The Player Penalty (SteelTrack Racing #3)

12-Lily

Three drinks and no hint of a headache—a decent start for a late Sunday morning. I unzip my jacket as the sun chases the remaining chill from the air.

Crowds stand in line to buy merch and autographs from their favorite drivers. Unlike everyone else, my hands are empty since I want neither.

Someone calls my name, and I glance around, only to find more strangers.

“Hey. Wait up.”

A familiar figure steps in front of me. “Tommy?” He’s on Boone River’s pit crew. I think.

“Yes, ma’am.” He pulls the edge of his trucker cap down, and its formality causes me to blush. “Julian is over there, taking his turn at the booth. He asked me to get you since he can’t leave.”

Sure enough, the 33 booth has its own line, with Julian at the head, putting his signature on whatever is placed in front of him. The line also has more women than is typically found at NASCAR events.

“Did he say why?”

“I’m only the errand boy.” He offers an arm and then drops it at my quizzical expression.

I don’t want to go. “Lead the way.”

“There you are,” Julian says at my approach without glancing my way. “Thanks so much, and enjoy the rest of your day. It’ll be some great racing.”

Last night, Julian expressed frustration with short-track racing. I keep my mouth shut.

“I was with Sarah and Maddie last night,” I say, not bothering with a preamble. It’s why he asked me over. “We went drinking. Sorry for not telling you.”

“I went looking after you didn’t answer my text. Your dad told me where you were. Did you enjoy it?”

I only nod. We piled into a rental car with Boone Rivers’ help and laughed over nothing the entire short ride back to the campground. Dad sent me to bed with Tylenol and a giant glass of water. It was heaven.

He wipes his brow and goes back to autographing.

I want to go.

“Thirty minutes until my shift here ends,” he finally says. “Can you meet me in my trailer while I put the fire suit on?”

I agree and leave him behind. Samantha appears in line with an apparent friend next to her. Her eyes pass over me with no sign of recognition. In the daylight, she’s even prettier than I remembered. She’s also closer to Julian’s age.

I glance back at him, but if he notices her, there’s no sign.

∞∞∞

“You showed,” he says, entering through the front door. Julian wipes along his cheeks and neck.

“That was quick.” Julian’s timing means he sprinted from the merch booth to his trailer. It’s only a little past thirty minutes. “You want something to drink?”

“It’s race day,” he reminds me, so I pour him some water. Energy drinks come later during the actual race. “Thanks.”

He drinks it down and removes his shoes and shirt. I’m torn between staring at the floor or ogling him. Julian had stripped naked in my presence once before, but that was months ago during Boone and Maddie’s wedding, and it was dark outside. He stayed so close to me that his chest was sealed to my back. I didn’t need to see him to imagine his naked body.

Julian’s broad shoulders and muscled arms kept me anchored to him while the waves licked and crashed against us. The black hair along his torso and down his hard stomach tickled my back. His firm hips were against my own.

“You terrified me last night,” he says. I listen for any accusation and feel the first stirrings of an apology already brewing up. “One minute, you were there and then gone. You didn’t answer my text, and it killed me to ask your father. Pete Webb begrudgingly admires my professional skills, but your father does not like me as a person.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” Julian hooks a leg over both of my own to sit on the table opposite me. “Once the terror was gone, I grew angry and put myself in your shoes. It wasn’t what you thought.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Julian. I know what you do when I’m not around.” Last night was the first time I witnessed it in person, and he didn’t even do all that much. Unfortunately, knowing didn’t prepare me to see it firsthand. “Everyone knows.”

He jerks back at that last statement. “I’ve known Samantha a few years. We aren’t together or dating. We’ve had fun a few times, that’s it.”

“I understand. Next time, please tell me if you want to be with someone else. You aren’t obligated to entertain me.” I’m not a child. There are ten years between us, an entire decade. Most of the time, those years melt away into nothingness, and then there are times like now when I feel every one of them. Not because our outlooks are that different, but because he reminds me of it without even trying.

He goes on as if I never spoke. “I was telling her I was with someone else. It felt polite to give someone the brush off in private, and maybe that was a dumb idea on my part. After you disappeared, I returned here alone and sulked because you weren’t with me. I grew jealous because you were with them.”

“You wanted to spend time with Sarah and Maddie?” He’s never mentioned it, let alone expressed interest in it before.

“No. I was jealous of them because you chose their company over mine.” Julian sucks in a breath and looks away. “It turns out I have a possessive streak regarding you. You’ve become my best friend over the past year, and I do not share well with others.”

“I’ve never had a best friend before.” The sound on my tongue is foreign. There have been plenty of decent friends, but they always drift away. Either I don’t know how to keep them, or they find someone better.

“It was your first time getting drunk. I had planned a special night out, so you’d be safe with me.”

My hackles rise. I’m back to feeling like a child again. “I’m a grown woman, Julian. I get my experiences don’t match yours, but that doesn’t make me a little kid.”

“Don’t I know it,” he says. Before I can push back on that statement, he keeps going. “You mistake my motives. I enjoy taking care of you, and not because I see you as a child. Believe me, that’s not a problem. You’re…. you. Lily. I want to be the one protecting you, and I don’t appreciate the thought of someone else stepping in and taking my place. This is why your apology isn’t necessary. It allowed me to figure myself out, and now we both know the results.”

“That’s…I didn’t know you felt this way.”

“Why would you? It’s a first for us both, and that’s why I need you to make me a promise.”

“What sort of promise?”

“If your anxiety is triggered, tell me. I know your brain works differently than mine, so if you tell me, we can find accommodations. I can’t take care of you unless I know first.”

My heart is thumping. Isn’t this the speech someone like me dreams of hearing? Dad already does so much, but he doesn’t get it. Not truly. It’s the first time anyone has cared enough to understand.

Dr. Lambert said there was nothing wrong with developing feelings for him. Is that what this is? He’s more than a friend. Julian is something special, something I don’t understand yet.

It also seems I might learn what that something is, and I’m only a little afraid.

“I can promise you that.”

“Good, then stay with me until you go to my pit box.”

“I can’t do that today. Maddie and Sarah asked me to spend the race with them. They want to learn crochet.” I’d forgotten until just now.

His expression darkens. “Stay with me until then. I’m going to win today, you know.”

“You don’t like short tracks. Those were your words last night. I was paying attention.”

Julian sits beside me, places an arm over my shoulder, and pulls me against him. “Less satisfaction isn’t the same as none. It will be a great day; I can feel it.”

He leans into me, and something warm touches the edges of my temple.

My phone alarm goes off.

Julian kissed me. It’s almost my first kiss. I have an official best friend who is possessive of my time. Plus, school is going well, and a career plan is forming.

My life is nearly perfect, and that alone scares me.

“Lily. Your phone.” Julian shakes me. “What’s the alarm for?”

“I don’t remember setting it.”

He picks it up. “Your plans with Maddie and Sarah.”

∞∞∞

“Look at this, I’m doing it.” Maddie shows off her long chain of single crochet stitches. “It’s amazing what’s possible when you stop holding your hook with a death grip.”

“You ready for the next one?” I ask with only half my attention. Bristol is down to the final dozen laps, and Julian is leading.

“Keep at it, boss,” Maddie says.

I don’t answer.

Sarah snaps her fingers and my spell breaks.

“Sorry. I was thinking about a school project.” A small white lie is much better than a confession of the truth: every thought since we left the trailer has been about Julian.

“He’s good, isn’t he? Jake says this is his best season so far,” Sarah says.

Julian took the lead during the 60th lap and has held it ever since. Others come up for the pass and then fail to complete it. Julian may not enjoy a short track, but he can dominate one. Pride and a rare sense of ownership fill me.

“Oh, he’s going to win. I wonder what this will do for Julian’s ranking,” Maddie says. “Boone wants all three of them in the playoffs again this year.”

The 33 car crosses the finish line.

My smile is for Julian. “I knew he would win.”