The Player Penalty (SteelTrack Racing #3)

17-Lily

Rivers Motorsports Headquarters, North Carolina

“You forgot your lunch.” I hand over the black lunch box to my Dad. “I saw it sitting next to the front door before leaving this morning.”

Dad grabs it from where he sits at his station. “An early morning phone call distracted me.”

It was probably Boone Rivers demanding some car engine miracle or something equally pointless at eight on a Tuesday morning. “What are you working on?”

“We’re expanding into trucks. Matteo Diaz is getting his first shot. Didn’t you meet him once?” Dad frowns at the memory. It was his birthday, and he mostly spoke about me. A few weeks later, I changed my major and delayed graduation by over a year.

“I heard that might happen. Seems exciting for everyone.”

Julian hoped to do more, but that wasn’t mentioned, and I certainly won’t ask. Dad came home two nights ago and broke up whatever else Julian planned to say. He already refused my request, so perhaps it’s best I didn’t hear the explanations.

Dad picks up the careworn lunch bag to pull out a container of baby carrots. “Your mother used to make my lunch, did you know that? Sometimes, she would bring it, and we would share it in my office or on the picnic tables outside. You reminded me of her just now.” He smiles sadly at the memory.

She died shortly after I was born. Over the years, a few people have told me they’re sorry for my loss or that I must miss her very much. I always stammer a thank you because there isn’t anything else to say. It’s difficult to miss something you never had. I don’t know what it’s like to have a mother, and my lack of friends means there have been very few opportunities to see one.

There are also times when I miss her very much, or at least the idea of her. The younger me was convinced all my problems would go away if she were there to teach me. My father loves me, but he didn’t always know how to navigate puberty or boyfriends. I learned how to apply makeup and style hair on my own.

“Why didn’t you ever date?” I blurt out. Even after Sunday night’s rejection, Julian is still in my mind.

Dad nearly chokes on a carrot before putting the container down. “We were married almost twenty years before you came along. Twenty wonderful years with her, and then twenty more wonderful years with you. Why would I add dating to the mix?”

“Because I’m grown up now.”

“I had the honor of spending two lifetimes with both of you. That’s enough for this old man.” Dad’s eyes shine with an unanswered question. He wants to know if I’m finally ready to date or maybe even get a boyfriend. We never talk about it, but he worries about this part of me. “What brings this question on?”

“I know so little about her, that’s all,” I say.

Only twenty years and that was enough for a lifetime.

It’s been a lifetime for me, and a single overture was met with rejection.

∞∞∞

“There you are. I thought you would hide from me another day.”

After his rejection, I used school as an excuse not to come in yesterday. “Not for long. I brought Dad his lunch, and I have plans later.”

“Can we talk?”

“About what?”

“You wanted…” Julian sucks in a breath and releases it. My stupid request is remarkably painful for a man who hops from one bed to another. “You wanted me to be your first.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I take it back.”

“What?”

“I have other plans.”

“What plans?” he spits.

“Plans with me.” Sarah appears with such perfect timing that she’s my new hero. “You aren’t required.” She beams with pride at the idea of stealing me away from him. Julian confessed his possessiveness towards our friendship, one I’ve never shared with anyone. For all that, Sarah behaves as if she knew about it. Like it’s a form of petty revenge. “See there? He’s already annoyed. Do you want to get even further under his skin? Ask Julian where he lives. Better yet, ask him if you can come over.”

Something in me deflates at her suggestion. Our friendship started weakly, but we’ve grown progressively closer, to the point I nearly confessed my soul. In all that time, Julian hasn’t invited me over. He used the word possessive, and while that’s true, I’m also convenient. “I’ve never been.”

“No one’s been, honey. It’s a complete mystery,” says Sarah. She flashes a false smile at Julian. “You owe me for that.”

“I don’t owe you shit,” he says.

“Yes, you do. You just don’t know it yet.” She grabs my hand, pulling me from the spare conference room. “This will take a little while.”

I glance behind me and decide not to protest after seeing Julian’s unreadable expression.

∞∞∞

“You have so many clothes.” I gape at the inside of her closet. It’s a giant walk-in and meant to hold clothes for two people. I’ll bet Jake Knowles doesn’t have so much as a single shirt in it. “They’re beautiful.”

Some of her dresses look designer quality, or at least expensive enough that I’m afraid to touch them.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it? I had the same reaction after borrowing one of her dresses once,” Maddie says from where she lies draped across the bed. Her chin rests on one hand as she watches, amusement etched on her face. “You’ll find a slutty red dress of your own in there.”

“A slutty red dress?” I ask. My short skirts are practically a trademark by now. Julian once claimed I had nice legs, and the number of skirts in my wardrobe increased accordingly.

“I borrowed one of Sarah’s dresses, altered for my size, of course, and Boone went crazy for it. It had no back and bared a ridiculous amount of skin. I have fond memories of that dress,” Maddie explains.

Sarah raises a hand at her friend. “That’s my brother, so we should stop this right now.” She moves through the rack, inspecting one dress after another. “Wow, this is a lot. I don’t remember the last time I wore this one. This one still has a price tag on it.”

Maddie moves to sit cross-legged and checks me out. “Not red; that’s not the right color for you.”

I glance down at my body. “What is the right color?”

“White,” says Maddie. “All white.”

“But why?” I want to protest. When Sarah offered up a visit to her closet, I pictured myself in something closer to Maddie’s slutty red dress. White is…well, virginal.

“Innocence,” Sarah says with apparent agreement. “It will drive him crazy, and I’d like to see that.”

“Drive who crazy?” I ask.

“Well, Julian, of course,” she answers. “You’re the opposite of his usual type, and he does not know what to do with that.”

Maddie chimes in to add her agreement. “He’s protective of you.”

“Plus, he enjoys reminding everyone he’s ten years younger,” Sarah says.

“He’s right, though. I am younger. We’re friends.” The fact that our one incident was immediately followed up with a rejection is proof enough of that.

Dr. Lambert said wanting a relationship or going on dates is normal. I’ve let those comments float around in my head for weeks now, trying to decide what they mean. I have a job at Horizons Academy that might grow over the summer. My ability to keep up and manage is, well, it’s managed. I’m not messy; I’m creating friendships and keeping up with school. It’s normal for me to want more, isn’t it?

“You’ll want to ignore him tonight, obviously.” Sarah pulls three dresses from her closet and begins inspecting them. One, with long sleeves and a high neckline, goes right back in the rack. “Julian won’t be able to handle that, either.”

“He’s used to easier pursuits,” Maddie explains. “That, and very defined boundaries.”

We don’t have that. “Yes, but Matteo will be there,” I blurt and immediately feel foolish. Julian claimed he was interested, and Matteo did say he looked forward to seeing me again. It wasn’t a statement given for politeness’ sake, either.

“Perfect,” says Sarah. She holds the remaining two dresses up against me. “Flirt with him.”

“I don’t know how.”

“That’s even better,” she goes on. “We can coach you on that.”

Are they making fun of me? I deflate at the idea. My request for Sarah’s help tonight was supposed to be limited to clothes and makeup. She immediately grew excited, and I took it as another sign of our growing friendship.

Maddie puts a hand on my shoulder. “We’ll help you. You’ll look gorgeous tonight, and trust me, the right dress is almost the same as a spell. You’ll feel different in it, and that makes everything else seem easier. It certainly worked for me.”

“I’ll bet you felt extra different out of it,” Sarah says dryly before shoving another dress on me. “Let’s go with this one. It has no sleeves and a short skirt. Plus, it’s casual more than formal, and the skirt is wide enough to flow around your legs. It says spring, which is even better. Can you try it?”

I’ve never changed in front of anyone before. Growing up, Dad always trusted my judgment when it came to new clothes since he had even less idea than I did. There’s never been friends to shop or spend the night with.

I swallow, telling myself not to be afraid of something so small. The two already averted their eyes, and I genuinely enjoyed their company.

“What’s so special about spring?” I struggle with the zipper, and Sarah helps me finish.

“Spring is when the babies get made,” Maddie explains. “Jake is rubbing off on her, so you should probably ignore everything she says.”

She means sex.

Both of them step back to better inspect me.

“The skirt will show off a lot of leg,” Sarah says. “I can alter the chest here, give it a better fit. Okay, take it off.”

“You sew?” I ask.

“It’s my sole domestic talent,” she says. “I can’t cook or bake. You saw my crochet skills. Knitting would probably be a nightmare. Dress alterations, though? I’m great at those.”

“I’ll start on the makeup,” says Maddie. “Innocent, to match the white.”

“Aren’t you attending Matteo’s race? I thought that was tonight.”

“It is.” Maddie’s expression makes clear her lack of interest. “We’re meeting them after. Did you want to go?”

To a dirt track in a white dress? “Not particularly.”

“Me either.”