Chapter 18 Chi
Chapter 18
Chi
A heavy darkness blankets me from head to toe. I blink and try to focus, but the darkness persists, and I can’t see an inch in front of my face.
There’s a horrible stench of decay wherever I am, mingling with what I can only guess is lemon-scented disinfectant. As I regain my senses further, I realize I’m blindfolded. I try to reach up to yank it off my face when I realize my wrists are bound with something, holding me down to what feels like a cold metal table. I open my mouth in shock and realize that it’s not gagged or taped shut. So, I do the only thing that could possibly be expected in this situation. I scream as loud as possible.
“Shut the fuck up!” someone says from the corner of the room. “No one can hear you anyway. We have questions, and if you don’t want to answer them, you’ll be gagged and left here to rot. You might be a high fucking commodity out in the real world, but down here with us degenerates… well, you’re nothing but a pretty little liability.”
I’m not really one to shut up when someone tells me to, but I figure I should probably do so now. Once I do, I get an earful of harsh whispers — quite possibly the chilliest voices I’ve ever heard. I hope to never hear them again, especially not blindfolded and bound.
“He’s gonna fucking kill us if she tells him, so shut up and let me do the talking.” Maybe they don’t realize I can hear them, or maybe they just don’t care if I do.
Another voice, still terrifying but fractionally less so, meets my ears. “Chi Yan?”
I assume he wants me to confirm or deny that this is my name, so I nod.
“Pardon my French, woman, but why in the ever-loving fuck have you come here?”
I let out a long breath and try to keep my voice as steady and imposing as possible. “I want to see Andy Scutari. I need to see how he’s doing, and I knew the bastard wasn’t going to tell me anything until I paced myself around the grand ballroom a few hundred more times.”
Okay, apparently whatever they drugged me with is still wearing off. That is far more truth than I was hoping to spew. I clear my throat and try again. “I need to see him so that I can make sure he’s okay. Then I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Ever hear of a fucking phone call?” the creep in the corner mumbles under his breath.
For whatever reason, a surge of confidence hits. “Gee, I never thought of that! I only tried it a thousand fucking times!”
“Shut up!” the other guy whisper-yells in the creep’s direction, before stalking over to me. “So, you tried him, but he didn’t pick up? And he didn’t call you back? Ever think he might not want to talk to you, little girl?”
I shake my head no. “I mean, well, he just doesn’t want to tell me where he is sometimes. But he calls me all the time when things are good.” I realize a moment later that I sound like a hopelessly in love girl hanging on by a thread to a guy who couldn’t give less of a shit about her.
I try to focus on how to better explain that I’m not some insane stalker girl who followed him here out of misplaced infatuation. “I mean… oh, fuck this. I’m the Yakuza princess, okay? Soon to be queen. I want to make sure a valuable asset of our organization isn’t fucking dead! Let me see Andy Scutari, or I swear to God, you will be very sorry.”
There’s a long hesitation, in which I’m sure creep-o in the corner is going to decide to kill me, but luckily for me, I feel my binds being loosened. “If you take that blindfold off, there’s nothing I can do to save you. And honestly, if you take a look around, you might lose all faith in humanity anyway and ask us to end it now anyway.”
My breath catches in my throat, but I lift myself up off the metal table on shaky legs and hold my head as high as I can with a blindfold on.
I’m dragged unceremoniously through what I guess from the feel and the mustiness must be a cellar of some sort. A cold, dank, disgusting-smelling basement that they must use for something extremely nefarious.
At one point, the smell becomes too pungent to ignore, and I gasp. “What is that?” I say, gagging.
“There are a couple of active infections right now.”
I consider this piece of information, given to me, I’m sure, just to scare me. “What is this, a lab or something?”
“No. I’m talking about infections on people. It’s decaying flesh.” The creepy weirdo is far too close when he says this, and his warm, damp breath hits my neck like a burst of air on a humid day. I cringe away in disgust.
Creepy guy chuckles and continues speaking. “It’s not a lab, per se, but there are scientists here. We put our skills to use for good… and not so good.”
I gulp. “Okay. Sorry I asked.”
Finally, we get to an area that is not as filled with death, and although I’m not sure that stench of decay will ever leave me, I’m certain that the air quality has improved. There’s another smell here, like a hospital, and I sigh out with one part relief and one part some new anxiety. The last time I was in a hospital was for my own injury, and the time before that was with Andy to see my father, half dead.
And then suddenly, I’m pulled into a room by one of the men who walked me up here.
“Holy shit.” I hear his voice, and although it’s wheezy and slow, it definitely belongs to Andy. But if I had any doubt, his next words erase it all together. “Get your fucking hands off her before I cut them off.”
“You sure this is her, sir?” One of the men who brought me up here — the lesser-creep — has suddenly adopted a tone of utter respect.
“It’s her,” Andy says, and the man lets go of my arm.
“You know we’re going to have to do the same thing when she leaves. It’s just protocol.”
Andy growls, “Get the fuck out, man.”
I hear a sigh, and the door closes.
“Are you out of your mind, Chi? Take that fucking blindfold off and look at me.”
I notice my hands are shaking as I bring them up to my face to strip the blindfold off, but I still try for as flippant a tone as I can muster. “Okay, two psycho crazy people told me that if I took the blindfold off, I’d be thrown into a cellar with the decaying flesh. How was I supposed to know it was… oh my God.”
Andy is a fucking mess. There’s a huge laceration stretching from his eye to his neck with multiple stitches. His arm is in a cast, and it seems hard for him to even twist to look at me.
Andy notices the way I’m studying him and follows my eyes to survey the damage on his body, as if seeing it himself for the first time. I imagine, when he looks back up at me, that this is as close to embarrassed as I’ll ever see him, and it breaks my heart that he feels that way in front of me.
I do something I’ve never done for a man; I run over to his bedside and clasp his hand in mine, holding back tears, dropping my mask and showing every bit of concern for him on my face. I can’t cry though, or he’ll be even more self-conscious. “Andy. You’re going to need to tell me what happened,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“No way. It’s not a big deal.”
“The copious amounts of casts and bandages all over your body beg to differ.”
He gives me a flat look and tries to stare me down. When it doesn’t work, he rolls his eyes away and shakes his head. “Did you forget that I’m furious with you for coming here, Chi? Do you know what kind of danger you’ve put yourself in today?”
I sit down and smooth my hands over my jeans, as if taking the wrinkles out, just like Daiki does when he’s slightly perturbed. I cross one leg over the other, trying to get comfortable, and clasp my hands together in my lap. Finally, I look at him head on and let out a cleansing breath. “You’re going to have to stop getting mad at a grown woman for the choices she makes for the good of everyone around her.”
He gives me another flat look. “So, I suppose you ran off to the bar and licked some asshole’s abs for the good of those around you.”
I feel my cheeks heat but don’t dial down my fiery gaze. “Maybe if I don’t let off some steam, I’m a pretty terrible person, and I don’t want to subject you all to that.”
He blinks hard at me before rolling his eyes again. “You’re fucking ridiculous, Chi. You really shouldn’t have come here.”
“Well, I did.” I look at him as sincerely as I can muster and squeeze his hand. “Would you please tell me what happened?”
He shrugs and then winces as a bandage tightens over his abdomen. “It’s not a big deal, Chi. I’ve always been good at breaking into shit. There was this safe-type thing filled with explosives and no one could get in. So, I did. And it saved a lot of our men’s lives. I just… also got blasted by a fucking explosion at the same time.”
I look at him in mock reprehension. “Well, that was your first mistake: trying to be a hero. You’re only my hero. Got it?”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m no one’s hero, baby. I’m not exactly the guy you want on your side. I’m just also not the guy you want to go up against.”
A rogue curl has broken ranks and clings to Andy’s sweaty forehead. He probably needs more pain relief, even if he hates drugs and talks about his high pain tolerance. I can’t help myself; I smooth his hair out of his face. “Well, I’m an expert on heroes, as you know. And an antihero is still a hero, Andy,” I whisper.
I know he doesn’t mean to, and he would probably never allow himself to show me this without all the pain meds he’s currently hopped up on, but as my fingers graze his temple and tuck his hair behind his ear, his eyes flutter closed, and he leans into my touch for the briefest moment.
I don’t want him to even realize he’s done it, so I take a mental snapshot of the movement and continue on immediately. “What did the doctor have to patch up?”
He keeps his eyes closed for a moment and hisses out a frustrated sigh. “Some broken bones, but that’s nothing in comparison to the internal bleeding and punctured lung.”
Along with the memory of his raspy, dying voice on the other end of the phone just yesterday, these new details of Andy in excruciating pain, bleeding from the inside, barely able to breathe — breaks something inside of me. I take in a ragged breath, and my bottom lip trembles. Then I feel that dreaded prick behind my eyes again, and I can’t seem to swallow past the lump in my throat. This fucker has nearly made me cry twice in the span of ten minutes.
He sees my clear distress. “Fuck me, Chi. Please don’t cry. I’m not worth your tears.”
The sentiment causes my sorrow to hit even harder, and I feel a warm, salty droplet hit my cheek. “We’ve been fucking nonstop for a month. You hugged me. Twice! If you’re not worth my tears, then whose are you worth?”
He sighs and looks off, like I’m some hopeless cause, but his real answer to my question lies heavy in the air all around us. No one’s.
I want to wipe that notion from his head. He’ll always be worth my tears and anything else I can possibly give him. He’s worth more than that, really, because I can’t even give him everything he truly deserves.
But I will have to try.
*****
I ask about Mara and Cas, and Andy gives me the rundown on their condition. They’ve had such a rough go of things, and I really do feel for them. He doesn’t suggest I go to see them, though, and I don’t bring it up. The truth is, I want to stay here with him. I want to make sure he gets better.
After two hours and a shot of morphine, Andy is shooing me out. “Chi, I am clearly not at my best right now. I don’t want you to have to deal with me like this.”
I shake my head from side to side. “No way, Andy. I’m not leaving unless they drug me again and force me out.”
Andy is silent for a moment.
“Are you thinking of asking them to do that just to get me out of here?”
He looks at me sheepishly, and I swat his arm. But I’m not actually angry, and I know he wants me to stay.
“I’m staying until you’re better. I don’t care if I have to sleep on this hard chair.” I scrunch my nose as I try to get comfortable on the cold metal, and when I lean into it, something pokes into my back.
“Yeah, sure, Princess. You’re about to sleep in an old metal chair.”
“You know, I happen to be exhausted. I’ve barely slept these past few nights, and I got shot up with something earlier that is probably seriously throwing my brain chemistry off.”
Andy’s head turns down, looking a little guilty for a moment, before he shakes it slowly from side to side. “They’ll never let you stay here, Chi.”
I smile at him and lean back into the discomfort of the cold metal. “Seems like you have some sway in this joint, no? I bet you could put in a good word for me.”
He shakes his head in disbelief again. “I can’t believe you just fucking strutted into this place. You’re insane.”
I sink further into my chair. I really am exhausted.
Andy sighs. “Come over to me.”
I peek open one eye and cock it. “Hm? Oh, do you need something?” I sit up straighter, at attention. “I’m going to take care of you even better than you took care of me.”
He closes his eyes and chuckles. “No, I don’t want anything. I just want you to come here.”
I look at him skeptically, shuffling a few steps closer. “I don’t know how much closer I can get without—”
He grabs my hand and yanks it over to him. “Get in here with me.”
My brows furrow together. “No way, Andy. That’s barely a double bed and you need your rest—”
“Chi, get in this bed before I hurt myself trying to drag you into it.”
I sigh and sit down, my ass barely touching the edge of the bed. He yanks me again, this time by my upper arm, and it takes me so much by surprise that I nearly crash right into him. Thankfully, I stop myself right before I do and look at him sternly.
“You want me to lie down with you?”
“It’s not about whether I want you to or not.” I can see Andy’s adorable grin, even under the stitches down his face, and I can’t help but relax a bit. “I don’t want you sleeping on that hard metal chair.” His smile grows. “Your father would kill me if I let you do that.”
I let out a little huff of a laugh. “Something tells me he’ll never find out about anything we do here.”
Andy’s eyebrows raise to his hairline. “I better heal up quick then.”