The Prince’s Heart

11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

I barely manage to get out of Father’s study before tears start flowing. My vision starts to blur, and I stumble to one side of the hallway, hoping no one is around to see me. I lean against the wall, dropping my head into my hands. How can he do this to me ?

As much as I hate to admit it, as much as I wish I could rail against this newfound injustice, deep down I know that this is my fault. I should have known this would happen. But instead, I let myself believe I had a chance at love, that I could be with someone who cared about me. All Father did was remind me how na?ve I was. I’d forgotten that I’m nothing more than a pawn in a vast game, a prince without a self, nothing more than my title, and there’s no one to blame but myself. I should have listened to that little voice in my head, the one that told me there’s no escaping the inevitable, because deep down I knew it was right all along.

When my tears have lessened enough that I can see again, I push away from the wall and walk away from Father’s chambers, my head hanging low and my shoulders slumped. It wouldn’t be fair to Tag if I tried to hide this from him—even though it will break his heart to hear the truth. Even though it will break my heart to say it.

But I know that waiting any longer will just make it hurt more, so I trudge to the rooms the Learas share, my feet weighing a hundred pounds each.

I’m granted a slight reprieve when the Learas’ steward tells me Tag is practicing archery in one of the palace courtyards. It takes a few more minutes to walk over there, but I still haven’t figured out how to tell him when I reach the courtyard, so instead of catching Tag’s attention immediately, I stand out of sight and watch.

Tag and a few others are shooting at targets lined up against a wall to my right. Off to one side, Earon, the weapons instructor watches, occasionally giving them suggestions. The archers’ attention is focused on the flight of their arrows, so none of them so much as glance in my direction. With a pang in my chest, a pang that’s raw and sharp, I watch as Tag raises his bow with one hand, pulls the arrow back, and fires in one smooth motion. The arrow he shoots flies true, hitting the target in the middle of the torso, right where the heart would be.

The sound of the arrow thwack ing into the target shakes me out of my reverie. I walk up to Earon, who bows to me deeply without taking his attention from the archers. Careful not to distract them, I quietly ask Earon to tell Tag that I would like to speak with him. It’s probably a bit strange for me to come here myself, rather than sending a messenger, but right now I’m not sure I care. It’s not like it will matter whether anyone finds out about us when we’re about to break up anyway . Either way, Earon doesn’t say anything about it. He just nods and delivers my message while I retreat into the shadows of a nearby hallway.

A short time later, Tag joins me, sweating from exertion but no less beautiful for it. He smiles when he sees me. “Darien! What a pleasant surprise.” He peers into my eyes, and his smile fades away. “What’s wrong?”

I turn my head away, a cowardly way to avoid having to see the effect my words have on him. “Tag, I…” I trail off, seemingly unable to form the words.

“What is it?” he prompts. “Is everything okay?

My vision starts to blur again, and almost before I know it, Tag’s arms are wrapped around me, holding me close.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I don’t know what’s bothering you, but whatever it is, we’ll face it together.”

Together . That word cuts through the fog in my mind, and I unwrap myself from his embrace and push him away, just enough so I can look into his eyes. “I just spoke to my father.” I try and fail to keep my voice from quivering. “He wants to arrange a marriage between me and some foreign prince, even though he knows I can’t stand the thought of marrying someone I’ve never met before. He told me he’s been sending out feelers to other countries to see if any of them have any interest. Apparently, there’s a prince in Jirena Sadai who’s interested in negotiating for my hand, and he’ll be here in a couple weeks. I told him…” Now that I’ve started, it’s like a dam has broken, and the words pour out of me in a rush, and I consciously make myself slow down. “I told him that you and I are courting. I’m sorry, Tag. I know you wanted to keep it quiet, but I had to take the chance that he’d see it my way.”

Tag looks at me with an unreadable expression. “I see,” he says, his tone carefully guarded. “And what did he say?”

“He … he said that it doesn’t matter, because you’re not a prince.”

His face falls in an instant, and, for a second, I can see the hurt he must be feeling, before he covers it up. Seeing it gives me more pain than I would have thought possible. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him, my voice cracking. “I wish it could be otherwise, but I don’t think there’s any way to convince him.”

He looks at me, his eyes starting to tear up as well. “What does that mean for us?” he whispers.

This is it . I force myself to look at him, even though it hurts almost more than I can bear. It’s the least I can do, right ? “I …. We ….” Every time I try to say it, something stops me, like I’m choking on my own words. It feels like my heart is breaking in two, like I’m being shattered into pieces. I know what I have to say, but I just can’t make myself say it. Not when I’m this close to getting what I always wanted.

After a few more eternity-long seconds of silence, something snaps in my mind, and I shake my head, as though I can push away the fog that’s clouding it. “I don’t care what he thinks.” This time the words come out easily, like a river flowing downstream to the sea. “I really like you, and I don’t want to throw away what we have for someone I’ve never even met before. If there’s even a chance you and I might work out in the future, then I want to keep courting you, no matter what Father says.”

Tag blinks rapidly a couple times, then gives me a watery smile. He reaches out and cups my face in his palm, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb. “Oh, Darien. I really like you, too, and I’m more than willing to see where this goes.” His smile, already ephemeral, fully fades away. “But can we really stay together if your father is opposed to it? What if he decides you have to marry this prince he told you about?”

“I….” I want so badly to tell him that it will work out, that everything will be alright, but lying to him would just make things even worse later. “I don’t know. I can’t imagine he’d be happy if he found out we’re still courting. But maybe the negotiations will fall through, and I’ll be able to convince him you’re an acceptable match somehow.” I have no idea if that’s even possible, but there has to be a way. “I won’t lie to you and say it’s likely. But as long as there’s any chance, I’m willing to give it a shot.”

He glances around to make sure there’s nobody near us, then silently wraps his arms around me again and lays his head against my chest. “This is why I was hesitant to start courting you,” he murmurs. “I don’t like the idea of watching from afar while you court someone else, even if you’re only pretending.”

I want to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about, but before I can say anything, he lifts his head and looks into my eyes. “But now that I’ve got you, I’m not going to give you up without a fight. So, I suppose I can put up with it.”

Relief washes through me. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“Don’t mention it.” His smile comes back for just a second before it vanishes again. “Is there anything we can do now? Or do we just have to wait until this prince shows up and hope that things don’t work out?”

I’m about to tell him that there’s not much we can do when a thought comes to me. “Actually, there is one thing we could try,” I tell him. “But I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

Samis raises his eyebrows as he takes his seat across from me at the table. The Crystal Sword isn’t nearly as packed as the last time I was here, but there’s still a hum of noise, a low rumble of chatter like the sound of wind rushing through grass. “Is everything alright?” He sounds concerned, but there’s a lightness to his tone that tells me he’s not being entirely serious. “I have to admit, I thought you might have been joking when you suggested we meet here.”

I don’t blame him for being surprised. Normally I would have just talked to him in the palace, but I didn’t want to take the chance that someone would overhear us. Fortunately, there’s no one sitting nearby, but I lower my voice anyway. “No, Samis. Everything’s not alright.”

He leans forward, his eyes locked onto mine. “What’s wrong, then? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“Of course I know.” If it were up to me, we’d have talked about this long ago . “First of all, I need to tell you that I’m courting Tag Leara.”

Samis breaks out into a wide grin. “That’s wonderful! I’m glad you finally took the initiative.” He winks at me. “How long have you two been courting?”

I wince. “About a month.”

His grin fades. “I see. Is there a reason why you didn’t tell me before now?”

“Tag asked me to keep it quiet,” I reply, somewhat defensively. “Just for a little while, until he gets more used to living at court. I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. We were going to tell you eventually.”

He looks at me for a long moment, then sighs. “I suppose I can’t be too angry at you for keeping your promise. It would be a bad start to the courtship if you broke his trust early on. But then, why are you telling me now? And why do you say everything’s not alright? I thought this was what you wanted.”

“The reason I’m telling you now is because I need some advice, and Tag agreed that this was the best way.” I take a moment to gather my thoughts as he nods for me to continue. “You know how strongly I feel about him. Everything was going fine until a few days ago. But then …” I inhale and exhale slowly, trying to breathe out all my anxiety and fear. It doesn’t work. “Father told me he wants to arrange a marriage for me.”

Samis pauses mid-bite and looks up, unease in his eyes. “I see,” he says slowly as he gently puts his fork back down on his plate, half his dinner uneaten. “It’s a nasty business, arranged marriage. Never liked the idea, and I never will. Do you know if he has someone in mind?”

“Apparently, the Jirenians are sending a prince to Cedelia as we speak.”

“Ah. Now I can understand your concern. The question is, what can we do about it?”

Direct and to the point, like always. “How did you convince Father to let you marry Kenessa? I know he was against it, but I never quite figured out how you did it.”

“It was simple, really—I told him that he could probably force me to marry some other woman if he tried hard enough. He would have had to make the palace guards drag me to the altar, but I suppose he could have done it in the end.” The image that his words conjure in my mind is simultaneously hilarious and horrifying. “But I also told him that even if he did that, he couldn’t force me to have heirs. I suppose the thought of you becoming king after me was enough to make him give in.”

I wrinkle my nose. Doing something similar probably won’t work for me, given that I’m not planning on having biological heirs anyway. “Very funny. What about the council? Did they support you?”

He snorts. “Are you kidding? The heir to the throne marrying the daughter of a lowly duchess? If anything, they were more opposed to it than Father was. But it’s not like they have the final say when it comes to who I—or you, or anyone else—choose to marry, even though they act like they do sometimes. Besides, you know how Father is—after I managed to convince him to let me marry Kenessa, he brought the council around rather quickly.”

That's hardly surprising. The council can be obstinate, but when it comes to sheer determination, they’ve got nothing on Father. “Well, I’m glad it worked out for you, but I think you’re right—I doubt the same strategy would work for me.”

“Probably not.” He shifts in his seat, biting his lip. “If I’m being honest, it might be harder for you convince them. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from those blasted meetings, it’s that things have changed since I married Kenessa, and not for the better. I’m not surprised that Father is trying to make an alliance with the Jirenians.”

My scalp prickles. “What do you mean?”

He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it and shakes his head before speaking again. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.” He leans even farther forward, his eyes burning with an inner light. “The point is, no matter what happens, I’m on your side. If you want to be with Tag, I don’t care if Father and the council are both against it. You—and Emma, for that matter—deserve to spend your life with someone you love, not someone Father’s chosen for you.”

That answer wasn’t exactly reassuring, but I know I’m not going to get any more details right now, so I just let him change the subject. “Thank you, Samis. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sure you do.” He smiles, still ignoring the remains of his meal. “Don’t worry. I’m sure everything will turn out fine in the end.”

I return his smile with one of my own, but it’s weak, and doesn’t last very long. If only I was so certain .