The Pianist’s Wife

Chapter Five

It took Amira weeks to finally gather the courage to agree to meet Gisele’s friends, content in the meantime to meet Gisele, just the two of them, when they could, and hear all about the exciting things she was doing. She imagined sneaking out and going to watch one of Gisele’s recitals, still remembering how beautifully she played the flute, but they were always in the evening and she didn’t have the nerve.

But that all changed when Gisele told her that she’d arranged a double date and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. And so Amira lied to her father about being needed at the orphanage one Saturday afternoon, and although she almost didn’t go through with it, she couldn’t help but imagine what fun Gisele was having every weekend. And she wanted to have fun too, to just be a young woman for once without the weight of the world on her shoulders. Although, as she fretted about what she was about to do, she tried to tell herself that being worried was just part of her life now – she had a cover story to maintain after all, and hated the thought of anyone asking her questions. Or of Gisele having to mind her words so as not to put her in jeopardy.

As she walked, she knew that the young men she was meeting wouldn’t so much as look at her if they knew the truth, but the moment she saw Gisele in her pretty cream dress waving to her from outside the picture theatre all her worries disappeared as if they’d never existed in the first place.

‘Amira!’ Gisele called, letting go of the arm of the handsome man she’d been clinging to and joining her. ‘I’m so glad you could make it.’

‘I can’t believe I’m here,’ Amira said, breathless as she glanced past Gisele at the two young men waiting for them.

‘The dress is perfect,’ Gisele said, holding out her hand and giving Amira a twirl. ‘I knew it would fit you like a glove.’

Amira beamed back at her, holding her coat over her arm. She’d left the apartment with every button of her coat done up to disguise the pretty navy dress beneath it, one that Gisele had given to her the week before when they’d met at the park, and she felt like a million dollars wearing it.

‘I have something to show you,’ Gisele said, holding up her hand to show a modest diamond ring. ‘We’re getting married!’

‘Oh my gosh, congratulations,’ Amira said, staring at the diamond before looking up at Gisele. Her happiness faltered as she realised just how quickly Gisele’s life was changing, but she quickly fixed her smile. ‘I’m so happy for you. When’s the wedding?’

Gisele had tears in her eyes, and when Amira hugged her, she whispered in her ear. ‘I wish I was asking you to be my bridesmaid, but—’

‘It’s fine. I’m happy for you, Gisele, truly I am,’ she said, ignoring the little flare of jealousy inside of her. ‘Now, introduce me to your fiancé and his friend before I lose my nerve.’

Gisele tucked her arm through Amira’s and marched her over to them. Both men were in uniform, which sent a shiver through Amira, but she forced her worries away. Not all young men in uniform were evil; she knew better than anyone that everyone did what they had to do to stay alive. So instead of doing what her father would have wanted and retreating into her shell, she forced a bright smile and held out her hand as they were introduced.

‘I hear congratulations are in order,’ she said as she shook Hans’ hand.

‘Thank you,’ Hans said, gazing confidently at Gisele in a way that told Amira he was very much in love with her friend. ‘I feel like the luckiest man in the world right now.’

‘Amira, this is Maxi,’ Gisele said, gesturing to the young man standing beside Hans. He had a cheeky smile that was impossible not to return, with light-brown hair that was almost too long and in danger of brushing into his eyes. ‘He and Hans have been friends for years.’

‘I suppose that means you can ask him anything you need to know about me,’ he said with a wink.

Amira fought against the blush that was heating her cheeks as Maxi offered her his arm. He was terribly handsome and she’d never held a young man’s arm before, never stood so close that she could smell a man’s aftershave or feel the giddy wave of nerves at having her skin touch someone of the opposite sex. But right now, all she could think was that it had been worth defying her father. What could possibly go wrong, seeing some friends for the afternoon?

It wasn’t like she was going to marry the man.

Gisele winked at her as she walked past her, and Amira felt the overwhelming urge to laugh. It had been so long since she’d just had fun that she’d forgotten how good it felt. And besides, it wasn’t like she was going to be asked for her identity papers to go to a movie, which meant that she wasn’t really taking a risk at all.

After the movie, the four of them strolled down the hill for ice cream, Gisele still clinging to Hans’ arm as if she might never let go of him, and Maxi and Amira walking with a respectable distance between them.

‘So, tell me about yourself, Amira.’

‘Well,’ she said, stalling for time as she reminded herself that she knew her cover story inside out. She’d been dreaming of being around people her own age for so long, and she refused to let her nerves ruin the afternoon. ‘I volunteer at an orphanage most days.’

‘You like volunteering?’

‘I love it. I’ve always wanted to spend my days with children, and I hope to become a teacher after the war.’ She glanced at him, catching his smile. ‘What about you? Do you have a passion for what you want to do once all this is over?’

‘I planned to be a journalist, actually, but with the war, well, I guess you could say that I’ve had to put my plans on hold for now too, just like you have.’ He grinned. ‘One day our dreams will come true though. We just have to wait it out.’

She was going to tell him that her father was the one verifying the paperwork of German journalists, but thought better of it. And the way he’d mentioned waiting it out made her nervous, almost as if he knew what she was hiding from the world.

‘You know, it would make a good story, the orphanage you work at. I hate to think how many children have lost their parents.’

‘Sometimes I don’t think people want to know about them,’ she said. ‘They don’t like to hear about children who’ve lost both their parents, which makes me more determined to keep helping them.’ She paused, before continuing. ‘I’m actually giving many of them lessons, to make sure they can all read and write.’

‘Or maybe it’s just not the propaganda they want Germans to be reading about,’ Maxi said, before frowning. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just a frustrated journalist who would never do very well at being told what I could or couldn’t write. I’m impressed at what you’re doing, truly I am.’

She nodded, not sure what to say next, but a little flutter of hope ignited in her belly. If he was liberal enough to dislike Nazi propaganda, maybe he was more open-minded about other things, too.

When Gisele waved them over to order, Maxi held out his arm.

‘I don’t know why Gisele never mentioned that she had a friend as pretty and lovely as you before,’ he said, leaning in a little closer. ‘Would you come out with us again?’

The flutter of excitement inside of her was quickly extinguished when she realised that there was no way she could say yes.

‘My father is very strict about my social life,’ she said. ‘He, well—’

‘We’re just having ice cream,’ Maxi said with a grin. ‘Besides, I’m going to be sent away soon, so it’s not like I’ll even be here to call on you for much longer.’

Amira bit down on her bottom lip, but went against her better judgement and took his arm anyway. She didn’t have to decide whether to see him again right then and there. He’s right, it’s just one ice cream today. It’s not like we’re going to fall in love in one afternoon.

In the weeks since meeting Maxi for the first time, Amira had found ways to sneak out of the house as often as possible leading up to his posting overseas at the end of the month. Her father would have been furious if he found out, with his worry increasing by the day about the state of Berlin, but the more she experienced Gisele’s world, the harder it was to stay hidden away. Maxi made her laugh, he was kind and attentive in a way she’d never experienced before, and all she wanted was to spend every moment that she could in his company. For the first time, she’d been able to confess her passion for teaching to someone other than Gisele, and to dream about a future that was a lot brighter than the one she’d been imagining for so long. He was impossibly attentive, recounting his favourite childhood books and asking earnestly about what she liked to read, and it was as if everything she’d missed out on all these years had been forgotten.

‘Amira, I’m worried about your volunteer work,’ her father said, the book he’d been reading open in his lap. ‘I’m wondering if you would be best staying at home rather than leaving the house each day. The situation is getting worse with every passing week.’

She’d been standing by the window, looking out and feeling no less than a bird locked in a cage, and his words only intensified the feeling.

‘I can’t stay completely hidden from the world,’ she replied, without turning around, pressing her forehead to the cool glass. They’d had this conversation before, and she said the same thing she’d pointed out the last time, well versed by now in how to reassure him. ‘Young people are expected to serve, work or volunteer. It would be more suspicious if I did nothing.’

He made a sound in his throat that told her he understood.

‘Staying hidden like this is stifling though,’ she found herself saying. It was even more stifling when she heard Gisele talk about her expanding social life, not to mention planning a wedding. A wedding that Amira wouldn’t be able to attend for fear of Gisele’s mother recognising her. ‘I know you’re worried about me, but would it be so dangerous for me to accept an invitation from a young man? Or to meet a friend?’

‘What young man?’ he asked, and she could imagine the panicked look on his face without turning. ‘What friends?’

‘I just don’t want to hide for the rest of my life,’ she said, finally facing him. ‘There’s no one in particular, but I do meet people. I’ve turned down invitations that I would have loved to accept, and I know we’ve had this conversation before, but—’

‘Amira, there are Jewish women hiding all over Germany who would love the freedoms you enjoy.’

‘But I’m not Jewish anymore,’ she said, keeping her voice low in case their argument travelled to the adjoining apartment. ‘You’ve made certain that part of my life has been erased. There is no evidence anymore that I’m—’

‘Enough, Amira!’ he said, thumping his fist hard against the chair. ‘I will not discuss this any further with you.’

She took a deep breath, not yet ready to back down from their conversation. ‘Papa, what if I wanted to marry? What if I did meet a young man?’

His eyes widened and she thought they might pop out of their sockets. ‘Amira, please, tell me you haven’t—’

‘It’s a hypothetical question, Papa,’ she said, quickly interrupting him when she saw how scared he was. ‘But I’m a young woman, I have a right to ask, and the more I think about it, the more I think it would help me to stay hidden. Who would suspect me if I were married to a German?’

‘Applying for a marriage certificate means having every part of your heritage scrutinised. It means risking everything I’ve worked so hard to hide.’ He shook his head. ‘You know all this, Amira. You know what happens to those who take risks, who make one misstep and get caught. Please don’t let it be you, I wouldn’t survive it.’

She nodded. It had been foolish to ask, because she’d known what he would say, but the more secret double dates that Gisele arranged for the four of them, the more she’d started to think about the future, especially when she thought forward to Maxi’s return. And the more confident she became in her ability to hide, the more she wanted to live a normal life.

‘You must wait until after the war, Amira. You cannot ever risk your identity being discovered, not if you can help it,’ he said. ‘Promise me. I want you to promise me that you will never do anything so foolish as agree to get married.’

Amira touched her father’s hand, wishing she hadn’t upset him. ‘I promise, Papa. You know I would never do anything to put our lives in danger. It was foolish to ask.’

She kissed the top of his head, pleased to be walking away from him so he didn’t see her tears. Because he was right; she had been foolish to pretend that she was like all the other young women in Berlin. A few fun dates didn’t change anything. Her life was so different to Gisele’s, and it was time she stopped pretending that she was someone she wasn’t. It didn’t matter if Maxi made her feel like nothing else in the world mattered, because it did, and if her father hadn’t forged new documents for her, she would never have even met someone like him. Just like she would never know whether he’d have even looked twice at her if he knew the truth. She didn’t want to imagine the look on his face if she tried to tell him her secret, the awful things he might say, just like those boys from her school when she’d been just a girl.

Maxi had asked to meet her father before he left to fight, but instead she would be telling him that she couldn’t keep seeing him anymore.

She couldn’t see that she had any other choice.