Chapter 24
Anger rises through my body,hot and volatile, clogging my throat and my senses. Violence isn’t usually my go-to reaction when it comes to my dad. Yes, I’ve wanted to hit him more times than I can count, especially when he gets drunk and starts saying unthinkable things like this, but I’ve never actually resorted to physical force.
But tonight, I feel dangerously close.
It’s not even the fact that he’s talking bad about my mom. That’s nothing new, and I’m fully aware of her faults, her mistakes, the way she treated my dad. If it were another dinner on another night and he were saying these things, I’d still be upset, but not like this. Tonight, it’s everything. The revelations about Craig’s wife, the conversation she had with Junie, the stress of trying to hold everything in, protect my business, while also somehow trying to scrape together a relationship with this woman who I could one day see myself promising forever with? It’s too much.
I’m a bull, and my dad is the matador waving a red cape, daring me to charge.
Only, unlike a bull, I won’t attack the decoy. I know exactly who’s to blame for this spectacle.
I round the table, heading straight for my dad, fists clenched, unthinking, but before I can reach him, I feel a tug on my elbow. I stop in my tracks, recognizing Junie’s touch even before I see her. She’s hugging my arm, clenching on to it with all her might.
If I wanted to, I could shake her off, and for a second, I almost do.
But then our gazes lock. Her endless, blue, ocean eyes plead with me to stop, and the anger inside me falters. One look from her is all it takes to bring me back to my senses. I won’t put hands on my dad. But I can’t leave things like this.
“You’re despicable,” I growl. For a second, I’m not sure Dad heard me. He blinks blearily, staring up at me towering over him as if he has almost forgotten who I am. “You’re an embarrassment to yourself and everyone at this table.”
Dad splutters. “I beg your—”
“Maybe Mom wasn’t perfect, but you were an awful husband to her. You were never home. You were never there for her.”
“Now wait jus’ one second.” Dad’s face becomes ruddy and enraged. A dark-purple vein pounds over his temple. “She wasssnever there for me. Nothing was more important than her business. Her precious job. And y’know what? You’re turning out to be exactly like her. I see you every time I go to your office, holed up there by yourself.”
“I don’t have to listen to this.” I whip away from him. At the last second, I grab Junie’s hand, towing her behind me but holding on for dear life. She’s the only thing keeping me from losing it again.
But Fred isn’t done yet. “You think you’re better than her?” he calls after my back. “Better than me? You think you’re going to sssomehow make things work with your little girlfriend there?”
“Good night, Father.”
“You’ll end up neglecting her like your mother and I neglected each other. You’ll see!”
The nerve he strikes is deep and painful. Everything I said to Junie comes back to me, about how I don’t want to end up like my parents and I want to try having a relationship with her. I asked her if that was fair to her, but she never answered. The strain of that unanswered question twists tighter in my chest.
Am I doing the right thing?
We have the attention of the whole restaurant now. Somewhere, someone drops a piece of silverware, and the discordant sound might as well be as loud as a gunshot. I’m paralyzed, too angry to let the conversation end like this but too uncertain within myself to continue. I hate everything about this.
“Owen.” Junie’s delicate fingers tug at mine. “Come on, Owen. Let’s get out of here.”
She pulls me away from the table, and eventually, I let her guide me away. I barely realize where we’re going. We make it through the restaurant, through the hotel, and then the biting sting of winter hits my cheeks. She’s taken me outside, behind the lodge where shoveled walkways meander through a frozen wonderland lit up with softly glowing strings of lights that, on any other night, might be considered magical.
She takes us down one of the paths. Neither of us speaks, and it almost feels like we could be running away together.
Eventually, the sound of laughter and voices registers through the haze of my thoughts. The path opens up to an ice skating rink filled with couples and families sliding around without a care in the world. We stop at the wrought iron gate surrounding the rink. Junie lets go of my hand, and I grasp the metal railing, letting the sharp, frozen prick shock my system.
A few deep breaths of cold mountain air fill my lungs. “Thank you. I—I’m so sorry about all that.”
She shrugs beside me. “It’s alright. I understand.”
“No, it’s not alright. My dad struck a nerve. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there.”
“I know. Families can be complicated.”
I look down at her and realize with awful dread that she’s got her arms wrapped around herself. With nothing to protect her from the elements, I can see goosebumps raised up and down her skin. Quickly, I take my suit coat off and wrap it around her, then hug her close to my chest. She nuzzles against me, and a protectiveness I’ve never felt before surges through me.
“You’re not like your parents, you know,” she says quietly. Is she thinking about the time she compared me to my mom? Because I know I am.
“I believe that ninety-five percent of the time. But that last five percent… I mean, all through high school, I told myself I wasn’t going to go into business, but that’s what I ended up majoring in. Then, in college, I told myself that no matter what, I wouldn’t let myself become the kind of person who was single-mindedly focused on his career. Then that happened too. Sometimes I worry I’ll turn out like them despite all my efforts not to.”
She takes a deep, shaky breath. “I think I understand what you mean. More than you know.” She shakes her head. “But I shouldn’t make this about me.”
“No.” I kiss the top of her head, squeezing her tighter. “Keep going. I want to hear whatever you have to say.”
She’s silent for a while. The world goes on around us, people ice skating, buying hot chocolate from a nearby kiosk, but it’s like nothing else exists. I wait for her words, not caring how long it might take.
“Remember when I told you about how my mom left me and my dad?”
I nod, my cheek moving against the top of her head.
“Well, after that, my dad sort of changed. I think, looking back on it now, he became bitter. He moved us from place to place, job to job, never letting us stay in one spot long enough to grow roots. He would say, ‘It’s better to leave people before they leave you.’”
I nod again to let her know I’m here. I’m listening.
“For a long time, I told myself he was happier that way, that’s how he wanted to live his life. And I followed the same pattern. All the boyfriends and jobs I’ve had were because I was too afraid to test what my dad had said. I told myself I was happy that way too, but now, I’m not so sure. I never wanted to become like my dad, but I did. I’ve been so afraid of hurting you… No, I guess that’s not completely honest. I’ve been afraid of getting hurt. Afraid that my dad was right. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while, but I didn’t know how.”
Everything she’s told me, all of our interactions, suddenly make more sense. Seeing things in this light, I completely understand her hesitancy. A whole new appreciation for her opens up.
I reach up, sweeping my fingers against her skin, moving the tendrils of hair that fell out of her twist away from her neck. She shivers against me.
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” I whisper. My words skate over her neck, bringing a whole new set of goosebumps to the surface. “I’m sorry about your parents. I hope you know… I mean, what I want to say is, I have no intention of hurting or leaving you.”
Her breath catches in her throat.
“Maybe it’s too soon to say that,” I hurry to say, refusing to succumb to regret or embarrassment. “I know we’ve barely started this thing between us, and it’s okay if you’re not ready for the same level of commitment that I am. But I need you to know where my head is at.”
Carefully, I remove my arms from around her and cup her cheeks in my hands, tilting her face up until she’s looking at me. Her eyes are warm and hopeful and hold none of the fear or anxiety I thought there might be.
“I think you’re an incredible person, Juniper. I know you’re afraid you’ll run away, and I know you’re equally afraid I’ll leave you. But, if you let me try, I want to give you something to stick around for.”
My lips meet hers with an electrifying intensity. Despite the freezing temperature, warmth fills my body, lighting me up from the inside out. All my nerve endings that are in contact with her skin feel like they’re crying out for more of her touch.
She responds in kind. There’s the slightest pressure against my mouth, like she’s struggling to hold herself back this time. Like this kiss is somehow different than the others we’ve shared. And it is. Because this kiss says more. It means more. It’s a promise.
When we break away from each other, we lean our foreheads together. My breathing is ragged and rough. Junie’s lips graze my neck, and it’s all I can do to hold back from acting on my less-than-gentlemanly desires.
“I’m going to give you something to stick around for, Juniper,” I breathe. “You can count on me. You’ll see.”
“I—I believe you. And…” She pauses, as if carefully considering her next words. “I want you to be able to count on me too. Also, um, I have another confession to make.”
I squeeze her against me, ready for anything. “What’s that?”
“Um, if I don’t get inside where it’s warm, I think my feet might break off of my ankles at any minute.”
I jump. Of course. How could I be so stupid? She must be freezing out here even with my coat on. With one fluid motion, I sweep her off her feet. She cuddles against my chest, teeth chattering, making me feel worse.
“Come on, let’s get you near a fire.”
I carry her the whole way back to the lodge where I find a roaring fire in the large common area and set her down on the stone mantle. I sit behind her, warming her from behind while the fire warms her from the front. She sighs in relief, and soon, her teeth stop chattering.
“Well,” she says, after about ten minutes, “I think we both know what needs to happen next.”
“I whisk you away to our suite where we can keep kissing in private?”
Pink colors her cheeks. “No, although that would be nice. What happens next is you still need to track Craig down and interrogate him before he gets too drunk to be coherent.”
I groan, having almost, almost, forgotten about that, and I trail my fingers down her neck. “Do I have to go back there?”
“Only if you want to save your company.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. My company is still somewhat important.”
She nudges me playfully. “Somewhat.”
I chuckle and stand, pulling Junie to her feet as well. “Do you want me to walk you back to our room?”
“I have a feeling if you did that, you might not come back down.”
I kind of like the sound of that. “Fine. At least let me walk you to the elevator.”
“Deal.”
After some more kissing and seeing Junie safely into the elevator, I head back to the restaurant and the bar. I’m dreading facing my father again, but after a quick look around, I realize he isn’t here. I fear maybe they all got too drunk and ended the night early until I spot Craig and another couple of guys at a small table by themselves. The other two are getting up to leave when Craig sees me and waves me over.
I wave back, but before heading over, I stop by the bar. “Do you have ginger ale?”
The guy looks at me kind of judgmentally but nods.
“Good. Bring it to me in a pint glass, please.”
There’s no way I’m drinking around Craig tonight, but maybe if he thinks I’m getting tipsy, he’ll be a little more forthcoming with information on his wife and stepdaughter.
Moments later, I’m at a table with Craig. “Hey, man. Good to see you,” he says, shaking my hand. I nod and grunt. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened earlier at dinner. Is your girlfriend okay? Junie?”
“She’s fine. Where is my dad anyway?”
“Went to bed. He hit the bottle extra hard after you left. Could hardly see straight by the time we said good night.”
I grunt again as the bartender brings me my ginger ale like I’d asked. He leaves, and I take a few good swallows, setting it down hard on the table. Craig doesn’t seem nearly drunk enough to get much out of him yet, and that worries me.
“Can I buy you a drink?” I ask, waving the bartender over again.
“Sure,” Craig says, smiling easily. “I was telling Tim that—Hey, wait, isn’t that your girlfriend?”
I turn around, looking in the direction he is, searching the people behind me, but there isn’t a single familiar face.
“Ha, my mistake. Guess not,” Craig says when I turn back. “I could have sworn I saw her.”
“Right,” I say, taking another swig of soda. “How about that drink?”
“Make it a beer.”
“You got it.” Dang. I was hoping he’d order something harder.
He grins and leans back in his chair. For some reason, unease sinks into my bones. Maybe this isn’t the best way to find anything out about Linda’s daughter. Then again, what other choice do I have?