Chapter Eight
The villa that Gisele and Hans lived in was familiar to Amira – she’d been there countless times to visit her friend after all, as it was within walking distance of her apartment – but arriving with all her possessions and standing at their front door still felt deeply unusual. She lifted her hand to knock, knowing she could have let herself in, but not quite ready to accept that this was her new home. Part of her still expected her father to come back, for it all to have been a misunderstanding, for none of what was happening to be true.
‘Mira!’ Frieda squealed as the door swung open, a big smile lighting up her face as she saw her.
‘Well, it’s wonderful to see you, too,’ Amira said, glancing up at Gisele, who stood behind her daughter.
‘Why do you have all your bags, Mira?’
Amira bent down and smiled at her, looking into her big blue eyes and feeling grateful that at least little Frieda would never know the pain of not being wanted, of society no longer deeming her worthy. ‘Because I’m here to look after you and your brothers, and to help your mama. I’m going to be living here now, remember? And the first thing I’m going to do once I’m all settled in is make a fort with you in your bedroom, so you can have a hideaway from your brothers.’
Frieda grinned, obviously very happy with the suggestion. ‘Is Maxi coming to see us too?’
Amira faltered. ‘No, my love. He’s not home yet, but I’m sure he’ll be coming to visit just as soon as he is.’
‘When will he be home then? Why is it taking so long?’
‘He’s one of our brave Wehrmacht soldiers fighting to protect the Reich,’ Gisele said. ‘Uncle Maxi has a very important job, like all the other young German men. Now go on, find your brother and see what game he’s playing. Give your mama and Amira a moment’s peace.’
Frieda skipped away, seemingly content to obey her mother, which left the two of them standing in the hallway.
‘You don’t think we should have told them?’ Amira asked with a sigh.
‘There’s every chance he could turn up alive, isn’t there?’ Gisele asked. ‘Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.’
She stood beside Amira and touched her shoulder, and Amira nodded, bravely. ‘Of course. I suppose, after my father, I just...’ She didn’t need to say the rest. They both knew. ‘But you’re certain there’s not something that Hans isn’t telling me?’
‘Amira, I’m certain,’ Gisele said, linking their arms. ‘If there had been news, you would have been the first person Hans told. I promise.’
Amira nodded. ‘You’re right, of course you are. I just... I wish we knew either way. It’s the not knowing that’s so hard.’
‘I know it is,’ Gisele said, tears glinting in her eyes. Maxi was a friend of hers, too, and Amira knew how much she was hoping he’d return home. ‘Come on, let’s get you settled into your room. I’ve spent all morning making it perfect for you. I honestly can’t believe that you’re here.’
‘Thank you,’ Amira murmured, trying to shake the overwhelming sense of foreboding that kept settling over her. ‘As sad as I was to leave our place behind, it was so lonely without Papa there.’
‘Well, we’re all excited about having you. It’s going to be wonderful all being together, I promise.’
And so she and Gisele picked up her luggage and took her things upstairs, into the pretty attic room with sunlight filtering in and a little bunch of white roses on the nightstand. It was at once perfect and heartbreaking, and once she was alone, with Gisele telling her to come down whenever she was ready, she lay on the bed. Amira took out her last letter from Maxi and placed it on her chest, pressing it to her heart and praying that he was found soon, that he was still alive.
Amira wiped her tears and forced herself to rise from the bed. She wanted to wallow in the attic for the rest of the day, but she had a job to do now, and she was determined to be the very best helper to Gisele that she could be. Before she went down, she affixed the large square of blackout curtain to the window, immediately blocking out the light and sending a looming shadow over the bedside table that had only moments earlier seemed so quaint and pretty.
At least now it matches my mood.
At the end of her second week, and with the children to bed and the house blissfully silent, Amira walked through to the kitchen to fix supper for her and Gisele. She’d come to appreciate what it was like to look after children all day, and she certainly felt that they both deserved a little treat after a particularly long day. She’d decided upon apple strudel, which she knew her friend loved just as much as she did, and they had leftovers from making it for the children. But just as she was about to cut it, Gisele came into the kitchen.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘Preparing something delicious for us,’ Amira replied, not bothering to turn from the pantry. ‘Those children of yours are exhausting! And to think that I wanted to be a teacher. I don’t think I’d have lasted a day.’
Of course, she still wanted to teach if she could have – like almost everything else, her opportunity to teach had been taken from her with the commencement of the Nuremberg Laws. She hadn’t even been able to begin her studies at university, which had broken her father’s heart almost as much as it had hers, but it simply hadn’t been worth the risk. But she was still hoping that one day she would be able to fulfil her dream, or if not, then at least do something that allowed her to be surrounded by children who needed her.
It wasn’t until she finally turned around that Amira realised how long Gisele had been silent for. Gisele wasn’t the silent type; she usually talked enough for the both of them.
‘What’s wrong?’ Amira asked, setting down the plate of food. ‘Has something happened?’
Gisele shook her head. ‘Nothing’s wrong.’
Amira placed her hands on the kitchen countertop, as a familiar feeling washed over her. She’d felt it when her mother had died, and more recently her father; it was as if water were rushing over her body and filling her chest. The feeling intensified as Gisele’s face stayed set in a line, without being softened by her trademark smile, causing Amira to worry all the more.
‘Hans won’t be home for a while,’ Gisele said. ‘I’ve been so fortunate that he’s been posted close by for so long. The children will miss him this time, though.’
Gisele came to stand beside her, pressing her shoulder to Amira’s. She knew that something was wrong, that something had made her friend either sad or agitated or both, and she didn’t for a moment believe that it was about Hans being away for longer.
‘Are you certain everything’s alright?’ Amira asked, gently. ‘There’s nothing else on your mind?’ Gisele leaned into her a little more, before going to the drinks cabinet and taking out a bottle of brandy that Amira had only ever seen Hans pour drinks from before. Gisele took out two short glasses and poured a small splash into each, placing one in front of Amira before lifting her own and indicating that she should do the same. The liquor burned a fiery trail down her throat all the way to her stomach, but rather oddly, it felt good.
‘I don’t know how to thank you, Gisele,’ Amira said, placing her glass down gently as Gisele took another sip of hers. ‘What you’ve done for me, what you continue to do for me.’ Amira smiled over at her. ‘I can’t imagine having a better friend, truly I can’t. But if me being here is creating an additional burden, or you’d rather I just came during the day instead of living here with you...’
‘It’s not that.’ Gisele was silent for longer than she would usually be, before she finally spoke again. ‘I’ve loved having you here, especially with Hans gone so often. But there is something I’d like you to do for me.’
Amira smiled. ‘Anything. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you know that. Is it something for one of the children?’
‘I need you to trust me, Amira,’ Gisele said, touching her arm.
‘Well, now you’re worrying me,’ she said. ‘When have I ever not trusted you?’
Gisele’s face brightened, but it didn’t seem genuine, not to Amira. ‘There’s someone I’d like you to meet.’
Amira’s smile faltered, an unsettling feeling passing through her. It was the first time in her life she’d ever doubted her friend. ‘I’m not certain I understand. You know I trust you, but...’ Her stomach felt as if it were flipping in a circle. ‘Gisele, what do you mean? Who do you want me to meet?’
There was a knock at the back door of the kitchen then, and Gisele walked past Amira, turning back to her with an expression on her face that Amira had never seen before, before lifting her hand to open it.
Amira didn’t have time to run or scream or find anything to defend herself with, as the heavy wooden door swung open with a loud creak, revealing a man standing there, in plain clothes, his dark hair neatly brushed off his face and his hands clasped in front of him. His eyes immediately met hers, and she searched his coat for the swastika insignia that she knew would be there somewhere.
But then she remembered something Maxi had said to her, when they’d seen the Gestapo men waiting for them outside her apartment that night. They’re in uniform. There’s a reason they’re not in plain clothes. Most Gestapo were in plain clothes. Most of them didn’t want to stand out, wanted to blend in with regular people on the street, so as not to give any warning when they were about to pounce.
Amira backed away a few steps, knowing that she was supposed to stand her ground to avoid appearing guilty, but also knowing that if she stepped far enough away, she might just be able to turn and run, and escape out of the front door on to the street.