Twenty-Five
A soft knock on the door had Jessica blinking awake. Her mind was hazy, and her mouth felt like she had stuffed a handful of cotton inside. She slowly uncurled and groaned when her bones popped. Twenty-seven was too damn young to feel so old, and yet here she was snapping and popping her joints as she straightened. The knock came again, and she swallowed a few times so she could speak.
“Yeah.”
“You want some breakfast?” Grace called out from the other side of the door. Jessica stared for a moment wondering if she should even bother answering. “Jess?”
“I’m fine.”
She wasn’t fine, but she wasn’t ready to go out there and face anyone either. She was tired, more tired than she thought she had ever been before, even after the whole mess with her mom’s coworkers popped off. That had been an annoyance, an aggravating diversion in the normal flow of her life. This was over and beyond worse.
“Did you eat anything last night?” Grace asked again. The doorknob turned, and Jessica’s mind screamed out for her to stop. She didn’t want to see anyone right now. Not until she could build back up the walls that had gotten her through the majority of her life unscathed. But of course, Grace couldn’t hear her, and by the time Jessica had control of her voice again, Grace was already halfway inside the room looking at her with clear concern. “Are you all right?”
Jessica narrowed her eyes, glaring up at Grace and telling her visually exactly what she thought of that question. How could she possibly be all right when Vini had broken up with her? Or not broken up exactly, but said she no longer wanted to see her? How was Jessica supposed to bounce back from that?
“Right. Horrible question,” Grace said, answering her own query. She twisted her hands before speaking again. “I just wanted to apologize to you about the things I said the other night.”
Jessica gripped the sheets tightly as the memories of everything rushed back. She had enjoyed the dark oblivion of sleep and didn’t want to rehash everything now in the light of day. Truthfully, she wanted to just skip past it all and wake up on Sunday morning in Italy where, for at least a little while, she could pretend that everything was okay.
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not,” Grace insisted in a weird parallel of her conversation with Vini that had Jessica blinking quickly. “I was angry and hurt, but that didn’t give me the right to blame you for that.”
Jessica shrugged to keep from seeming so affected by Grace’s words. “We both said some things that weren’t okay. You were right about one thing, at least. I didn’t think about the consequences if things were to go bad, not just for Vini and me but also for you, and for that I’m sorry.” She looked up at Grace. “I’m sorry I messed up your relationship.”
Grace shook her head as she stepped closer to the bed. “You didn’t. I talked to Ava last night, and we both agreed that it was none of our business what you and Vini do. You were right that you two are adults.”
The admission should have soothed Jessica, but all it did was serve as a reminder of what was lost. It didn’t matter now that Grace and Ava knew and had agreed to take several steps back. Jessica and Vini weren’t together anymore. Truthfully, they never had been, and the only person to blame for that was Jessica and her inability to commit.
“Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Jessica said looking down at the sheets. “Vini and I decided not to see each other anymore.”
“What?” Grace asked in clear surprise. “Why not? I thought you guys were having fun.”
Jessica sighed. “Yes, well, fun isn’t all there is. We wanted two different things, and that made it impossible for us to continue.”
“Aw, Jess. Please don’t tell me you broke it off because you’re leaving. Lots of people do long-distance relationships, especially with the ease of technology these days. You two could easily keep in touch.”
That was a thought that Jessica hadn’t even considered, but it still didn’t matter. She wasn’t the one who’d said they could go no further. She wasn’t the one who had closed the door. “Vini broke up with me.” She turned meeting Grace’s gaze. “She was the one who said we shouldn’t see one another anymore.”
Grace’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. She looked a lot like a fish, and if not for how damn depressed Jessica felt, she would have laughed. Or maybe thrown something at Grace to see if she could get it to land in her gaping mouth.
“What? Why?”
Because I can’t or, rather, won’t give her what she wants.
“Because it just won’t work, and I respect Vini too much to try to change her mind.”
Grace nodded in understanding. “Oh, well then, I’m sorry it didn’t work out how you had hoped.”
“Yeah, me too.” Jessica truly was upset to be walking away.
“You need to get up. You can’t just lie in bed all day feeling sad.” Grace walked over to Jessica and leaned down taking one of her hands. “And you need to eat. You can’t starve yourself.”
“I can if I want.” It was a childish answer, but Jessica didn’t feel like being an adult right now. Still, she let herself be pulled up from the bed. She was still salty about her and Grace’s conversation last night, but she had gone to bed without eating and she was hungry. “Fine.”
“Good girl.”
Jessica scowled but followed along. They parted at the steps with Grace running back to her room to finish getting ready and Jessica continuing down the stairs. When she got to the kitchen and saw Ava there, she almost turned around and made a beeline right back up the steps. She was not about to deal with this shit so early in the damn morning. Instead, she did what she always did when she was uncomfortable: held her head high and pretended she was unbothered.
“Oh, hello, Ava.” Jessica was relieved to have her voice sound so steady, and she walked over to the stove to see a plate set out. She picked it up and walked over to the dining table, ignoring Ava completely where she sat at the kitchen island. Jessica could feel those dark brown eyes on her, but she didn’t look up.
They sat together in silence save a few creaks from the upstairs floorboards. Jessica would have thought it was a setup if not for knowing how long it took Grace to get ready in the morning. She sedately ate her breakfast, not willing to look scared in front of Ava.
“I’m sorry.”
Jessica crunched down on a piece of bacon and almost choked on it. She coughed softly into her hand before finally turning toward Ava. “Excuse me?”
Ava’s eyes narrowed, but she repeated herself. “I said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone off on you and Vini at the shop. What she does or who she does is none of my business.”
Jessica frowned, wondering if this was a trick. She didn’t trust Ava, especially since there were no witnesses. Still, she knew whatever she said would no doubt get back to Vini, and she didn’t want to cause more trouble for her than she already had.
“I accept your apology. Thank you.” Ava nodded curtly, and Jessica hoped that would be the end of it. Her hopes were dashed when Ava spoke up again.
“Grace told me...about the scandal with your mom’s friends.” Jessica clenched her jaw at Ava’s confession. She wasn’t surprised, but it still irked her to know that Grace had talked about it. If she hadn’t, maybe none of this would have happened. “I shouldn’t have let that cloud my opinion of you before meeting you. It’s just hard to see my baby sister growing up and knowing that I can’t really protect her anymore.”
Weirdly enough, as a fellow sibling, Jessica could understand. There were a few times when Jason had been interested in people she didn’t think were good for him. She hadn’t gone as far as Ava, but she had had to catch herself from being overbearing about her advice to him.
“I can see how that would be hard,” Jessica admitted. She wasn’t going to give Ava a complete pass, though. She wasn’t that nice of a person. “Vini is smart, though. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
Ava nodded. “True. She’s probably the smartest of all of us,” she said with a soft smile, and again Jessica found herself agreeing. “Listen, I know we will probably never be friends, but I just don’t want to see Vini get hurt.”
“Neither do I.”
“I know that now. I really do,” Ava insisted. “But I have to ask you, sister to sister, if you think you really can’t be with Vini and love her the way she deserves to be loved, please just let her go.”
The sincerity in Ava’s voice almost cut deeper than her words. Jessica could hear the love there, the type of love that meant you would go to hell and back to make sure that person was okay. She empathized with it. She, too, would do anything to make sure Vini didn’t get hurt.
Jessica didn’t have a chance to reply. Grace walked into the kitchen, and Ava immediately jumped up to fuss with her clothing. Watching them joke and smile made the ache in Jessica that much more pronounced, and she knew what she had to do.
Jessica backed the car out of the driveway. She had spent the morning cleaning up and making changes to her travel plans. She was lucky enough to be able to find an earlier flight out of Atlanta that was leaving a little past ten that evening. It meant a seven-hour layover in Paris, but she was fine with that. There were plenty of shops she could wander around in and do some last-minute Christmas shopping as well as freshen up before the last leg of her flight. It did mean that she had left without saying goodbye.
She hadn’t made the decision to leave early until after Grace and Ava had already left. There hadn’t been a ton of seats left on the plane so she had to pick quickly before they were gone completely. Jessica had written a letter for Grace and also a note for her to give to Vini. Writing that note had been tough, and Jessica went back and forth with herself about leaving it at all. But it was done now. The letters were there, and she would let the chips fall where they might. Maybe she could come back to Peach Blossom in a year or two when the wounds weren’t as fresh and see if they could start over. Maybe by then, Vini would be with someone new. Someone who deserved her affections. Jessica didn’t doubt it would be tough for her to see, but it was what it was. Vini was a good woman, and Jessica had no doubt that once the right person realized that, they would never let her go.
Right when she put on her turn signal to merge onto the highway, her phone rang startling her. She took a deep breath before connecting the call. “Hello?”
“Sweetheart, what is this email I got from Delta about you coming to Naples early?”
Jessica sighed. “I changed my flight.”
“But why? I thought you were planning on staying there longer.”
“What gave you that idea?” she asked in confusion. “I never said anything about staying in Peach Blossom longer. Not over Christmas, anyway. Do you guys not want me to come visit?”
“Of course we do,” her mom protested. “You know we love having you and Jason come stay with us. It doesn’t feel like the holidays without the two of you with us.” Jessica could hear her dad laughing in the background and the familiar sound lifted her spirits. “Oh, you hush. You know you miss the kids.”
“I just thought it was time for me to come home. There’s nothing keeping me here now that I know Grace is okay.”
Her mom hummed over the line before speaking. “But I thought you were dating someone. You mentioned her all the time. Her name started with a V .”
“Vini,” Jessica replied before she could stop herself. She knew she had to clear up any misconceptions before she was forced to do it repeatedly over the holiday. “No, Vini and I were just friends.”
“But all the texts about her and every time we called, you two were together or you talked about her. Truthfully, your father and I thought you might have decided to bring her with you. We were getting excited to meet her.” That left Jessica’s mind whirling. Had she actually talked about Vini that much? “Are you sure you two aren’t dating? Maybe you just need to talk and tell her your feelings.”
“Mom,” Jessica started as she tried to think back to all their conversations. To her shock, she realized that after the first week, she had spent much of her time talking about things she did with Vini. She had no doubt that her text messages would show the same. “Oh, fuck.”
“Sweetie, where are you?”
Jessica squinted and looked at the mile marker coming up. “Um, somewhere in the middle of nowhere headed to Atlanta. Why?”
“I suggest you turn your behind around and make your feelings known.”
“Mom, I don’t have—”
“Jessica Jae-eun Miller, I wasn’t asking, I was telling. Now, I know you get your fear of commitment from your father—Calvin, hush, you know I’m right. How many cities did you move us to before I put my foot down? Exactly. Only thing you could decide on was me, silly man.”
Jessica snorted at the familiar argument from her mom. It wasn’t the first time her mother had brought it up, and she doubted it would be the last. Moving for their dad’s job had become so familiar that she didn’t think about it most days.
“Mom, it’s not a fear.”
“Oh, please. You took your father’s commitment phobia and ran with it. But I know you also got some smarts from me. So trust me when I say if you don’t face your fears and tell that girl how you feel, you will regret it for the rest of your life.” Her voice was firm, and it had Jessica sitting up straighter as she thought about it. Had she really been so blind? She had been trying so hard to keep things a secret that she hid her feelings from herself.
“But she broke it off,” Jessica said, her voice small and lanced with pain. “What if I can’t be everything she needs? You don’t get it, Mom. She owns her own business, and she’s planning on expanding. She knows what she wants and where she wants to be. I barely know what I want to wear in the morning.”
“Then, maybe she’ll rub off on you a little.”
“I’m not joking, Mom. What if she really gets to know me and doesn’t like me?” The thought was damn near immobilizing. Jessica had never thought she could have the type of love and stability her parents had. Her dad had got lucky. He had found someone willing to follow him and give up some of their dreams so he could achieve his own. “What if she realizes she doesn’t want me?”
“Then, you feel proud that you put yourself out there and take it as a learning experience for the next time you find love.” There was a shuffling sound in the background and suddenly Jessica’s dad spoke up. “Honey, I know our lifestyle made it hard for you to feel like you could land on solid ground, but maybe you just needed someone to land for. You’ll never know unless you let yourself really give it a try. Go get her, tiger. Put on the charm you got from your daddy. Ouch, Hillary, I’m just giving the girl a pep talk.” Jessica smiled at the heated whispers over the line, before he came back. “Also, your mother said that she’s canceling the plane ticket and we will see you sometime in the new year. Love you. Bye!”
Jessica didn’t have time to say anything before the call ended and she was left staring at the phone. She doubted her mom would cancel her flight, but it didn’t matter. She checked that the lanes were clear before she jerked the car over and cut across the median. She had to go back and give it one last try. This time, she knew exactly what she would do.