The Queen’s Denial

Chapter 31 Chi

Chapter 31

Chi

The weeks pass in a haze of planning, tastings, and ugly dress shopping. And, of course, trying with all my might to ignore the sentry van that Andy sits in outside my house. Andy is pretty brazen about the fact that he doesn’t care if we know he’s there. He has even come to the front gate guards to speak with them. Of course, I try to ignore it and pretend I don’t care, but I feel safer with him there despite myself.

I still need to do all the things that a soon-to-be-married woman must do, though. “Can’t I just choose a traditional Japanese dress? I hate these big, poofy white things. I’m five feet tall, and they weigh nearly as much as I do. I’m drowning in all these beads.”

My personal assistant, a woman who has seen the best and worst parts of me from the sidelines for my entire life, bustles around me at the bridal shop, pushing her glasses up on her nose as she pulls out dress after dress from the rack. “They’re Akoya pearls, Chi, not beads. And remember, even you don’t have a warehouse of available dresses for short, tiny women that will fit you perfectly the first time you try them on. They’re going to all be big on you. I don’t make the rules, and my head is going to fucking explode if you keep complaining.”

I snicker at her frustration. “You poor thing, sipping your champagne and nibbling on your cheese as I try these monstrosities on.”

She scoffs but doesn’t look my way. “Yeah, champagne and cheese are great perks, unless you’re too busy catering to a spoiled little rich girl to consume them.”With great effort, she heaves five enormous dresses off the rack and holds them up, panting with exertion. “Which one’s next?”

I catch sight of one dress that doesn’t look so bad. The material seems stretchy and sleek, and it’s the first that doesn’t have bows and hoops and ruching that make me look like a toy poodle. “That one,” I sigh out in annoyance.

She checks the tag. “It’s only 4k,” she says, eyebrows raised. “Are we trying to make a ‘look how down to earth I am, wearing an affordable wedding gown,’ kind of statement or something?”

I roll my eyes. “Just because most billionaires would get a dress custom made with an extra zero or two doesn’t mean 4k is ‘affordable.’ Anyway, you’re the one who showed it to me. I don’t give a shit how much it costs; I just want to look decent and be able to see people over the balloon sleeves.”

I don’t bother walking down the long hall to the dressing room since we’re the only people here and my assistant has seen me naked a few hundred times in my life. Besides, I would live in underwear if it were socially acceptable.

“Okay, have I transformed into the Yakuza queen?”

Her smile falls off her face and her mouth drops open. She takes in a halting breath. “Oh, Chichi-girl. You look…”

I catch sight of myself in the mirror. The dress hugs my body and accentuates my small curves. The beading is tasteful and weaves its way across the bodice in a light floral pattern. The hem is tea length and amazingly, the back just barely brushes the floor behind me, trailing behind me elegantly.

I don’t look cute or pretty. I look literally breathtaking. I look like a woman in a beautiful dress, ready to take this next huge, unimaginable step. All I really need are some 4-inch heels and diamond drop earrings before stepping dispassionately into the abyss.

“Chi, I think that’s the one.” My assistant’s voice snaps me out of my own head and puts me squarely back under the bright florescent lights of this bridal dress boutique.

I let out all the breath I hadn’t even known I was holding and swallow hard, grabbing my clothes from the chair I laid them on a moment ago. “I think you’re right,” I say, as I nearly rip the dress trying to get out of it. “We’re done for the day.”

*****

“I have a question for you, Chica Chi.” I’m out to lunch with Mara and getting way too much joy out of watching her down a double cheeseburger as though her life depends on it.

“What’s up?”

She puts down her cheeseburger and takes a sip of her soda before answering. “Will you stand up at the altar with me at the wedding?”

Now my smile is genuine. “Um, fuck yes! You want me to be the maid of honor?”

Her enthusiasm gushes through her smile. “Yeah, but don’t tell anyone that you have a title. Obviously, Andy is going to be Cas’s best man, but again, it’s not something we’re advertising. Not that it’s going to be a big ceremony anyway. But we have such great ideas. I want to make my own decorations. I’ve been looking on Pinterest, and they have these cute lanterns…”

I smile at her genuineness and the way she glows when she speaks of her upcoming nuptials. “It’s going to be amazing,” I say when she finally finishes her thought. “I’m so happy for you.”

She gets even more excited. “Oh my gosh, I just thought of this!” She grabs my hand and squeezes, looking directly into my eyes. “You can come with me to go dress shopping! I have no one…”

I wasn’t expecting her to say this, and an involuntary tremor goes through me at the words as I remember my own experience a few days ago. She drops my hand when she sees my change in demeanor and clams up immediately. “Oh, or not. Sorry, I didn’t think… I mean, I know you have to get your own dress.”

I recover quickly and blink my memory away. “What? No! Of course I want to come!”

Her big, golden eyes widen in excitement. “Yeah? Awesome! I’ll come with you too, if you want.”

I smile softly at her. “Oh, that’s okay. I’ve gone already. I just picked out the first dress that looked halfway decent.”

Her smile falters a bit. She’s never been great at keeping her smile up well enough to hide when she’s feeling uneasy. “Oh, okay. How’s all that going?”

I give her a flat look. “Seriously, Mara. It’s fine. You don’t have to ask me that every time we see each other. I know you found your happy ending, and you fucking deserve it, babe. You really do, after what you’ve gone through. I love that you’ve done what all us rich, bitchy little billionaire girlies wish they could do. But ya know… things are… different for me.”

She looks at me genuinely, her wide eyes filled with understanding. “I get that, sweetie. I really do.”

She looks like she’s about to fucking cry, and I want to smack myself for ruining her vibe so badly and so quickly. I can’t be doing this if I’m going to be her maid of honor.

“All right, bitch! When are we going dress shopping?” I ask. She sniffles and perks up a bit before giving me another wide smile.

“Well, we’re not waiting very long. The wedding is gonna be in a month, and then we have a week-long honeymoon planned.” She picks up her burger and takes a satisfied bite, chewing dreamily. “A week, Chi! And it’s going to be Paris. Fucking Paris! Imagine Cas trying to be romantic in Paris?” She giggles like a little girl. “It’s going to be fucking hilarious! But… ya know, he’s hot and really good in the sack, so we probably won’t go out much anyway. I mean, if it’s anything like the long weekend we spent in Fiji, we are good to go.”

She stops for about three seconds to stare wistfully out the window before starting up again. I don’t let my smile falter this time. I’m going to be the friend she needs no matter what I’m feeling inside. After what she’s been through and done for me, it’s the least I can do.