Chapter 18
I toldmy therapist about the kiss.
I didn’t want to, but if I was going to be able to make it through this trip with Junie, I had to.
That kiss had absolutely wrecked me. She had been so…and I never thought…but then we… Ugh. I can’t even fully process it a week later.
That’s why I called an emergency meeting with my therapist in the wee hours of the night. I wasn’t sure exactly what she would say. What I’d hoped she’d tell me was that I was one hundred percent justified in trying to suppress my feelings and that I should keep the status quo in my life, because up until Junie came waltzing in, I’d been doing pretty good.
Ha. Nope. That’s definitely not what she told me.
Instead, her exact words were, “Open yourself up to the possibility of more.”
Eight simple words, and they were terrifying. Still are, to be honest. But right after I got off that video call, I marched myself across the hall to Junie’s, knocked on the door, and opened myself up to her. I mean, okay, I guess I could have been more upfront, but it was the best I could come up with on the spot. I tossed the proverbial ball into her court.
I don’t expect her to return said ball right away. Heck, I don’t know if she’ll return it at all. I may be playing tennis by myself for all I know.
The thing about Junie is she’s got so many walls up. Tall, thick, double-layered walls. The more time I’ve spent with her, the more I’ve realized that. If I’m going to open myself up to the possibility of more, I need to break down some of those walls. I need to let Junie know she can let her walls down with me and still be safe.
For example, she said I’d get Juniper on our trip, but I can tell she’s still holding back with me. From the moment I picked her up this morning until now, being driven in a towncar to our ski lodge, she’s been reserved like she has been all week. Her smiles don’t quite reach her eyes, she keeps her distance from me, and her conversation is a little stilted.
It’s almost as if she’s afraid of something. Well, I’m terrified of what this weekend could turn into too. I’m trying to face those fears though. I hope I can convince her to be brave enough to face them with me.
I glance down at my shoulder to where I can just see the remnants of the little drool spot she left on my jacket when she fell asleep on the plane. Maybe it’s weird, but it brings a smile to my face. It feels like proof that tearing down her walls is possible.
I suppress a sigh, wishing I knew how to break the silence between us. We haven’t said much to each other since getting into the car. It’s ridiculous. I’m a grown man struggling to talk to a woman. She’s said more to our driver than she has to me so far, and I’m starting to get jealous.
My phone buzzes. Maybe it’s Shane. I sent him a message earlier this morning asking how he was doing and if he had everything under control. On top of all the other emotions I’m trying to grapple with this weekend, I also have our company to worry about.
Shane:Yeah, man. Everything’s good. The trap is baited, set, and Phase Three is a go. I’ll let you know if I find any activity.
Owen:Great. Thanks.
Shane: NP. Shouldn’t you be cozied up in a lodge somewhere?
Owen:Almost. Landed at Eagle Regional, and we’re almost to Vail now. Just wanted to check in this morning.
Shane:Well, don’t worry about anything here. Focus on skiing, and try to have some fun.
Shane:Or, you know, have fun not skiing. Either way. ;)
Owen:Right. Thanks.
Shane:What’s this? No objections to the winky face or the subsequent assumptions associated therewith? You do have it bad. Must have been some kiss.
Okay, yeah, so I told my best friend about the kiss too. Definitely not as good of an idea as talking to my therapist. But Shane could tell something was going on with us this week, so he took me out to lunch and flat-out asked me.
At first, I thought he’d have a problem with it since he and Junie have history, and I thought when she started working for me, he might try to start something up again. I was wrong. Actually, not only was I wrong, his reaction was the exact opposite of what I’d expected. He was super supportive and understanding. He’s done minimal teasing since I told him about the kiss, and that’s been surprising too.
“Wow,” Junie murmurs.
I nearly jump. She spoke first, and I’m way more excited about it than I should be. I follow her eyes out the window to the snowy, picturesque town we’re driving through.
“You like it?” I ask.
When she speaks again, her voice holds a note of wonder to it. “It’s beautiful. Kind of looks like it fell out of one of those Hallmark Christmas movies, only with a much bigger budget and without the Christmas.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, it does.”
“Wait, you know what kind of movies I’m talking about?” She turns to me, eyes wide. “Do you watch Hallmark Christmas movies?”
“I’ve seen a few in my life. Kiera loves them. ”
“Right, she loves anything holiday-related.” She turns away from me, and we’re back to silence. I want to do something to break this sound barrier between us, but anything I can think of would make me look crazy.
I’m seriously looking up “Twenty Icebreakers to Use on a First Date” when Junie gasps. “Oh my gosh, is that where we’re staying?”
Our driver turns onto the long, stately drive of a place that’s less of a quaint lodge and more of an enormous resort. A smile tugs at my lips. I’m going to love seeing her reactions to everything this weekend.
“Subtle, right?”
“Understatement of the century.”
“Yeah. My father insists on booking the most expensive rooms at the most expensive hotels. Trust me, the glamor gets old fast.”
She snorts. “Ha, sure. We’ll see about that. Your family comes here every year, right? Has it always been this way?”
“Not always. I remember staying in more modest places when I was younger, but the more money my parents started making, the more they wanted to spend. Plus, eventually, I realized that a perk of having a bigger hotel suite meant my parents had to spend less and less time actually in each other’s company.”
Junie turns to me, her beautiful, blue eyes holding sadness in them. “Oh, right. Kiera told me a little about that. I’m sorry. That must have been hard to grow up with.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice her fingers twitch, like maybe she’s trying not to reach out to me physically. Those walls around her are a little bit lower. It’s another small thing, but again, it gives me hope. “It was, but I’m alright. How was it growing up for you? Did your parents fight much?”
The walls shoot back up. She leans back, breaking eye contact and folding her arms over her chest. “Um, no. They didn’t.”
Interesting. I know I’ve heard her mention her dad, but has she ever talked about her mom? Maybe something happened to her. It’s another page in the mystery book that is Junie.
We wind down the drive to a waiting valet attendant dressed in a black suit with a red bowtie, a heavy yet fashionable wool overcoat, and white gloves. He opens the door for Junie first, so I step outside into a flurry of fluffy, white snowflakes barely beginning to fall from the sky.
Again, Junie gasps. It’s quickly becoming one of my top-five favorite sounds of all time. “It’s snowing!” Laughter bubbles up from her, and I add that to my favorite sounds as well. “It’s literally snowing right now.” She takes her phone out and starts snapping pictures.
I can’t help it. I slip my phone out and take a picture of her. I don’t even remember the last time I was this excited about snow, but Junie’s childlike delight is infectious. I want to capture it so I can remember this moment and this feeling forever.
“What?” she says, catching me staring. Her cheeks turn pink, and I snap another picture. “You know it hardly ever snows in South Carolina. This is a momentous occasion.”
“So you like it here, huh?”
She shrugs, feigning indifference. “It’s alright. Here, let me help you with those bags.”
But before she can get to them, I loop my arm through hers and start tugging her in the opposite direction, toward the giant lodge.
“Um, hello? What are we doing? The bags, the car. We can’t leave them there.”
“They’ll be taken care of,” I say, because I know they’ll be brought to our rooms without us having to even ask. “Come on, let’s go check in.”
Maybe this is the moment when I should let go of her arm, but I don’t. I keep tugging her along gently, relishing the feel of her, the way our steps fall into sync, and the sway of our bodies. We’re both wearing coats, but her warmth radiates through all the layers as if they aren’t even there. It’s so distracting, I barely notice the majestic entryway of the lodge or the clean, marble flooring accented by rich, dark wood pillars and arches.
Behind the front desk, a friendly woman takes our information and gets us checked in. After she hands us our cards, I move toward the elevator, but Junie gravitates toward a floor-to-ceiling window. She gazes outside as the snow falls in mesmerizing swirls, faster and heavier than before.
I maneuver to her side. It seems like the natural place to be. “It’s like we’re in a snowglobe,” she whispers.
“Have you ever seen this much snow before in real life?”
“Once. When I was young.”
“Oh?”
“When I was like four or five, my parents took me to the mountains in North Carolina. We went sledding.” Her eyes stare at something far away, and I move in closer to her side. She’s speaking so softly, I don’t want to miss anything. “I remember being so excited about the snow. How it sparkled, how it crunched under my feet. My dad threw a snowball at my mom and pretended it was me. I laughed so hard, I fell over.”
“That sounds like a great memory.”
A shadow passes over her face. “Yeah. It was. Little did I know, my mom planned that trip as a last hurrah before she left me and my dad.”
Her words are like a brick slamming into my stomach at top speed. I don’t know what to say. She’s revealed this deep wound to me, and I’m not prepared. I thought I had family trauma? This is on another level.
“Junie, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s okay.” She pulls away from me, forcing a smile that I’m positive is one hundred percent fake. She hits the elevator button a little too hard. “It was a long time ago, and I’m fine now.”
She wraps her arms around herself, shutting me out. But should I let her? It’s clear she doesn’t want to talk about this, but maybe if she—
“Owen! Junie!” calls a familiar voice. Of all the inconvenient, annoying…
I turn around to find my dad in all his awfully timed glory walking toward us with a beautiful woman on his arm. Of course. Of course he has a woman with him. He wouldn’t come here without some arm candy who’s closer to my age than his. That would be silly.
While I’m over here glowering at the intrusion, though, Junie seems delighted. “Mr. Ferguson, good to see you. Thanks again for inviting me.”
“Hey,” he says, pointing a finger at her. “What did I say about calling me that? Please, call me Fred.” He claps a hand on my shoulder, and I wish I could slap it off. “I thought you’d get here earlier, Son. The day’s half over. You’ve missed out on some good times on the slopes.”
“Right, well, that happens sometimes,” I say, offering no apology or explanation. I told my dad well in advance what time I planned on arriving. I don’t know why he’s acting like it’s a big deal.
There’s an awkward pause, but Junie jumps in to fill the silence. “Um, Fred, who’s your friend here?”
“Ah, how rude of me. Owen, Junie, I’d like to introduce you to the lovely Carlotta. Carlotta, this is my son, Owen, and his girlfriend, Junie.”
“Pleased to meet you,” the woman says in an accent I’m unable to place. I can’t help noticing the way Dad introduced her. “The lovely Carlotta.” No mention of whether she’s a girlfriend or not. I bet Carlotta noticed it too, because there’s a vague impression of a scowl on her otherwise smooth skin. Or maybe that’s how she always looks. She extends a delicate hand, which Junie takes.
“Well, Junie, what do you think?” Dad asks, gesturing around us.
“Oh, um, it’s beautiful.”
Dad snorts. “It ought to be for what I paid for us to stay here.” There it is. Count on Dad to bring up the cost. “Speaking of which, I’ve got reservations for us tomorrow night at Le Sommet at seven. You’re both invited, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
“We’ll be there.” I don’t say it because I want to go, more to shut him up. “If you’ll excuse us though, we’re tired of traveling, and we’d like to find our room.”
“Of course, of course, but what room did you get?” I show him our number, and his brow furrows. “Hold on, this isn’t right. This is a regular suite.”
“Dad, it’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. I specifically requested a king suite for you. Hold on. Carlotta, baby, I’ll be right back.” He takes my card, and I sigh but don’t stop him. Sometimes it’s easier this way.
Now we’re alone with Carlotta who’s currently inspecting her nails. An uncomfortable three seconds of silence passes.
“So, um, Carlotta,” Junie says. “That’s a pretty name. Where are you from?”
“Milan,” she says without looking up. She moves on from inspecting her cuticles to swiping through something on her phone.
Junie is persistent though, and I have to admire her for trying. “How did you and Fred meet?”
Her eyes flick over Junie in a way I don’t like, as if determining whether or not she’s worthy enough to hear the answer. She sighs, turning her attention back to her screen, and tension knots in my shoulders. “We met at a show.” She points to her eyes. “You should not smile so much. You get wrinkles faster.”
Great.
That is the end of the riveting conversation. None of us say another word until my dad finally returns.
“Alright, here’s your new room cards, but don’t rest too long. Try to hit the slopes if you can. I didn’t bring us here so you can—”
“Treat this place like a bed and breakfast, I know,” I say through gritted teeth. The elevator doors open, letting a few people out, and it is the biggest blessing of the century. “See you at dinner,” I say, pulling Junie into the elevator with me.
Inside, I mash the button to close the doors, and then it’s just the two of us going up, up, up.