The Prospect (Crawfield Football Club #3)

29. H A Z E L

TWENTY-NINE

H A Z E L

I smile as Green plants another tender kiss onto the palm of my hand while securing his jacket carefully along my shoulders.

It’s surreal walking through this field with him, hand in hand, heart to heart. It’s beyond anything I could have ever imagined—dreamed for, but this is it. This is my life, and this…this is the man I want to spend forever falling more and more in love with.

I’ve always known that, but now, thinking about it again after everything that just transpired, it feels more real than it ever had before.

Green told me he loved me.

That he always had.

I told him that I loved him.

That I always would.

Everyone said today would be my best birthday yet. Christ, they weren’t wrong.

“Are you sure you’re okay, bug ?” Green proceeds to ask me for what must be the tenth time as we pave our way through the grass, nearing his parents' garden. “I can carry you if you want?”

I scoff in laughter at his generous, comical , yet downright serious offer. Green has always had this heightened level of concern when it comes to me and right now, he’s proving that to be abundantly true.

“I recognize that that was my first time, Green,” I bashfully admit. “But I’m pretty sure I’m more than capable of walking. See.” I skip on ahead, seeing the house as it comes into view. “I’m fine.”

He caves, interlacing our fingertips as he catches up with me. “Alright, as long as you promise me that you’re okay. You are okay, right baby?”

This time, I stop in place, forcing Green to a mutual halt as I wrap my hands around his waist and lean in close.

“Greenie…” Saying his nickname elicits this stupid smile on my face as I prop myself up on my tiptoes to reach his lips. “When I’m with you, everything is more than okay?—”

“ Hazel ?”

I recognize the voice and almost instantly, I feel an extraordinary wave of guilt rush over my body.

Hart .

Fuck.

“Hart.” I can hardly find the strength to sputter out his name as I stumble backward and out of Green’s grasp. “What…what are you doing out here?” I can’t help but wonder.

“Hazel, you…” Hart’s eyes scan over my body, the coat that rests along my shoulders, before he’s back to peering into my eyes desperately for answers. “You never came back. I got worried. I asked Green’s mum where you went and that's when she said you went this way after…”

His voice trails off, and all the while I’m forced to watch as reality washes over him.

“What…” Hart’s baby blue eyes wander between Green and me before he settles. “What is going on here?”

“Hart…” It’s all I can pathetically think to say.

What else do I say?

“You and Green?” It takes him no time at all to pick up on the evidence before him. “You’re…you’re together?”

Fuck. I’m a terrible person. An awful person. I can’t believe I’ve done this.

“Hart.” I’m back at it again with nothing but his name pathetically falling from my lips. “I…I didn’t plan for this to happen. I’m sorry, it just?—”

“I can’t believe this.” Hart stumbles backward, refusing to hear me out. “I… What the actual fuck?!”

“Don’t be mad at her, Hart.” Green comes rushing to my defense, but it’s no use. Hart has every right to be mad at me—mad at us. If I thought he and Green had tension before, I can only imagine what is about to transpire from this. “It’s not her fault. It’s mine.” Green takes the blame, but Hart, Hart says nothing. Absolutely nothing as he peers back over at me, eyes like daggers as they pierce through my heart.

“I trusted you, Hazel. I…I thought you liked me? Cared about me. I…” He can hardly formulate a complete sentence. “I told you about my past. I told you about...”

“I know and I’m so sorry, Hart.” I take a step toward him before he can say her name, but it only makes him recoil. “I should have never led you on. I should have never of?—”

“I’m done.” Hart shakes his head in discontentment. “I’m going. I’m leaving.”

“Hart, wait!” I call out to him, but it’s too late. He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t even consider it.

“Please,” I cry. “I’m sorry!” I attempt to go after him, but now tears are falling out of my eyes and I can no longer see ahead of me.

“Hazel.” Green steadies my frame, holding me in place and wiping my face dry. “Let me talk to him, okay? I’ll sort this out.”

“No,” I protest. This is my fault. My mess. I’m the one in the wrong here. “Let me.” I attempt to wriggle free, but his grasp on my shoulders is too firm.

“Please, baby.” He tries once more. “He’s my friend. Regardless of everything that’s happened, he’s my friend. I…I need to figure this out.”

The tears don’t let up when it comes to rolling down my cheeks as I stand, sobbing in silence. “I…” I sniff back. “I feel like I've broken his heart, Green.”

“Hazel.” Green pulls me in tight, speaking into my hair. “By the sounds of it, his heart has been broken a lot longer than you think.”

I shake my head defiantly, urging myself forward to go after him, but my strength falters, and eventually, I realize that Green’s right.

“Go.” I gesture my chin in Hart’s direction. “Talk to him,” I tell him with certainty. “ Go .”

GREEN

Somehow, I manage to catch up to Hart, following him through my family's back garden and into the house, only finally getting within arm's length of him when he approaches his car and swings open the driver's door.

“Please, Hart,” I plead, slamming his door shut and blocking the way in with my frame. “It’s not her fault!”

“It takes two to tango, Green,” he fires back. “Now, get the fuck out of the way before I?—”

“Before you what?”

I know better than to taunt him, but right about now it seems like it's the only way. Let him punch me. Hit me. I deserve it. Neither of us once considered Hart amidst everything that happened tonight and if releasing this pent-up anger will even remotely compel him to forgive us, then I’ll take one for the team.

I wait for the impact of his fist, but it never comes. Instead, in defeat, Hart drops his head to the floor and leans up against the hood of the car, rubbing along his brow in frustration.

“Fuck,” he says exasperatingly. “Christ.”

He continues to do this. Groaning out in despair until eventually he turns silent. I’m not sure which is worse.

It takes me a second, but eventually, I build up the courage to fill this void in conversation with a much-needed apology. I think I’m about due for the words ‘I’m sorry,’ right about now.

“I’m sorry, mate,” I speak up. “I don’t know what else to say to you right now other than I’m sorry?—”

“Do you love her?” Hart’s question throws me for a loop as he makes direct eye contact.

I stare back at him, that’s all I do, look back at him because truth be told, he knows the answer to his question and frankly, I’m afraid that saying what he’s already thinking might make this situation way worse.

“Answer the Goddamn question, Green.” Hart doesn’t let up one bit. “Do you love her? Yes or no? Answer me!”

“Of course I fucking love her!” I shout but it’s not loud enough. My love for Hazel makes me want to scream out at the top of my lungs from the highest possible building and even then it still wouldn’t encompass just how much I love her.

“I’ve loved her from the moment I first met her, Hart! From day fucking one, fifteen years ago, and I’m sorry that it’s taken all of this to happen for me to finally realize that, but love makes you do stupid things,” I retort. “And maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be in love but?—”

“I don’t know what it’s like to be in love?” Hart’s response is rhetorical as he shakes his head, cutting me off. “What the fuck are you saying? Of course I know what it’s like, Green! I mean, can’t you see that’s why I’m struggling so badly over here? I know what it's like to love someone. Have someone love you back. So fuck you, Green!” He tries to catch his breath, settling his voice an octave. “Don’t you dare say I don’t know because I know more than anyone that when you love someone so much, you don’t care about anything else but them …” His voice tapers off but his message continues. “I know, Green.” He’s so quiet by now it’s difficult to hear him. “I know all too well.”

“Hart, I?—”

What do I even say to that?

What’s an appropriate response?

Is there even one?

“Mate,” I try once more. “I…had no idea. No idea that you'd ever been with someone like that. You never talked about it. About them. You never told anyone.”

“I told Hazel…”

His revelation reminds me that this just keeps on getting worse and worse.

“She was the first person I ever told…the only person I’d ever felt like I wanted to tell.”

“Christopher.” Saying his first name at this point only feels appropriate, though I have not a single idea of what to follow it up with.

“That’s why this fucking sucks so badly, Green,” he beats me to a reply, “because as much as I’m fuming about this whole situation, I fucking understand. I get it. I do.”

“You do?” My brows crease in confusion.

“I do,” he huffs out. “And you wanna know why?”

I don’t dare ask.

“Because fuck, if I was ever given the chance to do things again, I’d do it. In a heartbeat…”

It pains me to see the way he’s struggling to fight back emotion, but at the same time, I’m thankful he’s talking. That he’s willing to sort this out, but most of all, hopeful that at the end of this, we can go back to normal… Whatever normal looks like between us.

“I mean, why do you think we’ve always scrapped over the years, Green?”

I’m dumbfounded. Searching my mind for a response that doesn’t exist.

“Christ. You really don’t know, Green?” he asks. “I mean, since I met you, you’ve always had everything that was stripped of me at your disposal. All this time, and guess what? You were too blind to see it! Too na?ve to recognize it, and let's not forget, too much of an idiot to realize what you had until it was almost gone!”

I don’t deny a single insult he throws my way. It’s true. I’m all of these things: blind, na?ve, an idiot. He can call me what he wants because there's no debating the truth at the end of the day.

“God…” Hart releases a long, drawn-out breath, running his hand along his beard in exhaustion before finally turning to face me. “But at the end of the day, I am too.”

What?

“I’m an idiot to have ever thought that Hazel would have wanted me over you.”

“Don’t say that,” I fire back. “You know that’s not true.”

“But it is,” he protests, “and you know it, Green. Don’t kid yourself.”

I swallow hard. There’s been a lump in my throat since he found us, one that I haven’t been able to resolve. I know why it won’t dissipate. It won’t rid itself until I make this right.

“She’s sorry, Hart.” I come to the conclusion that pleading my case is probably the last thing he wants to hear right now. He can stay mad at me forever; I can handle it, but Hazel, I know he wouldn’t be able to do that to her.

“I hope you know that she never would have wanted to hurt you. It was me who orchestrated this whole plan to set each other up with someone else. Not her.”

“Yeah,” Hart scoffs. “It sounds like something you’d do.”

For the first time since this all began, I watch as he rolls his eyes yet softens his face.

“I’m an idiot, after all, am I right?” I can’t help but take advantage of the way the corners of his mouth fight the urge to curl into a smile. “I mean,” I keep on going, “you said it yourself, Hart.”

Eventually, he cracks.

“Christ, Green.” He says with a shake of his head and a half smile on his face. “You’re always going to piss me off. I hope you realize that. Truth be told,” he says with a laugh. “I think it might just be your superpower.”

“Hey, you’re no walk in the park either.”

“Fair enough.” He places his hands into his pockets, this time standing up straighter—taller. “But no matter what, Green.” He finds my eyes. “You’ll always be my teammate. My friend. My brother.”

He pulls one of his hands out of his pockets and extends it in my direction.

“And that,” he says, “will never change.”

I’m reluctant to accept his grasp before I hear the words of confirmation come out of his mouth. “Does that mean we’re okay?”

He nods. “We’re okay.”

We clasp our hands and just like after the first spat we had years back, as I release my hand from his, I know that we’ll get through anything together no matter what. Why? Because we’re a family—that’s what family does.

“Hart?” I hear Hazel’s soft, almost weary voice call out as she approaches the two of us, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders in place of my jacket. “Think we can talk?” she tries, wincing as she speaks.

“Give us a few?” Hart looks back at me, tucking his once free hand back into his pocket.

“Of course.” I nod, stopping momentarily by Hazel before I step into the house.

“Everything is going to be okay.” I kiss her cheek softly. “I promise you, Haze.”

HAZEL

I’m shaking as Green falls out of my line of view and there’s nothing left but Hart, myself, and this insurmountable guilt I can feel weighing me down.

“Hazel...” Hart says my name and the two syllables it makes up just about crush me. I want to collapse from this regret, but I know I can't. I need to do what’s right.

“Do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive me?” My voice may be weak but my emotion is strong.

Hurting Hart has hands down become one of the biggest mistakes in my life, but to make matters worse, I know I can’t right my wrongs. There’s nothing I can physically do to make him forgive me other than to just ask.

“Come here.” Hart extends his arms out, gesturing for me to step into his arms, and almost instantly, I do.

His embrace is warm. Not just from the heat that radiates from his body into mine but also from the way he nestles his head on top.

“I’m so so sorry.” I sob softly into his chest. “I should have told you about how I felt for Green from the start. I shouldn’t have let things carry on the way they were. I shouldn’t have…”

“Shhh.” He soothes me, rubbing up and down my spine. “I got you. It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“It’s not okay, though.” I force myself to peel back, but his arms continue to engulf me in his frame. “I hurt you. I… How can you just forgive me so easily?”

“It’s not necessarily easy, Hazel,” he admits. “But…” He wipes away my tears. “I know your heart, and I know you never intended for this to happen. For things to end up this way.”

“I liked you, Hart.” I’m not afraid to admit that.

“And I liked you too.” He tries to smile, but there’s a frown beneath that’s hard not to notice. “But it was never me, Hazel. Don’t lie and act like it was. I know that you’ve always loved Green. He’s your person. He’s the one.”

“But what about your person?” I protest. “The one meant for you?”

“I’ll find her.” He says with a shrug. “She’s out there. I…I’m certain of it.” His eyes are shifty, leading me to the conclusion I suspected after our conversation at the restaurant.

“You know she’s out there, Hart,” I tell him. “You know that because you already know who she is.”

“Hazel, I?—”

I pull him back into a hug, cutting him off as I murmur into his chest. “You should try again with her, Hart. Sofia …” Saying her name out loud loosens his frame. “You should. You need to.”

“You know I already did, Hazel,” Hart responds, chin back on top of my head. “But by now…” I can feel the vibration of his voice. “It’s too late.”

I pull back suddenly, wiping away my tears as I look him straight in the eyes. “If this whole thing has taught me anything, Christopher Hart.” I lean in to plant a final kiss to his cheek. “ It's never too late .”