The Prince’s Heart

28. Chapter 28

Chapter twenty-eight

I lay there, curled up in a ball in my bed, for quite some time, unable to summon the energy to get up, or even to care. At some point, someone knocks on the bedroom door—probably a servant trying to bring me dinner—but I don’t answer, and they go away after a while. I know I probably should get up and do whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing, but right now even thinking of going out there and pretending like everything’s okay hurts too much. If only everything else I’m thinking about didn’t hurt too.

Day passes into night, and I watch as my room slowly darkens, not even bothering to light a glowbulb so I can see. The dark feels like a kindness, as though I can forget that Tag is gone if I can’t see that his side of the bed is empty. Some part of me wishes he would walk in through my bedroom door and tell me that he’s not leaving, that he’ll never leave me. But having him back would be a cold comfort as long as Arbois is here.

At some point, I must have drifted off, because I wake with a start. It must be morning, because golden sunlight is streaming in through the windows, and I can see a cloudless sky, mocking me with its brilliance. For a bare moment I wonder why I woke, until I realize someone is pounding on my bedroom door. I assume it’s another servant, with breakfast this time, but I’m still not hungry, so I roll over and wait for whoever it is to give up and leave me alone.

Apparently I was wrong, because instead of going away, the mystery knocker opens the door. I roll back over, ready to tell them to go away, but the words die in my throat when I see it’s Emma. I should have known she’d come find me .

She closes the door behind her and steps into the room, looking at me with a steady gaze. “Good, you’re awake,” she says, her tone brisk. “We need to talk.”

I almost tell her to go away and leave me in my misery. But I know that she’s not going to give in easily, and I don’t have the energy to fight with her right now, so I just sit up.

“I suppose we do,” I say, my voice raspy. Hearing myself makes me realize that I haven’t had anything to drink since yesterday afternoon, and I gesture to a pitcher of water on a table near my window. “Would you mind…”

She nods, pours a glass of water, and hands it to me. It’s warm, but it still tastes sweet. When the glass is empty, I hand it back to Emma, who puts it back on the table.

“Much better,” I tell her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She perches on the edge of my bed. “Now tell me: what happened between you and Tag yesterday? The Learas left the palace this morning, and it didn’t look like they were planning on coming back anytime soon. When I asked why they were going, they all seemed just as confused as I am. All of them except for Tag, that is, and all he would tell me is that I should talk to you.” She squints at me. “I thought you two are in love? Did you fight?”

Thinking about him makes the pain I’m feeling surge, but this time there’s more than a little relief mixed in. Good. He heeded my advice . “I did love him. I do love him. But…” I trail off as I realize what she just said. “You… You know about me and Tag?”

She gives me a flat look, and somehow I can tell she’s struggling not to roll her eyes. “I figured it out ages ago. You may have been able to fool most of the court, but I’m your sister.” She sighs and settles back a bit. “Now, will you please tell me what happened?”

It hits me now that I have to tell her the truth about what happened to Father and Samis. “Listen, Emma, I’ll tell you everything. But you have to promise you’ll hear me out. You’re going to be angry, but I need you to promise me you won’t run off until I’ve had a chance to finish.”

Her brow furrows, and she tilts her head slightly. “Why would I be angry? You didn’t cheat on Tag, did you?” She sighs. “Alright, fine. I promise. Now will you please tell me what’s going on?”

I begin recounting yesterday’s events, and when I tell her about Arbois threatening me, her lips tighten and a spark lights in her eyes. That spark grows stronger when I tell her about Arbois poisoning Father and Samis, and it stays there while I recount my argument with Tag. Just remembering all of it brings back the fierce ache in my chest, but in a way, it feels good to be able to share all of this with someone. Besides, I think she might have killed me if I tried to keep it a secret from her.

When I finish speaking, she sits silently for a few moments. Then she stands and walks toward the door without saying a word.

“Where are you going?” I ask, afraid I already know the answer.

She stops and turns to look at me; her expression is carefully neutral, but the spark in her eyes has blossomed into a full-fledged flame of fury. “Where do you think I’m going?” she replies, her voice tightly controlled. “I’m going to have the guards arrest Arbois. Or better yet, strangle him myself. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

She turns to go again, and a spike of fear that hits me gives me energy enough to finally get out of my bed.

“Wait! Please, just hang on a second. Can we talk about this first?”

I’m afraid she’s not going to listen to me, but fortunately she stops and turns again before she reaches the door. “Talk about it? What is there to talk about? He murdered our father and our brother, and he threatened our entire country! What am I supposed to do, ignore that and just pretend like everything’s okay?”

I take a small step toward her. “Think about it,” I say, keeping my voice low, as though I’m calming a spooked horse. “I understand how you feel. Trust me, I do. But if we do anything to him without any evidence besides his own word, we’ll just be signing our own death warrants, and probably Mother’s too. He may be a lying snake, but I believe him when he says that Jirena Sadai will invade if we arrest him or try to kill him.” Another step forward. “I know you want revenge. I do too. But not if it means starting a war that could leave thousands of Soerians dead.”

She stares at me, unblinking, clearly considering my words. I stand completely still, yet I’m ready to move at the slightest notice. I’m not exactly sure what I could do to stop her if she decides to go after him—it’s not like I can have her confined to her room until she calms down—but at the same time, I can’t let her start a war. Come on, Emma , I silently urge her. Don’t make me have to choose .

After a few more moments of unbearable tension, she sighs and nods. “I suppose you’re right,” she says.

I breathe a sigh of deep relief, but her eyes, still burning with those red-hot flames, meet mine. “But don’t expect me to be civil to that…that butcher, even if you marry him. I don’t care if it causes an international incident. I’m not going to act like this is a normal situation.”

“That’s fine.” Far easier to make up a reason why my sister doesn’t like my husband than why she strangled him to death with her own bare hands . “Just so you know, I’m not happy either. Far from it. But I have to marry him, even if I hate it.”

The flames in her eyes recede, and she walks over to me and gently pats my shoulder. “I understand,” she says, her voice not exactly gentle, but softer than it was before. “You had a difficult decision to make, and you did what you felt was right, instead of what was easy. Not everyone could have done the same.”

She turns towards the door for a third time, her step no less certain than before, but this time I let her go. I stand there for a good long while after she goes, chewing on her words. Something tells me this isn’t the last time I’ll have to make a tough decision .