Chapter 24 #2
She frowned as Peggy helped her into her other, more respectable gown.
Oh, if only she could return to Atlantis on her own.
But she dared not without Jordan’s permission or he’d follow her, and this time he’d bring the Navy with him to destroy the island and all its inhabitants. He was so infuriating!
This morning, when he’d had the audacity to propose that she attend a ball, as if nothing had happened in her life over the past few months, she’d decided to make him understand how unfeeling he was being.
Well, now he must surely understand how she saw his interference. Perhaps he’d finally listen to her.
But first she had to attend this ball. This morning, it had occurred to her that as long as she was stuck in England, she might as well learn more about Gideon’s family.
That’s why she’d taken out Debrett’s Peerage.
According to it, there was a duke’s daughter named Eustacia of the right birth date to be Gideon’s mother.
What was more astonishing, however, was the fact that the woman was alive.
She was the wife of the Marquess of Dryden.
Best of all, Lady Dryden was supposed to be at the ball tonight, if Sara’s information from her friend at the Ladies Committee proved true.
Of course, Lady Dryden mightn’t be Gideon’s mother, after all.
The other things her friend had told her didn’t fit the woman she’d envisioned as Gideon’s mother.
Lady Dryden and her husband weren’t the glittering center of society, but recluses who lived quietly on their Derbyshire estate.
Philanthropists who gave generously to several charities, they likewise avoided the public acclamation that came with such generosity.
Lady Dryden was renowned for her affability and kindness.
It didn’t make any sense. The woman was supposed to be spoiled and selfish. She was supposed to be dead, for God’s sake. But Sara had read every page of the peerage and hadn’t found another woman who fit Gideon’s description of his mother so closely.
Perhaps Elias had lied about his wife’s death. Or perhaps Gideon had misunderstood or misheard the name. In any case, tonight she intended to learn the truth. After she tormented Jordan a bit more, of course.
When she came downstairs the second time, he cast an approving glance over her gown before hurrying her out the door. It was only after they were riding in the Blackmore carriage that he spoke to her. “I don’t understand what I’ve done that’s so wrong. I only want to make you happy.”
She stared straight ahead, unable to look at him. “By keeping me from marrying the man I love?”
“You only think you love him. After a while, you’ll see it was just a momentary infatuation—”
“Thank you for that flattering appraisal of my character.”
He cast her a startled glance. “What the devil do you mean?”
A bitter smile touched her lips. “You really don’t understand, do you?
I know there are women of the sort of frivolous character you imagine, who fall in love, then change their minds with a change of scenery.
” She thought of Gideon’s mother, who’d abandoned him without a thought.
“But surely you didn’t think I was one. If I do as you hope and forget Gideon after a few days back in England, won’t that show me to have the most unreliable character imaginable? ”
“It would show you to be sensible,” Jordan retorted, though he looked uncertain of his position for the first time since they’d left Atlantis.
“A sensible woman doesn’t give her heart, then snatch it away on a whim.
It took me a week to see past Gideon’s gruff exterior to the real man beneath, and three weeks more to agree to marry him.
It wasn’t a decision I made lightly. Don’t you see?
I knew you were coming to rescue me. If I’d wanted to resist Gideon, I could have.
” Her voice softened as she thought of how Gideon had looked when he’d asked her to marry him.
“But I didn’t want to resist him. I still don’t. That’s why I must return.”
He gave a low, exasperated curse. “Ask of me anything but that, Sara, and I’ll give it to you. For God’s sake, I’ll let you practice your reform efforts anywhere you wish, at any time. Just don’t ask me to take you back to that place.”
She glared at him. “I don’t want anything else! What kind of woman do you take me for, to accept such things in the place of the man I love?”
Gritting his teeth, he stared out the window into London’s foggy night. “Haven’t you wondered why this pirate hates the nobility so much? How do you know he won’t change his mind about you one of these days, thanks to his unreasonable hatred?”
“It’s not unreasonable. It’s . . . it’s .
. .” She stopped just short of telling him about Gideon’s past, just as she’d stopped short many times before.
And with good reason. Jordan would never believe the tale.
He would think it a lie Gideon had told to gain her sympathies.
The very fact that Gideon had never sought out his mother’s family would make the story spurious in Jordan’s eyes.
He would never believe a pirate could be too proud to risk the humiliation of discovering his mother’s family still didn’t want him.
That’s why she had to find out the truth before she told Jordan anything.
She fiddled with the clasp on her reticule. “Just believe me when I say he has every reason to hate us.”
They rode in silence a few moments before he spoke again. “So you’re still as set on having this pirate for a husband as before.”
“Yes. And that won’t change, no matter how many balls you drag me to.”
“Then why did you agree to come to this one?”
She avoided his gaze. “I have some business to take care of.”
“Business? What kind of business?”
She debated what to tell him, then decided she could reveal part of the truth. “I want to meet Lady Dryden, who’s supposed to be in attendance tonight. I have something to discuss with her.”
“Concerning the Ladies’ Committee? I know she’s quite the philanthropist.”
Sara pounced on the excuse eagerly. “Yes. Concerning the Ladies Committee.”
“You may have trouble finding her. There’s supposed to be quite a crush.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll find her.” Even if it meant accosting every matron in the place. Because one way or the other, she was going to find out if Lady Dryden was Gideon’s mother. It was the least she could do for the man she loved.
Gideon boarded the Satyr, pausing as he passed the railing where he had kissed Sara the night of the fire. The night she’d given herself to him so sweetly.
A crushing weight descended on his chest, the same weight that had lain there ever since she left.
How long had it been? Three weeks? Four?
He hardly knew. The past month had been a blur of sleepless nights and frenzied days.
He’d worked his men hard until Barnaby had finally begged him to let up.
But Gideon had wanted the cottages finished, and then when they were all done, he’d thrown himself into having a schoolhouse and a church built.
There was only one purpose left in his life now, to make Atlantis perfect in every way.
Then the world would hear of his utopia, of the place where men and women lived freely side by side without the tyrannies of an unjust government.
The world would hear, and she would hear.
She’d know that he’d succeeded despite her, and she’d curse herself for leaving.
He pounded his fist into the rail. Who was he fooling?
She wouldn’t care what happened to Atlantis.
She was free of it, and that was all that mattered to her.
Everything she’d said about wanting to rebuild it and help it grow had been empty words to distract him from what she was planning.
And like a lovesick fool, he’d believed every word!
He started to leave the rail, then caught sight of his own cottage.
It was the only unfinished building on the island.
He hadn’t touched it since the day she left.
What was the point? Without Sara, there was no reason for him to have a cottage.
The only woman he’d ever wanted to marry was her, and now that she was gone . . .
Now that she was gone, it made no difference what his house looked like or when he ate or how many successes Atlantis realized. Nothing mattered.
Confound it, why couldn’t he get the woman out of his head?
Everything made him think of her. When he cut a bunch of bananas off the tree, he thought of how much she used to love them.
Every time he saw a white embroidered blouse or a red head of hair, his heart leapt.
Until he realized it wasn’t her. It would never be her.
She was gone, and no matter what she’d said, she wouldn’t be returning. It would be stupid to dream otherwise.
He pulled her locket out of his pocket and stared at it.
Why he’d kept it, he didn’t know. He turned it over in his hand, remembering how she used to play with it when she was talking to him, her slender fingers twisting the chain this way and that.
He ought to toss the blasted thing into the ocean.
It represented the lie that she would return, one of many she’d told to deceive him until rescue arrived.
He dangled it over the rail and looked down at the water, which was deep enough for his purpose. All he had to do was drop it, let it slip from his fingers.
But he couldn’t. Some foolish, sentimental impulse made him shove the locket into his trousers pocket instead, a low curse erupting from his lips.