The Playroom

Chapter Eighteen

I ’ve never had anybody tell me they loved me.

Not seriously.

Or in a relationship in fact. And yet, Leo said those three words. Just like that.

The three words reverberated in my mind, over and over, like a broken record player. It was a simple declaration, and yet, surreal like a dream so fragile it might shatter if I dared to blink. It should’ve been easy, I thought. To accept it, to bask in it, to feel warm all over with the knowledge that someone, a remarkable, incredible someone, loved me.

Back at my apartment, my mind ran wild with the weight of it, as if Leo had reached inside and touched a part of my soul I never knew existed, a place buried under layers of indifference and fear.

Am I deserving of Leo’s love?

The quiet hum of the vibrant chaotic city outside filtering in through the thin walls of my apartment. Every distant honk seemed to echo my racing thoughts. I wanted to cling to Leo’s words, to wrap them around me like a protective shield against all the self-doubt and insecurities clawing at my heart.

The truth was, I didn’t know how to handle this. I’d never been anyone’s first choice. Never been the person who made someone’s eyes light up just by walking in the room. And Leo, with his effortless charm and unwavering confidence, made me think if I was enough for him.

How was I to expect this from him so soon? Glancing at the clock, I noticed it was nearly five-thirty. Emily and Trey would be arriving any minute now. It has been a few days since Leo and I shared that intimate day at the beach, and I’m in severe need of some outside help to navigate the newfound territory. Both of them have just got back from traveling. One had a marvelous time with some girlfriends while the other currently thinks he’s found his soulmate, wandering the streets of Thailand.

I picked up my phone, staring at Leo’s last message-simple, just asking how I was, with a damn smiley face that always makes my heart flutter crazily. The urge to type something back, anything to bridge the gap that had somehow formed between us since he’d said those three words. My fingers simply hovered over the keyboard, paralyzed by fear of saying the wrong thing, especially when he might respond with I love you.

A knock at the door startled me, dragging me out of my trance and off the couch. Emily’s cheerful voice called out, muffled by the steel door.

”It’s me!”

I forced a smile and pulled the door open, letting her inside.

“Is Trey here yet?” she asked.

“You're the first to arrive,” I told her, as she walked past me holding two bottles of wine and a bag of what I assumed to be an assortment of cheeses and meats.

“As usual,” she said, in a non-surprised voice.

“I see we have a bitchy queen amongst us tonight,” I replied sassily, closing the door.

Emily starts to unpack the items in the grocery bags, “Cheerio, babe,” she said, putting on her best British accent.

“How was the trip to San Jose with the girls,” I asked.

“Hot and moist...the city was fine too,” Em joked, “Let’s just say it was a trip I wouldn’t mind sitting out on.”

“Um why?”

“It’s beautiful, but I’m more of a temperate climate kind of girl,” she said.

She moved through the kitchen like she owned the place, grabbing plates and glasses from the nearby cupboards, deftly arranging the array of cheeses and meats on a large plate with the effortless grace of someone who had performed this ritual countless times before. I couldn’t help but envy her ease, her ability to glide through life with such untroubled confidence.

“You’re staring off into the abyss. Spill it. It’s about Leo isn’t it?”

I hesitated, my gaze faltering under the weight of her penetrating eyes. Once again, Emily can read me like an open book- her perceptiveness sharp and unrelenting.

”Yeah,” I confessed, leaning heavily against the counter, snagging a piece of cheese from the plate.

“Let me finish making the platter pretty before it’s destroyed, mister. Is everything okay?”

“He...told me loves me,” I said, openly.

Emily paused, her expression softening as she set down the cracker she was about to place.

”That’...wow, Drew. How do you feel about it?”

Before I could even gather my thoughts, my front door swung open, and Trey burst in, bottles of win in each hand. A wide grin stretched across his face, deepening the creases at the corners of his lips and revealing his perfect white teeth–like a man who had just claimed victory over an entire continent.

His skin a bit more bronzed from the sun and his eyes glinting with tales of distant shores, pornographic tales that is.

“Brace yourselves, ladies,” he proclaimed with theatrical flourish, “I have returned, and I bring with me—not from the land of Thailand, but your local market—wines from the fermented vine and wisdom of the world. But first, what did I miss?”

Emily looked past me and at Trey, rolling her eyes, “Everything.”

”I see we have a queen with us tonight,” Trey loudly said, shutting the front door, “If I had known this, I’d show up a few shots deep.”

“My thoughts exactly,” I commented.

Emily continued to prepare the plate unphased by Trey’s comment.

”How was your trip?” I asked.

”Thailand was a revelation,” Trey mused, stretching languidly, his voice tinged with nostalgia, “But let’s not make it all about me.”

“That’s a change for once,” I said, in a snarky tone. =

Trey shot me a dirty look.

“Well, Drew is currently in a romantic predicament,” Emily commented.

Trey flicked from Emily to myself with furrowed eyebrows and a jaw dropped expression, “More Leo stuff! How exciting!”

He raced over to the kitchen, instantly grabbing the bottle opener and popping the cork from one of his bottles, pouring all three of us a generous amount and handing out glasses before walking over and getting comfortable on the other couch opposite of me, crossed legged and ready for whatever I had to say.

I wanted to drink down all the red liquid that swirled before me, letting the alcohol blur the edges of my anxieties, but instead, I just looked down at it feeling both the weight of the wine and anticipation of their gazes.

“There was an incident,” I started.

Trey looked over at me, with a protective tone, ”Did he hit you? I swear if he did...”

”No Trey, he didn’t. Well, Leo didn’t lay hands on me,” I interrupted him.

“I’m so confused,” Trey said.

“Kyle attacked me at a benefit Leo took me to...and before you say anything, Leo found me just in time. We gave our statements and now are playing the waiting game.” I explained, taking a sip of my glass.

“What the fuck! How did I not know about this?”

“You weren’t exactly reachable,” Emily said.

“Doesn’t matter. I would have cancelled it in a heartbeat.”

“And ruin your Thailand adventure,” I said, my voice grateful for his concern.

”Thailand will always be there, you aren’t,” Trey said, “I’m glad Leo was there.”

“You should’ve seen Leo,” I said, my voice tinged with awe. “He was calm and controlled the situation. The way he stood there, shoulders squared and eyes blazing at Kyle—it’s something I’ll never forget. It wasn’t just about protecting me; it was like he was daring Kyle to try crossing him.”

Emily nodded, “What is the big deal with Leo saying ‘I love you’?”

“What!? Leo defends you, beats Kyle’s ass and now he says ‘I love you’?”

I chuckled.

“How do you feel about him saying it?” Em said.

I sighed, trying to put my tangled emotions into words, “I’m scared. I mean, I’ve never been in love before, not like this. What if I mess it up? What if I can't give him what he deserves or simply be enough?”

Emily leaned against the counter, her expression thoughtful, “Love isn’t about deserving. It’s about accepting each other as you are, flaws and all. You can’t over think it, Drew. If Leo’s already said those words, it means he sees something in you that’s worth it.”

Trey nodded in agreement, his usual playful demeanor replaced with sincerity, “And it’s okay to be scared. This is all new territory for you, but you don’t have to have it all figured out right away. Maybe start by just...being honest with him about how you feel. No walls.”

Em’s and Trey’s words sank in. I nod slowly, feeling a knot of emotions tighten in my throat. I glance over at my phone sitting on the coffee table and the unreplied to text message from Leo. This man makes me feel both excited and utterly terrified.

All of these years, I’d been content, or maybe just numb, with how my love life has been going, only to feel no real connection. But all of that changed with Leo and three little words.

“I just don’t want to disappoint him,” I finally admitted, my voice low.

“You’re not going to disappoint him. He’s already chosen you, stud.” Em said, “Text him.”

“We know you want to. Hell, you’ve been looking at your phone for the past thirty minutes probably going over his last text message,” Trey said.

“Sorry guys," I expressed, shoving my phone in my pocket.

Em and Trey exchanged knowing looks, their faces softening with a mix of sympathy and gently nudging. They both knew me too well, reading the war going on inside my head and heart even without me having to say a word.

“Drew, don’t apologize ,” Em said, soothingly, “You’re allowed to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. No shame in that.”

“The heart wants what it wants. What does your heart want?” Trey asked.

I swallowed hard.

“I love him.”

It’s strange, how love could be both the most exhilarating and the most terrifying things I’d ever felt. I’d never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and yet, with Leo, it felt like my heart was suddenly on display for the world to see, vulnerable and raw.

“You know,” Trey began, taking a thoughtful sip of his wine, “This whole thing with Leo, it’s not about you proving you’re enough. You already are. It's about you letting yourself believe that you are. And that’s probably the hardest part of all.”

I looked at him, my eyes stinging a little. Trey, with all his sass and blunt honesty, he has a knack for cutting straight to the truth. He leaned back, swirling his glass as if it held all the answers in its depths. His usual bravado softened into something kinder, more understanding.

“Leo wouldn’t have said those words if he didn’t mean them,” Trey added, “And let’s be real, the guy is crazy about you. So stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and just let yourself enjoy this.

Picking up my phone again, I tapped on Leo’s message. My thumbs moved slower than I wanted, but each word felt deliberate, like laying down the first stones of a path I wasn’t sure I was ready to walk yet.

“Hey, I’m sorry for the late reply. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you—about us—and everything you said at the beach. It’s been on my mind, lingering, pulling at me.”

Hitting send before second-guessing myself, the little whoosh sound being sent felt oddly final. I set the phone down and let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

Ding.

That was quick. I wasn’t expecting Leo to respond quickly-I opened his message.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about you. I didn't mean to freak you out-I just...couldn’t hold it in anymore. Being with you, Drew, it’s like everything finally makes sense. I’m sorry if it was too much, too soon.”

I felt a small tug when reading his words. Leo, with all his confidence and charm, was just as vulnerable as I was. It was reassuring, in a way, to know I wasn’t alone in this whirlpool of emotions.

“No, Leo, don’t apologize. I needed to hear it...I’m still trying to figure out how to be enough for someone like you. You’re everything, and I’m just me,” I replied.

The three little dots appeared, jumping up and down, one at a time, until the replied whoosh came through showing his reply.

“You are more than enough! You don’t need to change or prove anything to me. You are this incredible, beautiful mess of everything I didn’t know I was looking for. After everything that happened with Kyle, it really solidified how I feel about you.”

“I wish you were here right now. I just want to be close to you, to feel you next to me.”

His reply came faster than before, as if he’d been waiting for my response.

“I’m always just a heartbeat away, Drew. I’ve been dying to see you...to hold you. Can I come over?”

My heart stuttered, a mixture of nerves and excitement flooding me. It was crazy how much I wanted him, how much I craved his touch. The way he made me feel like I was the only person in the world.

I don’t want to come across as ungrateful to my friends, especially when they took the time out of their busy lives to be here for me, helping me untangle my messy emotions and conflicting heart.

Setting my phone on the coffee table and downing the rest of my wine, I stood up to meet Trey and Em in the kitchen only to find them both staring at me with large smiles planted across their faces.

“What?” I questioned.

“He’s coming over isn’t he,” Em replied.

Biting my lip, I hesitated feeling a bit guilty.

“Yes. Leo asked if he could come over. Well, I initiated it by saying I wish he was here, and one thing led to another,” I said.

Em clapped her hands together, “Good! I think you two need sor this out. You’re driving yourself insane, let alone Trey and I, trying to process all of this on your own.”

I frowned, feeling a pang of said guilt, “You guys came all this way for me. I don't want to just kick you out.”

“Then why were you coming over to us just now?” Trey teased.

“To come join you,” I tell them with a half truth.

“Mmmmhmmm,” both of them simultaneously said.

Emily rolled her eyes dramatically, putting her hand on her hip, “Drew, please. You’re not kicking us out. We’re here because we love you, but we also know how much Leo means to you.”

“Em is absolutely right. At least she recognizes that you have something real...unlike the men she selects,” Trey added, jokingly.

She didn’t look too pleased with Trey adding that into the conversation, but she quickly shook it off.

“Plus, Leo is going to have to get used to the idea that the three of us are a package deal,” Em added.

“You guys are simply the best,” I started, “If Leo doesn’t already know this by now, he will very soon. Are you both sure? I can tell him another time.”

“Yes,” both Trey and Em say, simultaneously.

I quickly text back, “Come over.”

Leo quickly replied, “On my way...”

“He’s on his way,” I told them both.

Trey, decided to pour himself another glass of wine, “Trey! He’s on his way over, and it doesn’t take very long,” I say.

”Don’t worry, we’ll be gone before he gets here, I need to get my pre-game on first,” Trey responds.

“Come on you lush,” Em grabbed Trey by the shirt, “We can drink at my place.”

Trey had a look of surprise after Emily’s bribe of trying to get him out the door sooner. They gathered their things and exchanged one last round of hugs with promises to debrief everything later. I closed the door behind them and glanced around my apartment suddenly hyper-aware of its standings: the living room was a bit cluttered.

He was on his way.

He loves me.

Leo, with his bold, unflinching way of living, had chosen me. And despite my doubts and utter insecurities, I love him as well. Which got me thinking. Despite the constant, nagging fear that I’m not enough, I know Leo will never think that. Maybe even because of those doubts. Because loving someone while carrying the weight of your own uncertainty is terrifying, but it’s real.

I quickly made my way to my bedroom, kneeled and pulled a box from under my bed. I gently removed the lid and pulled out my glitter bunny mask Leo had gifted me.

Holding the playful piece in my hands, the glitter mask was a symbol of our connection. It had sparked a different kind of intimacy between us.

The way it made me feel when I first wore it-excited, daring, and deeply connected to Leo. It had been more than just a playful accessory; it was a way for me to express something I hadn’t fully understood until now.

Leo’s declaration of love had shaken me to my core, leaving me grappling with my own fears and insecurities. But tonight, I wanted to show him just how much I cherished him, how severely his words had affected me. I wanted to let him know I was ready to embrace my vulnerability fully and be open in a way I have never been before.

As I gazed at it, an idea took rook into my mind. The thought of Leo seeing me in nothing but the mask made my pulse quicken. It was bold, intimate, and exactly the kind of surprise that would communicate my feelings without words. It was my way of telling him—without words, without pride—that I needed to be closer to him than my own breath, to lose myself in him, to belong to him in every unspoken, arching way.

I wanted him to see me, not just as Drew, his boyfriend, but as his boy, his submissive.

Slowly undressing, letting the fabric of my clothes fall to the floor, I placed the mask on my face. The sensation against my skin, electrifying. I imagine Leo’s reaction, the way his eyes might light up when he sees me—the thought made my dick jump.

Quickly I moved through the apartment, turning the lights off one by one. The darkness thickened, broken only by the warm flicker of candles I lit along the way. Their golden glow stretched shadows across the walls, while a faint trance of vanilla and smoke curled into the air. The quiet crackle of the wicks filled the silence =, and the room seemed to breathe, slower now, wrapped in the low, inviting pulse of the flames.

With a final glance in the mirror, I grabbed my phone to check the time and realized Leo would be arriving soon.

“Door is unlocked,” I text.

Tucking my phone out of sight. I lowered myself to the floor, the cool surface pressed against my knees, shifting onto my heels, tucking them tight beneath me. My back faced the door, solid and unmoving.

I bowed my head, eyes tracing the lines in the floorboards, their slightly worn edges blurring as my breath came shallow. My hands, now idle, each of them laying flat on my thighs.

The ache in my knees started to spread, but I didn’t move.

Couldn’t.

A soft creak sounded somewhere beyond the door. My body tensed a little.

Still, I stayed.

Waiting.