Chapter 16
Sixteen
GODR
A t this time of year, as the seasons began to change, clouds blocked out the sun and the winds grew stronger.
It wouldn’t be long before snow covered the ground, and keeping the stallions warm would become my priority.
Their coats were thicker than the stallions from the towns I’d seen when Finn’s family came to try to take him away, but I still didn’t like them cold.
I’d once requested permission from Orthorr to set up a tent big enough for all of them, but he’d refused.
He’d said it would be too difficult to move.
Rath had suggested leaving it since we only needed it during the cold months, but then I’d wondered if it would be good during the rain too, and Orthorr had gotten annoyed with me pestering him.
Instead of a tent, I requested blankets for the stallions.
Since many of my brothers left the care of their stallions in my hands, they agreed to support my request, and the weavers put everyone to work making them together.
There were new additions to the herd every year, so new blankets had to be made and old ones had to be mended.
It was a good way to get tributes involved in the clan without pressure.
Even Ambrose joined in, sitting in the village center next to Finn and Zoya, practicing his language while the three of them worked on the large loom that had been set out for others to help alongside the weavers.
“Is it wrong that the weavers can have many looms but I cannot have a tent for the stallions?” I complained to Rath as we went to join the three seated on the pillows.
Rath rolled his eyes. “The looms are easy to move. Your tent would have been larger than six family tents combined. You truly wish to make the stallions move that each moon cycle each travelling season?”
I grimaced. He had a point. While the tent was a good idea in theory, I didn’t want to strain the horses by forcing them to haul such a heavy tent. They hauled enough each time we moved. I cycled who was hauling and who could run with their rider during the journeys to make it fair.
Sitting on the cushion beside Ambrose, I nodded at his work. “It is… nice.”
My lips twitched, and I tried my best not to laugh, but he noticed and shoved me with a playful scowl. “Quiet. I am trying.”
While Finn and Zoya’s blankets were a little rough thanks to their inexperience, Ambrose’s blanket looked as though it was created by a toddler. He seemed to struggle to use the loom and gave up with an exasperated sigh after a few more minutes.
“Stupid,” he complained. That word was new for him, and I raised an accusing eyebrow at Finn, who shrugged sheepishly.
“He was frustrated. I taught him some words to express that.”
“Simon would teach him better words,” I pointed out with a grin.
Ambrose, listening to our speaking, rolled his eyes. “Simon taught me ‘Wanna fuck?’ and ‘Go fuck yourself’.”
Finn choked in surprise while I barked out a laugh.
Simon was such a brat. I looked around for him eagerly, hoping he could teach me the same in the common tongue, but I didn’t see him.
I did my best to ignore the way my body reacted to Ambrose saying ‘Wanna fuck?’ in his smooth voice. It made me want things I couldn’t have.
Zoya shook her head with a sigh. “He cannot be trusted to teach anything. He plays tricks like you do.”
“He’s good at teaching some things…” Finn murmured, flushing dark red.
Before I could tease him for his reaction, Ambrose asked, “Good at teaching what?”
We all went quiet, and I bit my lip to stop myself from blurting it out. I’d been careful not to make advances toward Ambrose after what had happened. As much as I wished to flirt with him, I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable with me.
When none of us answered, Rath spoke up, his voice emotionless. “Simon teaches sex.”
If I didn’t know my brother well, I would have thought this bothered him, but I could see the way he was looking at Finn with heat in his eyes. He enjoyed whatever lessons Simon taught the smaller man and wouldn’t complain about them.
“He… Why?” Ambrose asked, his cheeks darkening almost more than Finn’s.
I couldn’t help myself. I had to answer. “Because he loves it, and he wants us all to enjoy ourselves. You should ask him. He is not shy.”
Ambrose gave me a dry look. “No, thank you. I don’t need lessons.”
No, he didn’t. Despite his nervousness, he knew how to touch me to make me mindless with desire.
The memory of it made me shiver, and I couldn’t help locking eyes with Ambrose to see if he was thinking of the same thing.
He sucked in a breath, eyes widening, and jerked to look back at his work, but the redness of the tips of his ears told me he remembered it well.
I wanted to ask if he was willing to try again.
To experience sharing lust together without fear or perceived responsibility.
Lying next to him each night, I ached to reach for him, to feel his lips against mine again, but I didn’t want to do anything he didn’t want to do. If he wanted me, he had to tell me.
Standing suddenly, Ambrose said, “I will go river to bath.”
“You will go to the river to bathe,” Zoya corrected and stood. “I believe now is best to do so, before the sun sets and it gets too cold.”
AMbrOSE
Was I hoping to hide my reaction to Godr by getting into icy water?
Yes, yes, I was. Despite knowing I wasn’t required to do anything with him and telling myself I wasn’t interested, I still reacted to his presence whenever he was around me.
I couldn’t seem to control my mouth around him, making stupid flirtatious comments and blushing when he locked eyes with me with a hopeful expression I barely resisted.
I knew what he hoped for. He still didn’t know I wasn’t interested in men, and now that I knew how things worked here, any actions on my part were fully informed and consensual.
I just… couldn’t let myself go there. I still couldn’t wrap my head around how good it had felt after a lifetime of thinking I only liked women.
It was better to pretend it had never happened.
We all headed to the river as a group. That took some getting used to, bathing in groups. No one batted an eye, no matter the gender, and some even splashed each other and wrestled like it was nothing. Modesty wasn’t a thing with the barbarians, apparently.
A few broke off, waiting for a large pot of hot water to be brought for them to use to get clean.
Men like Simon and Finn, who didn’t have much body fat or muscle, needed the water warmed to avoid hypothermia.
I thought about joining them a few times since the icy water wasn’t my favorite, but then Godr started taking his clothes off, and I needed the cold to hide my reaction to him.
He was just so… beautiful. All smooth lines and trim muscles, decorated with tattoos like the rest of the barbarians in the clan.
His hair was down for once, not in weird braids or buns.
His silly hairstyles were usually to make people laugh, nothing like how the rest of the clan wore their hair in neat braids or ponytails, but when his hair was down like this, he took my breath away.
I was grateful he didn’t notice me staring, and when I finally ripped my gaze away from his rounded ass, I stripped hastily and stepped into the icy water, swallowing my whimper as I got deeper.
The barbarians acted like they didn’t feel the cold.
Meanwhile, I was worried about frostbite in certain private places.
“Ambrose?”
I jumped when Godr’s voice was closer than I expected. I turned, almost bumping into him as he stood directly behind me. He looked worried, his hand outstretched like he wanted to reach for me.
“Do you want warm water?” he asked, gesturing toward the pot the other men were gathering around.
Shaking my head, I tried not to let my teeth chatter as I assured him, “I’m okay.”
He was standing close enough that I could feel the heat coming off of him. I wanted to wrap myself around him and steal his warmth, and that only freaked me out more. Being this close to him while he was wet and naked was dangerous.
I finished cleaning myself and got out as quickly as I could, flinching against the breeze that swept over my skin as I got out. I definitely wasn’t feeling anything close to desire now. I was too damn cold.
Godr brought me to the village center to warm up in front of the massive fire while fetching us some dinner.
My eyes moved over the crowded area, watching the people interact with each other.
They were nothing like I’d expected. Warm and inviting, not a hint of abuse in sight.
Finn had told me that the consequences for hurting a tribute were so severe, people had been banished for causing them insult.
When Godr tried to manipulate Finn into playing a prank on Rath and made him cry not long after Finn had arrived, Godr had to clean out the trenches for a month.
They didn’t joke around with the well-being of tributes here.
They really did put them on a pedestal for what they brought to the clan.
It didn’t matter the gender. Either by having babies or providing companionship, a tribute was a gift to the clan, and they treated them as such.
It made me think about the town I was raised in.
I’d seen too many women from abusive relationships in my clinic, and it’d become so normal to me that I didn’t even blink at it anymore.
I just treated their injuries and sent them on their way.
When had I become so indifferent to how women were treated?
If Alora had witnessed what I’d seen, she would have been up in arms about it.
I would have had a lot of fights on my hands to protect her from calling out a husband for something the town considered normal practice.
Sebastian would be raised around people who believed that, and maybe would think the same way when he was a man.
I still wished I could bring him out here instead.
If I was staying in this clan, it wouldn’t be a bad place to raise him.
They were good people who treated everyone with kindness and understanding.
Kids were raised by the entire clan and taught to love and support one another, not fight for power like they did in town.
And Sebastian would love the freedom the kids had here.
He hated being cooped up at home with only his tutor and me as company.
Godr sat beside me, handing me a bowl of food with a smile. “Still cold?”
“Uh, no,” I said, forcing my mind away from my son.
I couldn’t ask anyone from this clan to go see him.
I didn’t belong here. And I wasn’t holding my breath that the next clan would be as kind.
If they were all as nice as this clan was, even the worst rumors wouldn’t be able to stand up against that much kindness.