.”
“We should go sometime.”
Hannah smiled. He meant well; maybe she could drag Aviva and Jacob with her. She took another sip of her beer. “How long have you worked at the office?”
“About five years. I worked at a larger firm for about three years before that, right out of college. How about you?”
“I was at my previous firm for just under five years.”
“What made you leave?”
Hannah played with the beer bottle. Office gossip wasn’t her thing. Still… “I wanted a change and the timing seemed right.”
From the knowing look in his eye and the way his lips twitched, she thought he knew she was putting him off. “I like to keep things exciting, too. It’s why I live in Manhattan. Lots to do, lots of people, always something happening.”
She swallowed. Life would be much easier if she could fall for him. She couldn’t get Dan out of her mind.
For the next half hour, she made an extra effort to participate in the conversation around her. She laughed at jokes, gave opinions when asked and accepted an offer to shop with some of the other women at the table. Marc ran through descriptions of colleagues. His perceptions were pretty good. Some of them made her laugh. She started to relax.
“Your officemate, Stan. He’s a trip. One of the smartest guys I’ve ever met. Has an innate knowledge of what will work with the public and what won’t. But his sense of humor? Oh boy. Do not, I repeat, do not, drink around him when he speaks.”
“You mean I have to add him to the list?”
Marc looked at her blankly for a moment before he shook his head. “Yeah, between the two of us, your dry-cleaning bills will be pretty high.”
“Or yours will be.” She winked.
“Hey, I haven’t done anything yet. Can I ask you a personal question, or are you going to change the subject back to work again?”
Hannah let out a deep breath. “How about this. I’m reluctant to get too deep into personal questions at this time. But you can ask, and if I’m not comfortable, I won’t answer. Deal?”
“Deal. Every time someone new starts, there are questions about whether they’re single or not. So, are you? Single, I mean.”
Her chest tightened. She shouldn’t be. She didn’t want to be. But she was. “Yes. Newly so.”
“Ah, that explains it.”
“Explains what?”
“Something in your expression whenever I get personal.”
“Probably.”
Marc turned away. When he turned back, he looked at her. “Whoever he was, he was a fool.”
Except, he wasn’t.
“How’s your new job?” Aviva asked Hannah when they met for brunch that weekend. The blue-and-white restaurant, decorated with cows, was known for its amazing pancakes, and both women ordered them as soon as they were seated. Now, with coffee poured, they waited for their food to arrive.
“I like it.” Hannah described the office, Barbara, and her co-workers.
“I love Stan! You’ll have to introduce me to him. Any other interesting men in the office? Straight ones?”
Hannah fidgeted at Aviva’s pointed look. “Not really.”
“Which isn’t a definitive no, so tell me!”
Hannah rolled her eyes and told her about Marc and their drinks. “It was weird and awkward. Especially because I tried to keep things work-related and he didn’t.”
“Well, give him a chance. He might be someone you want to get to know better when you’re ready to date again.”
“I don’t think I should date a co-worker. Look what happened before.”
“Oh come on. That was Jim being an asshole. No one can believe he did that to you. Barbara sounds different.”
“Still, it wouldn’t be wise for me not to learn from previous mistakes.”
“So you think Dan was a mistake?”
Hannah circled the rim of her coffee cup with her finger. “I miss him.” She looked across the table at Aviva, who grabbed her hand and squeezed. “You should have seen me at the dinner table on Thanksgiving, trying to figure out a way to express gratitude, when I don’t feel it.”
“I know, sweetie. But he’s got obvious issues and you don’t need someone like him in your life.”
“But it doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. I miss Tess. I was supposed to go to her art show, but I can’t now. And I wish I could.”
“I know but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself with Marc, or someone else, even, if he makes you happy. I’m not saying you should. With all the unwanted matchmaking my roommates did for me, the last thing I’d do is force my best friend into a relationship.”
Hannah smiled.
“But I will say keep your mind open. You never know what might happen when you least expect it.”
Their pancakes arrived and the two women changed the subject as they ate. When they’d finished, they hugged outside on the sidewalk.
“I miss having you around every day,” Hannah said.
“Me too. Let’s get together again soon. Okay?”
As Hannah headed home, she tried not to let melancholy wash over her. Between losing Dan and no longer working with Aviva, she was lonely.