10-Julian

“Which one are we cheering for?”

“The red car with black sides. It’s the 41. Have you met Matteo before?”

“Once,” she says. It’s her quiet voice, the one I now rarely hear.

It was probably during Pete Webb’s now infamous surprise party. I was insensitive towards her, enough for her to remember it all a year later.

“Was he inappropriate?” I hope not. Matteo is almost a friend. We aren’t close, not in the same strange way I am with Lily, but we get along. He’s a great wingman.

“No. We never spoke.” Lily slumps forward on the metal bench. I scoot closer and pull her next to me. She doesn’t resist. “I made him uncomfortable.”

She probably did. It was a small office party, and a poorly organized one, but Lily made an impression on everyone there—I’m not an exception. How much courage did it take to walk back into the RMS headquarters, believing everyone inside it considers you a freak? Probably more than most people have.

“You weren’t there to see it afterward. Boone threatened to ruin Matteo’s career if he didn’t race for RMS . As you can see, it worked.” I point to the 41 currently leading the pack. “The two haven’t spoken or even been in the same room together since.”

Lily’s eyes meet mine before she leans over to whisper, “I’m on Matteo’s side. Boone is scary.”

“Team Matteo here too, but only because Boone Rivers is an ass.” I put a finger to my lips. “Don’t tell anyone I said that. You’ll ruin my career. We’re negotiating my contract, you know.”

“Secret discarded.” Lily puts her fingers to her lips and twists them like a key. “Poor Matteo is forced to race on dirt tracks.”

I chuckle because that’s funny. It’s strange how people can hold contrary opinions. Matteo hates Boone and holds him responsible for putting him in the car while also loving racing. I get it, as my feelings aren’t all that different. “Dirt is old-school racing. I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

“You haven’t brought it up yet, have you?”

“Busted.”

Lily pinches my chin, eyeing me. “If I had the courage to switch majors again, you should have the courage to talk to him. I would suggest practicing your speech first, but we both know you won’t do that.”

Hell, no, I won’t do that. “I’m waiting for the right moment.” I managed to take the heat off Matteo by placing it squarely on my shoulders. “Don’t be disappointed with me. It’ll get done.”

“I’m not, Julian,” she says, and I believe her.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” I say, taking her hand and changing the subject. “He’s ready for more. Not Cup; he’s not nearly ready for that. Trucks next, I think. We should see how that goes.”

The nearby dirt track is convenient. It helps me follow Matteo’s progress, which I dutifully report back to headquarters. The races are also genuinely fun to watch, made all the better by the companion next to me.

“Neat,” she says with clear disinterest.

“Did I tell you he started out street racing? It’s completely illegal, of course, but Matteo built up a good-sized reputation.”

Lily perks up, and her hand falls from mine. A shine falls over her eyes that stirs something in me. “Really? So, he’s an outlaw.”

It’s stirring jealousy. Yeah, I don’t like that. “It’s not nearly as dangerous as it sounds. He was decent, not great.”

“Well, he’s about to win this race, so street racing did him some good.”

Sure enough, the 41 crosses the finish line first, with the pack of cars trailing after.

This may be the last time I take Lily to the dirt tracks.

∞∞∞

We wait until the stands clear out and the teams are ready to go before seeking out Matteo.

“Are we allowed?” she asks.

There’s hardly any security, and officials won’t stop a Cup driver. Only I don’t say that because it would make me sound like a dick. “We’re expected.”

“But he doesn’t know me.”

“He knows me.”

“Yes, but he might be busy.”

“He’ll make time for us.” I pull her to a stop in the middle of the grass field. No one pays us any attention. Lily’s worries are rearing up, which means another concern is coming. I can keep swatting them away or find the right combination of words to set her at ease. Matteo is a stranger to her, and experience tells her his negative opinion will only grow worse. “I need to be here and want you to be with me. Let’s concentrate on that.”

Lily nods, and her grip on my hand relaxes. Her trust in me overrides her anxiety, and damn if that doesn’t make me feel good. There are times I’m struck by how much I enjoy taking care of her.

“Hey, my man. Did you see me?” Matteo kisses his fingers. “A god amongst mere mortals.”

My lips twist. “I’m not sure you’ve achieved deity status yet.” The man can’t even be bothered to confront Boone Rivers, Chief Executive Asshole. “Still, that was incredible racing tonight. You’re getting better.”

“I’m already better,” he argues.

He’s developing a professional racer’s ego; I’ll give him that. “Are you ready to move up? Say when, and I’ll talk to Boone.”

Matteo’s smile drops. “His name is forbidden.”

“Still need to talk to him. I fly out tomorrow, so it’ll be another week at least. Get another performance in like tonight, and he’ll agree. C’mon, don’t let your dislike for one man stop your career before it starts.”

Take it from me. One fuckup from my dad and I nearly made the same mistake. A phone call from Tom Rivers is the only reason I still have a ride. Lily’s admonishment earlier this evening comes back. I’m not speaking up, either.

“Another night like tonight, and you can go to him,” Matteo says like he’s the one doing me a favor. Deciding we’re done with our conversation, he finally notices Lily. His demeanor shifts, and the flirtatious side I’ve seen way too many times at the local clubs comes out. “A beauty for the champion.”

He offers a hand, and Lily accepts. Except, instead of a handshake, he kisses her palm. My eyes roll so hard they nearly pop out. Oh hell, he’s pulling out the seduction bullshit.

Lily pulls her hand back and looks at the ground. “Thank you,” she says. It comes out only a little above a whisper.

“How come you’ve never introduced us before?” Matteo asks me.

“Sorry. This is Lily. Lily, this is Matteo.”

Lily finally looks up, and that earlier shine in her eyes returns. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Again?” Matteo asks.

Lily only stares.

I don’t typically worry about competing for women with Matteo. His wavy black hair and bright blue eyes are a miracle on their own, but I do plenty well. It’s amazing what confidence and a professional racing career will do.

“I’m Lily Webb—Pete Webb’s daughter. We met before,” she says and glances at me.

“His surprise party,” I say, and hope Matteo says nothing inappropriate.

Matteo’s eyes flicker with recognition. “You’ve grown even more beautiful. Come back and cheer me on. Please,” he says to her. Matteo claps a hand on my shoulder. “Bring her out one night. We’ll have fun.”

∞∞∞

“You want to get coffee?” I ask once we’re back in my car. It’s late, and there’s an early flight waiting for me, but I’m not ready to take her home yet.

“It has caffeine.”

She limits her caffeine intake. I had forgotten. “How about herbal tea?”

At her assent, I head to Java Joe’s, the world’s tackiest coffee shop. “You want to go inside or stay in the car?”

Lily picks the car, and we wind up at the same park I took her to several months ago. At this late hour, it’s empty, with only one other vehicle in the parking lot. Probably a pair of teenagers making out in the backseat, if they even do that anymore.

Lily rolls down her window halfway. “What did he mean about bringing me out? Bring me out where?”

“Have you been wondering about this the entire time?” Her silence answers the question. “We go out drinking together sometimes, that’s all. It means he wants you to join us.”

“Yes, but why?”

“You have great legs, Lily. Smoking hot long legs that disappear into those short skirts you wear. Men notice, believe me.” Some of Lily’s outfits are completely inappropriate for the office, and she doesn’t realize it. Technically, the only dress code at RMS is to wear something, and she could probably flaunt that one if she wanted. Being Pete Webb’s daughter has some advantages. “I notice.”

The wheels in her head are turning; it’s like watching a wagon train on the Oregon Trail. “He wanted to flirt with you.” That means he also wanted to annoy me.

Lily doesn’t respond, choosing to look out her open window at the teenagers engaged in an old-fashioned make-out session.

Her silence grows, and I wonder. Apart from me, she doesn’t have many friends, and she still lives with her father at twenty-three. Lots of women could have given Matteo an easy compliment to signify their interest, but she’s sitting beside me, still reflecting on a two-minute interaction.

“Lily, are you….?” Her necks snaps at my question, and our eyes meet. There’s nothing in her body language to give it away, and I already know the answer to my question. “Have you ever had sex before?”

Silence.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

There’s a bite in her voice when she responds. “I’ve never had a date or been kissed. Apparently, there’s an order of events with these things.”

“It will happen,” I say, knowing it’s a feeble response.

“It happens when you stop looking, or so I was told. I spent weeks sitting on my front porch, pretending that I stopped looking, and he never showed up.” My soft laugh dispels some of the tension in her. “Do you remember your first impression of me?”

I still feel shame over it. “First impressions don’t determine entire relationships.”

Her eyes flash, and I wonder what memories appeared in her head. “For the longest time, it never bothered me. Staying busy has never been my problem. It’s why I’m good, or at least good enough, with so many things.”

There is truth in that. Lily regularly surprises me with what she knows or can do. She plays chess but knows minimal strategy. She once spent six months obsessively painting until she grew bored. Pete taught her about cars, so she’ll occasionally drop some tidbits about them.

She fascinates me; if given the chance, she would do the same for anyone else.

“Now, you feel differently,” I guess.

Matteo’s interest in her triggered something ugly in me, and I’m still unsure what to name it. We’ve never competed for women, and why would we? There are plenty out there, and neither of us wants commitment.

“I’m making decisions,” she says.

Nice and cryptic.

If Lily wants it, Matteo is a decent guy. He would treat her well. For all that, I can’t get myself to say this out loud. She belongs to me, and I fully realize this sounds like I consider her my property when it’s deeper than that.

Lily and I went from strangers to close friends over this past year. If I’m honest, she’s easily my best friend. I’m a decade older than her and feel more comfortable in her presence than anyone else.

She might want more, and I’m merely her friend. Where does it leave me if she finds what she’s looking for?

Selfish thoughts only prove why I’ve avoided deeper entanglements.

I take one of her hands between mine and stroke down one finger and then the other.

Lily stares at me, waiting for a response, only I’m unsure which one to give. Telling her it’ll happen sounds empty, and telling her I don’t want it to may be honest, but it’s completely selfish. Like me. “No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you. You know that, right?”

Lily is a virgin. She’s never even been kissed. That piece of news still washes over me. There’s an old-fashioned word to describe her. Untouched.

The ugly feeling in my gut is still there, too. I didn’t recognize it earlier, and now I do.

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