Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-One
T he sky flared briefly into sunset leaving a few red streaks in the sky as the day drew to a close. Birch trees stood out like white skeletons in the twilight and Nicholas was driving. The horses were cantering along the track, all around them eerily quiet and Anna let her thoughts drift back over the last two weeks.
Every day had been much the same. When they weren’t on the move, they waited in post houses with merchants in kaftans and white-faced government officials on their way to the farthest parts of the empire. To make conversation, she asked Nicholas about Napoleon’s invasion and retreat from Russia. He had been eighteen when he accompanied Tsar Alexander to Paris to sign the Treaty of Fontainebleau and experienced a world beyond Anna’s imagination. Nicholas described the famous Louvre Museum, the sculptures and pictures by the great masters of European art, and she listened in rapt attention.
Anna noticed his concern for Stepan and that he took the reins more often than the driver. At every relay, it was he who inspected the new horses, running his hands down their legs and lifting their hooves. He handled animals as if he could feel their quality through the tips of his fingers and she was impressed.
The atmosphere between them had become less tense but Anna still had a feeling that his outward persona, polished manners and suave indifference, masked his true nature. Nicholas always kept himself in check and it occurred to her, if he ever let go, the detonation would be uncontainable. It will never happen, she thought. His self-discipline is unbreakable, but the memory of his kiss still lingered. Since that night in Moscow, he had made no advances that might be construed as in any way flirtatious. Was he truly intending to get married, she wondered with a prick of jealousy? He had obviously lost interest in her – so who did he have in mind?
One morning when he was asleep, she put her hand to his cheek. Nicholas hadn’t shaved and she felt the stubble of his beard through her gloves. He stirred and she withdrew hastily, shocked by what she had done. What was the matter with her? Anna was bewildered by her strange compulsion to touch to him. It was unnatural for a man and woman to be together for so long, she decided. She must be suffering from some kind of travel sickness – emotional frailty brought on by constant movement. Only when she lay still, could she calm herself and quench the fire chasing through her veins.
A flock of birds burst from a tree as the sleigh passed beneath and Anna looked up at a deep blue sky with a scattering of stars. She felt the wind on her face and glimpsed a crescent moon.
‘ Derzhityes! Volki ! Hold on! Wolves!’ Nicholas shouted suddenly, and Anna grabbed the straps as the horses leapt forwards. At first, she couldn’t see anything. Then, staring into the darkness, she made out the small green lights weaving through the trees. The wolves were running fast and in the same direction as the sleigh. Deep ridges of ice scraped the runners, making the troika bump and sway as the terrified horses broke into a gallop. She saw Nicholas hand Stepan the reins and lean down to reach for his musket before an explosion of gunfire shattered the night air.
The wolves scattered, but seconds later their shadowy silhouettes were back, the lights of their eyes closing in on either side of the sleigh. They were near enough to jump in and drag her out and she stuffed her gloved hand into her mouth to stop herself crying out. If the wolves cut them off between the wood and road, or the troika crashed, they would be torn to pieces. And then, in a dip in the road, the lights of houses came into view. Alerted by the gunshots and discordant ringing of bells, dogs came running out, yapping and barking as the troika rushed through open gates and galloped into a courtyard. Before Nicholas reined in, Stepan leapt down and shut the gates behind them.
‘Have you fainted?’ Nicholas swung himself to the ground and came to the back of the sleigh.
Anna shook her head, annoyed her legs were trembling as he gave her a hand down.
‘Where are we?’
‘I’m not sure. I’ll go find out. Wait here.’
Anna leant against the side of the troika. The horses stood in clouds of steam, foam dripping from their muzzles as Stepan rubbed their wet flanks with straw. Instead of the usual government post house or inn, they were in the courtyard of a square stone house. Lanterns along the walls lit up the yard and there were lights in the windows. After a few moments, she heard the snow crunch as it compacted under boots and Nicholas returned.
‘We’re in luck – it’s a private residence and the owners are away. The housekeeper says we’re welcome to stay the night.’
Without a word, Anna followed Nicholas to the front door. A thin woman with grey hair and sharp black eyes led them down a stone passage to a kitchen. She took their heavy shubas , indicating for them to sit down.
On the table was the traditional offering of black bread and salt, along with shots of vodka. Anna lifted hers and swallowed the spirit neat as the housekeeper brought an earthenware pot from the stove. She ladled buckwheat porridge and milk into bowls.
Nicholas spoke between mouthfuls. ‘Apparently she’s allowed to take in travellers to supplement her income.’
As more vodka was poured, a slow trail of warmth spread through Anna’s limbs and she was too busy shovelling food into her mouth to answer. Stepan had joined them, and they ate in silence. When they had finished, Stepan went out to the stables and the housekeeper showed them to a gornitza, the bedroom used for paying guests. There were a couple of tallow candles but no curtains so that moonlight flooded into the room with its open wood stove and high bed in the centre.
The vodka made her feel light-headed and, as Nicholas shut the door, his hand accidentally brushed her wrist. His touch was like a charge of electricity and Anna spun round. Putting her arms round his neck, she kissed him full on the mouth. For a fleeting, immeasurable instant, his body was pressed to hers. Then his muscles tensed and his hands unlocked her arms, returning them to her sides.
‘What was that for?’
‘We were nearly killed by the wolves. You saved my life.’
‘You were never in any danger.’ She saw the corners of his mouth lift at the tremor in her voice. ‘Wolves are no match for gunpowder.’
‘But they were starving. They’d have eaten us alive.’
‘Well, you’re safe now. Say your prayers and God will protect you.’
‘Please stay! You can sleep by the fire. I don’t mind.’
Nicholas was silent. He gave her a searching look and then shrugged. ‘I must go and see if Stepan and the horses are alright.’
Was he coming back? Anna lowered her gaze to prevent him reading what was in her eyes. It wasn’t that Nicholas lacked desire. She had felt the tension and confidence of his embrace. He knew what he was doing – so why the show of reluctance? Was it retaliation for her rejection before? She remembered how he had kissed her – the taste of his mouth – and felt thrillingly, dangerously alive. Her past was drawing away and she was on the brink of something from which there could be no return. I want to know, she thought. I don’t care about my virtue. I’ve lost everything else. I want to know what it is to be loved by a man.
She took off her travelling habit and boots and poured warm water into a bowl to wash, then uncoiled her hair, leaving it in a long plait down her back. She slung a shawl over her shoulder and crouched by the stove in her petticoats, her emotions oscillating wildly between amazement at herself and excitement.
When the door opened and Nicholas came in, she did not move.
‘I’d like to make one thing clear.’ He sat down on the only chair. ‘If you’ve transferred your affections from Captain Dashkovy to me, you’ve chosen the wrong man. I’ve no intention of being pursued to the ends of the earth for the rest of my life.’
‘Have no fear of that, Nicolay Petrovich. I simply crave a little comfort.’ Anna didn’t even blush at the implication of her words.
‘And you call this … comfort?’
‘I call this the culmination of what you started in Moscow.’
‘Ah…’ Nicholas sucked in his breath. ‘I’m sorry about that. It won’t happen again. Your parents entrusted me with your safety and I’m not about to betray them.’
‘My father and mother are aware of your reputation, ‘Anna replied curtly. ‘They know what might happen.’
‘Even so, I draw the line at maidens frightened out of their wits by wolves.’
His tone was deprecating, and Anna pressed her lips together as he placed another log in the stove. Flames crackled, throwing waves of heat across the room. She had hoped to break through his defences but one glance at his closed expression told her she had failed.
‘You take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.’
‘What’s wrong with you, Nicholas Petrovich? Are you incapable—’
Nicholas didn’t give her time to finish. Before she knew what was happening, he stood up, swung her into his arms and dumped her unceremoniously on the bed.
‘That’s enough, or I’ll spend the night with the old crone downstairs!’
For a time, Anna was too startled to react. She lay on the soft down mattress and stared at the ceiling. Nicholas pretended to be indifferent, but she had seen the flare in his eyes. He wanted her. Why he should hesitate, let alone refuse, was beyond her comprehension. Was he worried her parents might find out and make him propose? It was a ridiculous idea. Why, she had told him she would never marry!
The pelt of lynx was smooth against her skin as she listened to the sounds of the night, wind whispering in the eaves and dogs barking in the village. She could hear Nicholas moving about and mice scratching behind the wainscoting. The floorboards creaked as he took off his boots and stretched out on the floor, and gradually her mind stilled. She was thirsty but didn’t dare get up for a glass of water. Apart from the occasional hiss of the stove, the room became quiet. Did Nicholas believe she was totally innocent of life? I bet he had no such qualms about Elizaveta Romanov, she thought. Well, let him sleep in the cold! It serves him right if he freezes to death. The idea soothed her and, with a sigh, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.