Chapter Thirteen
‘Amira,’ Fred called out as he entered their apartment. ‘Amira, are you home?’
She put down the wooden spoon she’d been holding, not bothering to take off her apron as she went to see why he wasn’t just coming to find her. In the days since finding out about Maxi, she’d done everything she could to keep busy, and this evening she’d thrown herself into making something nice for dinner, as best she could on the rations she had to work with, anyway.
‘I’m here. How was your day?’ she asked. Since finding out that Maxi was alive, he’d been slightly more talkative. After the concert, they’d both come through the door in silence, collapsing on to the sofa after the stress of what they’d experienced. Wordlessly, Fred had poured a large drink and handed her one too. Then Fred had told her that he’d understand if she needed to come clean to Maxi, despite the enormous risk that would involve for both of them, but Amira had assured him that their secret would remain safe. Because that would mean coming clean with Maxi about her past as well, and she still didn’t truly know whether he would accept her truth or not.
She stopped to put one of the cushions back on the chair as she passed, smiling to herself when she saw Otto sitting nearby. His favourite trick was to throw the cushions off the moment she had them all straight, and she was forever bending to pick them up.
‘Amira,’ Fred said, more insistently this time.
She looked up, not used to him saying her name like that.
‘Amira, I found a young man downstairs looking up at our apartment.’
‘What sort of young man?’
He frowned. ‘I have the strangest feeling that it could be your man.’
‘Maxi?’ She ran to the window and peered down, but the light was fading and it was impossible to see anything. ‘How would he know to come here?’
‘Amira, if it is him and he’s come to see you...’
She turned and touched Fred’s arm, noticing that her hand was shaking.
‘If it’s Maxi, I stick to what we’ve agreed,’ she said.
Fred looked unsure of himself but simply nodded and turned away, and Amira quickly grabbed her coat and hurried downstairs. She looked around, seeing a figure standing in the shadows near her door. Amira cleared her throat, waiting for him to show himself, waiting to see if she was crazy for thinking it could be him.
Maxi.
She couldn’t stop staring, her eyes travelling over every inch of the man who stepped towards her, dressed in his uniform and with his arm in a sling.
‘Maxi?’ Amira said, taking a tentative step forward as she tried to accept who she was seeing before her. ‘Maxi, I can’t believe it’s really you. All those months believing you were gone...’
All she wanted was to run across the pavement and throw her arms around him, to shower his face with kisses, but instead she stood and blinked at him, his face stoic as he cleared his throat and stared back at her.
‘I shouldn’t have come.’
‘I’m glad you did.’
He shook his head. ‘No, Amira, I shouldn’t have. But I needed to see you with my own eyes, to make sure you were alright. And I wanted to say goodbye to you.’
She blinked away tears, wishing he knew that it hurt her as much as it did him. ‘Can we go for a walk?’
He still just stared back at her.
‘Please?’
‘Amira, we can’t just go for a walk like nothing—’ he muttered.
‘Maxi, please,’ she said, firmly. ‘Just walk with me.’
He finally nodded and they began to walk, being careful to keep a distance between them and not to bump shoulders. It wasn’t until they were well down the street that they finally spoke again.
‘I can’t believe you’re married,’ he said.
‘I can’t believe you’re alive.’
She quickened her pace then, waiting until they were around the next corner before stopping and throwing her arms around him. Amira held him more tightly than she’d ever hugged anyone before, barely able to believe she was touching him. But she let go of him just as quickly, glancing around to make certain that no one was watching them.
‘Maxi,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He stared down at her, as if he didn’t know what to say.
‘When Hans told me you’d married...’ he said. ‘Thinking of you was what kept me alive all this time, and then to come home and find out that you’d already moved on...’
Tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked over every inch of his face.
‘I never gave up hope, I promise you I didn’t, but after all that time passed, after you were reported missing, I wasn’t left with any choice.’
He made a noise in his throat as he turned away. ‘If we’d married before I left, if you’d said yes to me then...’ He shook his head. ‘I forced Hans to tell me where you lived, you know? He wouldn’t tell me, but I wouldn’t give up. I thought if I just saw you one last time...’
Amira closed her eyes and leaned into him, her face to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. He felt thin, much thinner than when he’d left, but he was still her handsome Maxi.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Maxi, I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Sorry isn’t going to stop you being married,’ he whispered against her hair, before gently pushing her away.
She brushed away fresh tears as he spoke. ‘Maxi, my marriage to Fred is one of convenience,’ she said, almost feeling as if she were betraying Fred, even though he’d given her permission to tell him. ‘He sadly lost his sweetheart, and when we met I suppose we were kindred spirits in a way. But he’s given me a home and a name, he saved me when I thought I had no one left, and for that I will always be grateful.’
Maxi gazed down at her, his eyes burning into her skin. ‘When you say it’s a marriage of convenience...’
She closed her eyes, taking a deep, relieved breath. ‘I’m trying to tell you that we have not consummated our marriage. It is nothing more than companionship.’
When she opened her eyes, she saw that his had widened in surprise.
‘What are you trying to tell me?’
‘That I love you,’ she said, fighting tears. ‘That I only married because I had to, because I thought I was never going to see you again. That not saying yes to marrying you when I could was the stupidest mistake of my life.’
Maxi looked torn, but she saw the heat in his eyes when he spoke, his words a whisper. ‘Amira, I’m only here for three days before I have to return to the Eastern Front. I was supposed to have longer, but it wasn’t to be.’
She stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘Then I shall find a way to spend as much of those three days with you as I can.’
He reached out as if to brush a strand of hair from her face, before dropping his hand. As if he wasn’t certain whether he could touch her or not.
‘If I organised a room at the Hotel Kaiserhof or the Hotel Atlas,’ he said, ‘would you come?’
Amira took a deep breath, and when she exhaled she felt as if it shuddered all the way down to her toes. She should say no. She’d criticised Fred for going out after dark alone, and yet here she was about to say yes to meeting a lover at a hotel? It was far more risky than what Fred had done, but as she looked up at the man she loved, a man who was going to be gone again in only three days’ time, she knew she couldn’t say anything other than yes.
‘Yes,’ she eventually said. ‘I’ll come.’
Maxi stroked his hand across his stubbled cheek. ‘And after I leave? What will you do then?’
‘I shall return to my husband, as I have to,’ she said, quickly, not wanting to dwell on her marriage when she’d just agreed to meet him at a hotel. ‘But if it means spending the rest of my life with you, I shall get a divorce after the war so we can be together.’
‘You think Fred would agree?’
It would have been so easy to tell him, to whisper the words of truth to him in that moment, but instead she just nodded and smiled. ‘Fred is a very reasonable man. He wouldn’t want me to stay married to him if I no longer wanted to be.’
‘I hope you’re right about that.’
‘I am.’ Amira felt giddy with excitement, breathless as she grinned at him, taking a few steps backwards. ‘I promise.’
‘Amira?’
She waited.
‘Are you certain there’s still a chance for us? You’re not just saying that because I’ve come home all banged up and bruised and you feel sorry for me?’
Amira couldn’t help but laugh at the puppy-dog look on his face, and she hurried forward and placed her hands to his cheeks, staring into his eyes. Her sweet, kind, darling Maxi. ‘You are the love of my life, Maxi. Of course there’s still a chance for us.’
She stood on tiptoe again and pressed a quick, warm kiss to his lips. He tasted of cigarettes and chewing gum, and his clothes smelled as if they could very much do with a wash, but he was her Maxi and she loved him fiercely, with all her heart.
‘Make it the Hotel Kaiserhof,’ he said, still holding her hand as she made to step away. ‘I’ll be waiting there for you tomorrow.’